Walk On...

I'm sitting here, staring at the screen and wondering how to describe where I'm at this morning.

The time spent with friends yesterday was rich and beautiful, and ended with the community of praying people that the friends I'm traveling with are a part of in Canmore praying for our team as we went. I was glad for the opportunity to be there to be part of it.

Here's the thing, though. Yesterday made this trip real. Made it real how absolutely far outside of my comfort zone I've chosen to step over this next month and a bit. Made it real that in five days I'm getting on a plane and flying across the world to join friends to pray and live in community together, and to hopefully meet with Jesus.

I passed a restless night after arriving home. Sleep was fleeting. I woke often and battled the dreams and the middle of the night fears.

I knew this would come. It always does as I step into something I believe Jesus is calling me to, something outside my comfortable realm.

I have a friend who loves adventure - collects new opportunities wherever she can, can't handle life without change for very long. She once asked me, "Don' t you ever just want to burst out of your comfort zone? Doesn't it ever make you bored and you just long for change?" My answer was succinct. "No."

So I knew this would come, the onslaught of fears. I've been expecting it. And I know that I'll survive it and emerge relatively unscathed. But it never seems to get easier to make the journey through to the other side.

And so, this morning, I'm fighting the remnants of a tension headache I was hoping to sleep off. The tears are just below the surface, and I'm exhausted. I'm determined to fight back, to push through, but not sure where I'm going to find the strength and energy to accomplish that feat. So I'm sitting here, staring at a laptop screen, listening to the music I always listen to when I need to push through something - U2.

In a few minutes I'll get ready for church, and head out the door. I'm being commissioned this morning for my journey. A whole congregation gathered around myself and another girl who is also embarking on an adventure with Jesus for this next season, talking to Jesus about us.

In the meantime, I'm reminded of a line from Anne of Green Gables, "I'm feeling tired and provincial and about 10 years old..."

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Now playing: U2 - Walk On
via FoxyTunes