Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 164

Today's Daily 5:

1. Feeling confident that I did reasonably well on the first real assignment for marking, submitted today
2. A really productive lunch break
3. The feeling of being "not alone" - knowing that despite some differing opinions from what we are being taught, I am not the only one who differs
4. a long hot shower
5. watching a movie while I plugged my way through some tedious homework tasks tonight

Tuesday Anticipations, January 31, 2012

This week I'm anticipating:

• The true beginning of evaluation in school, with an in class essay, and a practical exam on immunizations
• the chance to spend part of my daily bus commute partaking in a podcasted lectio divina
• the ongoing study of the book of Mark at house church
• a week where my evenings are quieter, and more restful than they've been in a while
• the chance to continue practicing new habits I'm working to develop
• participating in ongoing conversations with new friends
• the approach of four days of anniversaries on the weekend, and the experience of them from a different perspective this year
• the chance to do a bit of reading that does not revolve around the nursing process, epidemiology, or immunizations!  basically, the chance to read a bit for pleasure.
• the new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.  Still loving both shows, even after all these years.

And you?  What are you anticipating this week?

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 163

Today's Daily 5:

1. A quiet morning
2. Getting myself really organized
3. a day where sweat pants and a cozy hoodie are the most appropriate attire
4. getting a load of laundry done (and washing the sheets on my bed!)
5. a good soundtrack in the background (and suggestions from friends for some new tunes)
6. getting caught up on school work
7. A sandwich made with leftover roast ham, on canadian rye bread (with a little bit of applesauce!)
8. A big mug of hot tea mid-afternoon, to keep me warm while studying in my basement lair
9. being able to trade questions about tomorrow's assignment by text message with classmates
10. jello (I really do love jello... a favorite low calorie treat!)
11. the chance to catch up by phone with a far away friend
12. feeling like the day was smooth, and restful, while much was accomplished
13. candles adding warmth and light to my space
14. a new web/iphone to do list app that is what I've wanted in an app for quite a while
15. working at my desk, instead of perched on my bed all day.  So nice to have a desk, and so much easier on my back and neck than sitting on the bed.

Monday Musings

I've been staring at this blank screen for a while, wondering what to say in this space today.

I could tell you about school, but nothing particularly worth reporting occurred in the last week or so.  We worked in groups for four to five hours a day.  I didn't kill anyone (or feel particularly inclined to, for that matter.)  I gave a mandarin orange multiple injections.  I learned that influenza that you are vaccinated for, is NOT the same as the stomach flu bugs that make the rounds each and every year.  I finished the week tired, worn out from all of the constant noise and interaction, but maybe not quite so tired as the previous weeks.  Maybe, just maybe, I will find a rhythm in this that works for me yet!

I could talk to you about food, and eating disorders, and body image, and how Jesus is speaking and moving and challenging my heart in all of these things.  But these are things that are still fresh, that still have words forming, and even as I tell you that I could talk about these things, my heart knows that it is too soon, and that any attempt to write them out would be stilted and clumsy, and would prematurely expose the precious bits of my heart that are being shaped in these areas.

In the same way, I could talk to you about ministry, about leadership, about encouraging words from a friend.  All of these are topics where Jesus is speaking, where odd things are emerging and making themselves known within me.  And it would be premature to do more than name the existence of any of them.

I guess what I'm saying is that Jesus is working, and I'm finding myself in the position of waiting and listening to the new voices and spaces emerging within me, rather than expressing those things outwardly.  It's not a bad place to be, really.  It's peaceful, and quiet here, as I wait and watch and listen.  And I am thankful for these signs of life within me.  It makes for odd, cryptic, and quiet blog posts, but it does lovely things in my heart.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 162

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sunday morning quiet
2. watching live worship from Bethel Church online
3. Resting in words of encouragement offered yesterday by a friend
4. An afternoon spent with L, before she flies home tomorrow
5. Cooking together again, one of our favorites - peas and bacon in cream sauce over farfalle
6. Lots and lots of laughter together
7. A big hug goodbye
8. Home nice and early, and settling in to prepare for the day and week ahead
9. Mocha fudge brownie ice cream
10. discovering that some of the health measures I've been following are working, and having noticeable and measurable results.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 161

Today's Daily 5:

1. Worship in the tiny hours of the morning, led by a friend
2. Conversation on an honest level, that encouraged my heart, with a trusted friend
3. a long bath with a good book
4. a new planner
5. the smell of an awesome meal cooking
6. playing a bingo game on facebook
7. chatting with my baby brother
8. The fact that my brother is loving cooking, and made this fabulous chocolate mousse for dessert
9. crawling into bed tired, and sleeping well
10. chances to make choices that are healthy

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 160

Today's Daily 5:

1. Friday!
2. The opportunity to practice one of the nursing skills that we have a practical exam on next week
3. a grilled chicken pita for lunch
4. peanut butter
5. the flexibility to come home and sleep/nap for most of the evening, to be prepared for an early morning commitment.

