As promised yesterday, I want to share some of the lyrics from these albums here, and explain a little why they're catching parts of my heart at the moment. Starting with: "Something Changed" off the Sara Groves album.
Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed
Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came
And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine
Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When the walls fall down and the light comes in
And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine.
The night I sat in a car with my friend several weeks back, talking and praying for hours, when stuff happened. This is kind of what it felt like - these words from Sara Groves. I have no doubt that something in my life changed that night. I couldn't tell you what it was for the life of me, but I have this weird confidence in my gut (despite circumstances which would seem to defy it) that God is good, and that He is present, and that He is working. And I can't fake it, but it's here, and it's mine and some healing began to happen that night.
The next song is from David Crowder Band and is titled "Come Awake".
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say...
Come awake, from sleep arise.
You were dead, become alive.
Wake up, wake up, open your eyes.
Climb from your grave into the light
I love this section of this song. I feel like this is the refrain of God's voice in my life over the last weeks. Come awake, you were dead, come alive, come from death into light. Every time I hear the song, I feel God speaking so clearly these words over my life.
The David Crowder Band has another song entitled "Rescue is Coming" that has been speaking something very similar to me. I have been hearing the idea that God is actually coming, he is present, and he will rescue my life, and that blows my mind every time. I love to lay in the dark, put these two David Crowder songs on, and let them flow over me, refreshing my heart.
"Rescue is Coming"
There's darkness in my skin.
My cover's wearing thin, I believe.
I'd love to start again, go back to innocent, and never leave.
Don't give up now.
A break in the clouds.
We could be found.
There's nothing wrong with me.
It's just that I believe things could get better.
And there's nothing wrong with love.
I think it's just enough to believe.
Rescue is coming. Rescue is coming.
Rescue is coming. Rescue is coming.
And there's nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do,
but believe in something bigger.
And there's nothing wrong with love.
I know it's just enough to believe.
Don't give up now.
A break in the clouds.
We will be found.
Rescue is coming now.
The final song honors for the day belong once again to Sara Groves. This one I'm going to comment on after each stanza, for it has a great deal of resonance with my life.
"Just Showed Up For My Own Life"
Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the hole in the shiny veneer
I can tell you with a great deal of honesty how closely this describes my life of the last couple years or more. I did a lot of talking, and said very little. I mostly hoped that if I hung around the right people long enough, and adapted some of what they were saying, that I would suddenly change on more than a surface level. As a pastor's kid, one of my earliest learned survival techniques was to make sure my life appeared "right". I learned early that as long as I projected the right image, few people would see past that veneer to the turmoil and ugliness that truly existed inside of me.
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright.
Oh the Glory of God is man fully alive.
Oh the Glory of God is man fully alive...
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright.
I feel like I'm just starting to show up for my own life. Like God is calling me to come alive, and it's overwhelming the beauty that can be found - even in the midst of the craziness and darkness that has marked so much of my last week or so. I'm going to be grateful for the "real emotions" my friend prayed for - even when they overwhelm me, even when they're so strong I can't handle them, and wish that I had never let him pray for me. I'm looking for God more - and expecting to actually see and hear from him at least some of the time. I'm going to enjoy this sense of amazement that healing is finally happening in my life. I'm going to work on not hiding behind my spotless veneer. "I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes my life... And I just showed up for my own life, and I'm standing here taking it in, and it sure looks bright."
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