I think I'm going to be offered a job tomorrow. I think it might be a good job, though it's not exactly what I'd dreamed of when I started hunting.
The thing is, if they call to offer it to me I'm going to have to ask them if I can wait and let them know Thursday or Friday, because I've interviewed at several other places that pay somewhat better, and won't be notifying candidates until later in the week. If they won't wait, then I'll respectfully decline the job since it's not exactly the type of hours and pay I was looking for anyway.
I'm hanging out at home today. I think I'm going to stay in my pajamas a while longer. My house is empty. My mom is at a training course for her work. My dad and youngest brother are still in Ukraine. My middle brother is away on a "stag" type weekend for a friend who's getting married soon. I like the empty house. I'm going to hang out, read, maybe watch a movie. I need to make a trip to the library later today, and I'm going to meet my mom at my aunt's birthday party tonight, but mostly I'm just going to chill.
And probably do a bit of writing and praying. I have been given an opportunity to share some of my story - of the things God has done in the last several months - one evening early this week. In a place where I have been for quite some time, but have rarely felt at home. So I'm praying that God will give me the courage and the words, that all the glory of the story will be His, because it is Him who has so changed my life...
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The Three Minute Update
Because that's about all the time I have before I have to leave my house for the evening.
First, the job interviews have gone fairly well. From what I can tell, 3 of the 4 jobs I've interviewed for are ones I would really enjoy, and it seems like the interviews have gone quite smoothly.
Second, God has been doing some interesting stuff this week, speaking through friends, giving me reminders. More on that when I get some time to actually sit down, reflect and write. That may not be until Sunday or Monday.
Third, my plans for the evening make me happy. Nobody in crisis, just coffee with a friend, and then we're going to join up with a bunch of other friends to "watch" the hockey game. I use "watch" instead of "watch" because I think only one person there really actually cares about seeing the game, the rest of us are just using it as an excuse to hang out.
Fourth, I have another job interview tomorrow, two actual shifts (shocking, yes, I know) at the Bay this weekend, and another interview Monday morning. So, I probably won't really be blogging until Sunday or Monday as previously mentioned.
And that, my friends is the three minute update. And now I'm off to have coffee, hang out with good friends, and "watch" hockey!
First, the job interviews have gone fairly well. From what I can tell, 3 of the 4 jobs I've interviewed for are ones I would really enjoy, and it seems like the interviews have gone quite smoothly.
Second, God has been doing some interesting stuff this week, speaking through friends, giving me reminders. More on that when I get some time to actually sit down, reflect and write. That may not be until Sunday or Monday.
Third, my plans for the evening make me happy. Nobody in crisis, just coffee with a friend, and then we're going to join up with a bunch of other friends to "watch" the hockey game. I use "watch" instead of "watch" because I think only one person there really actually cares about seeing the game, the rest of us are just using it as an excuse to hang out.
Fourth, I have another job interview tomorrow, two actual shifts (shocking, yes, I know) at the Bay this weekend, and another interview Monday morning. So, I probably won't really be blogging until Sunday or Monday as previously mentioned.
And that, my friends is the three minute update. And now I'm off to have coffee, hang out with good friends, and "watch" hockey!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Quick Thoughts
This has not been an especially profound day. It has been a day filled with the mundane stuff of life, and the things that one does to fill time when one has been unemployed for several weeks!
I spent the morning sending out resumes to a wide variety of places, mostly for positions as an administrative assistant or receptionist. At this point I'm not looking for anything too fancy, just a job that is full-time, and pays well.
I also watched a movie on television, and several episodes of M*A*S*H* on DVD. I cleaned my bedroom a bit, did some reading, and worked on some creative projects.
I've booked two job interviews for tomorrow, and one for Thursday. Hopefully one of them will pan out and by early next week I'll be employed again. My present job (the one that hasn't had any hours for me since before Mexico) called me last week in desperation to cover two shifts this weekend, so I'll work the fifteen hours and at least make a little money to help pay bills.
That's about it. Lots of things I'm thinking about, but not many to write about yet. Hopefully all of your lives are far more exciting than mine!
I spent the morning sending out resumes to a wide variety of places, mostly for positions as an administrative assistant or receptionist. At this point I'm not looking for anything too fancy, just a job that is full-time, and pays well.
I also watched a movie on television, and several episodes of M*A*S*H* on DVD. I cleaned my bedroom a bit, did some reading, and worked on some creative projects.
I've booked two job interviews for tomorrow, and one for Thursday. Hopefully one of them will pan out and by early next week I'll be employed again. My present job (the one that hasn't had any hours for me since before Mexico) called me last week in desperation to cover two shifts this weekend, so I'll work the fifteen hours and at least make a little money to help pay bills.
That's about it. Lots of things I'm thinking about, but not many to write about yet. Hopefully all of your lives are far more exciting than mine!
Monday, April 24, 2006
Letter from my Brother
My Dad and brother are in Ukraine at the moment, with one other guy, on a short term missions trip. Dad is teaching a course at a Bible school, and my brother, Tim, is hanging out with youth from the church, and helping out with worship music, and just generally doing whatever Dad needs help with. I drove them to the airport a week ago today, so by now they've recovered from jet lag, and done lots of interesting things. (My dad always packs his schedule and the schedules of any team members he takes with them as full as possible on these trips, in order to get the maximum benefit out of the month or so that they're away.)
Tim sent out an email to his friends and family today, and I thought I'd stick a couple of paragraphs up for you. They made me laugh. (But you'll have to pardon his general lack of spelling and grammar! He's more concerned about reporting his trip, and making us laugh than writing a stellar piece of material.) Keep in mind that Tim is only 18, is very single, and is a musician in every sense of the word - his biggest regret was that he couldn't take his own guitars with him to Ukraine - too much risk to his "babies" on the planes!
Sunday morning we were up at 5:00 Am for a sunrise service by the Dnepro River(it’s a huge river about a mile wide) It was a lot of fun, I was part of an early morning worship team, and it was funny because they randomly decided to play a bunch of songs that we hadn’t practiced, so I got to sorta pick things up as we went… From there we went to the actual church service. I have begun to meet a bunch of the youth here, and they are a lot of fun, sometimes its hard to have conversations, even when they speak English, but I have a lot of fun saying stuff and throwing in one of the ten Russian words I know into the conversation every once in a while… and they are having fun cause they teach me words that don’t exist and then get me to say them to people…. me being totally clueless. and then the people point and laugh at me… haha kinda sounds like the time my brother and I convinced some American kids that horses were called cows and cows horses in Canada.
anyways, from church the kids took me out for a Ukrainian lunch, and I had this weird rice thing with a huge chicken breast that resembled a fried egg… looked gross but tasted pretty good, and from there they took me to a Christian youth thing called Alpha and Omega… It was a lot of fun, they had unbelievable good musicians as well.. one guy played guitar, bass, and drums better than anyone I have ever met. At the end of the service they had a talent show, and my friends somehow told the people upfront that I played guitar,… so suddenly everyone was saying my name and pointing to the stage… haha so I had to go play a guitar. It’s kind of funny cause everyone still seems to be trying to find me a wife, and I ever got a little “anonymous” note from someone complementing me on my guitar skills… not as good as bowstaff skills… but it’ll do.
