My brain and body are going a million miles an hour today. I've managed to secure the full day off on Friday, instead of the half day I'd planned, and that means that there is much to accomplish in the next two work days. Tomorrow could be worse. A major mailout needs to be on it's way to the post office before I leave tomorrow, and two of the documents that need to be included won't have final approval for me to print them until first thing tomorrow morning. It doesn't help that both of them are multi-page documents, and will require at least a couple hours to complete all the printing and photocopying. I may be working a bit late tomorrow...
I'm sort of amped up today - adrenaline maybe? It's really the only thing that makes sense given that I slept very poorly again last night...
And with that, I'm off... things to finish before my lunch break, and dozens of things to do before the end of the afternoon... church leadership meeting at mom and dad's tonight, over dinner, and then I'm going home to do laundry, and crash on my couch for an hour to watch the new Grey's Anatomy spin-off "Private Practice"
See you around!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Another great bit from Henri Nouwen
Meditation
When Jesus says: "Sky and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Luke 21:33), he shows us a direct way to eternal life. The words of Jesus have the power to transform our hearts and minds and lead us into the Kingdom of God. "The words I have spoken to you," Jesus says, "are spirit and they are life" (John 6:63).
Through meditation we can let the words of Jesus descend from our minds into our hearts and create there a dwelling place for the Spirit. Whatever we do and wherever we go, let us stay close to the words of Jesus. They are words of eternal life.
When Jesus says: "Sky and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Luke 21:33), he shows us a direct way to eternal life. The words of Jesus have the power to transform our hearts and minds and lead us into the Kingdom of God. "The words I have spoken to you," Jesus says, "are spirit and they are life" (John 6:63).
Through meditation we can let the words of Jesus descend from our minds into our hearts and create there a dwelling place for the Spirit. Whatever we do and wherever we go, let us stay close to the words of Jesus. They are words of eternal life.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Unsettling
I'm feeling edgy and unsettled today.
In the last week and a half I've had two dreams that seem related to an event happening very soon that I'm attending. A significant event that I and a number of other people have been anticipating. In both dreams, however, things were wrong. People were behaving in ways that I know they don't. There were themes of illness through both. This theme of breath (or lack thereof) keeps appearing. I woke up out of the second dream this morning, and it's left me a bit edgy.
I'm meeting someone tonight who has had some major changes that can either be positive or negative in her life (they seem undecided at this point) since the last time I saw her. The meeting is also weighing heavily on my mind.
I slept very poorly last night, despite a relaxed mind, body and spirit.
I wonder sometimes, if the way I experience spiritual opposition has to do with my emotional and physical energy simply becoming drained from my very being.
I am taking part in something that I believe will be significant this weekend, and knew, going into the week, that opposition could step up again. I think I'm feeling it, and today, it feels like I'm losing.
Praying for peace, for a quiet heart. Working to listen, and be willing to hear, act and speak if necessary.
Feeling unsettled, and seeing a toll in my physical body. Exhaustion, stomach issues, tight muscles that are causing pain.
Praying for peace. Listening to David Crowder Band's "A Collision". A good soundtrack for this sort of mood. Feeling like death and darkness will win, and fighting with everything I have to remember the victory is already won.
In the last week and a half I've had two dreams that seem related to an event happening very soon that I'm attending. A significant event that I and a number of other people have been anticipating. In both dreams, however, things were wrong. People were behaving in ways that I know they don't. There were themes of illness through both. This theme of breath (or lack thereof) keeps appearing. I woke up out of the second dream this morning, and it's left me a bit edgy.
I'm meeting someone tonight who has had some major changes that can either be positive or negative in her life (they seem undecided at this point) since the last time I saw her. The meeting is also weighing heavily on my mind.
I slept very poorly last night, despite a relaxed mind, body and spirit.
I wonder sometimes, if the way I experience spiritual opposition has to do with my emotional and physical energy simply becoming drained from my very being.
I am taking part in something that I believe will be significant this weekend, and knew, going into the week, that opposition could step up again. I think I'm feeling it, and today, it feels like I'm losing.
Praying for peace, for a quiet heart. Working to listen, and be willing to hear, act and speak if necessary.
Feeling unsettled, and seeing a toll in my physical body. Exhaustion, stomach issues, tight muscles that are causing pain.
Praying for peace. Listening to David Crowder Band's "A Collision". A good soundtrack for this sort of mood. Feeling like death and darkness will win, and fighting with everything I have to remember the victory is already won.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Washed out...
I feel kind of washed out and colorless tonight. It wasn't a terrible day, it was just one of those days where you come home kind of tired and drained.
It was a straight to sweat pants kind of evening. A grilled cheese and carrots and jello for dinner kind of evening.
Just at this moment I'm indulging a secret passion for cheesy television.
I was thinking as I walked home from the bus tonight about how often I can tend to want to play Savior. How there are people I want to step in and pluck right out of Jesus' hands. I want to fix, and I want to heal, and I sometimes forget that I can't actually do that. I'm recognizing that tendency in regards to someone I know who faces a number of very rough times ahead.
I'm tired. Later maybe a bath, and serious reading, but for now, Ellen Degeneres on tv, and stretching out on the couch.
It was a straight to sweat pants kind of evening. A grilled cheese and carrots and jello for dinner kind of evening.
Just at this moment I'm indulging a secret passion for cheesy television.
I was thinking as I walked home from the bus tonight about how often I can tend to want to play Savior. How there are people I want to step in and pluck right out of Jesus' hands. I want to fix, and I want to heal, and I sometimes forget that I can't actually do that. I'm recognizing that tendency in regards to someone I know who faces a number of very rough times ahead.
I'm tired. Later maybe a bath, and serious reading, but for now, Ellen Degeneres on tv, and stretching out on the couch.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Quieting
This has been an interesting couple of days.
I feel like I'm quieting myself tonight. My roommate is out with a friend, and I'm enjoying the empty house. I cooked myself a great dinner and have leftovers for lunch tomorrow and probably one more meal after that. Roasted baby potatoes, baked italian seasoned chicken, and asparagus spears.
There have been lots of things that have come up with my youth girls this week, and I feel like they're weighing a bit heavily on my mind and heart right now. Lots of big issues, plus all the smaller everyday ones that come with being a teenager.
I think I'll take time later to lay in a hot bath and just breathe.
Then time to curl up in my chair, with candles and incense. Time to pray and lift those girls in front of the father. Time to remind myself about what I talked about with the girls in Sunday school this morning - living with open hands in front of Jesus. Time to prepare my heart for a week that I think may be a bit intense, and to begin to look forward to a gathering of praying people that I'm privileged to be a part of next weekend. Time to slow down. I feel like I need that tonight.
I'm quieting my soul right now. Slowing down before I have to speed back up. I'm feeling reflective, maybe a bit melancholy, but peaceful.
I feel like I'm quieting myself tonight. My roommate is out with a friend, and I'm enjoying the empty house. I cooked myself a great dinner and have leftovers for lunch tomorrow and probably one more meal after that. Roasted baby potatoes, baked italian seasoned chicken, and asparagus spears.
There have been lots of things that have come up with my youth girls this week, and I feel like they're weighing a bit heavily on my mind and heart right now. Lots of big issues, plus all the smaller everyday ones that come with being a teenager.
I think I'll take time later to lay in a hot bath and just breathe.
