Evening Again

I survived the soul-sucking grocery store. And bought a new pair of pajama pants in the process.

I've caught up on some necessary emails.

I've researched the possibility of taking a yoga class for eight weeks over the summer. (Not sure yet on that one.)

I've showered.

I've realized that I will most definitely need to take time this week to go to the park by myself and pray, and quite like to go shopping or browsing somewhere by myself and just let myself be without all of the heavier stuff on my mind. To give myself a bit of space.

I've been to the bank, and paid a bill or two online.

And now? now I think I'm going to put on those comfy new pjs, and head for bed.

I'm still having problems with my neck and shoulders, and those problems are still causing headaches.

I think I'll read for a little while, maybe journal just a little, and then sleep. At least sleep is the hope and the prayer.

Good night.

Fascinating Article

I found this article on sleep at Time Magazine's website absolutely fascinating. Apparently, if you're sleep deprived, it is easier for your brain to percieve negative emotions like anger and fear than positive ones, and if you've had REM sleep, it becomes easier to percieve positive emotions.

Definitely an interesting set of thoughts for someone who struggles with both emotional balance and sleep issues.

Quotes and other thoughts

From the Saturday edition of the calendar that sits on my desk:

"We can never have too much hope in God. He gives in the measure we ask." (Saint Therese of Lisieux)

I may possibly need to start asking for larger measures of hope again.

~~~

It was a very full weekend. In so many ways. And I find myself exhausted as I'm sitting here on Monday morning, facing another long week.

I have this tendency to forget just how much energy it takes for me to be around people these days. It's becoming quickly apparent that I'm going to have to make it a priority on an evening this week to escape to the park by myself for an hour or two, to walk and pray and simply be alone.

I'm missing church, too. A few weeks back I found a place that I think I want to attend regularly for a while. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like right now, but there was a certain prompting from God to at least consider this as a resting spot on the journey for a while. It was a surprising prompting, as the church was pretty much everything I wasn't looking for, or generally don't want in a church, and yet, God has met me there quite powerfully every time I've attended (6 or 8 times) in the last year and a bit. I wasn't able to attend this weekend for a variety of reasons, and I found myself regretting that as I drove to work this morning. Regretting that there hadn't been that corporate time of pausing for worship and teaching. I likely won't make it there next weekend either, and I'm regretting that as well.

I'm grocery shopping with my roommate tonight. At the life-sucking mega store. And it's not a small shop either. We're out of a number of staple items. I hate the life-sucking mega store. Give me smaller, tidier, and slightly more expensive any day of the week. Hopefully, because it's a week-night, it won't be terribly busy, they'll actually have items in stock, and we'll be able to get in and out relatively quickly.

The thoughts and processing in my head and heart are wild and swirly, below the surface and confusing. In much the way I'm praying our weather finally settles into a thunderstorm that clears and cools the air, I'm praying for either a calming or the explosion that brings calm in my heart as well. For that deep and quieting encounter with Jesus.

And now, now it's time to start to tackle my "to do" list for the week.

New Hair

I spent two and a half hours getting my hair done this afternoon. Not the best picture ever, but it'll do. It'll only be straight for a couple of days, since I've never mastered the art (or necessary coordination) of using a straightener myself.

I love my hair stylist. I've been seeing her for quite a few years now, and she always does a fantastic job. More importantly, I can have a totally general idea of what I want done, and she'll run with it and leave me feeling beautiful.

I showed up today and simply said that I wanted the red and blond highlights back for the summer. She, as usual, had a better idea, picked out three colors (including the red and blond, and another coppery blond) and two and a half hours later I had beautiful hair again.

Sunday, mid-afternoon

I made it to the part of the day where I'm almost ready to move around.

And then I moved around.

And discovered that the hike I did yesterday was quite a bit harder on my body than I thought. Let's just say that walking is a bit of a challenge today.

I spent the morning doing a bit of laundry and cleaning, but mostly just sitting and writing.

I was part of a conversation at the office the other day that unexpectedly left parts of me feeling quite shaken. Even I was surprised at the things that poured out of my pen as I sat with my journal.

I told a friend this morning that "when it rains, it pours." It seems like so many unexpected parts of my heart are suddenly at the forefront again. And I've got to tell you, that while I'm glad to be wading through some of this, it hasn't been any "walk in the park". And, every once in the while, when the processing is so thick and intense, I just get sick of myself and the things I'm walking through. I wish for healing to have come fully.

So, today, today I'm thankful for roommates off hiking, and a quiet house.

And I'm thankful that on a day when I badly need a brainless break and some pampering, I have a hair appointment (made through a fluke cancellation) for a couple of hours of pampering, and cutting and coloring this afternoon.

And then, later tonight, I get to collect hugs from my parents. I'll pick them up at the airport, arriving home from their trip to West Africa. I'm looking forward to those hugs. For as much as there are oh so many challenges in my relationship with my parents, after the few weeks I've had, I'll be enormously happy to collect hugs from people who love me deeply.