So there you have it, life from the eyes of an 18 year old guy spending a month in Ukraine!
Tim sent out an email to his friends and family today, and I thought I'd stick a couple of paragraphs up for you. They made me laugh. (But you'll have to pardon his general lack of spelling and grammar! He's more concerned about reporting his trip, and making us laugh than writing a stellar piece of material.) Keep in mind that Tim is only 18, is very single, and is a musician in every sense of the word - his biggest regret was that he couldn't take his own guitars with him to Ukraine - too much risk to his "babies" on the planes!
Sunday morning we were up at 5:00 Am for a sunrise service by the Dnepro River(it’s a huge river about a mile wide) It was a lot of fun, I was part of an early morning worship team, and it was funny because they randomly decided to play a bunch of songs that we hadn’t practiced, so I got to sorta pick things up as we went… From there we went to the actual church service. I have begun to meet a bunch of the youth here, and they are a lot of fun, sometimes its hard to have conversations, even when they speak English, but I have a lot of fun saying stuff and throwing in one of the ten Russian words I know into the conversation every once in a while… and they are having fun cause they teach me words that don’t exist and then get me to say them to people…. me being totally clueless. and then the people point and laugh at me… haha kinda sounds like the time my brother and I convinced some American kids that horses were called cows and cows horses in Canada.
anyways, from church the kids took me out for a Ukrainian lunch, and I had this weird rice thing with a huge chicken breast that resembled a fried egg… looked gross but tasted pretty good, and from there they took me to a Christian youth thing called Alpha and Omega… It was a lot of fun, they had unbelievable good musicians as well.. one guy played guitar, bass, and drums better than anyone I have ever met. At the end of the service they had a talent show, and my friends somehow told the people upfront that I played guitar,… so suddenly everyone was saying my name and pointing to the stage… haha so I had to go play a guitar. It’s kind of funny cause everyone still seems to be trying to find me a wife, and I ever got a little “anonymous” note from someone complementing me on my guitar skills… not as good as bowstaff skills… but it’ll do.
So there you have it, life from the eyes of an 18 year old guy spending a month in Ukraine!
Who Are You?
I've been getting interesting hits to this blog from all over the world lately. The thing is, I don't think I know anyone in any of these countries - but I'd like to! So, if you've been lurking, and you're from abroad, or if you've been lurking and you're not from abroad, or if you simply like to leave comments, then you should leave me a comment!
Really, though. All different parts of the world. (While still being mostly Canada and the US). You should identify yourselves!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
It Needed an Outlet
This has been one of those weeks where my emotions simply stewed. They bubbled, frothed, surfaced, buried themselves, and basically churned every which way, taking me along for the ride. Not so pleasant. My own stuff, and then both of the women I've been walking life with had semi-crisis, seventeen step back type moments this week. And I was tired, and I was stewing.
I spent all of last evening and most of today working on a creative project. I needed an outlet. So, I plopped myself in front of the television, with a variety of foods (chocolate creme oreos, corn chips, a desert our family fondly refers to as "creamy chocolate delight"), spread my scrapbooking and collage supplies out around me, tuned the tv to something mindless that I would really only need my ears for and not my eyes, and started creating. I've made a mini-book (almost - going to finish it tomorrow morning).
I had the house to myself for the evening last night, and for the day today, and I've simply been lazy and creative. And it was great. A cathartic release. I feel much more settled, together, peaceful, and rested than I did yesterday. Nothing like some good chocolate, and a project to baby.
So, it's a mini-book, full of quotes, single words - things to remind me what I want my outlook on life to be when it's not quite there. And it's green and brown - which just kind of happened, but which are also two of my favorite colors. My eyes are green, and they're my favorite physical feature. I think I may be the only scrapbooker in the world who could quite happily make books without ever using photographs - only words and phrases and quotations! And it's a thing of beauty, something I'm proud of, even though it's a bit more girly than I intended!
The only time I left the house was for a trip to the scrapbooking store. So, I got out of my pajamas, dressed myself in my favorite jeans, a green tank-top layered under a brown t-shirt, and my favorite cute brown suede shoes, grabbed a fleece and headed out into the snow.
I also tidied our kitchen today, and scrubbed our bathtub, but those were side things that I promised my mom I would do.
I like the speed of life around our house when my dad is away on a missions' trip. So much more relaxed - we cook what we want, and don't end up with leftovers that have to be eaten six more times. We chill, move at a slower pace, an easier schedule.
I'm going out tonight to see a movie. Some spoof of American Idol among other things. A friend called and asked if she could treat me to a movie in exchange for my company for the evening. Seems she turned down invitations to several different parties, deeming it unwise to attend, and so she decided to call me, and offered to pay for a movie in deference to my current state of unemployment, in exchange for giving her something to do for a portion of the evening and thus keeping her away from the parties. Works for me!
And so, I'm off to shower, and pamper myself a little, and then I'll find some dinner and head out to meet my friend. It's been a good day.
I spent all of last evening and most of today working on a creative project. I needed an outlet. So, I plopped myself in front of the television, with a variety of foods (chocolate creme oreos, corn chips, a desert our family fondly refers to as "creamy chocolate delight"), spread my scrapbooking and collage supplies out around me, tuned the tv to something mindless that I would really only need my ears for and not my eyes, and started creating. I've made a mini-book (almost - going to finish it tomorrow morning).
I had the house to myself for the evening last night, and for the day today, and I've simply been lazy and creative. And it was great. A cathartic release. I feel much more settled, together, peaceful, and rested than I did yesterday. Nothing like some good chocolate, and a project to baby.
So, it's a mini-book, full of quotes, single words - things to remind me what I want my outlook on life to be when it's not quite there. And it's green and brown - which just kind of happened, but which are also two of my favorite colors. My eyes are green, and they're my favorite physical feature. I think I may be the only scrapbooker in the world who could quite happily make books without ever using photographs - only words and phrases and quotations! And it's a thing of beauty, something I'm proud of, even though it's a bit more girly than I intended!
The only time I left the house was for a trip to the scrapbooking store. So, I got out of my pajamas, dressed myself in my favorite jeans, a green tank-top layered under a brown t-shirt, and my favorite cute brown suede shoes, grabbed a fleece and headed out into the snow.
