Thursday Morning Musings

I’ve just finished making my first cup of tea for the week. Those of you who know me well will know that I generally make a cup of “Tazo Passion Tea” first thing in the morning most mornings at the office.

I’ve been sick for most of this week, and even tea has been unappealing. Last night I ate my first actual meal since Sunday dinner, and was delighted to keep it down.

Today is a good day for sipping tea. It’s cold and grey and rainy. In typical Calgary fashion, the rain is scheduled to turn to snow, and we may get up to 20cm before the day is out. 20cm. That’s about 8 inches. They say they don’t know how much of that will actually accumulate, since the ground is warm, but still. It’s May 8th, and they’re predicting 8 inches of snow.

I’m in an oddly humorous mood this morning. Weird things are funny to me.

My internal sarcastic voice is out in force today.

I’m listening to David Crowder Band this morning – a playlist of 3 albums (Illuminate, A Collision, and Remedy).

I’m musing about being small and unseen. About being coddled and babied and not liking it.

I’m wearing a favorite t-shirt and comfortable (but cute) shoes.

I’m rehashing conversations with friends and laughing at the memories.

I’m twitchy.

I’m eating crackers, and debating where I’m going to buy lunch.

I’m thinking about the errands I need to get done tonight.

I’m wondering what my current typing speed is, and if it’s changed in the couple of years that I’ve been working full-time.

I’m debating which item on my “to-do” list for the day I want to attack first.

I’m still thinking about and “seeing” something I witnessed on April 3rd and blogged about here.

Eventually I’ll get around to writing some “deeply thoughtful” blog post for you. My brain has been a little too engrossed in other matters to do “deeply thoughtful” this week. In the meantime, here are a couple of headlines that made me smile today:

Someone in Florida is building what appears to be an "Ark".

And NASA will pay you $5000 dollars a month to do nothing but lie in bed. This is an offer that is actually vaguely tempting!

Sharing our knowledge

Another thought from Henri Nouwen that caught my attention... I've been thinking a lot lately about how often I hesitate to share things I feel, sense, or know. I'm not sure I'm in exactly the space that Nouwen is describing, but the thought challenged me anyhow...

Sharing Freely Our Knowledge

Often we think that we do not know enough to be able to teach others. We might even become hesitant to tell others what we know, out of fear that we won't have anything left to say when we are asked for more.

This mind-set makes us anxious, secretive, possessive, and self-conscious. But when we have the courage to share generously with others all that we know, whenever they ask for it, we soon discover that we know a lot more than we thought. It is only by giving generously from the well of our knowledge that we discover how deep that well is.

Weird Day

It's been a bit of a strange day again.

Nothing I can elaborate on. Just strange.

Here's hoping this doesn't keep happening!

And Again

If you haven't read my previous post, you should read it first. You can find it here. (or you could just scroll down a little!)

As I picked myself off the floor, and began to move on with my day, I came across the song "Born", by the band "Over the Rhine". I'm finding it poignant in the midst of the spaces I'm living in right now.

Born
(Bergquist/Detweiler)

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night
Who knows what we'll find

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don't mind

Put your elbows on the table
I'll listen long as I am able
There's nowhere I'd rather be

Secret fears, the supernatural
Thank God for this new laughter
Thank God the joke's on me

We've seen the landfill rainbow
We've seen the junkyard of love
Baby it's no place for you and me

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

Reeling

Just when I think I might actually get a break for a couple of days from the intensity of some of the stuff that's been going on over the last while, just when everything seems like there's a possibility of stuff calming down for a day or two, another wave breaks.

I'm beginning to become an expert at surviving the waves that have been crashing over me this last while. I'm getting quicker at moving from stunned to picking myself back up.

Another wave broke this afternoon - smaller this time, but still enough to knock my feet out from under me yet again and leave me reeling.

And I found myself clicking through my itunes library, randomly choosing songs, hoping to find something to provide a soundtrack that fit my mood, that would let me start talking with Jesus about this latest thing, that would let me pull my feet back under me.

The song I came across? "Sweet Mercies" by David Ruis.

It's our confession Lord, that we are weak
So very weak, but You are strong
And though we've nothing Lord, to lay at your feet
We come to Your feet and say, "Help us along"

A broken heart and a contrite spirit
You have yet to deny
Your heart of mercy beats with love's strong current
Let the river flow by your Spirit now, Lord we cry

Let Your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for today
Shower them down Lord as we pray
Let Your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for today
Shower them down Lord as we pray

Call for the rain
Call for the rain

And so, I lay facedown on my living room carpet, and let this prayer flow over me. Let the song cry out, and my heart echo it's cry. It helped a little.

Jesus send your rain. Shower mercies on me today. Send peace and light and hope. I'm weak - send strength. My heart is broken, piece me slowly back together.