Spring???

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was feeling like my heart was caught in the sort of "Narnian" situation that Lucy first encountered when she stumbled through the wardrobe. "Always winter, but never Christmas." Lots of cold and ice and never the anticipation of celebration and spring and new life.

The first day of spring came and went on Friday, and for a rare change, the weather here seemed to cooperate. It offered out a teasing hope that perhaps, even in my cold and tired heart, spring might come.

Turns out the weather is a bit of a tease. Most of the snow was melted yesterday, and there was dry brown grass, waiting for sunshine to perk it up and turn it into the green of spring.

This is the view that greeted me when I looked out the front door this morning:


That, my friends, is about a foot of snow, which fell sometime between midnight or so last night and 8:30 this morning when I looked outside. Or at least 8 inches anyway. And it's still falling. It was over the top of my boots. It took me half an hour to brush George off, and I'd only driven about 10 minutes when I hit an icy patch, slid into a guard rail, mashed up the front driver's side of my bumper (though thankfully without damaging anything essential) and decided to turn around and come home.

So. Always winter...

And I am praying and waiting again for spring. I am clinging to the fact that even in the deep, still falling snow the sparrows and chickadees were singing, trying to announce a change of season to the heavens. I'm finding the tiniest bit of hope in that.

And now, I'm off to lay in a bath. I haven't quite recovered from the new onslaught of winter. And I haven't quite recovered from the onslaught of adrenaline from another car accident of sorts this morning. I'm cold, and feeling shaky again. So, I'm going to try and treat myself a bit gently, and just relax for a while.

More thoughts to come... there are blog posts brewing...

Don't Change the Book - Prince Caspian

I saw the new "Chronicles of Narnia" movie "Prince Caspian" last night with my brother and a bunch of his friends. I thought it would be the highlight of our evening. Instead, the highlight was sitting in a car, in front of my parent's house, beginning to catch up with each other since he'd been away for two and a half weeks, sharing hearts.

Neither of us liked the movie. In fact, we liked it so little that we're not sure we'd go see another new Narnia movie.

Why do movie creators feel a need to change the perfectly good stories in a book? The magic was gone. None of the playfulness, the nods to mythology with Bacchus and waking the trees. By our estimation, about 2/3 of the movie was not from the book. Much was added, and it did little for me in terms of enjoying the story. It didn't pull me in. It was essentially, as my brother put it, "like any other Hollywood action movie". Epic battle scenes. The triumph of good. Blah. Blah. Blah. No magic.

My favorite scene (admittedly a minor one in the book) was also missing.

There is a scene in the book that has spoken deeply to my heart this last year, where Susan (the oldest girl) re-encounters Aslan after avoiding and denying him...

Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, "Susan." Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. "You have listened to fears, child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?"

"A little, Aslan," said Susan.

(Prince Caspian, pg. 386)

just sitting...

Thinking about random things today...

Wondering how a week that was going to be nearly empty, is suddenly quite full.

Trusting again that moments of rest will come in the midst of the full schedule.

Reading a quote that's hanging on the wall beside my desk:

"What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." (anonymous)

Loving the truths I'm slowly coming to understand in these words.

Loving the book "Prince Caspian" again lately... a number of scenes are speaking deeply to my heart, and have been for several months...

Letting Jason Upton play in the background, his worship quieting my soul. Looking forward to attending a conference he's playing and speaking at in a couple weeks.

Just sitting. That's what I'm feeling at this moment. Just sit. Breathe.

Going to make tea, and get ready to head out for church in a couple minutes, but for the moment, just sitting.

Prince Caspian

So excited for the next installment - I'll break my "can't watch fantasy because it gives me nightmares" rule for this one!

Tuesday Thoughts

Here, in no apparent order are the things I’m thinking about tonight…

I think yesterday was very much needed for me. I am a person who requires much quiet time and space to process life. When big things happen, in my life, or in the lives of people close to me, I need that time and space. When I don’t get it, my mind, and then my body begin to shut down. That’s what happened yesterday. The weekend was full of some big things. And I had little time or space to recover from those things.

I’ve discovered that, though I love people, I respond to them in one of two ways. There are people that I find drain my energy, and people who I find to be life and energy giving. Of course, there is a great deal of variance, and even the best, most life-giving relationships can be draining. I made a tentative decision about a possible roommate for the future on the weekend, basing the decision on this theory, though I hadn’t thought of it until tonight. I tentatively ruled out living with a particular friend because her lifestyle is one I find very draining, and is not one I want spilling over into my home.

I crashed yesterday in part because of the high number of draining interactions I had over the weekend, and the very little time that I had to recoup from these interactions.

I am thinking again about traveling. I am feeling the pull of the nations. This makes me laugh. A year ago, I came home from Mexico more convinced than ever that my place, my calling, my ministry was to the North American church. I still believe that, but long for the enrichment of the church around the world, for the coming of the kingdom of God in all kinds of wild and crazy places.

On that same theme, I’ve had a song running through my head all day today, and off and on for the last week or so. It is one I had only known a little, but that Megs reminded me of. It was the song on her heart for her time in Pakistan, a country she found immensely oppressed spiritually. The lines that play over and over again in my head go like this:

We speak to nations – be open
We speak to nations – fall on your knees
We speak to nations – the kingdom is coming near to you
Oh we speak to strongholds – be broken
Powers of darkness – You have to flee
We speak to nations – The kingdom is coming near to you
We speak to you
Be Free
Be Free.

As I lay in bed yesterday, I was listening to a dramatization of “Prince Caspian” by C.S. Lewis, from the chronicles of Narnia. This, while not my overall favorite of the series, holds some of the moments of encounter with Aslan that I love the best. I was caught by two different ones of those encounters as I lay there listening again yesterday, and moved equally by both, as both gave voice to the words of my heart in this present season of life.

In the first scene, Lucy has just come upon Aslan directly for the first time in the novel, and is discussing a failing from a bit earlier. Aslan responds by asking her to carry out a rather difficult task, and Lucy’s response is telling. Lewis writes, “Oh dear, oh dear,” said Lucy. “And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you’d let me stay. And I thought you’d come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away – like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid.”

In the second bit, Susan, who had doubted the appearance of Aslan in this story, doubted his presence, and his ability to intervene in the situation they found themselves in, speaks with him for the first time.

Lewis writes:

Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, “Susan.” Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. “You have listened to fears, child,” said Aslan. “Come let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?”

“A little, Aslan,” said Susan.

What catches me again, as I read these bits to type them here, is that both of these girls are Queens – women who have known the victory and beauty of life, who have tasted freedom and lived accordingly. And yet, both lost that sense of purpose for moments in time, and sucuumbed to fears. They responded differently, Lucy lamenting that the lion had not simply eliminated her enemies, and Susan doubting his presence, but both, once drawn into the presence of the lion drew from him strength to move forward. I am encouraged by Susan’s response to Aslan’s question, “Are you brave again?” for a little bravery is all that really seems necessary to make the next steps.

And so, I once again, as on that night of healing, find myself asking God to be Aslan in my life, to come and breathe on me, to refresh me, to allow me to bury myself in him, and find the strength to answer, “Yes, I feel a little bit brave again – I’ll go wherever you ask and do whatever you require. I’ll make the next step, whatever it may be.”