- Getting out of bed anyway (even when the day starts out hard)
- A home-made hamburger
- Finally printing up a "no escape" list of ideas for the days when escaping my weird living situation isn't as easy
- a bit of understanding for a moment where God was catching my attention and the way it was rattling around inside of me
- trading emails with a friend
- several positive steps on the "looking for a job" front
- frozen chocolate chip cookies - frozen cookies are SO good
- finishing up the reading for house church tomorrow night
- getting an unexpected ride home
- candles lit around the room
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 66
Today's Daily 5:
Head Above Water
I read this article on Gretchen Rubin's blog the other day. I've been slowly reading her book, "The Happiness Project" and have been quite enjoying both the book and her blog.
This is the line, though, that caught me from the article:
"So, if someone’s stubborn, “fake” refusal to acknowledge the dark side of life is annoying you, consider whether he or she might be struggling to stay afloat, to resist being dragged down completely by someone or something. We think we know people, but really, we usually know very little."
I make a list here, every night, of the things in that day that have made me smile in those last 24 hours. If you talk to me these days, I'll be honest about the major challenges that I'm facing in life right now. About the mess that my life is. But I'm also probably going to try to laugh at them. I'm probably going to try to get you to laugh with me. To recognize the mess, but to laugh with me. I'd hardly be declared "fake" in my glee and cheerfulness. I'm not exactly known for that. But for the last year and a bit, I've been making an effort to choose joy, daily, amidst some pretty crazy circumstances.
It so happened that I read Rubin's blog post on a day where I was barely staying afloat. Where any ability to laugh at the current disastrous state of my life had deserted me. And that day, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. And knowing I wanted to share this thought with all of you. To remind myself to be less hasty in judging that super cheery person, and pause to remember all the times I've joked recently, in a last ditch effort to keep my head above water.
This is the line, though, that caught me from the article:
"So, if someone’s stubborn, “fake” refusal to acknowledge the dark side of life is annoying you, consider whether he or she might be struggling to stay afloat, to resist being dragged down completely by someone or something. We think we know people, but really, we usually know very little."
I make a list here, every night, of the things in that day that have made me smile in those last 24 hours. If you talk to me these days, I'll be honest about the major challenges that I'm facing in life right now. About the mess that my life is. But I'm also probably going to try to laugh at them. I'm probably going to try to get you to laugh with me. To recognize the mess, but to laugh with me. I'd hardly be declared "fake" in my glee and cheerfulness. I'm not exactly known for that. But for the last year and a bit, I've been making an effort to choose joy, daily, amidst some pretty crazy circumstances.
It so happened that I read Rubin's blog post on a day where I was barely staying afloat. Where any ability to laugh at the current disastrous state of my life had deserted me. And that day, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. And knowing I wanted to share this thought with all of you. To remind myself to be less hasty in judging that super cheery person, and pause to remember all the times I've joked recently, in a last ditch effort to keep my head above water.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 65
Today's Daily 5:
- Starting the day by chatting with L, my former roommate, on another continent
- the good news that in not so many months, I'll get to chat with her in person, since she's coming for a visit
- laughing over a sign for a course in "Practical Intuition" It feels like intuition should either be practical, or else those words are a complete oxymoron. In any case, seeing the two words paired together made me laugh.
- hugging several dear friends who have lost loved ones recently
- attending a funeral that, hours later, continues to rattle around inside my head and heart, stretching my faith in ways I don't yet understand
- a treatment to end the evening
Interruption in Routine
When I left for California, there were dozens of little routines that defined my day.
Check email. Maintain the lives of various virtual animals on iphone games. Write at least one "real" blog post along with the daily 5 list. use a phone app to keep track of how much sleep I got the night before. play such and such a facebook game. Keep up on blog reading and facebook.
My crazy living situation added particular things to my routine too. Get up. Find out when the bus comes. Catch the bus to mom and dad's. Eat breakfast. Make sure to fit a shower in sometime before going home. Go through the day. Figure out whether I have a ride home, or need to take the bus.
