A Grown-up sort of day...

This has thus far been a bitter-sweet sort of day.

One of those days that underscores the "oh crap I'm an adult" feeling that comes upon me from time to time.

There have been some special moments. Feeling comfortable enough in my own person to refuse a request at church this morning that I do something I didn't want to do today, and knew that I wasn't the right person to do. Hanging with my parents over lunch. Receiving a compliment from my dad. Going shopping with my mom and buying my first television and dvd player for my new house - that one made me feel very adult like!

There have been some slightly more painful moments. Knowing that I can't accept an offer of a place to live that I desperately want to accept because it doesn't fit well with the way I've structured my finances - it would cost too much, and I'd have to buy a car. I was praying earlier this week about the traveling I feel God has placed on my heart to do in the very near future, and as I was asking Him yet again how I was going to be able to afford it, feeling him increase a growing conviction on my heart that perhaps I didn't really need a car right now, and that, if I chose to forgo buying the car, I could use the significant chunk of savings I've put away for the car to do the traveling instead. Hurting, though to turn down the offer that was made to me. Trying to figure out how to be involved in an upcoming opportunity two nights a week without a car. Knowing though, that the traveling is from God and that it needs to be a priority. Grieving with a friend over some painful news she shared with me at a party last night.

A bit bittersweet today. And that's okay... the joys and sorrows co-mingled. "For the joy set before him, he endured the cross..." is the passage that comes to mind.

And with that, I'm off to make tea, light candles, and curl up to either read or watch a movie or both. I need to create some breathing space once again. There are some things I'm walking through right now which will probably never surface on this blog for public consumption, but which are drawing a great deal of energy and attention and care.

It's chilly in my basement home today, so I'm going to make tea and light candles, and breathe.