Then time to curl up in my chair, with candles and incense. Time to pray and lift those girls in front of the father. Time to remind myself about what I talked about with the girls in Sunday school this morning - living with open hands in front of Jesus. Time to prepare my heart for a week that I think may be a bit intense, and to begin to look forward to a gathering of praying people that I'm privileged to be a part of next weekend. Time to slow down. I feel like I need that tonight.
I'm quieting my soul right now. Slowing down before I have to speed back up. I'm feeling reflective, maybe a bit melancholy, but peaceful.
Friday, September 21, 2007
I guess I should write...
I feel like I should write something. It's been a couple days since any of my own words were up here. I don't think I actually have anything to say.
Today was one of those days where every time you pause to reflect on the way the day is going, all you can think is, "I'm so glad it's Friday."
I wore jeans - that made for a better day.
I had my weekly Subway date with a coworker - that made for a better day.
My mom cooked dinner for me - that made for a better day.
I bought a pair of walking shoes/hiking boots - I think that'll make for a better day.
Today was one of those days where every time you pause to reflect on the way the day is going, all you can think is, "I'm so glad it's Friday."
I wore jeans - that made for a better day.
I had my weekly Subway date with a coworker - that made for a better day.
My mom cooked dinner for me - that made for a better day.
I bought a pair of walking shoes/hiking boots - I think that'll make for a better day.
Quote for the Day
I came across the following quote (prayer) this morning, and liked it enough to pass it on.
“O Lord, forgive what I have been, sanctify what I am, and order what I shall be.”
— Thomas Wilson
“O Lord, forgive what I have been, sanctify what I am, and order what I shall be.”
— Thomas Wilson
Thursday, September 20, 2007
More Great Thoughts from Henri Nouwen
I got a couple more great emails from the Henri Nouwen society in the past few days, and I'm sticking them here for your consumption.
Living in a State of Preparedness
Everything that comes from God asks for an open and faithful heart. We cannot live with hope and joy in the end-time unless we are living in a state of preparedness. We have to be careful because, as the Apostle Peter says: "Your enemy the devil is on the prowl like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5.8). Therefore Jesus says: "Watch yourselves, or your hearts will be coarsened by debauchery and drunkenness and the cares of life. ... Stay awake, praying at all times for the strength to survive all that is going to happen, and to hold your ground before the Son of Man" (Luke 21:34-36). That's what living in the Spirit of Jesus calls us to.
Keeping Close to the Word of Jesus
The words of Jesus can keep us erect and confident in the midst of the turmoil of the end-time. They can support us, encourage us, and give us life even when everything around us speaks of death. Jesus' words are food for eternal life. They do much more than give us ideas and inspiration. They lead us into the eternal life while we are still being clothed in mortal flesh.
When we keep close to the word of Jesus, reflecting on it, "chewing" on it, eating it as food for the soul, we will enter even more deeply into the everlasting love of God.
Living in a State of Preparedness
Everything that comes from God asks for an open and faithful heart. We cannot live with hope and joy in the end-time unless we are living in a state of preparedness. We have to be careful because, as the Apostle Peter says: "Your enemy the devil is on the prowl like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5.8). Therefore Jesus says: "Watch yourselves, or your hearts will be coarsened by debauchery and drunkenness and the cares of life. ... Stay awake, praying at all times for the strength to survive all that is going to happen, and to hold your ground before the Son of Man" (Luke 21:34-36). That's what living in the Spirit of Jesus calls us to.
Keeping Close to the Word of Jesus
The words of Jesus can keep us erect and confident in the midst of the turmoil of the end-time. They can support us, encourage us, and give us life even when everything around us speaks of death. Jesus' words are food for eternal life. They do much more than give us ideas and inspiration. They lead us into the eternal life while we are still being clothed in mortal flesh.
When we keep close to the word of Jesus, reflecting on it, "chewing" on it, eating it as food for the soul, we will enter even more deeply into the everlasting love of God.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Blanketed
I'm exhausted this morning. I slept very little last night, waking often.
I'm holding onto the truths I've so successfully rested in for the last couple of weeks by the very tips of my fingers, and even that feels like it's slipping.
I feel like a bit of black cloud has dropped over me in the last couple of days - blanketing me in darkness, freezing me in place, adding fear and sleeplessness.
I'm needing a hug, and to chat with a couple people on the phone.
I know myself well enough to know that this happens once a month or so, and that this too, will pass, but it still stinks in the midst of it.
It's hard to fight, hard to find motivation, hard to just keep pushing forward when it requires such effort.
I'm going to a concert tonight with Megs and my brothers. Keith Urban, with The Wreckers opening. Yes, I just publicly admitted to enjoying country music. Always have, probably always will. I'm looking forward to the time with my bros, and with Megs, and even to the music. I know I'll have a great time once I get there, but, to be honest, from the vantage point of the morning, sitting at my desk, sipping passion tea from Starbucks, it seems like far too great an effort to get there and be around people.
I've hit that space in the month where I just want to hole up and be alone for hours on end. My roommate, J. was watching Grey's Anatomy on dvd last night. I love Grey's. I watched for an hour or so before she got home, but not too long after she got home, I headed for the shower and then holed up in my bedroom to read and pray. There are very few people I want to be around when I feel like this, and right now, almost none of those people live in the same city as me. So, for the rest of the evenings this week? Time alone - reading, surfing the net, maybe watching a movie, praying.
I'm holding onto the truths I've so successfully rested in for the last couple of weeks by the very tips of my fingers, and even that feels like it's slipping.
I feel like a bit of black cloud has dropped over me in the last couple of days - blanketing me in darkness, freezing me in place, adding fear and sleeplessness.
I'm needing a hug, and to chat with a couple people on the phone.
I know myself well enough to know that this happens once a month or so, and that this too, will pass, but it still stinks in the midst of it.
It's hard to fight, hard to find motivation, hard to just keep pushing forward when it requires such effort.
I'm going to a concert tonight with Megs and my brothers. Keith Urban, with The Wreckers opening. Yes, I just publicly admitted to enjoying country music. Always have, probably always will. I'm looking forward to the time with my bros, and with Megs, and even to the music. I know I'll have a great time once I get there, but, to be honest, from the vantage point of the morning, sitting at my desk, sipping passion tea from Starbucks, it seems like far too great an effort to get there and be around people.
I've hit that space in the month where I just want to hole up and be alone for hours on end. My roommate, J. was watching Grey's Anatomy on dvd last night. I love Grey's. I watched for an hour or so before she got home, but not too long after she got home, I headed for the shower and then holed up in my bedroom to read and pray. There are very few people I want to be around when I feel like this, and right now, almost none of those people live in the same city as me. So, for the rest of the evenings this week? Time alone - reading, surfing the net, maybe watching a movie, praying.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Thy Kingdom Come
I'm curled up in my pajamas, in the chair in the corner of my bedroom. It's the chair I toss clothes on when I'm too lazy to hang them up, or my bag when when I get in from work. The all-purpose, catch all chair.
But lately, I've felt compelled to keep it clean. I've hung my clothes, and propped my bag elsewhere. The chair has been sitting there in the corner, empty and inviting me to come. To sit, to breathe, to slow down.
(Other than my laptop screen) the only light in my bedroom is from candles. My favorite incense is burning and filling the air with a spicy, smoky, beautiful scent. In the corner where I'm sitting are all of my visual reminders. A stone with the quote that inspired this blog. A railway spike. A crucifix from Mexico. Artwork that reminds me of specific words from Scripture, and encouragements to truly live. A tiny clay oil lamp that a friend brought from Nazareth. Next to the stone and the spike a candle burns - one I don't often burn - a gift from a dear friend the day I was baptized - given with a half-serious admonishment to burn it and remember that day.