Friday Reflections, January 27, 2012

For today's Friday Reflection, I wanted to share an image that I've linked to here before.  David Hayward shared this carton at NakedPastor again recently, and it once again grabbed at my heart, and spoke to the journey I've been on over the last number of years, and the journey I continue to be on.  A journey of starting my days from a place of being known and loved, from a place of greater confidence and rest.  It's been such a powerful journey, and this image has been a part of that.  I'd love to hear what thoughts and images that this cartoon stirs for you today.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 159

Today's Daily 5:

1. Waking up happy
2. bus drivers who turn the heat up
3. little routines like scripture reading on the bus
4. the small reminders that I am known and loved
5. a good day of class work
6. finishing a bit early
7. a really encouraging appointment
8. a cuddle and a hug and kiss goodnight from my favorite little guy tonight
9. gathering with home church to study the book of Mark
10. the comfort of collapsing into my own bed at the end of the night

Listening to the Internal Voices

I spent the whole of Monday with one of my closest friends, and it was fabulous to have that time to be together.  Since we have lived (and will live for the foreseeable future) on separate continents, in person, non-skype or email conversations are precious and to be cherished.  We talked about the funny, and the important, and the deeply personal, and everything in between.

We met up again for dinner after I finished class on Tuesday night, and invited another long-time friend of mine and acquaintance of L's to join us for dinner and drinks.  The conversation and laughter flowed freely again.

As I took the bus home on Tuesday night, I found myself pondering those conversations, pondering the things I'd shared first with L, and then with both of these friends who know and have known the deepest parts of me quite well.  I pondered the things I shared, and listened as a new internal voice that I've been noticing lately began to once again make itself known.

It's not a voice that is familiar, though I know it as mine.  It's not a voice that is comfortable, though I find the comfort growing.  It's a voice that makes me laugh and cringe all at once, in anticipation and nervousness abounding.

It's a voice that I hope to welcome, one that I want to give heed to.  One that calls me to pay attention, and to bring it's words before some trusted external voices and advisors in my life.

I'm anticipating where it is taking me, but in the meantime, I'm trying to sit quietly and let it find it's place.  Let this thing within my soul find full voice.  I'm trying to honor that.  And so I listen and ponder and pray as it speaks and grows in strength within me.  As it tentatively roots itself in my soul and begins again a process of transformation.  I sit and listen and pray and wait.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 158

Today's Daily 5:

1. wearing yoga pants to school
2. listening to some new worship albums that I recently downloaded
3. finding reasons to laugh amidst draining days
4. the insulated cold mug with a straw that I picked up at Starbucks and use for drinking water when I'm at home
5. an oatmeal raisin cookie
6. the welcome relief of a long, hot shower after a very long and draining day
7. the scent of lavender
8. the fact that when I accidentally left my purse in a classroom, it was still there with nothing missing when I went back for it over an hour later
9. a really productive evening, moving through personal and school obligations
10. the fun of marking things off a list

Whimsical Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Two of today's Whimsical Wednesday images are very reflective of the place I find my heart in at the moment, and the others, well, they're the images that made me laugh out loud, or nod my head in agreement this week.  As always, I'm curious to hear if any of the images provoke a response from you, and what that response was.  Leave a comment!

Source: insert-catchy-title-here.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: sueswink.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: bravegirlsclub.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: nerdquirks.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: nerdquirks.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 157

Today's Daily 5:

1. getting my favorite seat on the bus to kick off another week of school
2. fruit salad for breakfast
3. good conversations with new friends (and reasons to laugh)
4. discovering and beginning to sit with some new and emerging things within me
5. meeting up again today with L, and then joining another long-time good friend J, to head to a pub together and share great, encouraging conversation together through much laughter.

Tuesday Anticipations, January 24, 2012

This week I'm anticipating:

• A number of chances to spend a bit of time with one of my best friends, in town for a short visit
• A quieter evening schedule, leaving me a bit more time for stillness and rest
• An appointment with a trusted advisor, and a chance to chat through some of what's been going on in my life
• House Church - I'm loving the way we're studying through Mark right now, and the time we're spending in prayer.
• The chance to connect with another longtime friend at a worship gathering on the weekend

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 156

Today's Daily 5:

1. Waking up with joy and anticipation of the day ahead
2. Sunshine
3. hours and hours of walking all over downtown and taking some photos
4. Seeing L. in person for the first time in a year
5. all the laughter, chatting and catching up that comes from being together in person with one of your closest friends who normally lives far away
6. Vietnamese lunch
7. a couple awesome deals at a second hand clothing shop
8. a much anticipated steak dinner with L.
9. getting to meet and cuddle the 8 day old son of L and my other former Kiwi roommate
10. the fun of arriving home still smiling in a huge way, knowing that I spent the day with one of my people, and that it fed my soul in awesome ways.

Group Work Might Be The Death of Me

Week two of nursing school has come and gone, and the title of this post summarizes the prevailing thought in my head for the week.  If you are a kinesthetic and social learner, than nursing school as I'm experiencing it just might be your perfect fit.  Since I am neither, it is a challenge.  It's not an academic challenge, it's a deeply personal one.

I am spending four to five hours a day working in small groups, with tons of interaction.  It's draining for my introverted self, and by Friday afternoon, I am finding myself completely exhausted.  (Let me add here that I really enjoy the people in the group that I am working with, and I am making friends.  I appreciate these people, and my exhaustion doesn't reflect on them, it's completely a reflection of my personality and learning styles.)  When Friday arrived, I was so happy to get on a bus, and finally arrive at home.  When I got on the bus, all I could think was "If I don't ever see another human, I'd be okay with that right now."  I didn't turn on music or television when I got home, the way I normally would.  I sat in the quiet, sinking onto the edge of my bed.  Slowly, as I made some dinner, sat in the quiet, did a bit of laundry, and tackled some organizational stuff that needed to be done, the exhaustion abated, and I started feeling human again.

