I Like Lemons, what else you got?

For the last week or so, I've been thinking about a quote that I read in the first of the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" novels a number of years ago.  Each chapter in that book started with a quote of some sort or other, and one chapter started with the following quote:

"If life hands you lemons, say, 'I like lemons.  What else you got?'"  (Henry Rollins)

Along the same lines, the following quote appeared in my email this morning:

"If life gives you limes, make margaritas." (Jimmy Buffett)

I've definitely had my share of lemons (or limes!) this last week.  Like I wrote yesterday, it has seemed at times that the world has been conspiring against me.  I was thinking about that supposed conspiracy again this morning as I trekked through the inch or so of snow that fell overnight again.

And yet, that quote has come to mind over and over.

"I like lemons.  What else you got?"

Let's ignore for a moment that I actually don't really like lemon (or limes, or margaritas for that matter!), and focus on the sentiment.

Even in this, find joy.

Even in this, give thanks.

In my saner moments, I can do that.

I had been contemplating reducing my driving as much as possible anyway, because driving stresses me out, and because city transit really is better for the environment.

For the first time in my life, I'd been enjoying taking the train and bus.  Finding transit a good place to think and rest and read.

The day before I got the call about my insurance, I bought an iphone, to make transit an even better experience.

I've felt cushioned at moments, from this latest blow.

Sort of at peace.  In a moment when being at peace doesn't make sense.

That being said, my mom is back in town, and tonight, (if last night with my baby brother is any indication), I'll likely cry my eyes out in disappointment and exhaustion.  Probably as soon as I hear her voice and collect a hug.

And then, then I'm going to pull myself back together, and try again to adopt the "I like lemons, what else you got?" attitude that I feel like Jesus has been placing before me for the last week and a bit.

I'll remind myself that every day is a day closer to feeling physically better as my medication has time to readjust my hormone levels to a manageable state.  I'll remind myself that I'm only a couple days from a weekend, and I can do some sleeping and resting.  I'll choose again to celebrate the happy things.  And I'll probably pull my iphone out of my pocket and check my email or facebook.  Because doing that on the go, anywhere I am, is still bringing a guaranteed smile to my face.

Rough Start

I've been wide awake since 4:30 this morning.

A nightmare woke me.

A nightmare that has me thinking about the definition of "worst". 

Because I would tell you that this was the worst nightmare I've had in quite some time.

It wasn't the most violent, or even the darkest.

But it was the most personal, and invasive, and I'm feeling that this morning.

I was finally at a place where I could possibly begin to relax into sleep again, and my alarm went off.

And that's how I started my day.

So, I'm here.  Sitting at my desk.  Sipping a mug of passion tea.

And trying to regroup.

To not let the nightmare steal my day, the joys possible in this day.

And yet, I'm entirely cognizant that I believe dreams have significance, and this one was a doozy.

So I'm working on how to respond to that as well.

And, in some ways, I'm grieving.

I feel that with the loss of the car (it'll likely be sold by the middle of this week), I've been greatly cushioned.  In so many ways, I'm at peace.

But I'm grieving, too.  And angry.

If only my insurance company had quoted me correctly in the first place.

If only I wasn't losing a freedom that so helped in making the challenging situation at Grandma's more liveable.

So.

Thankful.

Last night I started back on the medication that controls some of the hormonal problems that so affect my mood.  I'd needed to be off it for a couple weeks.

Those weeks, when I could have used the support, just happened to be some really rough ones.

I'm back on it.  And I anticipate less of a low mood by later this week, as it builds in my system.

It's a hopeful thing.

And there is sun outside my office window.

And I have a mug of tea to sip.

And plans to have tea in my favorite tea shop with a friend this evening.

I'll get a hug out of that.

I got a caring email from a dear friend (thankful, too, for the iphone that let me send the email she was responding to while I was on the train.)

But it was a rough start.

And I'm praying my day doesn't stay the way it started.

I'm fighting for that.

Rough Couple Days

Yesterday, around 4:00, I got a phone call from my car insurance company.  The car insurance company I just signed up with, when I got a car again.  Two weeks ago.  Yeah, that one.  Seems they reviewed the file, and because of my driving record (three at-fault accidents in the last five years), they needed to increase the premium.  Okay, no big deal.  I'd been expecting my rates would go up.  And then I choked.  Seems they will increase by 5x.  That definitely falls in the category of absolutely not at all financially feasible.  In any world of my finances, fantasy or reality.