I also tidied our kitchen today, and scrubbed our bathtub, but those were side things that I promised my mom I would do.
I like the speed of life around our house when my dad is away on a missions' trip. So much more relaxed - we cook what we want, and don't end up with leftovers that have to be eaten six more times. We chill, move at a slower pace, an easier schedule.
I'm going out tonight to see a movie. Some spoof of American Idol among other things. A friend called and asked if she could treat me to a movie in exchange for my company for the evening. Seems she turned down invitations to several different parties, deeming it unwise to attend, and so she decided to call me, and offered to pay for a movie in deference to my current state of unemployment, in exchange for giving her something to do for a portion of the evening and thus keeping her away from the parties. Works for me!
And so, I'm off to shower, and pamper myself a little, and then I'll find some dinner and head out to meet my friend. It's been a good day.
Friday, April 21, 2006
One Year Blogiversary!
One year ago today I wrote my first post on this blog. I started blogging here for a completely mundane reason. James was in Sri Lanka, and his blog didn't allow anonymous comments, so I created a blogger account, and the rest, as they (who are they anyway, and why are they talking about me?) say is history.
I could tell you so many things. But instead, I'm going to just link you to my favorite posts from the past year. For some of them I'll tell you why I picked them, and some of them I'll just let speak for themselves! There are quite a few - it's been a kind of crazy and significant year. So, pick a few and remember with me, or read them all and celebrate with me the incredible changes in my life since last April!
I could tell you so many things. But instead, I'm going to just link you to my favorite posts from the past year. For some of them I'll tell you why I picked them, and some of them I'll just let speak for themselves! There are quite a few - it's been a kind of crazy and significant year. So, pick a few and remember with me, or read them all and celebrate with me the incredible changes in my life since last April!
- May 18, 2005 - Disconnect, Crash, and a Jann Arden Song
- May 22, 2005 - Restless
- May 28, 2005 - A Call to Go Deeper - This post asked questions that had been on my heart for quite some time - How could God possibly be calling me to go deeper when I could barely survive in the shallows?
- June 22, 2005 - G. K. Chesterton on Sanity and Reason - Because this quote is one of my favorites of all time.
- July 20, 2005 - Quoting Clive Staples - Because Lewis asks good questions.
- August 12, 2005 - Stumbling Towards Faith - Because this book changed my life, and created a shift that led to a place of eventual healing.
- September 3, 2005 - Relational Highs and Lows
- September 24, 2005 - Stream of Consciousness - Because this was a moment to be marked.
- October 6, 2005 - Angry - Because it took me over a year to admit it, and admitting it was cathartic.
- October 18, 2005 - In That Moment - One of the most poignant moments of the year. A time in which I had no idea what to do, but was simply present. Something I've been thinking about this week because I held the same young woman as she wept at church again last week.
- November 2, 2005 - Those Who Hope in His Steadfast Love.... - The day after God healed my depression, before I even realized it, but simply knew that He had showed up and my life was changing.
- November 23, 2005 - Something Changed...Or I Just Showed Up
- November 30, 2005 - Whispers - Because God was speaking, and creating "vibrant harmonies".
- December 6, 2005 - The Woman's Creed - Because I am learning my value in God's eyes as a woman.
- December 12, 2005 - Practicality
- December 20, 2005 - I'm Done! - Because everyone should celebrate completing university.
- December 29, 2005 - The Silence of a Muddled Mind - Because this is one of the best titles I came up with all year, and because this post really does talk about some things that were very significant. I was "undone" in the words of a friend, and it turned out to be a very good place to live.
- January 4, 2006 - Listening to God is...
- January 24, 2006 - The Things I Need to Say
- February 1, 2006 - On Hold - Because this was a moment of desperation, and because Nolan's comment really encouraged me.
- March 2, 2006 - Mental Health - Because Stuart sent me this link on a day where I desperately needed a laugh!
- March 8, 2006 - The Kingdom Isn't Breaking Through - Because this is where my heart is, this is the place that God is speaking to me.
- March 13, 2006 - From the Ashes - Because it was a breakthrough.
- March 17, 2006 - Looking For Wisdom - Because it continues to be the cry of my heart.
I had a great time this morning, flipping through all the entries from the last year, and picking my favorites. This has been a crazy year, and I'm really glad James' no anonymous comments thing forced me to create my own blog - because if I hadn't, I'm not sure I would have such a strong chronicle of the changes that have happened in my life.
Hope is such a beautiful thing. A year ago, even six months ago I was in a place of praying something along the lines of, "God, release the tiny portion of my heart that you still hold, because I'm done. There is no reason for me to get out of bed in the mornings. There is nothing worth living for." And then, six months ago, God stepped in, and now I pray something along the lines of, "God, my life is open to you. I am yours, do whatever you want." And this new prayer is terrifying, but beautiful. There is an unexplainable, illogical and completely overwhelmingly beautiful hope that defines my life. People and things have tried to minimize it at times over the last months, but it is there and I want to shout from the rooftops the presence, the transforming presence of Jesus!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Love This Quote
I came across these lines from a poem by Gottfried Arnold, a radical eighteenth century pietist, as I was flipping through a textbook of pietist writings tonight. And they made me smile, because they have reflected things I have often felt of late.
The power of the Cross has made me a fool.
I marvel that men do not laugh in my face.
The power of the Cross has made me a fool.
I marvel that men do not laugh in my face.
Things that Made Me Smile Today
- Chocolate Creme Oreos.
- Sitting in the sunshine on the front steps of my house, letting the sun bake my bare feet.
- Finishing a good novel.
- Finishing a non-fiction book - I buy a lot of these, and usually read 1/3 to 2/3 of them, before they get set aside in favor of a novel or the latest non-fiction purchase.
- An invitation for Vietnamese food for dinner with my mom and brother.
- A sleep last night that was restful instead of restless.
- Pasta salad for lunch. Homemade - the only thing that would have made it better was if we had had white pasta available instead of the slightly heavier whole wheat pasta.
- The public library actually having in stock a slightly obscure book that I've heard a lot about lately.
- A couple of different sermons by Donald Miller that I downloaded from here.
- The fact that the same church has an extensive sermon series on "The Kingdom of God" which I am hoping will clarify some things that I have been thinking about lately.
There were also a couple of cartoons that made me smile when I came across them in some notebooks where I keep these kinds of things that make me smile.
The first one has two characters. The first person says to the second person, "The problem with today's world is too much freedom. We need less freedom so we Christians can put an end to all the things we don't agree with. Who asked for a free society, anyhow?" The second person replies, "The church. We wanted to worship as we please without being persecuted." The first person looks disgruntled and responds, "Oh... there's nothing like a little historical perspective to ruin a good tirade." I love this. Of course, I am a history major, with an ironic sense of humor.