And, across the room is a painting that a dear friend did as a gift to me. Square, maybe two feet by two feet. Mostly black, though rich with texture she added, and then, light, and beauty, coming out of nothingness. She titled it, "Thy Kingdom Come." I love this painting, and I deliberately hung it where I could see it when I settle into this chair, this corner of my bedroom to pray.
I didn't know where to even start today - the only words I could think of were, "Jesus, I'm tired, and it's heavy." It's been a Monday in the truest Garfield sense of the word. Cold, rainy weather, late trains this morning, cranky, tired people at the office. A friend in distress. A much needed word of truth spoken, but stinging.
I'm tired, and it's heavy.
So I'm sitting here in the candlelight, breathing incense, and staring at my barely lit painting.
Thy Kingdom Come.
Maybe that's all I really need to ask for tonight.
Thy Kingdom Come in my terrible Monday sort of day.
Thy Kingdom Come in the moments at night when I lay awake unable to sleep, knowing I'm going to pay for it in the morning.
Thy Kingdom Come in the lives of hurting friends.
Thy Kingdom Come in truth spoken gently and firmly.
Thy Kingdom Come in the Bible study I'm working to give leadership to.
Thy Kingdom Come in the life of the one for whom I had keys cut today.
Thy Kingdom Come in lunch with a friend tomorrow, and a concert tomorrow night.
Thy Kingdom Come in tiny moments of light, in tea, in hot showers, in incense, in stretching, in reading, in remembering to breathe and working to trust.
Abba, Thy Kingdom Come.
But lately, I've felt compelled to keep it clean. I've hung my clothes, and propped my bag elsewhere. The chair has been sitting there in the corner, empty and inviting me to come. To sit, to breathe, to slow down.
(Other than my laptop screen) the only light in my bedroom is from candles. My favorite incense is burning and filling the air with a spicy, smoky, beautiful scent. In the corner where I'm sitting are all of my visual reminders. A stone with the quote that inspired this blog. A railway spike. A crucifix from Mexico. Artwork that reminds me of specific words from Scripture, and encouragements to truly live. A tiny clay oil lamp that a friend brought from Nazareth. Next to the stone and the spike a candle burns - one I don't often burn - a gift from a dear friend the day I was baptized - given with a half-serious admonishment to burn it and remember that day.
And, across the room is a painting that a dear friend did as a gift to me. Square, maybe two feet by two feet. Mostly black, though rich with texture she added, and then, light, and beauty, coming out of nothingness. She titled it, "Thy Kingdom Come." I love this painting, and I deliberately hung it where I could see it when I settle into this chair, this corner of my bedroom to pray.
I didn't know where to even start today - the only words I could think of were, "Jesus, I'm tired, and it's heavy." It's been a Monday in the truest Garfield sense of the word. Cold, rainy weather, late trains this morning, cranky, tired people at the office. A friend in distress. A much needed word of truth spoken, but stinging.
I'm tired, and it's heavy.
So I'm sitting here in the candlelight, breathing incense, and staring at my barely lit painting.
Thy Kingdom Come.
Maybe that's all I really need to ask for tonight.
Thy Kingdom Come in my terrible Monday sort of day.
Thy Kingdom Come in the moments at night when I lay awake unable to sleep, knowing I'm going to pay for it in the morning.
Thy Kingdom Come in the lives of hurting friends.
Thy Kingdom Come in truth spoken gently and firmly.
Thy Kingdom Come in the Bible study I'm working to give leadership to.
Thy Kingdom Come in the life of the one for whom I had keys cut today.
Thy Kingdom Come in lunch with a friend tomorrow, and a concert tomorrow night.
Thy Kingdom Come in tiny moments of light, in tea, in hot showers, in incense, in stretching, in reading, in remembering to breathe and working to trust.
Abba, Thy Kingdom Come.
I needed this stuff from Henri Nouwen today
I really needed to hear these this week - in light of some stuff that's been going on in my life over the last month or so.
Keeping It Together
How can we not lose our souls when everything and everybody pulls us in the most different directions? How can we "keep it together" when we are constantly torn apart
Jesus says: "Not a hair of your head will be lost. Your perseverance will win you your lives" (Luke 21:18-19). We can only survive our world when we trust that God knows us more intimately than we know ourselves. We can only keep it together when we believe that God holds us together. We can only win our lives when we remain faithful to the truth that every little part of us, yes, every hair, is completely safe in the divine embrace of our Lord. To say it differently: When we keep living a spiritual life, we have nothing to be afraid of.
The Coming of the Son of Man
The spiritual knowledge that we belong to God and are safe with God even as we live in a very destructive world allows us to see in the midst of all the turmoil, fear, and agony of history "the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory" (Luke 21:27). Even though Jesus speaks about this as about a final event, it is not just one more thing that is going to happen after all the terrible things are over. Just as the end-time is already here, so too is the coming of the Son of Man. It is an event in the realm of the Spirit and thus not subject to the boundaries of time.
Those who live in communion with Jesus have the eyes to see and the ears to hear the second coming of Jesus among them in the here and now. Jesus says: "Before this generation has passed away all will have taken place" (Luke 21:32). And this is true for each faithful generation.
Standing Erect
About the end-time Jesus says: "There will be signs in the sun and moon and stars; on earth nations in agony, bewildered by the turmoil of the ocean and its waves; men fainting away with terror and fear at what menaces the world, for the power of heaven will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory" (Luke 21:25-28) All of this is already taking place. For anyone who has listened deeply to the heart of God, the despair of the world and the coming of the great liberation are both visible every day.
What then should we do? Jesus says it clearly: "Stand erect, hold your heads high, because your liberation is near at hand" (Luke 21:28). There is so much hope here. We do not have to faint but can stand straight, welcoming our Lord with outstretched arms.
Keeping It Together
How can we not lose our souls when everything and everybody pulls us in the most different directions? How can we "keep it together" when we are constantly torn apart
Jesus says: "Not a hair of your head will be lost. Your perseverance will win you your lives" (Luke 21:18-19). We can only survive our world when we trust that God knows us more intimately than we know ourselves. We can only keep it together when we believe that God holds us together. We can only win our lives when we remain faithful to the truth that every little part of us, yes, every hair, is completely safe in the divine embrace of our Lord. To say it differently: When we keep living a spiritual life, we have nothing to be afraid of.
The Coming of the Son of Man
The spiritual knowledge that we belong to God and are safe with God even as we live in a very destructive world allows us to see in the midst of all the turmoil, fear, and agony of history "the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory" (Luke 21:27). Even though Jesus speaks about this as about a final event, it is not just one more thing that is going to happen after all the terrible things are over. Just as the end-time is already here, so too is the coming of the Son of Man. It is an event in the realm of the Spirit and thus not subject to the boundaries of time.
Those who live in communion with Jesus have the eyes to see and the ears to hear the second coming of Jesus among them in the here and now. Jesus says: "Before this generation has passed away all will have taken place" (Luke 21:32). And this is true for each faithful generation.
Standing Erect
About the end-time Jesus says: "There will be signs in the sun and moon and stars; on earth nations in agony, bewildered by the turmoil of the ocean and its waves; men fainting away with terror and fear at what menaces the world, for the power of heaven will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory" (Luke 21:25-28) All of this is already taking place. For anyone who has listened deeply to the heart of God, the despair of the world and the coming of the great liberation are both visible every day.
