I'm having trouble today processing whether or not I need to give voice to certain things I've been thinking and praying about for the last day or two. Things seen and heard and understood.
I'm having broader trouble lately, struggling with questions I want to ask, and wondering whether or not to give them voice either.
Some of the topics are sensitive. They have the potential to create backlash - to stir things up that should perhaps be left undisturbed. And I'm not one to knowingly invite unneccessary backlash. I'll settle for a lack of understanding instead. I'm a big fan of safe, and calm, unless the direction is very clear to stir things.
Plus, I've been the unwitting victim at times when other people have walked without care, and created a maelstorm for those around them to be caught in. It makes me hesitate to create my own maelstorm.
And yet, I'm not sure the questions would create a stir. And I'm not certain how to gain understanding and experience without asking the questions. But, to be honest, I'm not even sure how to phrase the questions, as the topics are new and uncertain ones for me as well.
And for those things that have been seen and heard and understood, while I am very certain of what has been seen and heard, I'm less certain of the understanding, and the response that must flow out of understanding. And yet, I lack confidence in my own discernment, to speak these things beyond myself.
Oh bother. This cryptic phrasing of real issues doesn't work very well for me. I think I'll stop writing now.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
A Question for the Red Letter Christian Types
I went to hear Tony Campolo speak last night. As usual, he was enjoyable, engaging, and talked passionately about issues that I care passionately about.
This time he spoke about a group of people I've heard of - the "Red-Letter Christians", which, best as I can tell, is a group of believers who think it's important to take the things Jesus said seriously, particularly in regards to issues of social justice, the environment, poverty, and so forth.
Dr. Campolo spoke very convincingly of the need to care about all of these topics (though I admit that I was not particularly hard to convince).
And yet, as we walked away, I wondered how the following question would be answered:
Much is made by those who espouse the words of Christ of the need to work to eradicate poverty and injustice, causes which are obviously of the utmost importance. However, I wonder what one who says it's an achievable goal to eliminate poverty does with another statement of Jesus', "the poor will always be among you." What is the balance between working to eliminate poverty and injustice based on the words of Christ, while recognizing that this is not an achievable goal, based also on the words of Christ?
I'm all for eliminating poverty and spreading the Kingdom of God, but just once, I'd like to hear an articulate poverty activist, a "red-letter christian" address this other passage. It's just not one that seems to come up. And I just can't buy the idea that I can take seriously some words of Jesus and not others.
So, I'm opening it up - anyone want to take this question on? Anyone want to engage this one a little bit? I'd like to hear some opinions, however varied they may be.
This time he spoke about a group of people I've heard of - the "Red-Letter Christians", which, best as I can tell, is a group of believers who think it's important to take the things Jesus said seriously, particularly in regards to issues of social justice, the environment, poverty, and so forth.
Dr. Campolo spoke very convincingly of the need to care about all of these topics (though I admit that I was not particularly hard to convince).
And yet, as we walked away, I wondered how the following question would be answered:
Much is made by those who espouse the words of Christ of the need to work to eradicate poverty and injustice, causes which are obviously of the utmost importance. However, I wonder what one who says it's an achievable goal to eliminate poverty does with another statement of Jesus', "the poor will always be among you." What is the balance between working to eliminate poverty and injustice based on the words of Christ, while recognizing that this is not an achievable goal, based also on the words of Christ?
I'm all for eliminating poverty and spreading the Kingdom of God, but just once, I'd like to hear an articulate poverty activist, a "red-letter christian" address this other passage. It's just not one that seems to come up. And I just can't buy the idea that I can take seriously some words of Jesus and not others.
So, I'm opening it up - anyone want to take this question on? Anyone want to engage this one a little bit? I'd like to hear some opinions, however varied they may be.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Intellectual Stimulation
I went to a speech/lecture given by Dr. Tony Campolo at a local university college tonight. I've heard him speak a number of times, and read a few of his books, but always enjoy the chance to hear him again.
What I'd forgotten about myself is that I absolutely love the academic world. I love writing papers and discussing ideas. I want to know how the pieces fit together, and what a wide variety of people think about a topic. I want to discuss an idea passionately, ask lots of questions about it, and maybe even have an argument about it.
Evenings like that are so often creative stimulation for me. I feel alive in those moments. My thoughts are stirring, even now, with the many possibilities for writing projects from the ideas and questions bouncing around my head.
I needed an evening like this today. After a rough few days, I needed to laugh and think and be challenged in my views. I needed to evaluate why I agreed, and why I disagreed with various points being made. I needed to use my brain a little. I needed to do something that made me feel like celebrating the fact that I'm alive.
I almost stayed home in exhaustion and disgust with myself. I'm so glad that I didn't. Those moments of feeling alive are a gift that remains somewhat rare (though becoming more common than they were in the past), and each and every one is a gift to be grateful for, and a gift worth celebrating.
What I'd forgotten about myself is that I absolutely love the academic world. I love writing papers and discussing ideas. I want to know how the pieces fit together, and what a wide variety of people think about a topic. I want to discuss an idea passionately, ask lots of questions about it, and maybe even have an argument about it.
