Let it Drive You to God

2 Corinthians 7:9-11 (The Message)

"Now I’m glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets. And now, isn’t it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You’re more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you’ve come out of this with purity of heart."

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 95

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 95 days of making these lists
2. A mug of tea
3. Making fun plans with friends for the weekend
4. surviving another snowy commute (this one more complicated and slower)
5. requesting a new book to review from booksneeze
6. pausing for a few minutes to eat lunch and just breathe a little
7. Spending my day making phone calls for work that made people incredibly happy.  I get paid to be the person who tells people that they are going to have gifts to give their children for Christmas this year.  It's maybe the best job ever, because everyone I speak with is incredibly thankful, and today I got to hear some incredible stories, too, about how we're meeting a neeed.
8. Subway for supper
9. a day where painkillers actually worked, and I was much more functional than I thought I'd be
10. wearing a scarf (today's was from Nepal)
11. good discussions at house church tonight
12. praying together with friends.

Tired and Achy

Yesterday was a challenging day.

And last night was pretty rough.

I pretty much feel like crying.

The injuries from my car accidents that get exacerbated when I'm exhausted and emotionally drained are all sore.

And there is snow.  Everywhere.  In quantities that just won't stop.

So, I'm just going to do my best to put one foot in front of the other today.  Paste on a smile and fake it til I make it real, I think.

I can do this.  Once minute, one breath at a time.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 94

Today's Daily 5:

1. Having keys to the building at work, and being able to let myself in, instead of having to beg someone to let me in the way I did the first two days.
2. settling in at my desk for the month, and sipping a mug of pomegranate green tea
3. A smooth bus commute - the bus was sliding all over the icy roads this morning, so it was relieving to get there safely.
4. Blogging/writing via my iphone while on the bus
5. Wearing jeans at work
6. Scarf season - today's was from Kenya (Monday was Morocco, Tuesday was California, tomorrow will be Nepal)
7. wearing a bracelet I like, but rarely wear
8. hemp lip balm from the body shop
9. yoga, and the irony, after some challenging moments today, of listening to the video teacher talk about letting all the problems of the day drain away
10. feeling like my job is something that has a purpose, and isn't self-serving
11. playing games online
12. listening to a large chunk of a fascinating audio book while playing a game online
13. sipping a couple mugs of tea while I puttered
14. a hug from mom
15. a phone call from a dear friend, reminding me that I am loved
16. digging into some of the few remaining Almond Joy bars in the stash I brought home from California
17. chocolate in general was a blessing tonight
18. finding reasons to laugh
19. 2 Corinthians 5, in The Message
20. re-reading "Sidney and Norman: A Tale of Two Pigs"  "First, I love you.  Second, I love you.  Third, I love you."

Maybe it's Just a Season

I feel like I've been writing boring things here.

Quizzes, links, that sort of thing.

Very little personal narrative.

It's because I'm feeling a bit wordless these days.

I write in a number of forums, both public and private, and I just kind of feel wordless.

Not exactly numb, but lacking words that fit around the spaces my body and soul are occupying.

And so I'm posting "boring" things.

I'm thinking a lot about Anne Jackson's book and website "Permission to Speak Freely" these days.  About how that question, "What's one thing you can't say in church?" and Anne's story impacted me when I read it in early September.  Partly because I've walked some of her story.  The addiction pieces, the mental health pieces, the pastor's kid pieces - all of these are things I'm rather intimately familiar with.

Last night I jotted my own answer to that question on a slip of paper.  I may even drop it in the mail.

But in the meantime, the process of journeying through that is leaving me feeling at a loss for words.

So I write "fluffy" posts with quizzes and links.  Nothing I think might stir controversy, because I don't have the mental energy to separate criticism of my position from criticism of me right now.  I started writing a post in my head that I thought might generate discussion, and stopped, because I wondered if it would stir controversy I'd rather not wade through right now.  Fluffy posts, and daily 5 lists.  Lists that are sometimes a desperate grab for sanity, and sometimes just a genuine reflection of things in my day that brightened it, brought smiles and laughter, and gratefulness.

I think it's probably just a season, this wordlessness.  I pray so at least.  I'll be back.  And in the meantime, pardon the fluffy.  It's all I have energy for most days.

Go pick up Anne Jackson's book in the meantime.  You won't regret the read.