What then should we do? Jesus says it clearly: "Stand erect, hold your heads high, because your liberation is near at hand" (Luke 21:28). There is so much hope here. We do not have to faint but can stand straight, welcoming our Lord with outstretched arms.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
For a friend
Got a long message from a friend today, that made me want to cry, and made me wish we lived in the same province so I could give her a physical hug, not just a phone call or email.
Then read this little cartoon at this blog "A Beautiful Revolution" - it says some of the things I wanted to say. So I'm sticking it here, and tomorrow I'll call and read it to her, or I'll email it to her.
permalink for the cartoon here.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Domestic things
Have I ever mentioned how much of a home body I am?
I love quiet Saturdays when the house is empty of everyone but me, and I have a list of homey type things to work my way through.
Laundry.
Putting dishes away.
Cooking myself lunch.
Updating my budget.
Clean, fresh sheets on my bed.
Sorting through cookbooks.
Watching tv on dvd.
Sweeping.
Organizing my desk.
A trip to the library.
Emails from friends and family.
Tea and candles.
Incense.
Jason Upton playing in the background as I go about the day.
Dinner plans.
Looking for ideas in scrapbooking magazines.
These are the sorts of things I've engaged in today, with more still on the agenda.
Megs is coming over tonight for a Grey's Anatomy marathon complete with junk food. It's been a few weeks since we've had time to hang out thanks to competing work schedules, after work commitments, and her new boyfriend. I'm looking forward to watching several episodes of Grey's and catching up with one of my best friends.
See you around!
I love quiet Saturdays when the house is empty of everyone but me, and I have a list of homey type things to work my way through.
Laundry.
Putting dishes away.
Cooking myself lunch.
Updating my budget.
Clean, fresh sheets on my bed.
Sorting through cookbooks.
Watching tv on dvd.
Sweeping.
Organizing my desk.
A trip to the library.
Emails from friends and family.
Tea and candles.
Incense.
Jason Upton playing in the background as I go about the day.
Dinner plans.
Looking for ideas in scrapbooking magazines.
These are the sorts of things I've engaged in today, with more still on the agenda.
Megs is coming over tonight for a Grey's Anatomy marathon complete with junk food. It's been a few weeks since we've had time to hang out thanks to competing work schedules, after work commitments, and her new boyfriend. I'm looking forward to watching several episodes of Grey's and catching up with one of my best friends.
See you around!
Added a new book...
I've added a new book to the non-fiction reading list in the sidebar.
Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor.
I reccommend this one highly.
So many beautiful thoughts and words, though I don't always agree with all of the conclusions Reverend Brown draws.
A sampling?
"The effort to untangle the human words from the divine seems not only futile to me but also unnecessary, since God works with what is. God uses whatever is usable in a life, both to speak and to act, and those who insist on fireworks in the sky may miss the electricity that sparks the human heart."
Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor.
I reccommend this one highly.
So many beautiful thoughts and words, though I don't always agree with all of the conclusions Reverend Brown draws.
A sampling?
"The effort to untangle the human words from the divine seems not only futile to me but also unnecessary, since God works with what is. God uses whatever is usable in a life, both to speak and to act, and those who insist on fireworks in the sky may miss the electricity that sparks the human heart."
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Looking Backwards...
In May I put up this post. I asked you all to pray, because I was going to step way outside of my comfort zone and speak at a youth retreat. To be honest, I never wanted to speak. I campaigned to bring in a friend of mine to do the speaking, but the guy I was working with for the youth at that time insisted that the two of us do the speaking.
As I prepared to speak, I felt God prompting me to share with the kids that I had suffered for so many years from depression, had been suicidal, and then encountered the powerful healing of Christ. I didn't know why I needed to say those things at the time. They opened up a couple of conversations (I wrote about that here), but didn't seem to make sense. It was a weird context to talk about it in. Most of these kids I'd known their whole lives, and they would have had no idea that I'd been experiencing those things.
I got a little glimpse this week of why I shared those things all those months ago. I sat and had coffee with a young friend, and because I'd said those things all those months ago, she opened her life to me, and gave me a glimpse of the pain underneath the smooth exterior. I feel privileged that she felt safe enough to share with me.
Pray for me as I begin to walk alongside her. Pray for her as she wades through some deep and painful things this next while.
It helps to understand, now, why I spoke those things all those months ago. I needed that tiny glimpse of the bigger picture this week.
As I prepared to speak, I felt God prompting me to share with the kids that I had suffered for so many years from depression, had been suicidal, and then encountered the powerful healing of Christ. I didn't know why I needed to say those things at the time. They opened up a couple of conversations (I wrote about that here), but didn't seem to make sense. It was a weird context to talk about it in. Most of these kids I'd known their whole lives, and they would have had no idea that I'd been experiencing those things.
I got a little glimpse this week of why I shared those things all those months ago. I sat and had coffee with a young friend, and because I'd said those things all those months ago, she opened her life to me, and gave me a glimpse of the pain underneath the smooth exterior. I feel privileged that she felt safe enough to share with me.
Pray for me as I begin to walk alongside her. Pray for her as she wades through some deep and painful things this next while.
It helps to understand, now, why I spoke those things all those months ago. I needed that tiny glimpse of the bigger picture this week.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Full to overflowing
My brain is absolutely full to overflowing. I don't think I can take in one more thing until I find a way to digest some of the stuff that's already sitting there.
So much input in the last week or two. So many things on my mind. So many voices, and authors, and words.
Friend in trouble. Illness and darkness.
Sadness at the news that another friend has completely rejected the freedom she'd gained, thrown the healing that was hers to the wind.
A story I felt compelled to tell when I spoke at a youth retreat for ten kids six months ago opening doors for a conversation and a chance to tell someone they're not alone just last night.
I'm cutting keys to my house to give to someone who desperately needs a safe place to just chill off and on for the next while.
A disappointment when something I've been waiting a year for didn't happen today, but got postponed until Friday sometime.
Need to meet with my brother to plan a Sunday school schedule for the rest of the fall. To find out when he wants to teach, how much, what does he want to talk about?
A chance to stand alone in the shower, lean against the wall, and just rest.
Two remote controls, a cell phone, two Bible translations, four books, two journals, a myriad of pens, a bottle of water all within arms reach.
The candles have burnt out for the night.
The reflection of light off the photographs hanging on my walls. Lampposts and Paris.
The neighbors upstairs are quieter than usual, but I can still hear them.
Overwhelmed at the nearness of God. Overwhelmed, a little uncertain - why now? What are You saying?
Frustrated with my work situation - though I still feel like He's asking me to stay.
Detour on the bus on the way home today.
Dozed off as it took longer than normal.
Woke when my phone vibrated with a text message from Rae.
Hoping friends will join me and others for an event at the end of the month.
I need to plan a lesson for Sunday school this week.
I have no idea what to teach.
Another recruit (two if you count the boyfriend that comes with her) to fill slots for the prayer room I'm hosting for 24 hours at the end of October.
Plans to see Paul Brandt in concert in November with at least a couple of friends.
A Grey's Anatomy season 3 marathon scheduled for Saturday night. Megs is bringing the junk food.
Thinking about Peru a lot today, and wondering about learning Spanish.
