Henri on Ash Wednesday

A thought from Henri Nouwen on Ash Wednesday, excerpted from "The Road to Daybreak."

A Lenten Prayer


The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.

I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.

I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.

Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me.

Amen.

Other's Thoughts on Lent

I read a couple of posts about Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent this morning that I think are worth the read:

Check out Ian here.

And Claudia Mair Burney here.

Ash Wednesday

And so Lent begins again.

It's a season I love and hate sort of equally.

For me it tends to be one of the deepest seasons of the liturgical year.  The most significant. 

It also tends to be one of the most painful.

It feels odd to wake this morning and not be fasting.

I've always fasted from something during Lent.

This year is different, though.

303 days ago I rather forcefully came face to face with the fact that the immense stresses and challenges of my life had essentially led to the development of an eating disorder.  I'd lost around 25 pounds, rarely ate more than one meal and a few snacks a day, and it wasn't unusual for the nausea I was experiencing to get out of control, and for me to go several days without eating at all.

So, I started counting, and tracking.  For 303 days I've been faithful in taking a large number of supplements to restore the things I'd depleted in my body.  And for 303 days, I've eaten three consistent meals a day.

I would normally do a juice fast at least once a week during Lent.

That's not an option this year.

I need to eat three times a day to make it possible to take the supplements that manage my energy levels and anxiety issues.

I thought about giving up chocolate, and I may yet do something along those lines.  But this year as I prayed through that thought, the feeling that came was that I would be "fasting" simply for the sake of doing something, rather than because I'd been led to it.

I talked earlier this week about the in-between.  I'm trying conciously not to rush that process.  Not to jump to the next thing, even when it is clearly in sight, but to be patient in the waiting.

It's not easy.

And so Lent begins, and I am waiting, listening, praying.

Daily 5 - Day 188

Today's Daily 5:

1. Passed the 300 day mark a couple days back for some food and health related goals.  300 days straight of eating three meals a day.  That's pretty significant considering it had almost never happened in the previous two years, and that many of those days, I was so ill from stress that one meal was a big accomplishment.
2. Mom and Dad took J., my aunt from Wisconsin who's in town right now, my roommate L, and I out for Mexican food tonight.  I really like Mexican food.  So much so that I ate 5 of the 6 little tacos on my plate.  And then I brought the leftovers home for lunch tomorrow.  Is it weird that I really enjoy refried beans?  We grew up eating homemade Mexican, and I've always enjoyed it, so it's a treat when we get to go to this particularly good, relatively authentic local Mexican restaurant and really enjoy a meal.
3. Laughing with J and L as J drove us home.   Though J and I are about as opposite as siblings could be, I'm growing to really appreciate a lot of things about him over the last while, and I consider that a blessing.
4. Mom and Dad brought me a bunch of flyers and newspaper that I can use for packing all the breakable stuff around my bedroom.  Grateful for family that helps with stuff like that.
5. In bed by a decent time.  Going to watch a little bit of olympic curling online, and then head for sleep.  (I may hate hockey, but I really enjoy watching curling - that must qualify me as truly Canadian, right???)

Disconcerting

On the list of things I'm finding disconcerting lately:

Dreaming about someone with whom I have a relatively distant relationship, and very little contact with, and then having them pop randomly up in my facebook newsfeed later that same day.

It's happened twice recently.  So very odd.