I did some calling today, and it's looking like that is going to be the consistent story.  Because I got my license at an age quite a bit older than sixteen, and because of the accidents, the rates are going to be astronomical until one of the accidents is six years in the past (which is about two years away still).  Then they'll come down a little.  Still not great, but a bit.

What that means is that the car that I bought just over two weeks ago most likely needs to be sold, and the freedom I'd cherished is gone again.

In the good moments, I can find positives in this.  It's better for my financial situation.  It's that much more money (from insurance and gas) going to my debt every month, or to savings, or towards rent someplace other than Grandma's basement.  I can still rent a car for the occasional weekend.  It's summer (or will be when the crazy winter storm we're having right now blows over) and that makes walking and busing a much nicer option for the next 4-5 months or so.  I care about the environment and drove an old car that likely wasn't exactly low emissions, now I won't be driving it.  I get built in exercise, walking everywhere.  It gives me lots of thinking and alone time on transit - more fun, now, that I got the iphone.

To be honest, though, choosing to be thankful and joyful, even in this, kind of sucks right now.

My pride feels bruised, a little.  It was already smarting with the move into Grandma's (who moves back in with family at 26?  I've been teased a little for this, by some less than generous friends, and that hasn't helped with my pride), and knowing that I'll now be dependent on others for rides, likely for the next couple of years, is not helping the situation. 

What I'd really like right now is a hug from my mom and time to sob my eyes out.  (I have done my share of crying yesterday and today.)  But my mom is in Phoenix, and part of being a grown up means that I get to own even this.  This is my bad driving record.  It was my choice to put off gettting my driver's license until I was 20.  I'm not a great driver and I know it.  It's part of why I haven't been driving to work since getting this new car.  It stresses me out.  But it stings, and it's mine to own.  All of this is mine.  And I know that.  And I know that even in this I can survive and likely even thrive.

But just in this moment, it really sucks.

It helped a little, to get an email from a dear friend, understanding that this is a loss of a much needed freedom, given my current living situation, and reminding me that it's okay to feel sad

Tomorrow, I'll pick up the pieces and begin making arrangements to cancel the insurance policy and see if my brother is interested in buying my car.

Tonight, I'm going to enjoy driving it to house church for what will probably be the last time. 

And next week, when Mom is home, I'll probably cry on her shoulder a little, too.

Daily 5 - Day 258

So, pretty much the last thing I feel like doing tonight is writing a list of any length at all of things that made me smile, or things I'm grateful for.  As days goes, this one really stunk.  Basically none of the things I would have liked to have happen did.  And I got some bad news concerning my car that likely means that I'll be back to having no car within the next week or two, probably semi-permanently (like for the next couple years).  More on that tomorrow, I'm busy trying not to think about it tonight.

So, anyway, these are the good things from today, however many I can scrape up, and actually, a day like this is probably the day it's most important for me to do this exercise anyway:

1. The antacid I took for whatever was going on with my stomach again this morning seemed to work.  I didn't feel good, but I could at least function for the day.
2. It was "pass out paystubs" day at work.  This is one of the best 10 minutes of every two week cycle of work for me.  Everyone is glad to see me on this day.  And I get such jovial thank you's from everyone when I drop off a piece of paper that says there will be money appearing in their bank account the following day.
3. The one thing that worked as planned tonight was I did make it to my hair appointment.  And I have these fabulous new highlights in a couple shades of blond and a coppery red.  And styled hair, which means, whatever tomorrow holds, I'm going to look nice for it.  I'll try and take a picture, or have someone take one for me tomorrow.
4. I got a hug from L. while I sobbed my eyes out in overwhelmed exhaustion after work.
5. I bought a new purse that I'm pretty excited about.
6. I really love my new iphone.  It was so cool to be able to check emails and facebook on the train, and at the mall tonight.
7. Even amidst all the sucky stuff, once I stopped sobbing I was able to just sit and let myself find some perspective, and even some things to be thankful for as life throws me yet another loop.
8. Because I'm having my hair put up for the wedding, my hairdresser just thinned it, and didn't cut it tonight after she colored it.  She recommended leaving it long for the girl who's putting it up.  That means that I have another hair appointment booked for in about three weeks time.  Sweet.  Next to massages, appointments with my hairdresser (and maybe pedicures) are my absolute favorite form of relaxation and pampering.
9. Because I have a medical appointment tomorrow morning, I have the morning off work and can sleep in by about an extra hour and a half.
10. I figured out how to connect my new phone to the free wi-fi in the mall.
11. I realized today that it's only about 2 more months until the U2 concert that I have tickets to!

Daily 5 - Day 249

For those who are curious, the background to the daily 5 can be found here.