Still waiting for a friend to send me the Spanish translation of the Lord's prayer - the prayer I learned in high school Spanish, and fell in love with, but have forgotten the last half of.
I listened to U2 all day at work today.
U2 is the music I listen to when I'm in the mood to push through stuff, to break through.
I don't know yet what it is that I'm feeling so compelled to push through, but I was in a fighting mood all day.
Alone in the living room.
What's weighing on me?
Time to read, to meditate, to pray, maybe to journal, and then to sleep.
It starts all over again tomorrow.
So much input in the last week or two. So many things on my mind. So many voices, and authors, and words.
Friend in trouble. Illness and darkness.
Sadness at the news that another friend has completely rejected the freedom she'd gained, thrown the healing that was hers to the wind.
A story I felt compelled to tell when I spoke at a youth retreat for ten kids six months ago opening doors for a conversation and a chance to tell someone they're not alone just last night.
I'm cutting keys to my house to give to someone who desperately needs a safe place to just chill off and on for the next while.
A disappointment when something I've been waiting a year for didn't happen today, but got postponed until Friday sometime.
Need to meet with my brother to plan a Sunday school schedule for the rest of the fall. To find out when he wants to teach, how much, what does he want to talk about?
A chance to stand alone in the shower, lean against the wall, and just rest.
Two remote controls, a cell phone, two Bible translations, four books, two journals, a myriad of pens, a bottle of water all within arms reach.
The candles have burnt out for the night.
The reflection of light off the photographs hanging on my walls. Lampposts and Paris.
The neighbors upstairs are quieter than usual, but I can still hear them.
Overwhelmed at the nearness of God. Overwhelmed, a little uncertain - why now? What are You saying?
Frustrated with my work situation - though I still feel like He's asking me to stay.
Detour on the bus on the way home today.
Dozed off as it took longer than normal.
Woke when my phone vibrated with a text message from Rae.
Hoping friends will join me and others for an event at the end of the month.
I need to plan a lesson for Sunday school this week.
I have no idea what to teach.
Another recruit (two if you count the boyfriend that comes with her) to fill slots for the prayer room I'm hosting for 24 hours at the end of October.
Plans to see Paul Brandt in concert in November with at least a couple of friends.
A Grey's Anatomy season 3 marathon scheduled for Saturday night. Megs is bringing the junk food.
Thinking about Peru a lot today, and wondering about learning Spanish.
Still waiting for a friend to send me the Spanish translation of the Lord's prayer - the prayer I learned in high school Spanish, and fell in love with, but have forgotten the last half of.
I listened to U2 all day at work today.
U2 is the music I listen to when I'm in the mood to push through stuff, to break through.
I don't know yet what it is that I'm feeling so compelled to push through, but I was in a fighting mood all day.
Alone in the living room.
What's weighing on me?
Time to read, to meditate, to pray, maybe to journal, and then to sleep.
It starts all over again tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Deep End?
Kirk talks about the crazy God experiences as diving in the deep end of the pool. This has been that kind of week.
I've been reading and hearing from all kinds of sources this week:
Lots of imagery having to with light.
I've been praying each time I drink a cup of Starbucks - started as a bit of a joke, but has become something else. I prayed my way through a cup of tazo passion tea at work this morning, and that somehow led to a deep and intense conversation with one of my youth girls at another Starbucks this evening - pray for you if you think of it - she's facing some hard things right now.
I've discovered yet again that my story of depression and healing is perhaps one of the most powerful things God has ever used from my life or asked me to speak.
I was reading a document on the bus this afternoon and praying and three friends came to mind very strongly. I felt I needed to invite them to be part of that which the document was inviting me to be part of. I passed it along by email and left phone messages with one. I talked to the other for an hour on the phone tonight. She's putting out a Gideon fleece of sorts in response.
This has been a crazy, deep end sort of week. Beautiful, confusing, and worth every minute.
I've been reading and hearing from all kinds of sources this week:
- a Dutch, Catholic, gay but celibate priest writing on prayer
- an Episcopal, female priest talking about the life of faith, and her calling to ministry
- a slightly sacchrine, but genuine Christian novelist
- a British founder of a prayer movement
- friends from all over the country and world
- Music from favorite bands
- A Canadian songwriter, poet, and novelist
Lots of imagery having to with light.
I've been praying each time I drink a cup of Starbucks - started as a bit of a joke, but has become something else. I prayed my way through a cup of tazo passion tea at work this morning, and that somehow led to a deep and intense conversation with one of my youth girls at another Starbucks this evening - pray for you if you think of it - she's facing some hard things right now.
I've discovered yet again that my story of depression and healing is perhaps one of the most powerful things God has ever used from my life or asked me to speak.
I was reading a document on the bus this afternoon and praying and three friends came to mind very strongly. I felt I needed to invite them to be part of that which the document was inviting me to be part of. I passed it along by email and left phone messages with one. I talked to the other for an hour on the phone tonight. She's putting out a Gideon fleece of sorts in response.
This has been a crazy, deep end sort of week. Beautiful, confusing, and worth every minute.
Remembering
I woke a bit late this morning, and stumbled out of bed to Alan Jackson’s song “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning” playing on the radio station I listen to in the mornings as I get ready for work. It took me a moment to realize why they were playing that song today. It’s 9/11 once again. Six years later, once again a Tuesday morning, and people are pausing again to remember.
I am a historian – that is, my bachelor’s degree is in history, and I have long been a lover of classes like social studies in high school, and whatever history related classes I could enroll in for university. The classic question for defining and personalizing moments in history seems to be this – where were you when….occurred? Where were you when you heard that John F. Kennedy had been killed? The classic Canadian one – where were you when Paul Henderson scored the winning goal in the 1972 series of the century? Where were you when you learned that the Challenger shuttle had exploded? People define these moments by their location when they learned of them.
September 11, 2001 has become one of those moments – not because of the aforementioned country song that asks the question “Where were you?” but because of the way the events of that day and the response to those events have shaped the following six years.
It is hard for me to believe that it has already been six years. The events of that day seem to live on in daily ways – reminders in the media each time conflict arises in the Middle East. Each time the death of a Canadian soldier in Afghanistan is reported in the news. Each time the world begins to debate the merits of the American presence in Iraq. This is an event that lives not in the past, but in the present psyche of the North American world.
In the same way that my dad can tell you where he was when Paul Henderson scored that famous goal, and my mom can tell you where she was when she learned that President Kennedy was killed, I can tell you the exact location when it hit home that a plane had flown into the World Trade Centers, and that they had collapsed.
It was my first semester of university, and I was sitting in the only 8:00 am lecture I took in the five years I spent getting my degree. It was, “Psychology 205: Introductory Psychology.” I was in a second floor classroom, poorly lit with feeble florescent bulbs. A very beige sort of place. A classmate came in and told me that a plane had flown into the World Trade Centers, and speculated that it was terrorism. I remember dismissing her concerns, automatically assuming that it was a tragic accident. Our professor entered moments later, and repeated the news, this time confirming that this was indeed an act of terrorism against the United States.
Not a particularly profound memory, I suppose. I spent the lunch hour that day like so many others, glued to the television sets that had been set up in the hallways to allow students to follow the stories. I remember feeling dazed as I moved from class to class, not quite able to absorb this thing that was happening.
I remember walking into a video rental store a few days later, when the news coverage of the rescue efforts was still going on 24 hours a day on all of the television channels, determined to rent something funny, because I was done with the grieving, and the reality, and wanted to simply escape for a little while. I remember feeling a little bit guilty for wanting to laugh in the midst of all that sadness and fear.