The next cartoon has two characters again, a child and an adult. The child says, "The pastor told our class that if we study our Bibles, we might grow up to be a minister like him. He also told us how much he makes, how many hours he puts in, and how much he's appreciated by the congregation." The adult then asks, "So what did we learn?" and the child replies, "Never go near a Bible!" Again - the pastor's kid in me couldn't resist the humor in this kind of statement.
There have been other things, but these are the main ones that made me smile. These, and plans to relax and watch television or a movie after dinner, preferably while wrapped cozily in the best throw blanket ever - a blanket that is basically a cable-knit sweater, but not a sweater, a blanket. And then, I've got writing to do - either a piece I'm tentatively calling "Who is this Jesus?" or continued research and work on some stuff on redemption that I'm pulling together. These are the ingredients to a good evening - especially when the dinner that kicks it off is Vietnamese food.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Slightly Fevered Quiet
I have had an interesting couple of days.
I spent Monday with two friends from YWAM Calgary that I met on the trip to Mexico - my "twin" (Sara) and Miriam. (Ironically enough, while sitting in a coffee shop in Mackenzie Townes with Sara and a couple other friends, someone who knew the other three, but not me came in and asked Sara if I was her sister. We laughed pretty hard over that one! Mexico all over again. "You'd really never even met before this trip? You're sure you're not sisters?") So much fun, relaxing, doing some shopping, and sitting in a coffee shop sharing life. I am grateful for new friends in my life right now.
Yesterday was also a unique day, that I can't really say a lot about. I did something I've needed to do for a while, something that God confirmed in Mexico, but that was very scary and difficult for me. I faced a situation that is hard, and spoke my heart, and the things I felt God was speaking.
Today, I am ill. I was going to spend the evening hanging out with my mom at a movie, but wasn't feeling that well, checked my temperature at dinnertime and discovered a 101.3 degree Fahrenheit fever. Nothing brilliant, just another cold and sore throat. This is what happens when you're sick for five months. You have no immune system left and spend a lot of time catching every bug that goes around.
So I'm blaming my slightly muddled state of mind on the fever (although it probably has more to do with the emotionally, relationally, and spiritually charged nature of the last four or five days!) And here's to hoping I'll be better tomorrow - I'm writing a really great piece on redemption, and I want to work on it and put it here, as well as the very basic fact that I need to spend some time job hunting.
I spent Monday with two friends from YWAM Calgary that I met on the trip to Mexico - my "twin" (Sara) and Miriam. (Ironically enough, while sitting in a coffee shop in Mackenzie Townes with Sara and a couple other friends, someone who knew the other three, but not me came in and asked Sara if I was her sister. We laughed pretty hard over that one! Mexico all over again. "You'd really never even met before this trip? You're sure you're not sisters?") So much fun, relaxing, doing some shopping, and sitting in a coffee shop sharing life. I am grateful for new friends in my life right now.
Yesterday was also a unique day, that I can't really say a lot about. I did something I've needed to do for a while, something that God confirmed in Mexico, but that was very scary and difficult for me. I faced a situation that is hard, and spoke my heart, and the things I felt God was speaking.
Today, I am ill. I was going to spend the evening hanging out with my mom at a movie, but wasn't feeling that well, checked my temperature at dinnertime and discovered a 101.3 degree Fahrenheit fever. Nothing brilliant, just another cold and sore throat. This is what happens when you're sick for five months. You have no immune system left and spend a lot of time catching every bug that goes around.
So I'm blaming my slightly muddled state of mind on the fever (although it probably has more to do with the emotionally, relationally, and spiritually charged nature of the last four or five days!) And here's to hoping I'll be better tomorrow - I'm writing a really great piece on redemption, and I want to work on it and put it here, as well as the very basic fact that I need to spend some time job hunting.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Last Night
Last night was a study in interesting moments.
Within minutes of the service starting, the first worship song or two, the friend sitting on my right broke down and began to weep. I'd known from the five word conversation we'd exchanged that things weren't going that well, but this was unexpected. So, for the entire service, I held her. I wrapped my arms around her, did my best to continue focusing on the service while also monitoring her needs, and whether God was speaking to me for her.
As the service drew to a close, first a few, and then a number of our friends gathered around her and began to pray. To be honest, other than a long-needed release of emotions, I'm not sure that much was accomplished. I don't feel that we were that successful in battling the things going on in the spiritual in her life - and they are many. I suspect that this will be a long and on-going battle. If you have a moment, pray for my friend. Her spirit is broken right now and she is wrestling heavily with life and with God. The greatest failures seem to come on the heels of the greatest victories, and it is hard in those moments to remember the victories and rest in them, rather than condemning yourself for the failures.
After the service, I headed out to Earls with another good friend. I could tell there was stuff going on in her life, I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I invited her to go for "coffee" which we turned into dinner for me and dessert for her. God is doing some cool things in her life, but it had been a really rough week, and she was exhausted. Plus, the new things God is doing are scaring her - because she's beginning to hear His voice, and that's weird when you come from a conservative baptist church! I was so grateful for the chance to sit with her, to hear what's genuinely going on in her life, to speak encouragement from my own experiences as I too have begun to hear God's voice, and then to walk back to my car, encourage her to climb in, and spend time praying with and for her.
It was a strange night - a series of snapshots that seem disconnected somehow. Two friends announcing that they've begun dating, dinner with my friend, holding a weeping young woman through an entire worship service, and then praying for her for at least an hour afterwards. But I think it might have been good. I came home exhausted emotionally, and have a busy day planned for today, and again for tomorrow, but I think it was good.
Within minutes of the service starting, the first worship song or two, the friend sitting on my right broke down and began to weep. I'd known from the five word conversation we'd exchanged that things weren't going that well, but this was unexpected. So, for the entire service, I held her. I wrapped my arms around her, did my best to continue focusing on the service while also monitoring her needs, and whether God was speaking to me for her.
As the service drew to a close, first a few, and then a number of our friends gathered around her and began to pray. To be honest, other than a long-needed release of emotions, I'm not sure that much was accomplished. I don't feel that we were that successful in battling the things going on in the spiritual in her life - and they are many. I suspect that this will be a long and on-going battle. If you have a moment, pray for my friend. Her spirit is broken right now and she is wrestling heavily with life and with God. The greatest failures seem to come on the heels of the greatest victories, and it is hard in those moments to remember the victories and rest in them, rather than condemning yourself for the failures.