Today's Daily 5:

1. Watching old episodes of ER on DVD
2. The funny little routines that have come to mark life at Grandma's
3. My dad unexpectedly having time to take my car to the mechanic for me today, instead of tomorrow as we'd planned, and calling me at work to offer to take care of that for me.
4. My "new" car passed the insurance inspection - I just have to fax in the paperwork tomorrow and it's all official.  Now I just need a name for it!
5. A mechanic who is very kind in what he charges me for - because he had done maintenance on the car for the previous owner, he didn't charge me for the inspection, just the oil change he also did today at my request.  I also love that he's really honest - he'll tell me if something is wrong with the car, and then he'll tell me if it needs to be fixed right away, or if it's something that can just be watched for the time-being.  It's so nice as a less than car savvy girl to have a mechanic who I know and trust.  I'd be in so much trouble if I ever move away from Calgary and my mechanic - I'm definitely the biggest target around when it comes to being dumb about car stuff!
6. I made pasta for dinner tonight and froze 4 meals.  It made enough for my supper tonight, lunch tomorrow, and four frozen meals.  Cooking for one is a pain, but if I can store a few favorite meals like this in the freezer, it should help with combating the less than healthy eating habits that have reared their ugly head since my arrival in Grandma's house.  I'm hoping to freeze a few other meals over the coming weeks, sort of cooking a "normal" sized (i.e. not for one person) meal, and then freezing several portions for work lunches or suppers on those nights when cooking is just too time consuming.  I'd specifically like to make some mini lasagna's to take out and pop in the oven.  The freezing thing works well for me, too, since I don't like to eat a ton of leftovers.  If I can pull it out in a couple of weeks, it's so much more likely to not get wasted.
7. I'm still really enjoying the audio book, "Stuff Christians Like" that I've been listening to most recently.  It's brought a lot of smiles as I've been sitting on the train and bus listening.  It's also the free audio book of the month on Christianaudio.com
8. I'm loving the book, "Jesus Freak" by Sara Miles that I've been reading as well.
9. Filtered water for drinking (from a glass bottle)
10. Watching a couple of movies in the background on my laptop in the last day or so, as I've been working on other stuff.

Monday morning basics

I have a car now, did I mention that on the weekend?

But I still took the train to work today.  I find driving stressful at the best of times, and even more so since my car accident in late January.  So, I cut off the time I spend on the bus by driving my car to my parent's house, parking it there, and walking to catch the train.  They live about a 3 minute walk from a train station.  My plan is to still take the train 3-4 days a week, using this new method.  I've found I greatly appreciate that quiet time in the mornings and after work, time where I can simply worship, or listen to a sermon or audiobook.  Without the stress of focusing on the road while I listen, or worship or pray.

It was nice to sleep a bit later, and to dress for the day in a slightly less hurried fashion.  The advantage of not having to be at the bus stop by exactly 6:54 am.

If I take the train 3-4 days a week, I can justify the purchase of a bus pass.  I'm fairly certain that I'll save the cost of the bus pass in gas, and the bus pass is a tax deduction at the end of the year.  Not a huge one, but a deduction none-the-less.  And, not only is less driving less stress, but it fits well with my desire to live more simply, and more environmentally friendly.  Especially since my car is quite old, and probably not the most fuel efficient vehicle on the planet.

It's Monday and the air conditioner in our office building is broken.  There is a call in to the provider, and hopefully we'll get some movement on this today.  We've hit the first hot weather of the season, and we're on the top floor, and it is HOT in here.  (And if I'm saying it's hot, it really must be, since I'm generally always cold!)  I'm particularly invested in someone coming to fix the air conditioner because I'm the one on our staff that people will complain to and grump at because they're too warm.

I'm thinking, given the heat, that I'll skip my planned bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and eat the mini cinnamon buns that I brought with me instead.  A tasty was to start the day.  I'll probably skip my mug of tea as well, though that I'll miss just a little bit more.

I'm just thankful that I went with the impulse to wear a skirt and short-sleeved top this morning.

So, it's Monday morning, and those are the basics right now.

Heat.  Water.  Finding ways to utilize my car, but still be less stressed.  Breakfast.  And maybe tea.

