- Sunshine
- leftover Chinese take-out
- getting out of the office for a little while this afternoon to run an errand for work
- finished reading another book
- making huge progress (nearly done now, just a few final tweaks) on the wedding slideshow
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Daily 5 - Day 272
Today's Daily 5:
Stuff Worth Reading
I liked these:
Claudia Mair Burney's piece on "Listening to Your Illnesses" struck a deep chord as I remembered the long years of depression, and as I pondered the various situations I find myself in now.
This piece on "Letting Go of the Old to Embrace the New" stuck a chord for kind of the same reasons. Especially in a week when I've been thinking about changes that are coming to our family. And remembering how lovely my living situation was only a few months ago, versus how challenging it is at the moment.
And I just liked this piece on the numbering of our days and the value of a mentor at Pete Wilson's blog. Probably partly because one of my dearest friends is quite a bit older than I am, and offers an incredibly valuable perspective to me as I walk out life.
Claudia Mair Burney's piece on "Listening to Your Illnesses" struck a deep chord as I remembered the long years of depression, and as I pondered the various situations I find myself in now.
This piece on "Letting Go of the Old to Embrace the New" stuck a chord for kind of the same reasons. Especially in a week when I've been thinking about changes that are coming to our family. And remembering how lovely my living situation was only a few months ago, versus how challenging it is at the moment.
And I just liked this piece on the numbering of our days and the value of a mentor at Pete Wilson's blog. Probably partly because one of my dearest friends is quite a bit older than I am, and offers an incredibly valuable perspective to me as I walk out life.
Conversations Overheard
Snippets of conversation the last few days have left me wondering.
As I walked up the stairs to the train yesterday, a lovely middle-aged black woman was descending. I noticed her because she seemed regal. As she descended, a scruffy man, of around the same age, was following. At one point he simply stopped, and stared at the descending woman. His behaviour made me pause, because while, though I'm sure it's totally judgemental of me, it wasn't something totally out of the norm for what I'd expect of a man who looked the way this one did, it was simply so blatant. As my startled thoughts worked their way through "Is he really checking out her ass that blatantly?" my eyes jumped upwards, studying him, and without planning to, I made eye contact. As soon as he caught my eyes, he began speaking. As I pulled a headphone from my ear and heard what he was saying, I was grateful this lovely lady had nearly finished descending, and was farther from earshot. "Look at all that blubber, eh? So much blubber!"
Really? This is what you had to say about a lovely woman, who wasn't even particularly large. And I spent the rest of the train journey home wondering what it takes to form a person who sees others through that particular lense.
This morning I overheard two women, discussing another woman, who one of the two talking considered to be a good friend. There have apparently been frustrations in the relationship, and the first quizzed the second, "Well, if she's got this and this and this (boyfriend, car, job etc.), what does she need you for?" It seems the friend who isn't present hasn't been treating the other woman in the conversation that well, and the friend she was conversing with felt it would help to point out that the first friend was probably treating her poorly because she felt she no longer needed the support.
Really? That's how we judge relationships? On whether they meet basic needs? Having a boyfriend and a car and a job means that a person must be entirely fulfilled and therefore not need a friend. Not factoring in other circumstances that may have caused an ebb in their friendship for the time.
I'm feeling deeply introspective these days and conversations overheard like these are penetrating deeply as I again ponder life and relationships. As I work to sort out how I want to be, and how I believe Jesus desires me to conduct myself relationally.
What sorts of conversations are making you think these days?
As I walked up the stairs to the train yesterday, a lovely middle-aged black woman was descending. I noticed her because she seemed regal. As she descended, a scruffy man, of around the same age, was following. At one point he simply stopped, and stared at the descending woman. His behaviour made me pause, because while, though I'm sure it's totally judgemental of me, it wasn't something totally out of the norm for what I'd expect of a man who looked the way this one did, it was simply so blatant. As my startled thoughts worked their way through "Is he really checking out her ass that blatantly?" my eyes jumped upwards, studying him, and without planning to, I made eye contact. As soon as he caught my eyes, he began speaking. As I pulled a headphone from my ear and heard what he was saying, I was grateful this lovely lady had nearly finished descending, and was farther from earshot. "Look at all that blubber, eh? So much blubber!"
Really? This is what you had to say about a lovely woman, who wasn't even particularly large. And I spent the rest of the train journey home wondering what it takes to form a person who sees others through that particular lense.
This morning I overheard two women, discussing another woman, who one of the two talking considered to be a good friend. There have apparently been frustrations in the relationship, and the first quizzed the second, "Well, if she's got this and this and this (boyfriend, car, job etc.), what does she need you for?" It seems the friend who isn't present hasn't been treating the other woman in the conversation that well, and the friend she was conversing with felt it would help to point out that the first friend was probably treating her poorly because she felt she no longer needed the support.