After the service, I headed out to Earls with another good friend. I could tell there was stuff going on in her life, I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I invited her to go for "coffee" which we turned into dinner for me and dessert for her. God is doing some cool things in her life, but it had been a really rough week, and she was exhausted. Plus, the new things God is doing are scaring her - because she's beginning to hear His voice, and that's weird when you come from a conservative baptist church! I was so grateful for the chance to sit with her, to hear what's genuinely going on in her life, to speak encouragement from my own experiences as I too have begun to hear God's voice, and then to walk back to my car, encourage her to climb in, and spend time praying with and for her.
It was a strange night - a series of snapshots that seem disconnected somehow. Two friends announcing that they've begun dating, dinner with my friend, holding a weeping young woman through an entire worship service, and then praying for her for at least an hour afterwards. But I think it might have been good. I came home exhausted emotionally, and have a busy day planned for today, and again for tomorrow, but I think it was good.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
The Day Between... The Night Before
I have for years loved a book of poetry entitled "Sitting by My Laughing Fire". It was written by Ruth Bell Graham, Billy Graham's wife. I was flipping through the book again yesterday, during some reflective time, and came across the following poem, written by Mrs. Graham for the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter. I thought I'd share it with all of you as well.
That was the Day Between
the Night Before -
The blood
still wet upon the hill;
His body
wrapped,
entombed,
and still;
the great stone sealed
with Roman seal
and guarded well.
Many a Judean home
had now become
a lesser tomb
within whose walls
men lay,
whose Life had died
That Day.
Looking back
we cannot share
their black
despair.
For us
He is the Risen Christ,
as He had said:
for them, that Shabbat,
all life died -
for He was dead.
* * * *
That was the Day Between
the Night Before.
* * * *
This is my Day Between,
My Night Before....
Suspended
in this interim -
let me be still,
let me adore,
let me remember
Him.
That was the Day Between
the Night Before -
The blood
still wet upon the hill;
His body
wrapped,
entombed,
and still;
the great stone sealed
with Roman seal
and guarded well.
Many a Judean home
had now become
a lesser tomb
within whose walls
men lay,
whose Life had died
That Day.
Looking back
we cannot share
their black
despair.
For us
He is the Risen Christ,
as He had said:
for them, that Shabbat,
all life died -
for He was dead.
* * * *
That was the Day Between
the Night Before.
* * * *
This is my Day Between,
My Night Before....
Suspended
in this interim -
let me be still,
let me adore,
let me remember
Him.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
More Mexico
A typical dwelling in the Colonia we were working in.
That's Jenn sleeping, and me wishing I was sleeping. I think this was the second or third day of travelling on our way down to Mexico. We were gone for 11 days - 6 of those days were spent like this - travelling in either the bus or the van.
This is the Epic team - minus Stuart and Somer. That's Lance, Sigi, Jenn, Me, Trystan, Jasmyn, Merlin, Jen, and Kevin.
My Twin... and other shots...
That top image is the auditorium where we had all our meals.
The bottom image is myself and Sara - my twin apparently. Sara is also with YWAM Calgary, a student in their PCYM school, and we worked together mixing concrete and mortar all week. We were also asked A LOT if we were sisters. People were shocked when we told them we'd never met before this trip. However - Sara and I DID connect hearts in what feels like a significant way, and we will be hanging out now that we're back in Calgary.
More Wall Building
That's Becky, Jenn, and Eelco. Becky and Eelco are both from YWAM Calgary. One of the most significant aspects of the trip for us from Epic was the heart connect and relationship that was built between our community and the YWAM community.
Sandstorm
This is one of the smaller sandstorms, and you can see how much dust and sand is in the air.
Mexico in Photos
Yes, that's me - with a mask to limit the impact of shovelling sand, cement and mortar in the middle of a dust storm...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
A developing theme?
I always find it interesting the way God seems to develop similar themes in a wide variety of people and situations. Or maybe it's simply that when God begins to develop something in our lives, He also opens our eyes to see that we are not alone in our thinking.
I have devoted a lot of time, thought, prayer and study lately to the theme of God's presence in the midst of the "messy" - in the ugly moments of life, in the painful moments, in the suffering, the temptations, the situations marked by evil. God has laid this theme heavily on my heart of late. "He gives beauty for ashes."
I have been overwhelmed by the number of things I have read recently that tell me that other people are thinking along similar lines. I knew there were a few "odd ducks" like me within my immediate church community, but thought that it related to our personal experiences only. And then I read things like Renee's post that I linked to earlier today, the article by Dan Haseltine that I quoted from last week, and this post from Cameron Conant.
Conant is describing an encounter with a new friend of his and writes:
Last night he said that if you want to experience the joy of Easter, you must first experience the agony of Thursday and Good Friday.
It's like people who refuse to walk through their pain; it might be easier in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents them from experiencing true freedom and true joy."
As a pastor, my job is to help people fully enter into their pain," my new friend said.
That might have been the most brilliant statement on ministry I've ever heard.
It might be the most brilliant statement on ministry that I've ever heard too. Especially if we first enter our own pain, and then speak from the position of wounded healer. In Haseltine's words (and my new favorite quote!) - We must be both the walking wounded and the perpetually healed.
As I've thought about this subject over the last while, I've kept returning to the image of the suffering servant that Isaiah paints. Who knows better than Christ what it is to minister from a place of suffering, from emptiness, from both woundedness and healing? For it is out of that place that redemption is birthed. And redemption is the most beautiful, awe-inspiring thing that I have ever encountered.
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had not beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desires him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:2-5)
I have devoted a lot of time, thought, prayer and study lately to the theme of God's presence in the midst of the "messy" - in the ugly moments of life, in the painful moments, in the suffering, the temptations, the situations marked by evil. God has laid this theme heavily on my heart of late. "He gives beauty for ashes."
I have been overwhelmed by the number of things I have read recently that tell me that other people are thinking along similar lines. I knew there were a few "odd ducks" like me within my immediate church community, but thought that it related to our personal experiences only. And then I read things like Renee's post that I linked to earlier today, the article by Dan Haseltine that I quoted from last week, and this post from Cameron Conant.
Conant is describing an encounter with a new friend of his and writes:
Last night he said that if you want to experience the joy of Easter, you must first experience the agony of Thursday and Good Friday.
It's like people who refuse to walk through their pain; it might be easier in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents them from experiencing true freedom and true joy."
As a pastor, my job is to help people fully enter into their pain," my new friend said.
That might have been the most brilliant statement on ministry I've ever heard.
It might be the most brilliant statement on ministry that I've ever heard too. Especially if we first enter our own pain, and then speak from the position of wounded healer. In Haseltine's words (and my new favorite quote!) - We must be both the walking wounded and the perpetually healed.
