In the atmosphere

I’m feeling a strong pull inward today. Walking around the insides of my soul tentatively and taking stock. Figuring out what's going on. What's mine in there, and what isn't.

It’s been an odd twenty four hours.

I spent a significant chunk of time both Saturday and yesterday exploring something I hadn’t thought about in years, and beginning to figure out next steps in some areas of my life.

I came home from the mountains last night feeling stretched, but very peaceful. I had a strong sense of the hands of God working in some areas of my life, though very few answers to some of the questions I had been seeking answers for.

As I mentioned in a post last night, I came home to discover that my mom had been hospitalized for much of the day yesterday. I’m still waiting to hear how she’s doing today.

I woke this morning with a perfect peace. Something that’s been lacking these last few months. A strong awareness of the close presence of the Spirit. A solution on my heart for one of the situations I’d been praying about all weekend. My commute this morning was an extension of that peace – a prayerful journey as I talked with God about many things past and upcoming in my life.

I arrived at the office, and couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but knew that something was off.

I don’t usually pick up on the spiritual or emotional atmosphere of a place. I quite easily pick that up from people, but rarely from location.

This has been a weird morning. There is something heavy going on in the atmosphere of our building (or at least our floor), and people are feeling it. Several have commented to me that they are having “weird days” or “one of those days.”

A relative of two of my coworkers passed away over the weekend, and that is adding something to the atmosphere.

I have been experiencing emotions all morning that I know are not mine. Intense anger. A cold, hardness of spirit. Grief. Deep, longing sadness. I’m working at not absorbing these things. The sense of peace I woke with this morning gives me the assurance that these are not mine, and yet, they are seeking to undermine my peace, and my confidence in the things God spoke as I traveled to work this morning.

I think I’m going to leave the building for a bit on my lunch hour. I feel like I need to be outside. To release some stuff and come back restored and refreshed for the afternoon.

It seems an odd coincidence that the book I brought with me to read on the bus on the way home this afternoon is one that Kirk lent me several months back, and I’m just now finding time to begin to wade through. The title? “Listening Prayer.”