Daily 5 - Day 247

Today's Daily 5:

1. Drove my "new" car for the first time - a trip to get groceries.  Yes, it's a boring first drive, but after nearly three months of either borrowing a car, or taking the bus to do these errands, it was so freeing to just be able to do it on my own.  Only one insurance inspection hurdle left (no big deal, but couldn't do it on the weekend) and it's all officially official and I'll be back to driving free and clear.
2. Dinner at Mom and Dad's.
3. Watching "The Princess Diaries" with mom and laughing and laughing.
4. crazy worship all weekend at the conference I've been attending
5. buying some items for a creative project I'm going to try tomorrow

Daily 5 - Day 243

Today's Daily 5:

1. Crossed the first hurdle in the process of insuring the car I bought, and the rates are actually quite reasonable for the moment.
2. Egg rolls for supper.
3. Chocolate cream pie.
4. Did payroll on my own, without my boss, at work today.  Proud of that.
5. painted my fingernails and toenails.

Daily 5 - Day 242

Today's Daily 5:

1. So glad that I subscribe to the services at Bethel - so refreshing to be able to load their worship or sermons anytime.
2. The crazy juxtaposition of life and death, joy and sorrow this afternoon, and allowing myself to be present with friends in each.
3. Still had the rental car, so it was easy to do errands.
4. My dad replaced the seatbelt in the car I bought last week, now I just need to get an inspection, insurance, and registration, and then I can start driving it.
5. Shared hugs with a few different friends today.

Bad Start

So, I talked myself into getting out of bed this morning.  I wasn't feeling great, but definitely not bad enough to stay at home.  I'm wishing I'd stayed at home.

I never made it to work.  I was one exit from my stop when I got into a pretty bad car accident.  George (who used to look like this) now looks like this:

The airbag deployed and hit me in the face, so my nose and lip are pretty sore, and all of the aching muscles that had just sort of nicely returned to normal after my fall down the stairs a couple of weeks ago are now in much worse pain, but I'm okay and really grateful to be that way.

I'm also vehicleless, which will bring some unique challenges into my life for a while, but I'll figure those out as they crop up.

And, I've got to say that if you're going to start the morning by destroying your car and slamming into someone's rear end, it's nice if that person is really nice about it.  The guy I hit was really nice to me, and while we waited the hour or so for the cops to show up, we sat in his warm truck, (which I was thankful for, since my car had no power - the firefighters disconnected the battery after making sure that the flames - oh yes, it was on fire, did I mention that? - were out.)

So, not the best start to the day, and if I'd taken that sick day I considered this morning, I probably wouldn't have spent it talking to policemen and mechanics and insurance adjusters, but hey - they were all very nice to me.  And my dad, who I shocked into awakeness with an early morning phone call met me at the mechanic's after I'd been towed (Oh - another blessing - because of my old car, I have AMA and pay for the membership with towing - so no tow bill!)  Dad took me back to their place where mom was waiting with a hug, and a brief treatment to help with some of the muscle trauma, and food and prayers.  I made all my calls from their house, and dozed on their couch for a bit watching the Food Network (fun, since I love to cook and don't have cable at my house), and then they brought me home.

So, in general I'm thankful, if a little shaken up still.  It could have been so much worse, and it wasn't.

Now that I'm home, I'm comfortably in sweat pants, wrapped in a blanket, and planning to spend the rest of the day moving fairly little, and in the company of an ice pack.  My left shoulder in particular (took the brunt of my fall a few weeks ago, and the brunt of the seatbelt etc. today) is quite sore, and I don't think I'll be doing yoga again anytime soon!

Finally Friday

This has been a week that has sort of defied the laws of time.

It has been both incredibly long and amazingly short.

But it's finally Friday. And I am wearing jeans at work. Which, in the grand scheme of the world, is a small thing, but in the scope of my life, is something I look forward to with great anticipation.

I have had a headache (mostly not terribly bad, though it did cost me that one night of sleep) all week. Day after day. I've mostly managed to drug it into submission, but it just won't go away. I booked a massage appointment for right after work tonight, to deal with my knotted neck, shoulder and back muscles in the hopes of relieving the headache with something other than drugs.

I woke to the news this morning that my roommate's car had been stolen overnight from in front of our house. Granted, her car wouldn't have been that easy to break into, but it's still a frustration for her.

I think I'm just going to be glad it's Friday.

And that I'm wearing jeans. And that there will be birthday cake for a coworker at our coffee break.

George

This is George. I named him in memory of one particularly odd afternoon in April, when one of my roommates and I needed some emotional release pretty badly, and went out to get cheesecake and then settled in for an afternoon of mindless laughter watching "George of the Jungle" on dvd.

George is my new ride. My first car ever. I purchased him this morning for a very good price.

He's rather a provision from God - price and timing. I'd been having a bit of a hard-time since our move with feeling quite housebound, as our new house isn't nearly as accessible to public transit as our old place.