As I've thought about this subject over the last while, I've kept returning to the image of the suffering servant that Isaiah paints. Who knows better than Christ what it is to minister from a place of suffering, from emptiness, from both woundedness and healing? For it is out of that place that redemption is birthed. And redemption is the most beautiful, awe-inspiring thing that I have ever encountered.
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had not beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desires him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:2-5)
Stations of the Cross
You should all visit Renee's blog this week. Each day she has been reflecting on a station of the cross. The reflections have been beautiful and challenging.
I particularly loved the one she wrote today for station seven - Christ's second fall. You can find it here. Then go back and read the stations 1-6.
Anything that helps me meditate in a new way on the Easter holiday is worth the time I need to spend reading it. Easter, like so many things, can become trite if you don't devote the time. I'm still trying to figure out how to create reflective space on Good Friday this year. Our family is busy, because my dad and brother leave for a month long mission trip to Ukraine on Easter Sunday afternoon. But I am determined to carve out at least a couple of hours on Friday to reflect and meditate - hopefully in the mountains somewhere.
I particularly loved the one she wrote today for station seven - Christ's second fall. You can find it here. Then go back and read the stations 1-6.
Anything that helps me meditate in a new way on the Easter holiday is worth the time I need to spend reading it. Easter, like so many things, can become trite if you don't devote the time. I'm still trying to figure out how to create reflective space on Good Friday this year. Our family is busy, because my dad and brother leave for a month long mission trip to Ukraine on Easter Sunday afternoon. But I am determined to carve out at least a couple of hours on Friday to reflect and meditate - hopefully in the mountains somewhere.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Matching Moods with the Weather
I was thinking this morning as I padded out to the kitchen in my bare feet and pygamas and stood looking out the window and eating a cookie for breakfast that the weather we've had in Calgary lately has suited the mood I've been in since returning from Mexico remarkably well. The weather has been drizzly and melancholy. On Saturday, when I felt a breakthrough moment, and knew how I was going to address something that had until that moment been unclear, it was clear, and even kind of warm. On Sunday night, when I sat in a restaurant until nearly 1am and talked with friends, then left more confused and frustrated than ever, it rained heavily as I drove home.
And the weather this morning is no exception. I had some more conversations last night, and walked away frustrated, confused, and maybe even angry. I had tried so hard to communicate what I've been thinking and feeling lately, and as much as my friends tried to listen, it felt that we were in separate spaces, seeing and hearing, but going past each other without understanding. Ships in the night is the phrase that comes to mind.
As I lay in bed and waited for sleep to claim me, I cried out yet again to God for clarity. And then I did something that still feels dangerous to me - I invited Him to give me dreams - to speak to me in my sleep if He wanted. Now, I have friends who have and cherish an active dream life - I don't. Too many years of horrific nightmares - the kind where you wake up and can't breathe, and you wonder why your bed is shaking, and then realize it's because your whole body is trembling from the fear. So, you know how desperate I'm feeling if I ask God to speak in my dreams.
What are the chances that I prayed that prayer, and then dreamt for the first time in a couple of weeks, that that dream is not something I need to pay attention to? Because I did dream, and it feels somewhat significant, but it was kind of scary too. There were definite fear emotions attached. And here's the thing - if that was God speaking, shouldn't it make sense to me? Because it was an odd dream, with things that must have been symbolic, and I have no idea what the symbols would have represented.
So I stood looking out the kitchen window this morning, feeling kind of unsettled, confused and tired, and the grayness of the morning, the low sitting clouds, the drizzling rain matched my mood once again.
And the weather this morning is no exception. I had some more conversations last night, and walked away frustrated, confused, and maybe even angry. I had tried so hard to communicate what I've been thinking and feeling lately, and as much as my friends tried to listen, it felt that we were in separate spaces, seeing and hearing, but going past each other without understanding. Ships in the night is the phrase that comes to mind.
As I lay in bed and waited for sleep to claim me, I cried out yet again to God for clarity. And then I did something that still feels dangerous to me - I invited Him to give me dreams - to speak to me in my sleep if He wanted. Now, I have friends who have and cherish an active dream life - I don't. Too many years of horrific nightmares - the kind where you wake up and can't breathe, and you wonder why your bed is shaking, and then realize it's because your whole body is trembling from the fear. So, you know how desperate I'm feeling if I ask God to speak in my dreams.
What are the chances that I prayed that prayer, and then dreamt for the first time in a couple of weeks, that that dream is not something I need to pay attention to? Because I did dream, and it feels somewhat significant, but it was kind of scary too. There were definite fear emotions attached. And here's the thing - if that was God speaking, shouldn't it make sense to me? Because it was an odd dream, with things that must have been symbolic, and I have no idea what the symbols would have represented.
So I stood looking out the kitchen window this morning, feeling kind of unsettled, confused and tired, and the grayness of the morning, the low sitting clouds, the drizzling rain matched my mood once again.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Pioneers and Settlers
There was something spoken at church last night about being either pioneers or settlers. I am part of a church community filled with pioneers - people who love the unknown, who love to go to new places and try new things. And it's great.
I am not a pioneer. And I have wrestled with that over the last year or so. I am a settler, called to ministry within the body of Christ in its local setting. I am called to the church - to the broken and wounded and hurting within the walls of the church community. Yes, I have a heart for those outside the walls of the church, but my passion ignites for those who have entered in, and are looking to be met - to be human, to be healed.
Nothing excites me more than a situation like last night. A young woman with whom I have walked life on an intensely close level got up and spoke out her story. She spoke truth, and healing, and I felt breakthrough. Nothing makes me want to celebrate like watching this young woman succeed, like watching her life knit itself together into something beautiful, like watching her find beauty in the ash heap that had defined her life.
I'm thrilled to be part of a community of pioneers. I think they're doing amazing things, and I hope I get to go along for the ride occasionally. But I'm not about pioneering. I'm about building from within so that those with a pioneering spirit can be sent out in strength and healing.
I am not a pioneer. And I have wrestled with that over the last year or so. I am a settler, called to ministry within the body of Christ in its local setting. I am called to the church - to the broken and wounded and hurting within the walls of the church community. Yes, I have a heart for those outside the walls of the church, but my passion ignites for those who have entered in, and are looking to be met - to be human, to be healed.
Nothing excites me more than a situation like last night. A young woman with whom I have walked life on an intensely close level got up and spoke out her story. She spoke truth, and healing, and I felt breakthrough. Nothing makes me want to celebrate like watching this young woman succeed, like watching her life knit itself together into something beautiful, like watching her find beauty in the ash heap that had defined her life.
I'm thrilled to be part of a community of pioneers. I think they're doing amazing things, and I hope I get to go along for the ride occasionally. But I'm not about pioneering. I'm about building from within so that those with a pioneering spirit can be sent out in strength and healing.
