From the ashes...

This has been an odd week, marked by my own awareness of the horrendous evil in the world. And I have wrestled all week, looking to live out the commitment I wrote here earlier this week - to look for God, to look for His beauty in the midst of the truly ugly - to find Him in the messy.

And church tonight - wow! I don't know exactly what I'm thinking. But wow! I needed to be there. At one point, after a performance art piece featuring video, and dancers and singers, I grabbed for my journal and the words began to pour out. The following is the result of a journey that God has been taking me on for months now, a journey that some friends are walking with me, a journey that has been marked by its decided messiness.

All week
wrestling
fighting
looking for beauty
in the pits of hell

I have waded through the mire
through the depths of pain
of iniquity, of sorrow and anger
too deep to comprehend

desperately searching
for the presence of God
even here

and then suddenly,
or maybe not so suddenly
like a breath of cool and calming air
beauty became clear

the situation had not changed
but my vision cleared
I waded still through
the pit of evil

but His presence was clear
unmistakable
and in it was the beauty
His presence alone

For He gives beauty for ashes...
For He lifts the needy from the ashes...

Jesus,
let your beauty and presence
rise from the ashes
like the phoenix
rising to new life.