Going to Fight for It

Yesterday was actually a fairly decent day at work.

But I really, really fought for that.

I don't think I realized how hard I fought for it until I stepped out of the building at the end of the day, breathed a sigh of relief, and almost melted into a puddle of tears and exhaustion.

I slept restlessly again last night, and I'm even more tired today.

I had a bit of a shock when I woke up this morning, that made me catch my breath, and spun me just a little.

I'm going to fight for another good day.

I know after yesterday that it's a battle I CAN win.

But it's a bit more of an overwhelming thought today.

There is none of yesterday's blind determination today.

Just the knowing that it is indeed an incredible fight.

And I will fight for it.

But the very thought makes me want to melt in a puddle of tears.

I don't realize all the time just how exhausting the process of changing thought patterns is. How hard it is to make choice after choice after choice to see the world differently from that which is the most natural and habitual way of seeing for me.

Or just how draining it is to keep all of the negative energy, the anger, tension and stress that floats around my office from affecting me.

Or how I get tired of working my butt off without being thanked.

You know those "love language" things? I'm totally a words of affirmation and gifts girl. Someone thanking me or offering a compliment or a word of encouragement really does make an incredible difference in my day. Someone seeing how hard I'm fighting and taking the time to comment really does give strength for the battle. And, while I'm working on finding that true affirmation primarily in Jesus, that identity and worth only in Him, those words of encouragement still really do help.

Thankfully I don't see every day how difficult it is to do all those things differently, to see and think and choose and be different.

So, here I go.

I'm going to fight for it.

We'll see how it goes.

Daily 5 - Day 104

Today's Daily "5":

1. Going over and over the scripture I'm working on memorizing using an audio bible in the translation I'm memorizing from, while I was driving to work this morning
2. Fighting through, and actually managing to have a good day
3. A phone message I left actually being returned (and resulting in booking a massage at a new and highly recommended massage therapist for a few weeks from now)
4. Dinner with a friend - chatting and catching up (penne giardiniera con pollo... mmm... so good too!)
   
5. Pondering Proverbs 25:29 in the New Living Translation (I'm still loving Proverbs)
6. Finding out I made the list of trusted babysitters - You really should take me up on it - I'd love to do it :)
7. a handful of peanut m&m's
8. getting out of the office for a bit of a walk at lunch
9. a mostly smooth day at work
10. wearing one of my current favorite tops to work - at least I'm warm and feel pretty in it all at once!
    

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

I had to share this (because I secretly actually really like "Bohemian Rhapsody") because it gave me a good chuckle tonight.

Almost at Lunch - Going Well

It's nice when I can report that a day is going well.

I'm almost to the beginning of my lunch hour, and I haven't had any great need to yell or kick and scream.

Mostly I've been working. Hard. Quite a lot busier than usual.

But I feel productive. And that feels good.

I've kept up with the department that's piling stuff on.

I've processed payroll for the upcoming payday.

I've booked catering for the staff Christmas party.

And various and sundry other little things.

But mostly, I'm just glad that things have definitely been more peaceful today.

I needed a better day.

Over lunch, I'm going to go for a walk. I can't squish yoga into my schedule today, so I'm going to go for a walk instead. Which will also be a nice break from the office.

And hey, it's cheap pasta night at Chianti's and I'm meeting a friend there after work for an evening of pasta and catching up. Should be great!

Determined

I sat in my car in the parking lot this morning and decided that today was going to be a good day.

I'm determined.

I'm going to ignore all of the things I disagree with today. Or all of things that are pretty much ridiculous.

I'm going to find the humor in the fact that I work in a workplace that is at times shockingly similar to the one depicted at the naked pastor this morning. (I printed out the cartoon and stuck it to my office wall to add laughs through the day.)

I'm going to have a good day.

I'm going to play music in my office and just generally ignore the rampant bad moods floating around the building.

I'm going to try not to focus on the minimal sleep that I got again, and be grateful that it was a night that wasn't marked by the disturbing sort of dreams.

And I'm likely going to escape the office for 20 minutes or so over lunch, to go for a walk and get my exercise for the day in. And to maintain my sanity.

It's going to be a good day.

I'm determined.