The kinesthetic learning that I mentioned is challenging for me as well.  I was excited when our clinical instructor told us that we would spend an hour that afternoon reviewing everything we'd learned thus far.  "Finally," I thought, "I'll make some succinct notes, and gain some clarity."  Nope.  The review involved taping a term to each of our backs, and having us ask questions to discover what the term taped to us was.  Then we stuck the terms to the walls all around the room, and took yarn, stringing the terms together, demonstrating their intensely interconnected state, and resulting in a mission impossible sort of maze of yarn to navigate on our way back to our seats.  It was a helpful visual in terms of illustrating the interconnectedness of the terms.  It was completely unhelpful in terms of abating the confusion over the meaning of many of the terms.  Looking back, I can't help but laugh.  Clearly I'm going to have to figure out some independent study strategies, since it would seem thus far that nursing school is not geared to highly auditory learners like me!

And so, in week two I find myself challenged again by my word for 2012.  Still.  It's hard to be still when every moment of the day is noisy and filled with conversation and people.  I'm finding it challenging to still have energy at the end of the day to interact with my close friends and family.  The people who feed my soul.  And so, I am quietly considering my commitments, and my habits, finding ways to embrace stillness.  Finding ways to be still even when I'm working at home.  And I'm actively seeking coping strategies to make the constant group interaction a more fulfilling and less draining component of my week.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 155

Today's Daily 5:

1. a long sleep in
2. a hot shower
3. bumming around the house for the evening in sweat pants
4. getting a bunch of needed errands done
5. sweet potatoes - just so good!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 154

Today's Daily 5:

1. not setting an alarm, and taking the morning slowly
2. music quietly playing (Rosie Thomas - a new discovery)
3. vitamins
4. shopping with an old friend this afternoon
5. long bus rides to listen to an audiobook
6. lots of good foods today
7. falling slowly into the habit of making consistently healthier food choices
8. a chance to chat with a friend on the way to and from a party we attended
9. lots of reasons to laugh
10. fun at a party, even when my introverted self was ready for time away from people

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 153

Today's Daily 5:

1. thankful for the realization that the really bad days are far fewer than they were even a year ago
2. thankful for new and unexpected opportunities to share bits and pieces of my story
3. the grilled chicken pita that I looked forward to all week
4. a good partner to work with this afternoon
5. the deep relief of arriving home to my own space, quiet and bedroom, after a very long week

Friday Reflections, January 20, 2012

Today's Friday Reflection is once again written by Henri Nouwen, and is one well worth pondering.

Being Safe Places for Others

When we are free from the need to judge or condemn, we can become safe places for people to meet in vulnerability and take down the walls that separate them. Being deeply rooted in the love of God, we cannot help but invite people to love one another. When people realise that we have no hidden agendas or unspoken intentions, that we are not trying to gain any profit for ourselves, and that our only desire is for peace and reconciliation, they may find the inner freedom and courage to leave their guns at the door and enter into conversation with their enemies.

Many times this happens even without our planning. Our ministry of reconciliation most often takes place when we ourselves are least aware of it. Our simple, nonjudgmental presence does it.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 152

Today's Daily 5:

1. a pretty crescent moon
2. an extra hour of sleep this morning
3. twitter conversations
4. spotting a guy riding a unicycle to the university in this crazy -35C weather we've been having
5. watching steam rise in the sunlight off the river
6. finishing class early
7. friends who generously feed me most Thursdays before church
8. the moment when a child communicates trust by coming and inviting you to take them into your arms or lap
9. various lines from the day that are still making me laugh
10. a few helpful hints on one of the nursing skills from a friend

Some Video Love

I came across the following videos on the weekend, and knew that I had to share all of them here.

They are animations of bookshelves and a book shop that are incredibly creative and well-done!  I hope someday my bookshelves come alive like these!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 151

Today's Daily 5:

1. moments of laughter
2. successfully navigating even some challenging group dynamics
3. a healthy supper that I didn't have to cook
4. getting the chance to be with the house church leaders
5. a kiss goodnight from my favorite little guy when his parents dropped me off

Whimsical Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Today's Whimsical Wednesday collection is primarily made up of things that have made me chuckle this week, and a few images that quite simply grabbed at various parts of my heart.  As always, I'd love to hear which image most caught your attention, and why!

Source: etsy.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: 9gag.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: agirlinthesunshine.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: neverloseyourmuchness.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Lisa on Pinterest

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 150

Today's Daily 5:

1. new friends
2. a productive lunch hour
3. the anticipation of things to come
4. the fun of beginning to learn an actual nursing skill
5. when bus drivers use the heat on cold days (I had one this morning that didn't and it made me super thankful for the one this afternoon that did!)
6. parents who still feed me several times a week
7. an email full of pictures of a friend's new little guy
8. texting with a friend who excitedly offered to help me practice some skills for nursing later this week
9. a bowl of oatmeal as a bedtime snack
10. curling up under lots of warm blankets to wind-down for the night

Tuesday Anticipation, January 17, 2012

This week I am anticipating:

• A chance to gather with the other house church leaders, to connect and pray
• A hug from my favorite little boy
• A session of clinical training where we will learn about and practice vaccinations
• Connecting further with some people I've met through the nursing program, and developing some friendships
• Diving back into our study of Mark at house church, after taking some time away from it over the holidays
• the arrival of one of my best friends, coming for a visit on her way home from working on the other side of the globe, and getting to spend a bit of time with her

