You Ask, I Answer, Take 23

Today's You Ask, I Answer question comes from Johanna, who asked,

Is it "ok" for you being single right now? Isn't it sometimes difficult to see friends who are your age getting married, having children and having a totally different life? How are you dealing with things/thoughts like that?

Ooo... Good question!

The answer is yes to all of the above.

Yes, I am okay being single most of the time.  I have a good assortment of married and single friends, and I really enjoy the independence and fun that can come with being single.  I like the ability to pick up on short notice and travel, see a movie, shop, go for dinner or so on.  I think part of the contentment that I have with being single comes from the fact that as an introvert, I really do love time spent alone, and even require it to recharge and be fully engaged when I'm spending time with my friends.  That said, there is definitely a part of me that is looking for a man to share the day in and day out parts of my life with.  (I actually think often about a line from one of Donald Miller's books where he talks about wanting a girl who, when he's with her, makes him feel like he's alone.  He's referencing the comfort and freedom that comes with that sort of relationship - that he feels just as at rest with her, as he does when he's alone.  That's kind of what I'd love to find eventually in a husband.)

That said, there are times (actually, especially when I'm with my family), where I feel very lonely, and almost invisible because of being single.  It's quite painful, and I wrestle at those moments, and try to remind myself to be continually seeking my contentment in the Lord, and asking him in those times to guide my steps towards a partner if he has that for me, or to continually give me peace and restore my contentment if a partner isn't what Jesus has for me.

As for being with my friends, it's been an incredible privilege to watch them be married and have babies.   With some of my married girlfriends, the only thing that has really changed since they've gotten married is a few topics of conversation.  I'm not now and never have been particularly close friends with their husbands, and so when I hang out with those friends, we still usually hang out as just us girls.  With one friend in particular, though, when we spend time together, though it is often just us, it doesn't make a difference in our conversation if her husband is there.  He's always made me feel incredibly welcome, that's he's grateful for my friendship with his wife, and that he's interested in my story, and who I am.  (Can I just suggest that if you're married, this is one of the most precious gifts you and your spouse can offer to single friends?)  When the three of us are together, the conversation is the same as it would be if he wasn't there, but with another voice, and an even fuller perspective, and I LOVE that.

I've also been really blessed and challenged by the process of watching a lot of my friends become parents in the past number of years.  There has been something incredibly holy for me in watching this transition take-place - watching women I've known for a very long time become mothers.  It has blessed me deeply to see the new sides of their character and personality emerge as they carry, birth and begin to raise their children.  It's been great fun to watch as their children begin to grow and interact with their parents, to see the different ways my friends are blessing the babies that Jesus has entrusted to them.  It's made for fascinating conversations - to talk about the challenges they're facing in parenting and marriage and life.  To talk about the struggles and questions that come with those stages in life.  I've found that though the context is different, their is still so much that I can relate to, be challenged by, and encouraged to grow in in the midst of these new aspects of my friendships.  And, there is nothing quite like the way a little boy or girl's face lights up when you walk into the room and they recognize and love you.  Nothing quite like cuddling a baby, or playing peek-a-boo.  There are things about my friends having children, and me getting to relate to those children that have brought great healing and joy to my soul.

So... I guess you could say that yes, I do struggle at times with being single as I watch a great number of friends marry and start families, but that I have also found incredible blessing and joy in these new stages of life for my friends - that Jesus has worked in them to show me new things about himself, and about myself, and that He has challenged me to pray in new ways for my friends as they transition through these various stages of life.

Odd sort of day

It's been an odd sort of day if the first time it hits me that I haven't stopped in at the blog to say something, anything really, is after noon.

Obviously today is that sort of day.

I was awake early. Too early. So early, in fact, that when I commented on a friend's facebook status, another friend replied with, "Lisa, why are you awake this early?"

The answer?

Explosive dreams.

Literally. Demolition. Fleeing for lives. And it's recurring and building on itself for a couple of days now. The last time a dream did that, it wreaked some serious havoc in my life. Some of the things that came from that one are still big giant question marks, while others still carry a sting.

It would be nice to understand these things I experience in the night. (Four days in a row again, not that I'm counting or anything...) But, these days I'm getting more and more used to the fact that this is my reality, that the nights for me are lively. That sometimes God speaks, and sometimes I encounter other things that are far less than "of God", and sometimes my brain is just so overloaded that it uses the night to process the events of the last days and weeks, but in some sort of bizarre way that I don't quite understand.

I was reflecting the other day, that if I ever do get married (something I'm in absolutely no hurry to have happen, if ever) it would be handy if my husband had the gift of dream interpretation. He'll also need to sleep like a dead person to weather my inability to sleep, but hey, dream interpretation and a supernatural gift of sleep - I'm not looking for much!

On the other hand, I was also asked yesterday, quite seriously by someone, if I'd ever considered becoming a nun. The answer to that question is also yes.

I spent the morning at the office doing all sorts of little tasks, and running out to do some errands - to deal with an errant cell phone, and to solve the crisis of coffee with no available cream or milk. (Does it seem funny to you that this is a crisis? It's funny to me. Perhaps because I don't drink coffee.)

I have probably a dozen more little tasks to tackle over the course of the afternoon.

I'm relishing the presence of a friend and coworker in the office right now. She's been away quite a bit lately, using up some vacation time, and the office is so much more bearable when she's there to share those moments of laughter AND those moments when you really must vent to someone or risk having your head explode.

Tonight is grocery shopping night at the soul-sucking mega store. But, I don't have to cook dinner before we shop. My roommate worked the early shift today, and will be home before I am (something that almost never happens) and will be doing the cooking. I think she's making some sort of thai beef red curry dish. I'm not a huge fan of curries, but I agreed to try this one. And, I really do need a grocery store trip - I'm nearly out of peanut m&m's, nearly out of toothpaste, and nearly out of the granola bars that seem to comprise my breakfast most of the time just currently.

And, with that, I'm off... time to get back to the list. Only a day and a half left until the weekend. For that I'm also incredibly thankful.