Job Hunting
I'm back at it - looking for full-time, hopefully non-retail employment. Can I just say that I hate the job hunting process?
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Preaching for my ears to hear
I had a kind of funny moment last night. Funny odd, not funny ha ha, although I guess it was a bit funny ha ha too.
I went out for the evening with friends, hung out in a pub with a bunch of old friends and a group of new ones too. It was good, but quite a few people left rather early, and an old friend and I decided to follow suit. I was driving her home, and we began once again to talk through a tense situation in which we are both presently involved. We wrestled verbally with the issue for a while, and when we got to her house, I simply parked and we kept talking.
Somewhere along the line I began to share with her what I could remember from the Dan Haseltine article I quoted in my last post. And something began to gel. Before I knew it I was preaching an impassioned sermon - speaking at length about redemption, about the value of scars, about acknowledging woundededness, about a gospel that is only complete if the suffering, the evil, the wounds are acknowledged, because without these things there is no story of redemption and we negate the greatest message of the cross. I spoke about living in the tension of being both the "walking wounded and the perpetually healed."
And then, I was done. All I could do was ask the question, "what was that?" My car, after an evening in a pub seems an odd location for a sermon of that passionate nature to come pouring out of me. My friend talked about the fact that she wished others involved in our present tense situation could have heard the words I'd spoken. But they didn't , and the moment isn't one likely to be repeated. And then it hit me. As these unfamiliar words were pouring out of my mouth, it was the gelling of concepts I have wrestled with all week. It was the beginning of the answer of how I need to address our tense situation - for God had told me while in Mexico that I was the one who needed to speak out about this situation. I was preaching to myself. God knows that I am auditory - that I need to hear something in order for it to become truly clear in my mind and ingrained in my heart. So He poured words out of my mouth. My "sermon" wasn't so much for my friend (although she was grateful) - it was for me.
And God, in His grace brought clarity to the message I have been trying to find words for all week. I spent a couple hours in the prayer room on Thursday, pouring out my heart in prayers in my journal, begging God to intercede - to make clear the way this situation a number of us have found ourselves in needs to be handled. To clarify in my mind and heart the message that needs to be communicated as I give voice to some things that have been long silenced in myself and in some dear friends. It is the difference between an impotent gospel, and a Gospel of Redemption. And God let me preach it, sitting in my car last night, so that my own ears would hear, and my own heart would understand.
I went out for the evening with friends, hung out in a pub with a bunch of old friends and a group of new ones too. It was good, but quite a few people left rather early, and an old friend and I decided to follow suit. I was driving her home, and we began once again to talk through a tense situation in which we are both presently involved. We wrestled verbally with the issue for a while, and when we got to her house, I simply parked and we kept talking.
Somewhere along the line I began to share with her what I could remember from the Dan Haseltine article I quoted in my last post. And something began to gel. Before I knew it I was preaching an impassioned sermon - speaking at length about redemption, about the value of scars, about acknowledging woundededness, about a gospel that is only complete if the suffering, the evil, the wounds are acknowledged, because without these things there is no story of redemption and we negate the greatest message of the cross. I spoke about living in the tension of being both the "walking wounded and the perpetually healed."
And then, I was done. All I could do was ask the question, "what was that?" My car, after an evening in a pub seems an odd location for a sermon of that passionate nature to come pouring out of me. My friend talked about the fact that she wished others involved in our present tense situation could have heard the words I'd spoken. But they didn't , and the moment isn't one likely to be repeated. And then it hit me. As these unfamiliar words were pouring out of my mouth, it was the gelling of concepts I have wrestled with all week. It was the beginning of the answer of how I need to address our tense situation - for God had told me while in Mexico that I was the one who needed to speak out about this situation. I was preaching to myself. God knows that I am auditory - that I need to hear something in order for it to become truly clear in my mind and ingrained in my heart. So He poured words out of my mouth. My "sermon" wasn't so much for my friend (although she was grateful) - it was for me.
And God, in His grace brought clarity to the message I have been trying to find words for all week. I spent a couple hours in the prayer room on Thursday, pouring out my heart in prayers in my journal, begging God to intercede - to make clear the way this situation a number of us have found ourselves in needs to be handled. To clarify in my mind and heart the message that needs to be communicated as I give voice to some things that have been long silenced in myself and in some dear friends. It is the difference between an impotent gospel, and a Gospel of Redemption. And God let me preach it, sitting in my car last night, so that my own ears would hear, and my own heart would understand.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Keep the Weight On
I read a brilliant article by Dan Haseltine, the lead singer for Jars of Clay in the latest issue of Relevant Magazine. I lay in bed on Tuesday morning, beginning to contemplate the intersection of the things God placed in me while I was away with the things God had been speaking and placing within me before I left, and the words of this article grabbed me. Everything within my being cried out, "YES!"
So, I've decided to share a bit of the article with you, and you should definitely run out and purchase the March/April 2006 issue of Relevant Magazine. Haseltine's article is titled "Your Whole Self." (Incidentally, there is also a very good article by John Fischer in this issue, as well as the usual mix of quality material that makes Relevant one of the only print magazines I subscribe to.) I have put my favorite bit in bold print for you, but am amazed by the echo of my own heart and soul in Haseltine's words.
Haseltine writes:
"There is a weight to the Gospel. There is a mass connected to the story of redemption. It is in the dark places - the addictions to pornography, alcohol, drugs, power and control. It is in our propensity to blame and abuse each other, our greed and our depravity. It is the substance of these things that gives us a place to speak about the slow road to recovery.
When we find the Gospel to be true and start to wrestle with the implications, it eventually brings us to a place where we must confront our humanity and know ourselves as both the walking wounded and the perpetually healed.
Because we have chose to speak only about the victory from these things, we are left to promote a gospel that is feeble and moveable at best, rather than one made of stone - one strong enough to withstand the weight of the world and the depravity that is balanced upon its surface. Our gospel is unbelievable because it is only half of a gospel. It is the resurrection without any signs of the crucifixion. I believe there are profound reasons why Jesus still carried the scars from the nails on His hands when He appeared to His friends. He was bringing the entire Gospel to His disciples.
All individuals have things in their lives that make them unique. Most often this part of their story is connected to abuse, addiction, fear or pain. I have come to believe that the things that make us unique are the ways joy enters into our secrets, the ways light exposes our darkness. This is why we choose not to open these parts of our story up to others. Ultimately, it is our redemption that looks unique - it is the way healing comes, how long it takes, who is involved that makes us different.
What I see in the Christian music community and in church culture at large is that we have not been given permission to be ourselves completely. We are not allowed to bring the full weight of who we are into our music conversations, our movies, our pulpits or our church halls. And as I see our church culture striving to take the weight off, I have decided that perhaps it is best to keep the weight on."