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 149

Today's Daily 5:

1. Connecting for tea and sharing hearts with a friend I haven't seen in a while
2. really good rooibos tea
3. home made hand warmers
4. the 301 bus route, which at least sped up the trip across the city today
5. shopping with my sister-in-law to be for a couple hours
6. managing to get quite a lot done, so that I feel like I'm in a good place heading into the school week starting early tomorrow morning
7. feeling like the weekend was what I needed - both restful and full of things that really needed to be accomplished
8. supper from Opa
9. a goofy slip up on a facebook status that incited laughter and teasing
10. beginning the countdown to the day I get to spend with L!  can't wait!  7 days!

Reflecting on the First Week of Nursing School

It's kind of a weird thing to have a first day of school in an undergraduate program when you're a lot closer to thirty years old than to eighteen.  Fun, but kind of weird.  Thankfully, the program I'm in is one where the majority of students are closer to my age than eighteen.  There are a few who did a year or so of university, and transferred in, the students who are 20-22 years old (and you can tell which ones they are), but most of the students have similar stories to me - we studied something else, worked for a while, and we're entering nursing with a certainty that this is where we're supposed to be.  A certainty that I think can sometimes be hard to have when you're 20.

I had the fun of picking out my first day of school outfit, and the fun of the anticipation of realizing all over again that this dream is finally happening for me.  I went with a pair of jeans, a hoodie, and boots in case you were wondering - deciding that comfort trumped fashion sense for classes that start at 8 am.

And that's another thing.  I have to be at the university campus for 8 am four days a week.  I live at the opposite end of the city from the university, which means I'm back to rolling out of bed at 5:30, and catching the bus at 6:30.  Not the most ideal study schedule for this night owl who truly believes that nothing of consequence should happen before 10:00 am!  (Definitely something I'm going to have to get used to, though, since by 10:00 am, my lectures are two thirds over!)

The expectations were high, and the first day met them.  The morning theory lecturer seemed like she would be a good communicator, and the afternoon, well, the afternoon was pretty cool.  Tuesday afternoons for three hours, we get to learn practical skills.  They're pretty much the only practical skills in the whole semester, so I fully intend to cherish those three hour time blocks.  In the first week, we spent about two-thirds of that block learning about asepsis, and hand-washing.  The last while we learned how to properly remove soiled gloves, and how to assemble a syringe.  We may even get the chance to do some school vaccinations in a few weeks!  (Which, by the way, makes me laugh!  The only human patient I'm liable to see this semester, and my job will be to inflict pain!  Too funny!)

If I'm honest, the first week was confusing.  The material in each of the four classes seems to hopelessly overlap, and the clinical placement for the semester is the least defined of any that we'll encounter over the course of the degree.  I'm taking comfort in the fact that in talking to other students, everyone is confused, and even our clinical instructors are telling us that it's quite normal to be confused at this point, and that it will become clearer as the weeks progress.

My other observation would be that nursing school is apparently going to involve a whole lot of group work, random games, and everyone talking at once.  In my first week I speed dated ten other women, played the part of an affluent politician on a version of Survivor and was promptly voted off the island to meet my death at the hands of a zombie apocalypse, and survived a day with close to six hours of 19 women and one man talking all at once.  It was a little bit nuts, and hard on my introverted, prefers one on one or very small group interaction self.

And then there's this - after the first week, I find myself grappling with my One Word for the year.  My word is "still" - a word that fits my reflective, introverted heart well.  A word that is easy to live when there aren't other demands on my time.  A word that is easy to live when I have hours a day to engage in creativity - to read, to write, to sew, to cook, to knit, and to reflect.  It's not a word that's quite as easy to live when 8 hours a day are spent in the company of others, and at least half of those are spent in the course of constant interaction with others, and largish groups.

After only one week, I am realizing that I will need to prioritize my life.  That there will be times when I will need to say no to meeting with friends I truly love, in favor of valuing my need for rest and stillness. That I will need to create ways to maintain health - to exercise and eat well.  That many things will have to be assessed in terms of whether they will give or drain life and energy.  Thankfully, most of the things that are priorities in my life outside of school have already been assessed in that manner - that's how they have become priorities.  I am realizing, though, that the rigorous school schedule is going to require me to develop discipline in new ways.  To learn to rest more actively - to procrastinate less, and do the things that feed my soul without frittering away an hour online or watching a video first.

I'm cautiously excited.  There are things that scare and frustrate me, and there are things that make my heart sing, and I am learning, even after only one week, to balance them inside me, and grow stronger, heal more deeply, and tell a better story.  I am learning to live all of my One Word's from the last several years in new ways, and that thought causes an involuntary smile to spread across my face.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 148

Today's Daily 5:

1. The only day this week that I didn't have to set a morning alarm
2. An Ikea trip! always a good time!
3. a tasty slice of pizza for lunch
4. the news that some good friends welcomed a little boy to their family today
5. chocolate
6. a productive day, marking items off my long list for the week and weekend
7. organizing
8. a novel I'm quite enjoying
9. little realizations about myself and this season of my life
10. finding moments of quiet and rest

Daily 5 - Year 3, Days 146 & 147

I had every intention of writing a daily 5 list last night.  And then I sat down on my bed around 10pm.  Bad move on my part.  My body, which has spent a week bemoaning the 8am start time of this new school schedule immediately passed out.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep right in the middle of playing a game of online bingo, and didn't wake up for three hours.  At that point I was awake just long enough to take off my glasses and roll over.