Really? That's how we judge relationships? On whether they meet basic needs? Having a boyfriend and a car and a job means that a person must be entirely fulfilled and therefore not need a friend. Not factoring in other circumstances that may have caused an ebb in their friendship for the time.
I'm feeling deeply introspective these days and conversations overheard like these are penetrating deeply as I again ponder life and relationships. As I work to sort out how I want to be, and how I believe Jesus desires me to conduct myself relationally.
What sorts of conversations are making you think these days?
Seriously? Seriously?
I had another crazy dream this morning. Along similar lines to the one that so disturbed me last week, but not quite so disturbing. Still, something I could have lived without at the moment.
I feel a little like I'm banging my head against walls at work these days. So I stop banging and try not to care. To not think about the fact that if I do such and such one way, it's not right, but if I do it the other way, that's not right either. To not think about double standards and all that crap. I hate that defeated "it's not worth the fight" feeling. I mean, I know the value of "pick your battles", but these days it seems like there are so many battles that need to be ignored, because, in the grand scheme of things, if I'm going to take a stand, that's probably not the thing to stake my job on.
I think it makes me more upset that I'm dealing with all of this in a supposedly "christian" company. I mean, I'm not naive. I'm a pastor's kid and I've seen it all. I know that those who claim to follow Christ aren't inherently less sinful and more moral. But I think we should be trying for that - for a higher standard, beyond reproach. Not lowballing to see how much we can bend the rules before someone objects. It's terrible to say, but somehow, that bending of standards to suit one's purposes seems more acceptable, more expected, in a workplace that has a "secular" label. And, to be honest, some of the secular workplaces I've been employed in have a much higher standard of honesty.
All of that makes me sad, and then it makes me angry, and then it makes me feel helpless and powerless. Especially on the days when the double standards are out in force and I've stepped away from several battles before 9:00 ever rolls around.
So, I remind myself that I am doing my job. And that I do it well. That I'm only responsible for my own choices and actions and honesty, not that of others. And that I don't get to judge. Even when it seems easy and I really want to.
And then I kind of let out a big sigh. Because those reminders stink too. Even when they're coming from me to me, and not being hurled at me by someone else.
I set my facebook status this morning to one of my favorite quotes from Grey's Anatomy, "Seriously? Seriously?"
Because that's how I'm feeling about life these days.
I have a better day, and then I have a crazy dream.
I talk myself into being okay with work for another day, and something happens to set me off.
The give and take of life makes me crazy sometimes.
And all I'm left with is, "Seriously? Seriously?" as I trudge forward down whatever path God is leading and think about those scriptures that talk about "the narrow way" and how they weren't kidding when they said this journeying with God is hard and steep and dangerous.
I feel a little like I'm banging my head against walls at work these days. So I stop banging and try not to care. To not think about the fact that if I do such and such one way, it's not right, but if I do it the other way, that's not right either. To not think about double standards and all that crap. I hate that defeated "it's not worth the fight" feeling. I mean, I know the value of "pick your battles", but these days it seems like there are so many battles that need to be ignored, because, in the grand scheme of things, if I'm going to take a stand, that's probably not the thing to stake my job on.
I think it makes me more upset that I'm dealing with all of this in a supposedly "christian" company. I mean, I'm not naive. I'm a pastor's kid and I've seen it all. I know that those who claim to follow Christ aren't inherently less sinful and more moral. But I think we should be trying for that - for a higher standard, beyond reproach. Not lowballing to see how much we can bend the rules before someone objects. It's terrible to say, but somehow, that bending of standards to suit one's purposes seems more acceptable, more expected, in a workplace that has a "secular" label. And, to be honest, some of the secular workplaces I've been employed in have a much higher standard of honesty.
All of that makes me sad, and then it makes me angry, and then it makes me feel helpless and powerless. Especially on the days when the double standards are out in force and I've stepped away from several battles before 9:00 ever rolls around.
So, I remind myself that I am doing my job. And that I do it well. That I'm only responsible for my own choices and actions and honesty, not that of others. And that I don't get to judge. Even when it seems easy and I really want to.
And then I kind of let out a big sigh. Because those reminders stink too. Even when they're coming from me to me, and not being hurled at me by someone else.
I set my facebook status this morning to one of my favorite quotes from Grey's Anatomy, "Seriously? Seriously?"
Because that's how I'm feeling about life these days.
I have a better day, and then I have a crazy dream.
I talk myself into being okay with work for another day, and something happens to set me off.
The give and take of life makes me crazy sometimes.
And all I'm left with is, "Seriously? Seriously?" as I trudge forward down whatever path God is leading and think about those scriptures that talk about "the narrow way" and how they weren't kidding when they said this journeying with God is hard and steep and dangerous.
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