Amen.
So, I've decided to share a bit of the article with you, and you should definitely run out and purchase the March/April 2006 issue of Relevant Magazine. Haseltine's article is titled "Your Whole Self." (Incidentally, there is also a very good article by John Fischer in this issue, as well as the usual mix of quality material that makes Relevant one of the only print magazines I subscribe to.) I have put my favorite bit in bold print for you, but am amazed by the echo of my own heart and soul in Haseltine's words.
Haseltine writes:
"There is a weight to the Gospel. There is a mass connected to the story of redemption. It is in the dark places - the addictions to pornography, alcohol, drugs, power and control. It is in our propensity to blame and abuse each other, our greed and our depravity. It is the substance of these things that gives us a place to speak about the slow road to recovery.
When we find the Gospel to be true and start to wrestle with the implications, it eventually brings us to a place where we must confront our humanity and know ourselves as both the walking wounded and the perpetually healed.
Because we have chose to speak only about the victory from these things, we are left to promote a gospel that is feeble and moveable at best, rather than one made of stone - one strong enough to withstand the weight of the world and the depravity that is balanced upon its surface. Our gospel is unbelievable because it is only half of a gospel. It is the resurrection without any signs of the crucifixion. I believe there are profound reasons why Jesus still carried the scars from the nails on His hands when He appeared to His friends. He was bringing the entire Gospel to His disciples.
All individuals have things in their lives that make them unique. Most often this part of their story is connected to abuse, addiction, fear or pain. I have come to believe that the things that make us unique are the ways joy enters into our secrets, the ways light exposes our darkness. This is why we choose not to open these parts of our story up to others. Ultimately, it is our redemption that looks unique - it is the way healing comes, how long it takes, who is involved that makes us different.
What I see in the Christian music community and in church culture at large is that we have not been given permission to be ourselves completely. We are not allowed to bring the full weight of who we are into our music conversations, our movies, our pulpits or our church halls. And as I see our church culture striving to take the weight off, I have decided that perhaps it is best to keep the weight on."
Amen.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Home
I got home just over 48 hours ago. It was good. Really good. God worked in my life, but it will take me a lot more time than I originally thought to begin processing the things He did. I've been counselled by some very wise friends to take the time to let these things sit in my life, to absorb them, to be led by God into these new things. Some of you will probably be hearing from me in the next few days - I am seeking counsel in some areas that I believe that God is leading me into as a result of this trip. The rest of you will just have to wait a bit, or ask me in person to share parts of this with you. It's not ready to be written for public consumption yet, but I'd love to share the stories with you, and the things in my heart.
In the meantime, I just finished writing a follow-up letter to the people who supported me with prayer and financially. I thought I'd stick that in this post, and you'd at least have a bit of a snapshot of the experience tied to the last two weeks or so of my life.
In the meantime, I just finished writing a follow-up letter to the people who supported me with prayer and financially. I thought I'd stick that in this post, and you'd at least have a bit of a snapshot of the experience tied to the last two weeks or so of my life.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Dear Friends and Family,
I’ve been back in Calgary for nearly 48 hours, and have spent many of the waking moments in that time trying to decide how I would communicate to you the experiences of the last two weeks. There are so many things I could tell you about, and none of them seem adequate to describe the impact of this trip on my life.
I have been counselled by some friends to process this time slowly. To wait patiently for the results of the trip to become clear in my life. I think these friends have offered good advice, and I ask your patience as I spend time contemplating, absorbing, understanding, and implementing the outcome of this trip in my life.
So, instead of profound life lessons, let me offer you a series of verbal snapshots of the trip:
-Picture yourself in a western style dorm bathroom. Only there are signs stating in large print in both English and Spanish how important it is to not flush the toilet paper after using it. You need to put it in the garbage can that is in every stall for that purpose. Seems easy right? Now picture yourself in that same bathroom at 6:00am after five hours of sleep. Your brain is not functional, and you are fishing for toilet paper that you have accidentally dropped in the toilet instead of in the garbage can.
-I spent most of my week mixing concrete and mortar for the wall our team was building. Mostly this means that I spent my week using a shovel – shovelling gravel, sand, cement powder, and mortar powder, and then hauling buckets of water to combine these ingredients into a useful product. The organization we were partnered with has recently acquired 4 acres of land in the colonia in which they are working, and the first step to developing the land is to build a wall around the property to show ownership, prevent land claims by squatters, and create greater security. To be honest, it felt like very little progress was made, but two sides of the wall are nearly completed, and our team laid nearly 1000 cinder blocks a day over four and a half days. We were challenged to think of the project not as simply “building a wall,” but rather as “building a mansion in God’s kingdom.” The long-term dream is for the area inside the fence to include a mission training school, a medical centre, and dorms to house visiting mission teams among other things.
-You haven’t had a true work experience until you’ve been shovelling sand, cement, and mortar all day, standing in a sandy Mexican desert during a wind and sandstorm. I’m not sure I’ve ever been that dirty in my life. After my five-minute shower (time limits to make sure that everyone gets warm water) I glanced in the mirror and realized that my face was STILL filthy! I cleaned sand out of my ears, my teeth, and every other imaginable location! My hair was kind of crispy and stiff – caked with the sand that had been blown into my ponytail over the course of the afternoon.
-On the last afternoon we visited the tourist market in Juarez for a few hours of shopping. I shopped for a while with friends, but we ended up sitting in the outdoor café in front of the market for quite some time. As I sat there, and watched the mariachi band play for whichever table would pay, as we said “No gracias” to dozens of people hawking merchandise I realized there was something beautiful and vital about simply sitting in the midst of dozens of Mexican young people, watching them interact with each other, absorbing the sights and sounds and colours of the culture that surrounded us. It was a powerful moment for me.
I hope these brief snapshots give you some idea of what this trip was about. God has planted many things deeply in my heart over the course of the eleven days I was away from Calgary, and I believe they will continue to spring out of my life in new and exciting ways over the next days and weeks and months.
I was privileged to build relationships with a number of people on our team, and look forward to maintaining those relationships now that we are all back in Calgary. This is one of the things that most excites me. These are people whose hearts meshed with mine in powerful ways, and I am eager to spend time hearing their stories, sharing hearts and dreams with each other.
Thank you so much for your financial support, and for your prayers. God blessed your gifts. He provided safety and health (other than a 24 hour stomach bug that about 80% of our team caught). He worked in the colonia, and in the lives of our team members. This was an experience to be treasured – to be stored in my heart and not forgotten, and you helped make this possible. I am so grateful for your support, your love, and your encouraging words. God has created a harvest in my life, and in the lives of many on our team because of your financial support and prayers. Thank you.
With love,
Lisa
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