So, here's yesterday's Daily 5:

1. Friday!
2. A theory lecture that made me think I might actually quite enjoy that class
3. wifi on the university campus
4. taking advantage of that wifi to watch the latest episode of Big Bang Theory at lunch
5. Surviving my first week of school, and going home to a quiet evening, and plans that included cleaning, organizing and homework.

And here's today's Daily 5:

1. Not having to get up at 5:30 am!
2. getting a whole bunch of errands done
3. the satisfaction that comes with checking items off of a long to do list
4. baking muffins for the week ahead
5. a long hot bubble bath

Friday Reflections, January 13, 2012

Since my schedule has become significantly busier with the beginning of my classes, I've decided to introduce a new Friday feature.  For a while on Friday's, we're going to have "Friday Reflections".  For ages I've been collecting quotes and reflections that come to me from different sources, and now I want to share some of those here. Friday's, heading into the weekend seem like a good time for that.

So, to kick things off, I have a meditation written by Henri Nouwen:



The Still, Small Voice of Love

Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, "Prove that you are a good person." Another voice says, "You'd better be ashamed of yourself." There also is a voice that says, "Nobody really cares about you," and one that says, "Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful." But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, "You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you." That's the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

That's what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us "my Beloved."

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 145

Today's Daily 5:

1. finishing up the last immunization and identification requirements for nursing for this year
2. connecting with a friend who is the chaplain on campus
3. getting a needed errand accomplished
4. hanging out with friends from house church
5. eating dinner and laughing at a whole entire range of crazy stories.  I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.

Happening to Me

Y'all, this first week of school has been quite a bit busier than I thought it would.  The program that I'm part of (or the way they're offering my program) is new to the school, and it has been a bit of a gong show week, with dozens of room changes, technical difficulties, lapses in communication, announcements to read on the electronic blackboard, textbooks to buy, or exchange, or return, and so on.

I kind of feel like life is happening TO me, and just sort of sweeping me along.

So, I want to tell you things about the first week, but it needs to wait.

I probably won't post at all tomorrow.

My goal for this three day weekend is to get myself organized - to enter all the required readings into the app I use to track things like that; to tackle the remainder of the first week readings, and the second week ones as well.  To take care of a few things like laundry and errands that have fallen by the wayside as I've been swept along this week.  It's a very doable thing to get myself organized this weekend, and into a space of having more room within me for quiet and reflection.    I can, and need to get to that place of having space again, and not feeling swept along out of control.

So, if it's quiet here for a few days, that's why!  I'm digging out from under the sweeping pile.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to emerge with stories to tell, reasons to smile, and even more excitement for this new journey. And all of those things are ones that I'm excited to share in this space.  See you then!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 144

Today's Daily 5:

1. not having to wait outside for a bus on a cold morning
2. the chance to share a bit of an evening with a friend and my brother
3. getting to know a few people in my classes just a bit better
4. the fun of hiking across campus and then sharing lunch with one new friend
5. finishing early for the day

Whimsical Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Today's Whimsical Wednesday collection can be categorized as all falling into the "I want..." set of thoughts that float through my brain as I'm browsing pinterest.  As in, "I want to be there," "I want to make those" and "I want to wear that."  There's only one image that can't quite be fit into the "I want..." category, and I'd love to hear your guesses which one it is!

Source: etsy.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: stefanwegner.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: dyingofcute.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: appleday.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: polyvore.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: mostlywaitinglc.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: 4.bp.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 143

Today's Daily 5:

1. The lovely scent of fabric softener on my freshly washed hoodie
2. the stillness of the very early morning
3. staring up at the feathery snowfall in a streetlight beam and getting lost in the glowing, dancing, spinning movement
4. bus connections that were on time, even with snowfall
5. enjoying the classes I had
6. a really awesome clinical instructor
7. getting several much needed on campus errands accomplished on my lunch break
8. the beginnings of new friendships
9. getting the chance to be the first person to use a new jar of peanut butter, and scooping some out for a sandwich
10. finding numerous reasons to laugh throughout this day

Tuesday Anticipations, January 10, 2012

This week I'm anticipating the following:

1. The start of classes - the first ones are going on even as this post goes live!  I dive right into clinical skills learning this week too!  I still can't believe this is happening for me!
2. Coffee later this afternoon with a friend - we've been trying to get together for ages and it's finally happening
3. Settling into a routine of school
4. (Maybe) Beginning the hunt for a part time job
5. Hanging out with my brother and a friend
6. House church - we're gathering at a pub/restaurant this week to eat together, pray, and enjoy each other's company
7. The weekend!  I don't have any classes on Monday's, so my weekends will be the time when I can rest, see friends, catch up on homework, eventually work, and tackle outstanding to do items from the week.  I'm looking forward to how these three day weekends will shape up!
8. Settling further into my rearranged living space and seeing how it creates new independence for me.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 142

Today's Daily 5:

