Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 94

Today's Daily 5:
  1. Having keys to the building at work, and being able to let myself in, instead of having to beg someone to let me in the way I did the first two days.
  2. settling in at my desk for the month, and sipping a mug of pomegranate green tea
  3. A smooth bus commute - the bus was sliding all over the icy roads this morning, so it was relieving to get there safely.
  4. Blogging/writing via my iphone while on the bus
  5. Wearing jeans at work
  6. Scarf season - today's was from Kenya (Monday was Morocco, Tuesday was California, tomorrow will be Nepal)
  7. wearing a bracelet I like, but rarely wear
  8. hemp lip balm from the body shop
  9. yoga, and the irony, after some challenging moments today, of listening to the video teacher talk about letting all the problems of the day drain away
  10. feeling like my job is something that has a purpose, and isn't self-serving
  11. playing games online
  12. listening to a large chunk of a fascinating audio book while playing a game online
  13. sipping a couple mugs of tea while I puttered
  14. a hug from mom
  15. a phone call from a dear friend, reminding me that I am loved
  16. digging into some of the few remaining Almond Joy bars in the stash I brought home from California
  17. chocolate in general was a blessing tonight
  18. finding reasons to laugh
  19. 2 Corinthians 5, in The Message
  20. re-reading "Sidney and Norman: A Tale of Two Pigs"  "First, I love you.  Second, I love you.  Third, I love you."

Maybe it's Just a Season

I feel like I've been writing boring things here.

Quizzes, links, that sort of thing.

Very little personal narrative.

It's because I'm feeling a bit wordless these days.

I write in a number of forums, both public and private, and I just kind of feel wordless.

Not exactly numb, but lacking words that fit around the spaces my body and soul are occupying.

And so I'm posting "boring" things.

I'm thinking a lot about Anne Jackson's book and website "Permission to Speak Freely" these days.  About how that question, "What's one thing you can't say in church?" and Anne's story impacted me when I read it in early September.  Partly because I've walked some of her story.  The addiction pieces, the mental health pieces, the pastor's kid pieces - all of these are things I'm rather intimately familiar with.

Last night I jotted my own answer to that question on a slip of paper.  I may even drop it in the mail.

But in the meantime, the process of journeying through that is leaving me feeling at a loss for words.

So I write "fluffy" posts with quizzes and links.  Nothing I think might stir controversy, because I don't have the mental energy to separate criticism of my position from criticism of me right now.  I started writing a post in my head that I thought might generate discussion, and stopped, because I wondered if it would stir controversy I'd rather not wade through right now.  Fluffy posts, and daily 5 lists.  Lists that are sometimes a desperate grab for sanity, and sometimes just a genuine reflection of things in my day that brightened it, brought smiles and laughter, and gratefulness.

I think it's probably just a season, this wordlessness.  I pray so at least.  I'll be back.  And in the meantime, pardon the fluffy.  It's all I have energy for most days.

Go pick up Anne Jackson's book in the meantime.  You won't regret the read.

Praying through nations

On the weekend I wrote this post.

Three days in, I'm appreciating the exercise in pausing for a few minutes a day to read about a nation and watch the prayer video that's provided.

So far I've prayed for Afghanistan, Austria, and Bosnia.  And I've learned a little something about each.

It's helpful to me, right now, when I'm dreaming of traveling to the nations, to feed that hunger a little by stopping for five minutes or so a day to pray.  It encourages the dreaming, and makes me pause to stop and think about those places, to take notice of them in the news.  To think about people I know with connections there.  (For example, I'm listening to a fascinating audiobook right now about Afghanistan, and a long time friend did mission work many years ago in both Austria and Bosnia.)

And so, I pause, and pray.  Especially when I can attach a face and a ministry.  I pray for those connections, that they will grow.  And I dream of perhaps walking in those places one day.