Six years later I’m still remembering. I’m feeling grateful for the lives of the police officers and firefighters who sacrificed themselves in the attempt to rescue others. I’m wondering at the state of unrest in the world – the constant fear of terrorism, the lack of peace. I’m feeling a bit more proud than normal of my dual American and Canadian heritage and citizenship – and also conflicted as the retaliatory American presence on the world stage clashes with the peacemaking Canadian presence. I’m thinking about the world seems less innocent the last six years – or maybe it’s simply that a tiny bit of naiveté was lifted from my eyes that Tuesday morning. I’m remembering, and grieving, and praying for peace.
I am a historian – that is, my bachelor’s degree is in history, and I have long been a lover of classes like social studies in high school, and whatever history related classes I could enroll in for university. The classic question for defining and personalizing moments in history seems to be this – where were you when….occurred? Where were you when you heard that John F. Kennedy had been killed? The classic Canadian one – where were you when Paul Henderson scored the winning goal in the 1972 series of the century? Where were you when you learned that the Challenger shuttle had exploded? People define these moments by their location when they learned of them.
September 11, 2001 has become one of those moments – not because of the aforementioned country song that asks the question “Where were you?” but because of the way the events of that day and the response to those events have shaped the following six years.
It is hard for me to believe that it has already been six years. The events of that day seem to live on in daily ways – reminders in the media each time conflict arises in the Middle East. Each time the death of a Canadian soldier in Afghanistan is reported in the news. Each time the world begins to debate the merits of the American presence in Iraq. This is an event that lives not in the past, but in the present psyche of the North American world.
In the same way that my dad can tell you where he was when Paul Henderson scored that famous goal, and my mom can tell you where she was when she learned that President Kennedy was killed, I can tell you the exact location when it hit home that a plane had flown into the World Trade Centers, and that they had collapsed.
It was my first semester of university, and I was sitting in the only 8:00 am lecture I took in the five years I spent getting my degree. It was, “Psychology 205: Introductory Psychology.” I was in a second floor classroom, poorly lit with feeble florescent bulbs. A very beige sort of place. A classmate came in and told me that a plane had flown into the World Trade Centers, and speculated that it was terrorism. I remember dismissing her concerns, automatically assuming that it was a tragic accident. Our professor entered moments later, and repeated the news, this time confirming that this was indeed an act of terrorism against the United States.
Not a particularly profound memory, I suppose. I spent the lunch hour that day like so many others, glued to the television sets that had been set up in the hallways to allow students to follow the stories. I remember feeling dazed as I moved from class to class, not quite able to absorb this thing that was happening.
I remember walking into a video rental store a few days later, when the news coverage of the rescue efforts was still going on 24 hours a day on all of the television channels, determined to rent something funny, because I was done with the grieving, and the reality, and wanted to simply escape for a little while. I remember feeling a little bit guilty for wanting to laugh in the midst of all that sadness and fear.
Six years later I’m still remembering. I’m feeling grateful for the lives of the police officers and firefighters who sacrificed themselves in the attempt to rescue others. I’m wondering at the state of unrest in the world – the constant fear of terrorism, the lack of peace. I’m feeling a bit more proud than normal of my dual American and Canadian heritage and citizenship – and also conflicted as the retaliatory American presence on the world stage clashes with the peacemaking Canadian presence. I’m thinking about the world seems less innocent the last six years – or maybe it’s simply that a tiny bit of naiveté was lifted from my eyes that Tuesday morning. I’m remembering, and grieving, and praying for peace.
Prince Caspian
So excited for the next installment - I'll break my "can't watch fantasy because it gives me nightmares" rule for this one!
Guarding Our Souls - Henri Nouwen
Another email from the Henri Nouwen society...
Guarding Our Souls
The great danger of the turmoil of the end-time in which we live is losing our souls. Losing our souls means losing touch with our center, our true call in life, our mission, our spiritual task. Losing our soul means becoming so distracted by and preoccupied with all that is happening around us that we end up fragmented, confused, and erratic. Jesus is very aware of that danger. He says: "Take care not to be deceived, because many will come using my name and saying, 'I am the one' and 'The time is near at hand' Refuse to join them" (Luke 21:8).
In the midst of anxious times there are many false prophets, promising all sorts of "salvations." It is important that we be faithful disciples of Jesus, never losing touch with our true spiritual selves.
Guarding Our Souls
The great danger of the turmoil of the end-time in which we live is losing our souls. Losing our souls means losing touch with our center, our true call in life, our mission, our spiritual task. Losing our soul means becoming so distracted by and preoccupied with all that is happening around us that we end up fragmented, confused, and erratic. Jesus is very aware of that danger. He says: "Take care not to be deceived, because many will come using my name and saying, 'I am the one' and 'The time is near at hand' Refuse to join them" (Luke 21:8).
In the midst of anxious times there are many false prophets, promising all sorts of "salvations." It is important that we be faithful disciples of Jesus, never losing touch with our true spiritual selves.
Choosing the Blessings - Henri Nouwen
Another great bit from the Henri Nouwen society that arrived in my inbox yesterday.
Choosing the Blessings
It is an ongoing temptation to think of ourselves as living under a curse. The loss of a friend, an illness, an accident, a natural disaster, a war, or any failure can make us quickly think that we are no good and are being punished. This temptation to think of our lives as full of curses is even greater when all the media present us day after day with stories about human misery.
Jesus came to bless us, not to curse us. But we must choose to receive that blessing and hand it on to others. Blessings and curses are always placed in front of us. We are free to choose. God says, Choose the blessings!
Choosing the Blessings
It is an ongoing temptation to think of ourselves as living under a curse. The loss of a friend, an illness, an accident, a natural disaster, a war, or any failure can make us quickly think that we are no good and are being punished. This temptation to think of our lives as full of curses is even greater when all the media present us day after day with stories about human misery.
Jesus came to bless us, not to curse us. But we must choose to receive that blessing and hand it on to others. Blessings and curses are always placed in front of us. We are free to choose. God says, Choose the blessings!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Continuing the Cohen Theme
Some of my own words tomorrow or the next day, I promise, but in the meantime...
I was paging through some notes I made when I read Leonard Cohen's latest book of poetry, "The Book of Longing" late last year, and came across the following poem, which describes, just a little, how I'm feeling this week about my relationship with God. Things are feeling new and alive and fresh again for the first time in quite some time. New and beautiful. I feel alive, and that's something that's always worth celebrating.
How Could I Have Doubted
I stopped looking for you
I stopped waiting for you
I stopped dying for you
and I started dying for myself
I aged rapidly
I became fat in the face
and soft in the gut
and I forgot that I’d ever loved you
I was old
I had no focus, no mission
I wandered around eating and buying
bigger and bigger clothes
and I forgot why I hated
every long moment that was mine to fill
Why did you come back to me tonight
I can’t even get off this chair
Tear run down my cheeks
I am in love again
I can live like this
I was paging through some notes I made when I read Leonard Cohen's latest book of poetry, "The Book of Longing" late last year, and came across the following poem, which describes, just a little, how I'm feeling this week about my relationship with God. Things are feeling new and alive and fresh again for the first time in quite some time. New and beautiful. I feel alive, and that's something that's always worth celebrating.