1. the laughter of children at the daycare I walk by on my way to the bus
2. sitting in the sun - thankful that so far it's been an amazing winter
3. getting the vast majority of errands and tasks on my list for the day accomplished
4. a huge, lovely moon
5. preparing for the big day (first day of classes) tomorrow - anticipating it, and doing little things like packing my bag, making a lunch (and breakfast - 8 am lectures!), choosing what I'll wear.  Should be awesome!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 141

Today's Daily 5:

1. The sound of windchimes in the quiet morning air
2. a bus that came on time
3. getting my favorite seat on that bus
4. a CPR teacher who moved through the material quickly but thoroughly, and got us out an hour and a half early
5. getting to know a few fellow students, just a little
6. that the desk from mom and dad's fit in dad's truck
7. dad helping me move the desk home
8. the accomplishment of having an area set up for studying, after 5 hours of moving furniture, cleaning and organizing
9. a long, and very full, but good day
10. chocolate

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 140

Today's Daily 5:

1. a restful night
2. hanging out at the zoo with a friend I've known since high school, and her daughter
3. the fun of being Auntie Lisa to a very cute munchkin
4. borrowing dad's very nice camera, and taking dozens of fun photos while at the zoo of said munchkin, some of which I'm really pleased with
5. a long hot shower to warm me up after finding myself feeling extremely chilled

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 139

Yesterday's Daily 5:

1. enjoying a quiet day
2. treating myself to a little ice cream cone at the end of the night
3. watching the newest episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice
4. plowing through several things that needed doing
5. the ongoing anticipation of school, and the things Jesus is working in my heart right now

Friday Thoughts!

I'm curled up in a chair, in the sunshine, with a movie playing in the background.  I have lists to make and things to do, but I wanted to stop in here first!

Orientation yesterday, was, well, boring!  But, it totally hit home that I'm starting classes on Tuesday - that my nursing dream and goal is becoming a reality!  So cool.

So, today I have lists to make - things that need to be done this weekend, mostly.  Things like shortening the scrub pants I bought yesterday - the pants that are currently long enough that if I want them to touch the floor, I need to hold the waistband at armpit level.  Things like reading and cleaning and organizing and sleeping.  Things like watching the newest episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.  And things like taking a CPR course.

It's going to be a good weekend - to rest and recoup, and to fully prepare myself to dive in with my whole being on Tuesday.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 138

Today's Daily 5:

1. nursing orientation.  well, not so much the orientation itself (which was super boring) but the reality that this program is finally beginning.
2. the moment of looking at myself in the mirror of the bookstore dressing room, with a full outfit of scrubs on, and almost wanting to giggle with glee as it hit home again that this really is happening for me!
3. finding one textbook used, and almost all of the rest of the books and uniforms I needed to be easily available, thus avoiding mondo bookstore lines that will happen next week.
4. having a few little conversations with fellow students, also excited to be in the program
5. Vietnamese food from my favorite place on campus
6. a challenging appointment
7. being approached by my favorite two year old boy at house church, asking me to lift him up and hold him, and then touching my face and identifying my facial features with tiny, soft fingers
8. watching God speak and a theme emerge in the bits different people heard from him as we prayed about direction for the coming year
9. three appointments in three different corners of the city, which gave me almost 4 hours of transit/bus time today, in which to read (finished another novel)
10. the chance to gather and pray together as friends at house church tonight

Summarizing a Year of Reading - 2011

If you're new to my blog, you may not know that I keep a number of reading lists from the last several years on this page.  You can find lists dating back to 2007, in a variety of styles, tracking either the entirety of the books I read in a year, or only those books that were non-fiction.

Earlier this week, I completed my first book of 2012 (one that was admittedly started in 2011), and so I updated my list to start tracking my reads in 2012, and tabulated the final results.

My goal at the beginning of the year was to read at least one to two books per month.  I handily surpassed the score of two books per week!  Lots of time on city transit, commuting to and from classes and work, along with unexpected amounts of free time definitely contributed to this being one of my most prolific years of reading in the last decade.

I finished 140 books.  6 of those were audio books.  34 were non-fiction, and 106 were fictional.

I revisited a number of old favorites - easily read novels by Karen Kingsbury and Lori Wick, along with a re-read of the entire Mitford series and the Father Tim novels by Jan Karon.

I read quite a few memoirs, (accounting for a large portion of the non-fiction) and read a large number of titles dealing with the lives of women in the Islamic world.  Among those, my favorites included "The Butterfly Mosque" by G. Willow Wilson, and "In the Land of Invisible Women" by Qanta Ahmed.

When it comes to audio books, my favorites were diverse.  I loved a revisit to "Angry Conversations With God" by Susan Isaacs.  Other strong recommendations include "Bossypants" by Tina Fey, and "Antarctica on a Plate" by Alexa Thomson.

In terms of Christian or religious titles, I enjoyed the novel "The Constantine Codex" by Paul L. Maier (though I'd be quick to add that this title still doesn't measure up to the brilliance of the first novel by Maier that I ever read, "A Skeleton in God's Closet").  I revisited Robert Benson's "Between the Dreaming and the Coming True" and found it easily as profound on a second trip through as it was the first time I read it, when it seemed to speak to my very soul.  I also found myself challenged and impacted by Dan Allender's "Sabbath".

It was a year full of awesome reads (and lots of the brain candy sort as well)!  I have the goal of reading one to two books a month again in 2012, and am hoping to move through dozens of partially finished or never opened titles that already reside on my shelves, as well as take advantage of our local library, and hopefully encounter a number of new authors to challenge, amuse, inspire, educate and shape me as I make my way through the coming year.

