Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The In-Between

I woke this morning from unsettling dreams again.

I can't pinpoint why this particular set has left me unsettled.  I can't even remember most of the images or plot-lines, though the few I recall are more ridiculous than anything else.

But I'm unsettled.

I woke, too, to the thought that I'm now officially tired of transition.

Of this in-between place.

I just want to be moved.

If this move is so clearly what God has next for me, then let's get on with it already.

Wouldn't it be nice if life worked like that?  God's guidance became clear, and you just walked on into it.

No period of transition or preparation.

No "in-between."

My life doesn't work like that.

There are lessons, I think, in the "in-between", but I find it a stressful time.  It wears on me.  The dreams and odd thoughts grow more intense.  My tolerance grows shorter, and my mood less patient. 

I think the in-between creates a longing that is healthy - a readyness for the new place God is leading, the new season.

But in me, the in-between is also revealing.  Revealing of true character.  Of flaws and issues left to be resolved.

Lent starts tomorrow.

It's a season of "in-between" built into the yearly church calendar, and a season that always impacts me profoundly.

That long season of waiting for new life, while moving inexorably towards death.

A season that feels like a contradiction in terms.

Apparently I'm going to need to make peace with the in-between.

On the short term, with waiting for moving to be complete, and for the moment of saying goodbye to my roommate, who has become a dear friend in the two years we've lived together.

On the slightly longer term in waiting to find a vehicle.

And on the slightly longer term yet, in waiting for the arrival of Easter.

I'm living in the "in-between" and it's a rather revealing place.