I like routine. Routine doesn't change. It feels safe.
And sometimes it smothers and adds pressure without me even noticing.
The only routine that came with me when I traveled was writing a daily 5 list, and that was different because I wrote that every night sitting across from a friend I'd spent the day with, laughing, and essentially co-writing it.
The interruption in routine was worth it.
I didn't realize that I was feeling pressured to cram things into my day.
When maintaining the life of a virtual animal in a game, and managing to check in at the right times of the day becomes a source of pressure, it's time for that to end.
When making sure to read every article (or at least skim them) in google reader becomes an obligation, it's time for some paring down of what's in google reader.
The interruption in my routine was a blessing.
It gave me breathing space.
It forced a step away from the routines.
The virtual farm, ranch, bird sanctuary, fish tanks and stores shut down.
I didn't miss reading every news headline from the bbc in google reader.
I came home and reevaluated.
Some of those routines I picked back up. And some I let die.
And now I'm waiting.
Waiting to see what comes. What new routines will be added. What else needs to be subtracted.
But I've been thinking for weeks about that interruption in routine. About the fact that I deliberately left home to create time to think and pray, but also that it forced a stop and restart of life here. And I'm thankful for the relief from pressures I hadn't even noticed.
Check email. Maintain the lives of various virtual animals on iphone games. Write at least one "real" blog post along with the daily 5 list. use a phone app to keep track of how much sleep I got the night before. play such and such a facebook game. Keep up on blog reading and facebook.
My crazy living situation added particular things to my routine too. Get up. Find out when the bus comes. Catch the bus to mom and dad's. Eat breakfast. Make sure to fit a shower in sometime before going home. Go through the day. Figure out whether I have a ride home, or need to take the bus.
I like routine. Routine doesn't change. It feels safe.
And sometimes it smothers and adds pressure without me even noticing.
The only routine that came with me when I traveled was writing a daily 5 list, and that was different because I wrote that every night sitting across from a friend I'd spent the day with, laughing, and essentially co-writing it.
The interruption in routine was worth it.
I didn't realize that I was feeling pressured to cram things into my day.
When maintaining the life of a virtual animal in a game, and managing to check in at the right times of the day becomes a source of pressure, it's time for that to end.
When making sure to read every article (or at least skim them) in google reader becomes an obligation, it's time for some paring down of what's in google reader.
The interruption in my routine was a blessing.
It gave me breathing space.
It forced a step away from the routines.
The virtual farm, ranch, bird sanctuary, fish tanks and stores shut down.
I didn't miss reading every news headline from the bbc in google reader.
I came home and reevaluated.
Some of those routines I picked back up. And some I let die.
And now I'm waiting.
Waiting to see what comes. What new routines will be added. What else needs to be subtracted.
But I've been thinking for weeks about that interruption in routine. About the fact that I deliberately left home to create time to think and pray, but also that it forced a stop and restart of life here. And I'm thankful for the relief from pressures I hadn't even noticed.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 64
Today's Daily 5:
- Having an apology accepted
- eating a banana for breakfast
- An unexpected phone call from a friend on a really rough morning, inviting me out to lunch
- an email from another friend that reminded me that I am loved
- another email reminded me I am being prayed for and taking steps towards being really free
- lunch and prayer with a dear friend
- sunbeams
- basil mayo and Mediterranean flat bread at the restaurant for lunch
- learning a new word in Spanish
- a long hot shower
- leftover Chinese take-out for supper
- dropping off a few resumes and getting an almost immediate call scheduling an interview for Wednesday afternoon
- a day that was so much better than it seemed it would be upon waking
- really great service (above and beyond) at the Blacks Photo location I went to to get photos printed
- complimentary printed photos because of issues I'd been having with the website for Blacks this last week
- lighting candles
- spending a chunk of time sticking photos of people I love and of moments that are happy memories to a wall where I can see them easily.
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