(If you have suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them in the comments below!)

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 137

Today's Daily 5:

1. The relief that comes from discovering that my phone will likely still work, after I accidentally dropped it in some water late last night
2. making two new recipes (both healthy, but somewhat sweet, while low in sugar, snacks)
3. the fun of preparing and collecting what I need for nursing orientation tomorrow
4. the apple pecan salad at Wendy's (complete with Blue Cheese!)
5. curling up in bed with a book

Whimsical Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Welcome to the first Whimsical Wednesday of the new year!  I've been hanging out on pinterest a lot lately, letting myself get inspired, and these are just a few of the images that have recently captured my attention.  As always, I'd love to know which is your favorite, and why it stood out to you.

Source: flickr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: myfotolog.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: londonmayhem.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Source: tinywhitedaisies.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 136

Today's Daily 5:

1. a day with just the right balance of quiet and productivity
2. finding little ways to embrace the goals and dreams for this year of Still in my day to day choices
3. playing a bingo game on facebook
4. a little bit of chocolate
5. crawling into a bed with freshly washed sheets

Tuesday Anticipations, January 2, 2012

I'm out of "You Ask, I Answer" questions for the moment, and I was wracking my brain to think of something to blog about on Tuesdays.  So, for now, I'm going to blog about the things I'm anticipating in the week ahead.

I remain ever mindful of the lesson I learned (and continue to learn) from a guy named Stan.  A lesson about postponing joy.  In fact, when I find myself focusing too heavily on the idea that the only joy is that which is coming, I remind myself that I can choose to be present and find joy in the present moment.

That said, there is also a great joy in the anticipation of things that are special, that are unique to a day or a week, that hold the promise of love, and laughter and joy.  Those are the things I want to share with you in Tuesday Anticipations.

So... welcome to my first list of anticipations:

• I'm anticipating the thrill of completion of several necessary (and much procrastinated) errands and tasks
• I'm anticipating the orientation to my nursing program, with the quiet thrill that comes from a peace in the timing that this acceptance has played out in, and the joy of knowing that something I risked longing for has arrived.
• I'm anticipating the first house church gathering of the new year, and the chance to spend time praying for and with each other, and praying for guidance as we head into the new year.
• I'm anticipating the chance to spend time at the zoo with one of my oldest friends and her daughter.  People I love and a place I love - awesome!
• I'm anticipating the fun of shopping for textbooks and uniforms

They're mostly simple things, but they all hold the promise of joy, and that's what I want to share with you on Tuesdays for a while.

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 135

Today's Daily 5:

1. Spotting the mountains in the distance
2. a productive morning
3. audio books
4. hugs and the chance to chat with some dear friends
5. sharing the joy of knowing that orientation for school is only days away, with friends who appreciate the fullness of the journey these past couple years
6. celebrating a special little girl's first birthday
7. time for reading on the bus
8. the thrill of knowing, even if it was only one day, that I consciously worked to make healthy food choices
9. a very warm day for January
10. a clear view of the moon walking home from the bus
11. paging through a magazine, reading, and clipping articles, words and images for future inspiration and projects
12. string cheese
13. a soft pillow
14. scheming, dreaming and planning for the year to come
15. little moments in which to celebrate independence and happiness

Still: Goals, Hopes and Dreams for 2012

Yesterday I shared that my One Word for 2012 is Still.

Today I want to share some of the ways that I'm hoping to flesh out that word in the year to come.  Some of the goals and dreams I have for 2012.

Physical

• Get back into a routine of yoga
• at least 30 minutes a day of physical activity - walking, yoga, situps, whatever - just make the time to move
• Continue to adapt my eating habits towards healthier choices
• Continue the habits that have improved health - vitamins, flossing, winding down for sleep at night, medications etc.
• Drink lots and lots of both tea and water

Emotional/Spiritual/Relational

• Continue to cultivate the friendships that have become important - the ones that are open, honest and like family
• Continue the practice of daily time in scripture by reading through the Bible in a year again
• Start the year by cultivating a more regular practice of listening prayer, using a 40 day devotional "Rivers from Eden" by Brad and Eden Jersak, then carry on a practice of daily prayer/meditation/listening, using in part "Common Prayer" by Shane Claiborne, and "Can You Hear Me?" by Brad Jersak
• Continue seeking help from professionals when needed (something that became invaluable in the last year)
• Cultivate deeper relationships with the people I gather with on Thursdays for House Church
• Study carefully and prayerfully to prepare for the times I lead and teach at House Church
• Consider the possibility of meeting with a spiritual director and/or taking further classes in spiritual development/theology
• Finish reading "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend
• Look for opportunities to widen my circle of friends and meet new people in a way that is comfortable for my introverted self

Mental/Educational/Creative

• Start the year by revisiting several books that have challenged me personally and creatively - "The Echo Within" by Robert Benson, "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller
• Focus, discipline and excel wherever possible in my nursing studies.  I've been waiting a long time for this, and it's worth it to me to work hard at it.
• Find time to learn even little bits of a Spanish.  Even if it's just a word here and there.  There are apps on my phone to help with this if needed, and friends who are fluent who can teach.
• Find new authors to read, and read broadly, feeding the things that fascinate me, and opening myself up to new thoughts and ideas.  Read a minimum of a book a month, but aim for more.
• Time on pinterest - this has been a huge boost to stirring creativity within me over the last number of months, and that's a part of myself that I want to continue to cultivate.  This also plays into the mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of myself.  I feel alive when I'm creating with my hands - whether it's in the kitchen, sewing, crafting, or knitting.  There is a part of my soul that cries out for this, and I've discovered it in new ways, and want to help that part of my being come alive more fully.
• In that vein, craft something, anything, once a month at least, and continue to try out new recipes, aiming for a minimum of once a month.