Evenings like that are so often creative stimulation for me. I feel alive in those moments. My thoughts are stirring, even now, with the many possibilities for writing projects from the ideas and questions bouncing around my head.
I needed an evening like this today. After a rough few days, I needed to laugh and think and be challenged in my views. I needed to evaluate why I agreed, and why I disagreed with various points being made. I needed to use my brain a little. I needed to do something that made me feel like celebrating the fact that I'm alive.
I almost stayed home in exhaustion and disgust with myself. I'm so glad that I didn't. Those moments of feeling alive are a gift that remains somewhat rare (though becoming more common than they were in the past), and each and every one is a gift to be grateful for, and a gift worth celebrating.
I want to have nice words...
I want to have nice words for you all, challenging and inspiring thoughts to live by, but the truth is, today I don't.
I don't even have nice words for me.
I'm tired of telling you that I'm struggling. I'm tired of struggling for that matter.
My roommate asked me this morning as I drove her to the train if I was okay. I laughed at the question and told her that I'm so far from okay right now that I'm not even sure how to begin the process of picking up the pieces this time and getting back there.
I wonder some days if the tug of war with God ever gets any easier.
I wonder some days why it isn't granted to me to understand the bigger picture. I'm so much more at ease when I understand what is happening around me, and in me and through me.
I'm struggling with the ongoing "recovering pastor's kid" battle today. The lie that says that being all things to all people is absolutely key, and that measuring up to their expectations is central to my own self-worth. That measuring up to God's expectations is central to receiving his love, his joy, his peace.
And I'm having a bit of an argument with a dear friend over the space in life that I'm occupying. Which is actually kind of funny, since there's been the perception that at times that I idolized this particular friend. No one who'd been privy to the conversations we've had in the last while could think that. I'm grouchy because she's usually right, and I think she probably is again this time, though for the life of me I can't figure out how that translates into choices and real life.
The good news in the midst of all this?
Well, I'm not depressed - that's still a victory to celebrate. And despite another absolutely brutal night of dreams, that caused me to wake up quite ill this morning, I didn't puke - that's good news these days. I can tell you that the whole expectations game is a lie now, even though I'm not always particularly successful at combatting it's effects. I have a job that (mostly) pays my bills. I'm living in a place (as far as I know) of obedience to everything God is asking, even though some of it really sucks right now. (I'm still working on the joyful obedience part.) Even though I'm arguing with a friend, I'm not worried that her love is conditional - that's pretty huge for me too. I can't think of anyone else in my life (except maybe God, and even that can be a bit of a wobbly assurance at times) that I can say that about.
So.
On with the day.
On with the conversations that may or may not happen.
On with the crazyness of my office in renewal season.
On with prayer, and fasting, and obedience, even when it hurts like crap.
On with trying to find joy.
On with identifying the lies, and working to combat their presence and influence in my life.
On with remembering to be thankful for little blessings like warm boots, and not throwing up, and a friend I can argue with and know she won't stop loving me.
On with the day.
On with choosing life.
I don't even have nice words for me.
I'm tired of telling you that I'm struggling. I'm tired of struggling for that matter.
My roommate asked me this morning as I drove her to the train if I was okay. I laughed at the question and told her that I'm so far from okay right now that I'm not even sure how to begin the process of picking up the pieces this time and getting back there.
I wonder some days if the tug of war with God ever gets any easier.
I wonder some days why it isn't granted to me to understand the bigger picture. I'm so much more at ease when I understand what is happening around me, and in me and through me.
I'm struggling with the ongoing "recovering pastor's kid" battle today. The lie that says that being all things to all people is absolutely key, and that measuring up to their expectations is central to my own self-worth. That measuring up to God's expectations is central to receiving his love, his joy, his peace.
And I'm having a bit of an argument with a dear friend over the space in life that I'm occupying. Which is actually kind of funny, since there's been the perception that at times that I idolized this particular friend. No one who'd been privy to the conversations we've had in the last while could think that. I'm grouchy because she's usually right, and I think she probably is again this time, though for the life of me I can't figure out how that translates into choices and real life.
The good news in the midst of all this?
Well, I'm not depressed - that's still a victory to celebrate. And despite another absolutely brutal night of dreams, that caused me to wake up quite ill this morning, I didn't puke - that's good news these days. I can tell you that the whole expectations game is a lie now, even though I'm not always particularly successful at combatting it's effects. I have a job that (mostly) pays my bills. I'm living in a place (as far as I know) of obedience to everything God is asking, even though some of it really sucks right now. (I'm still working on the joyful obedience part.) Even though I'm arguing with a friend, I'm not worried that her love is conditional - that's pretty huge for me too. I can't think of anyone else in my life (except maybe God, and even that can be a bit of a wobbly assurance at times) that I can say that about.
So.
On with the day.
On with the conversations that may or may not happen.
On with the crazyness of my office in renewal season.
On with prayer, and fasting, and obedience, even when it hurts like crap.
On with trying to find joy.
On with identifying the lies, and working to combat their presence and influence in my life.
On with remembering to be thankful for little blessings like warm boots, and not throwing up, and a friend I can argue with and know she won't stop loving me.
On with the day.
On with choosing life.
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