How Could I Have Doubted
I stopped looking for you
I stopped waiting for you
I stopped dying for you
and I started dying for myself
I aged rapidly
I became fat in the face
and soft in the gut
and I forgot that I’d ever loved you
I was old
I had no focus, no mission
I wandered around eating and buying
bigger and bigger clothes
and I forgot why I hated
every long moment that was mine to fill
Why did you come back to me tonight
I can’t even get off this chair
Tear run down my cheeks
I am in love again
I can live like this
If it be your will....
I've been listening to Jann Arden's rendition of Leonard Cohen's song, "If it Be Your Will" again lately. As it played this morning I realized I wanted to put the lyrics up here again. They're reflecting parts of my heart's position lately. I'm particularly drawn to the second and third verses.
If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will
If it be your will.
If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will
If it be your will.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
The Words Finally Came
When the words finally came, they poured out of me, like pent up emotions needing to be spent and given audience.
They tumbled out of the tips of my fingers, all 1989 of them, in a rush to say the things my heart has been echoing for the last several weeks.
They've travelled to different friends by email, and eventually, some of them will probably wind up here.
I feel released, ready to head for bed, and prepared for a new week full of new challenges.
I am learning to rest in truths - truths about who I am, but more importantly truths about who Jesus is.
The words finally came.
They tumbled out of the tips of my fingers, all 1989 of them, in a rush to say the things my heart has been echoing for the last several weeks.
They've travelled to different friends by email, and eventually, some of them will probably wind up here.
I feel released, ready to head for bed, and prepared for a new week full of new challenges.
I am learning to rest in truths - truths about who I am, but more importantly truths about who Jesus is.
The words finally came.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Good Intentions
I had really great intentions of getting some much thought about pieces of writing accomplished today, but they were waylaid with people stuff.
I had coffee with one of my youth girls this morning. She leaves bright and early tomorrow morning for Germany to go to Bible school for the next year. It was great to have a chance to hear her heart and pray for her as she goes.
While I was still with her, another friend, with whom I've been trying to reconnect for several months called me and wanted to know if I was free today. I immediately accepted the invitation and we spent the afternoon doing some errands together and catching up on everything that's happened in each other's lives in the year since we were last together at her wedding. So special, and we parted with promises to see each other much more frequently in the coming year. She's also fluent in Spanish, and has promised to email me a translation of the Lord's prayer. I learned to pray the Lord's prayer in Spanish in high school, and have done so often in the intervening years, but somewhere along the way lost my printed copy of it, and forgot the last half of the prayer. I'm rather delighted to know that the remainder of the prayer will be arriving in my inbox shortly!
I need to go prep for Sunday school tomorrow morning, so that's it for tonight. Tomorrow I'm hoping to accomplish the writing and other things that didn't get done today.
I'm dreaming of really fun and deep and beautiful things these days. I feel like life has been reawakened in me in the last couple weeks. Someday soon I'll share those things!
I had coffee with one of my youth girls this morning. She leaves bright and early tomorrow morning for Germany to go to Bible school for the next year. It was great to have a chance to hear her heart and pray for her as she goes.
While I was still with her, another friend, with whom I've been trying to reconnect for several months called me and wanted to know if I was free today. I immediately accepted the invitation and we spent the afternoon doing some errands together and catching up on everything that's happened in each other's lives in the year since we were last together at her wedding. So special, and we parted with promises to see each other much more frequently in the coming year. She's also fluent in Spanish, and has promised to email me a translation of the Lord's prayer. I learned to pray the Lord's prayer in Spanish in high school, and have done so often in the intervening years, but somewhere along the way lost my printed copy of it, and forgot the last half of the prayer. I'm rather delighted to know that the remainder of the prayer will be arriving in my inbox shortly!
I need to go prep for Sunday school tomorrow morning, so that's it for tonight. Tomorrow I'm hoping to accomplish the writing and other things that didn't get done today.
I'm dreaming of really fun and deep and beautiful things these days. I feel like life has been reawakened in me in the last couple weeks. Someday soon I'll share those things!
Friday, September 07, 2007
Suicide Headline
In my ongoing interest in mental health issues, this article on the rise of suicide rates, particularly among young women was both interesting and concerning.
Blessing One Another - Henri Nouwen
Blessing One Another
To bless means to say good things. We have to bless one another constantly. Parents need to bless their children, children their parents, husbands their wives, wives their husbands, friends their friends. In our society, so full of curses, we must fill each place we enter with our blessings. We forget so quickly that we are God's beloved children and allow the many curses of our world to darken our hearts. Therefore we have to be reminded of our belovedness and remind others of theirs. Whether the blessing is given in words or with gestures, in a solemn or an informal way, our lives need to be blessed lives.
To bless means to say good things. We have to bless one another constantly. Parents need to bless their children, children their parents, husbands their wives, wives their husbands, friends their friends. In our society, so full of curses, we must fill each place we enter with our blessings. We forget so quickly that we are God's beloved children and allow the many curses of our world to darken our hearts. Therefore we have to be reminded of our belovedness and remind others of theirs. Whether the blessing is given in words or with gestures, in a solemn or an informal way, our lives need to be blessed lives.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
A Big Chunk of Henri Nouwen
Thanks to the busy long weekend, a day off work, it's been a bit since I've read and caught up on the bits and pieces from Henri Nouwen that arrive in my email every morning. So, without further ado, here are some great thoughts that have arrived over the last week or so.
Claiming Our God Given Selves
When we have been deeply hurt by another person, it is nearly impossible not to have hostile thoughts, feelings of anger or hatred, and even a desire to take revenge. All of this often happens spontaneously, without much inner control. We simply find ourselves brooding about what we are going to say or do to pay back the person who has hurt us. To choose blessings instead of curses in such a situation asks for an enormous leap of faith. It calls for a willingness to go beyond all our urges to get even and to choose a life-giving response.
Sometimes this seems impossible. Still, whenever we move beyond our wounded selves and claim our God-given selves, we give life not just to ourselves but also to the ones who have offended us.
Waiting with Our Response
Choosing life instead of death demands an act of will that often contradicts our impulses. Our impulses want to take revenge, while our wills want to offer forgiveness. Our impulses push us to an immediate response: When someone hits us in the face, we impulsively want to hit back.
How then can we let our wills dominate our impulses? The key word is wait. Whatever happens, we must put some space between the hostile act directed toward us and our response. We must distance ourselves, take time to think, talk it over with friends, and wait until we are ready to respond in a life-giving way. Impulsive responses allow evil to master us, something we always will regret. But a well thought-through response will help us to "master evil with good" (Romans 12.21).
Choosing Words Wisely
Words are very important. When we say to someone: "You are an ugly, useless, despicable person," we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.
It is so important to choose our words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.
Speaking Words of Love
Often we remain silent when we need to speak. Without words, it is hard to love well. When we say to our parents, children, lovers, or friends: "I love you very much" or "I care for you" or "I think of you often" or "You are my greatest gift," we choose to give life.
It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered. When a son can say to his father, "Dad, I love you," and when a mother can say to her daughter, "Child, I love you," a whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.
Claiming Our God Given Selves
When we have been deeply hurt by another person, it is nearly impossible not to have hostile thoughts, feelings of anger or hatred, and even a desire to take revenge. All of this often happens spontaneously, without much inner control. We simply find ourselves brooding about what we are going to say or do to pay back the person who has hurt us. To choose blessings instead of curses in such a situation asks for an enormous leap of faith. It calls for a willingness to go beyond all our urges to get even and to choose a life-giving response.
