Subtle Shiver

This song has been playing through my head the last few days... can't quite explain it, the events, but here are some pictures, and the words that underlie them in my head...

Subtle Shiver (by Diana Pops, recorded by Steve and Sarah Bell on "Sons and Daughters")

As I walk through this field in the fall time
Leaves become a red carpet as I pass by
Don’t know why but the world’s in its prime right now

As I walk the prairie skies are vacant
Pick up stones the river hasn’t taken
The firefly that danced with the frost silently dies

I hear traces of old familiar songs
The cold wind blowing helps to rush me along
And here I found You in your glory
On that cold October morning
In this clearing by the river
I felt a subtle shiver
I know You waited for me

Every wave on the water it is dancing
Looks as though summer never happened
The trees o’er my head sway as the sky starts to blaze



I never thought that You’d give me a love song
Never saw it’s been here all along
I close my eyes to cover a tear
That’s made it down my cheek and now I hear
Your voice it speaks so soft and clear…
You’ve seen Me everywhere

More from Henri Nouwen on the Eucharist

Got two more great emails from the writings of Henri Nouwen when I returned to the office this morning after the long weekend...

Sacrament of Unity

The Eucharist is the sacrament of unity. It makes us into one body. The apostle Paul writes: "As there is one loaf, so we, although there are many of us, are one single body, for we all share in the one loaf" (1 Corinthians 10:17).

The Eucharist is much more than a place where we celebrate our unity in Christ. The Eucharist creates this unity. By eating from the same bread and drinking from the same cup, we become the body of Christ present in the world. Just as Christ becomes really present to us in the breaking of the bread, we become really present to one another as brothers and sisters of Christ, members of the same body. Thus the Eucharist not only signifies unity but also creates it.

Christ's Body, Our Body

When we gather for the Eucharist we gather in the Name of Jesus, who is calling us together to remember his death and resurrection in the breaking of the bread. There he is truly among us. "Where two or three meet in my name," he says, "I am there among them" (Matthew 18:20).

The presence of Jesus among us and in the gifts of bread and wine are the same presence. As we recognise Jesus in the breaking of the bread, we recognise him also in our brothers and sisters. As we give one another the bread, saying: "This is the Body of Christ," we give ourselves to each other saying: "We are the Body of Christ." It is one and the same giving, it is one and the same body, it is one and the same Christ.

Taking my own advice...

A year or two ago, I started making what I call "smile lists". A mental health professional I heard speak mentioned that making a list of thinks that you're grateful for performs approximately the same change in brain chemistry as taking a mild dose of an anti-depressant.

And the thing is, it actually seems to work.

I'm feeling down today, so it's time to make a list of things that I'm grateful for - things that are making me smile today....

• a warm blanket to curl up under on my couch
• an email that radiates joy from a friend who has just arrived in Paris
• the prospect of possibly walking in the rain along Fish Creek later
• the photo of Paris on my living room wall
• an ongoing facebook conversation with a dear friend
• gifts to put in the mail for a variety of friends
• wool socks that aren't itchy
• "Here by the Water" on Steve Bell's Symphony Sessions album
• plans for a tea date with a friend tomorrow night
• a new book to read - the autobiography of George Muller
• plans to cook a nice dinner later today
• smoked gouda in my fridge

and with that, I think I'm going to make a phone call, and then head for Starbucks and the park.

Funny how that works...

I rolled out of bed about 45 minutes ago, kind of groaning at the prospect of going to my favorite place in the mountains, and hiking this morning... the warm bed was awfully enticing.

About 15 minutes ago I got a phone call, telling me the trip was up in the air because of some weather difficulties (it's raining a little bit at the moment - just sprinkling, but usually always worse in the mountains). And I'm really disappointed, which surprised me.

I really want out of the city today. If it doesn't happen, then I need to find time to get to a creek or river, and just be for a bit. Needing to see water - have this crazy idea from a friend that I possibly need to dip my toes in the water!

Feeling tired, and something about water and mountains always lets me meet with Jesus and be restored... could use that today, before heading back into the week.

Secrets

Have you ever visited the "PostSecret" blog? There's a link to it in my sidebar if you haven't...

People write their deepest secrets anonymously on a postcard and mail them in, and every Sunday, a stack of new secrets are posted for the world to share. Some are funny, some are crude, some are deeply disturbing... I saw one once, beautifully sketched tear drops, and all it said was "I miss innocence". I understood that sentiment...

I'm thinking about secrets tonight... Here are a few of mine...

I pretend to be a really deep-thinking person, but I actually like nothing quite so much as crashing in front of slightly trashy television in the evening, and refusing to have my brain engage. I spend so much time lost in thought that in the evenings I often want nothing more that to completely disengage from the world, and to laugh at whichever show that vastly separated from reality happens to be on that night... I know it's not really constructive, but I do it anyway...

I pretend to be really brave, and open to new things, but I'm usually faking it... I am afraid, and it affects my physical health... in the hours before heading out to something new, I am often sick to my stomach with anxiety and fear.

I have a strong need for control. I'm working on this, but a schedule and a sense of rhythm are really helpful for me. I also tend to be absentminded, and things that are important get missed.

To control, and to combat the absentmindedness, I use lists. I love lists. I derive great satisfaction and a strong sense of accomplishment from crossing something off of a list I've made. A grocery list, a list of all the errands I need to accomplish. I don't actually use a day planner - I make a list for the week because it has helped me establish a sense of rhythm. I put everything on that list - the people stuff, the home stuff, the church stuff, the personal stuff. Everything from "do the laundry" to "spend 1 hour at least 3 times reading and meditating" to "coffee with so and so" to "Bible study prep" to "stretching exercises". Sometimes, just because I like crossing things off, I'll put the really mundane on there - "shower" or "make a cup of tea".

Life has felt out of control these last few weeks... The Lord is doing new and deep things, but I feel like other important things have been missing in action, and I'm feeling the need to fall back into a rhythm. I've deliberately scheduled my calendar to be quite blank for this coming week. One tea date with a friend, and a trip to the mountains tomorrow. I feel like after a couple of really intense weeks once again, I need to time to breathe, to let my body and head catch up with my soul, to reconnect into a whole person again. I want to cook real food, not pre-prepared dinners because I have to be back out the door ten minutes after I walk in. I want to sit in a darkened room, and smell incense, and pray for an hour or two without feeling like I'm neglecting other things. I want to stretch, and breathe deeply, and not feel that I'm wasting twenty minutes I should be using on something else. So, this week, I'm setting out to rest, and to re-establish rhythm. When I finish writing this post, I'm going to make my list for the week. It's going to have things on it like "take a bubble bath", "journal for an hour", "read two chapters in a book I'm reading right now on art", "have tea with a friend", "mail gifts to various other friends", "send Rae a card so that it's waiting when she gets home from Europe", "breathe", "research graduate schools".

I'm all about my list being full of things that inspire me to pray this week, and that inspire me to step into things that make me feel alive. So yes, I'm excerting control, but I'm hoping it turns out in the best possible way!