George is a gift that came at just the right time. And he'll bring me the freedom to get the places I need to go, and sometimes, just to be out of the city and breathe a bit.

So tonight, my smile list has one very large silver item on it, named George.

Rearranging Plans

Okay, so my the "favorite person" who I was going to hang out with tonight has her car in the shop. Again. At least she called me first. She was going to take a problem with the electrical system to an autobody shop instead of her normal mechanic. I informed her that she didn't need an autobody man, she needed a mechanic. I know it's hard for all of you to imagine, but this friend, despite having owned a car for several years is even more car illiterate than me!

Since her car's in the shop, and I don't have a car, we're moving our hang out time to tomorrow night. Which leaves me with a very free evening, where my roommate is at work until close to ten. So, I'm going to run home after work to drop off my work stuff and change clothes, then I'm headed to the mall to do some errands, following which I'm going to enjoy an empty house for a couple of hours. Grey's Anatomy on my laptop while reclined on the couch is definitely figuring in to my evening plans!

Rainy Friday Morning, but the weekend is coming!

Well, we set a rainfall record here in Calgary yesterday, almost doubling the record that had held since 1969.

However, even despite the onslaught of spring allergy season, I could smell the freshness in the air this morning as I walked to the train, and the weather forecast calls for sun to return to us tomorrow, with nice seasonally warm weather by the beginning of next week.

I’ve joined the world of Facebook, and am finding it equally as addicting as I was warned it could be. I’ve reconnected with a whole bunch of friends that I’ve valued and had lost touch with over the last couple of years. You can find me under “Lisa Pippus” if you’re interested in looking me up there.

There is a very strong possibility that I have located a room-mate, and could be out of my parents house by the beginning of July. Those of you who know me really well will know how significant this is to me on a spiritual, emotional, and just general mental sanity level! I’m excited that it could happen so quickly, and can’t wait to see what comes next, since I also intend to buy a car in July. Hello independence!

One of my friend’s is trying to design a tattoo for me. I’ve always loved the stuff she paints. I gave her a detailed description of what I wanted it to symbolize, and she’s working on drawing it. She goes to Australia in a week or two, and is asking God for the design for her own next tattoo while she’s there, and maybe for one for me as well. I told her that if I was going to get a design out of it, I’d be more than happy to pray that with her too. She wants to fly to Winnipeg, to get the tattoo done by another artist she really respects, and, since she’s a flight attendant, if she comes up with a design for me, I can probably tag along pretty cheaply and get mine done too. How random is that? Fly to Winnipeg to get a tattoo!

I’m looking forward to tonight and tomorrow… hanging out at home (and doing some errands). My parents are out of town, and so is my youngest brother, and the other brother is almost always out and about on the weekends, so I should have lots of time to just enjoy being on my own. Very refreshing when the whole family dynamics thing isn’t something I have to worry about, and I have to admit to loving doing errands and stuff like that on my own. Maybe I’ll rent a movie, or maybe I’ll just watch TV and hang out. I’ll do some studying (two hours left to meet the goal for this week), and some reading, and probably some prep for the youth retreat next week.

Impending Strike

Calgary Transit is once again considering the merits of going on strike. I have to say, I don't have an opinion one way or the other on the union's complaints, I'm just annoyed that I am now in the process of making contingency plans - figuring out how the heck I'm going to get to and from work every day should the strike actually happen.

Last I heard they're trying to schedule a strike vote for Tuesday, after which they have to give 72 hours notice before beginning to strike. Apparently they may try other job action first, but who knows? I heard one of the things they might try is wearing street clothes instead of their uniforms - because it makes a huge difference in how they drive the bus or train if they're wearing jeans instead of ugly grey pants.

All of this has got me thinking about my forthcoming purchase of a car. I wasn't actually planning to start seriously looking until July, but now, who knows? I was scanning my way through used car ads online at lunch, and found some possibilities, though I don't yet have all the money in my budgeted range. I may try and convince my parents that it would be more convenient for them to loan me the rest of the money I would need to buy a car than it would be to drive me to and from work, or give up one of their cars every day so I can drive myself.

So, if anyone knows of a good deal on a reliable car without excessive mileage, an automatic (this is very important, as anyone who followed the blog and my adventures in trying to learn to drive a standard will know), that will get me around the city, and let me make some weekend trips to see friends and to the mountains, let me know. Particularly if the car is green - it would make my friend Rae very prophetic if I end up with a green car (a bit of a joke, a bit serious, from a conversation and prayer time we had about eight months ago).