Sometimes this seems impossible. Still, whenever we move beyond our wounded selves and claim our God-given selves, we give life not just to ourselves but also to the ones who have offended us.
Waiting with Our Response
Choosing life instead of death demands an act of will that often contradicts our impulses. Our impulses want to take revenge, while our wills want to offer forgiveness. Our impulses push us to an immediate response: When someone hits us in the face, we impulsively want to hit back.
How then can we let our wills dominate our impulses? The key word is wait. Whatever happens, we must put some space between the hostile act directed toward us and our response. We must distance ourselves, take time to think, talk it over with friends, and wait until we are ready to respond in a life-giving way. Impulsive responses allow evil to master us, something we always will regret. But a well thought-through response will help us to "master evil with good" (Romans 12.21).
Choosing Words Wisely
Words are very important. When we say to someone: "You are an ugly, useless, despicable person," we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.
It is so important to choose our words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.
Speaking Words of Love
Often we remain silent when we need to speak. Without words, it is hard to love well. When we say to our parents, children, lovers, or friends: "I love you very much" or "I care for you" or "I think of you often" or "You are my greatest gift," we choose to give life.
It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered. When a son can say to his father, "Dad, I love you," and when a mother can say to her daughter, "Child, I love you," a whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Up and Down Day
When I finally settled in to pray yesterday, it was a very good thing. For an hour and a half or so I paced my home, and had a conversation with Jesus. We talked about a lot of things - about dreams, about promises he's made, about the things I've been struggling with lately, about the many fronts on which I've been encountering opposition in the last several weeks. I walked away at rest - peaceful in the things He spoke to me.
It's a lot easier to rest in those things when you're not at that moment in the midst of the opposition. That's the lesson I began to learn today. Work was horrendous. By noon I was feeling equally exhausted to the way I had felt going into the weekend. I left for a few minutes to collect myself, and came back to discover an email from a very dear friend inviting me to dinner with her tonight since she was coming into the city. I think that email got me through the rest of the day - the promise of relief and enjoyment with a friend.
Time with Kari was relieving. We talked and she managed to encourage me, maybe without even trying. I went into the rest of my evening with restored peace and energy.
Funny how that goes, and how perspective can be so quickly gained and lost.
I'm working to learn to rest and live in the promises of protection that God has spoken to me both personally and through dear friends. This morning as I woke, the Lord gave me a picture of myself being clothed in a cloak, having it wrapped around my body, and then a hood pulled up over my head. The comparison that came to mind is the invisibility cloak from the Harry Potter stories. An ability to walk unseen in enemy territory. I think Kirk said something about that to me on the weekend. I went to work with that assurance, but quickly lost sight of it in the face of the opposition and tensions that have become commonplace there in the last few weeks.
So tomorrow, I'll try again. Again to rest in the promises of the armour of God, in the promise spoken to me from Genesis that He will be my shield and my reward, in the words of Psalm 91. I'll wrap the cloak of His protection around me and walk unseen in enemy territory - and this time I'll work to remember that though I can see and hear the enemy, I cannot be harmed, my peace cannot be snatched from me, the lies cannot affect me.
It's a lot easier to rest in those things when you're not at that moment in the midst of the opposition. That's the lesson I began to learn today. Work was horrendous. By noon I was feeling equally exhausted to the way I had felt going into the weekend. I left for a few minutes to collect myself, and came back to discover an email from a very dear friend inviting me to dinner with her tonight since she was coming into the city. I think that email got me through the rest of the day - the promise of relief and enjoyment with a friend.
Time with Kari was relieving. We talked and she managed to encourage me, maybe without even trying. I went into the rest of my evening with restored peace and energy.
Funny how that goes, and how perspective can be so quickly gained and lost.
I'm working to learn to rest and live in the promises of protection that God has spoken to me both personally and through dear friends. This morning as I woke, the Lord gave me a picture of myself being clothed in a cloak, having it wrapped around my body, and then a hood pulled up over my head. The comparison that came to mind is the invisibility cloak from the Harry Potter stories. An ability to walk unseen in enemy territory. I think Kirk said something about that to me on the weekend. I went to work with that assurance, but quickly lost sight of it in the face of the opposition and tensions that have become commonplace there in the last few weeks.
So tomorrow, I'll try again. Again to rest in the promises of the armour of God, in the promise spoken to me from Genesis that He will be my shield and my reward, in the words of Psalm 91. I'll wrap the cloak of His protection around me and walk unseen in enemy territory - and this time I'll work to remember that though I can see and hear the enemy, I cannot be harmed, my peace cannot be snatched from me, the lies cannot affect me.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Resting
I woke up when my alarm went off this morning, and began the mental, physical and spiritual evaluation I run through most mornings. Basically, in the fifteen minutes between when my alarm goes off, and I have to crawl out of bed, I like to figure out what the baseline for the day is.
Today, I lay there and began to ask the Lord how I was doing, and what came next for the day. The weekend was amazing, but intense and exhausting, especially coming on the tail of the two previous intense weeks.
I have a number of sick days remaining, and only a week left in the employment year to which they apply. As I lay there and prayed, I felt very clearly that it would be okay for me to take a day and simply rest. To catch up on sleep, to do nothing mentally, emotionally, or physically exhausting.
So, I got out of bed long enough to send an email letting my office know that I wasn't coming in, and then headed back to bed to sleep another three hours. Now, it's noon, and I'm sitting on my couch, smelling my lunch baking in the oven, watching tv on dvd, surfing the internet, and beginning to feel restored. Almost ready to settle in for a long conversation with God.
I'm resting, allowing my body to catch up with my soul and mind. Reconnecting the parts of myself. And it's good.
Today, I lay there and began to ask the Lord how I was doing, and what came next for the day. The weekend was amazing, but intense and exhausting, especially coming on the tail of the two previous intense weeks.
I have a number of sick days remaining, and only a week left in the employment year to which they apply. As I lay there and prayed, I felt very clearly that it would be okay for me to take a day and simply rest. To catch up on sleep, to do nothing mentally, emotionally, or physically exhausting.
So, I got out of bed long enough to send an email letting my office know that I wasn't coming in, and then headed back to bed to sleep another three hours. Now, it's noon, and I'm sitting on my couch, smelling my lunch baking in the oven, watching tv on dvd, surfing the internet, and beginning to feel restored. Almost ready to settle in for a long conversation with God.
I'm resting, allowing my body to catch up with my soul and mind. Reconnecting the parts of myself. And it's good.
Interesting headline...
Mentally Ill Suffering Neglect - this was a pretty interesting article, talking about the state of mental illness around the world, and the way that mental illness affects other health conditions.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Processing
I'm home from a crazy intense weekend. So good, I think. Full of great people, and great time with God.
I'm exhausted. Stuff has ramped up again, and I've only slept about 3-4 hours a night for the last four nights. Here's to hoping tonight is a bit longer.
Eventually I'll probably put some thoughts here. It may take me a while to figure out what, if anything can be shared. I'm feeling the need to pull back and take some time to really absorb the events of the last two weeks of my life, and particularly of the weekend.
I'm exhausted. Stuff has ramped up again, and I've only slept about 3-4 hours a night for the last four nights. Here's to hoping tonight is a bit longer.
Eventually I'll probably put some thoughts here. It may take me a while to figure out what, if anything can be shared. I'm feeling the need to pull back and take some time to really absorb the events of the last two weeks of my life, and particularly of the weekend.
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