Financial

• Continue to support various friends and ministries
• Continue to give to Kiva
• No new debt except student loans - live within my means (this means finding a job, and living simply)

Personal/Random

• Buy a pair of Toms (the third year in a row that this is on my list - maybe this will finally be the year for it?)
• Find a more suitable living situation
• Simplify - sort through belongings and pare down - less clutter, no holding on for "someday".  Balance beauty with usefulness and necessity.  I'm not hunting for a spartan lifestyle, just a simpler, even less consumer driven lifestyle.  This also means finding ways to reduce, reuse, recycle wherever possible.
• In the note of consuming less - hang more clothes to dry (my exceptions here are sheets and towels - I just like those softer and smelling pretty); recycle more - it's simple thanks to the blue bin program; I just have to be willing to go out of my way a bit.  Buy used when possible.  Reduce the clothing I buy, and consider the versatility of various pieces.

It seems like a crazy list when I look at it all written out like this.  And yet, the vast majority of these things fit with "Still" for me.  They are nearly all things that call me to a quieter, deeper, and fuller life, or are a continuation of habits and practices and passions that are already in play in my life.  They're not hard and fast rules for me.  In my mind and heart they're simply the fleshing out of the way the word Still came to me.  They're guidelines for living out the words that have already made themselves at home, and for welcoming Still to grow and shape me.  I'm looking forward with joy and anticipation and much hope and peace to seeing the way these things play out within me. I enter 2012 with more anticipation than any year in recent history, and I'm so excited to see where it goes!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 134

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sleeping late
2. Having the house to myself for most of the afternoon, with time to think, plan and write
3. Sharing my one word for this year with the world in a post earlier today
4. going through magazines to clip words and images for future collages and art journaling, and finding my one word in a size small enough to clip it and tape it just above my laptop monitor
5. the continuing tradition of eating Chinese take-out with whatever immediate family members are available on New Year's Day

One Word 2012

I'm joining Alece and many, many others again this year in choosing a word that will give shape and form to the 365 days ahead.

Two years ago, my word was Story.  It was an informally chosen word, but by the end of the year I knew it was a word that would shape all of the years to come with the desire to tell a truly great story with my life, even if it was a story that only seemed truly great to me, a story that is never noticed by the rest of the world.

In 2011 I had chosen a word, and was pondering it on December 31, 2010, as I walked to the passport office to renew my passport.  As I walked, a different word than I had chosen appeared, and made itself at home in my heart, settling in, and choosing itself for me.  That word was Heal.  It didn't look the way I thought it might, that day it made itself at home within me, but it was ultimately a challenging, moving, and deeply true journey.  It was a year for healing.

As December 2011 came, I began pondering what word I would choose to shape 2012, trying different words on for size, inviting them into my heart, and seeing if they would make themselves at home there. I tried words like "grow," "learn," "nurse," "study," "maintain," and "pursue" on for size.  All of them spoke to parts of me, but none settled in for a long stay.

And so I waited for a word to arrive, to make itself at home within me.  I wondered if this would be the year that was wordless, and I constantly reminded myself that 2011's word arrived at the last moment to take up residence.  I thought and pondered, played word games inside my head, and waited.  I needed a word that fit with that life-shaping word of story.  I needed a word that continued the work of "heal" within me - a word that moved story and heal forward into new places and chapters.

Early last week a word appeared, and as I checked the definitions for clarity, it began the process of unpacking and settling itself in for a long stay.

My word for 2012?

                                            Source: weheartit.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Still.

I chose it for these definitions:

1. remaining in place or at rest; motionless; stationary: to stand still.
2. free from sound or noise, as a place or persons; silent: to keep still about a matter.
3. subdued or low in sound; hushed: a still, small voice.
4. free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil;calm: the still air.
5. in the future as in the past: Objections will still be made.
6. even; in addition; yet (used to emphasize a comparative):still more complaints; still greater riches.
7. even then; yet; nevertheless: to be rich and still crave more.
8. to silence or hush (sounds, voices, etc.).
9. to calm, appease, or allay: to still a craving.
10. to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside (waves, winds,commotion, tumult, passion, pain, etc.).

Ten definitions. 

Still is a word that speaks to my soul.  It's a word that speaks to me of the life I've found in the times when I can embrace quiet and creativity.  It's a word that calls me to find time for balance, to embrace those moments, to truly stop and rest, and care for myself.  It's a word that speaks to me of my growing awareness of myself, and my needs, and how to best meet or have those needs met.

It's also a word that speaks to me of action, and continuation.  Of still telling a great story with my life.  Of still healing and carrying healing within me.  Of carrying forward the things that have meant so much to me over the last years.

My word for 2012 is Still, and I'm curious and excited to see what it holds as it builds itself a home in my heart.

(p.s.  I'll be back later today, or sometime tomorrow with some thoughts and dreams that go with this word for the next year.  I'm looking forward to sharing those here, and then beginning the journey of living them.)