Mental Debate

I'm having this mental debate right now.

To do, or not do something.

If I do it, is it because I feel a need to justify myself? If I don't do it is it because I'm afraid?

It's supposed to snow tonight.

Which really has nothing to do with my mental debate. But is also something I'm thinking about.

I'm missing some days gone by. And people I care about.

Both of which are playing into my mental debate.

I think I'll sleep on it. Again. For as many nights as it takes until I know deep in my gut what the answer is.

And for now, for now I'll go back to watching an episode of M*A*S*H*, pause and do a bit of devotional reading and praying, and then attempt that sleep.

It was a full and productive day, mental debate notwithstanding, and I pray that tomorrow, despite the impending snow, will be equally productive.

Thus Far

Thus far today I:

• have emptied the compost bucket
• have taken out the garbage
• have taken out the recycling
• have swept and mopped the kitchen floor, and scrubbed the kitchen counters
• have scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom
• have cooked myself lunch
• have mowed the back lawn
• have developed one blister and several tender spots on my hands
• have done two loads of laundry

It's been a good day thus far. Lots of clean and new.

All things new

I'm thinking this morning about that verse that ends "He makes all things new."

I get a craving for newness every so often. It doesn't really matter what kind of newness.

I stayed in bed until past 10:30 this morning, mostly sleeping. It was a nice change.

I'm wrestling a little with some things I've read and seen the last little while.

I'm praying for friends in various spots around the world, friends who are struggling, one who flew across the planet the other day, hoping for just one more chance to see her father before he passed away. Others who are travelling, seeking God. Some who are getting ready for marriage, and others only recently married. For some children I love. For my family.

I have a need for newness this morning.

So, today, today I'm going to clean, and work around the house. I'm going to sort and organize. I'm going to mow the lawn, and put all the recycling in the blue bin ready for pickup this week. I'm going to simplify. I'm going to work on revising a budget and check the status of my student loans. I'm going to choose not to worry about George, and the possible costs of repairing him. I'm going to watch M*A*S*H*. I'm going to write in my journal and possibly work on a creative project. I'm going to paint my fingernails and pamper myself a little.

I'm going to create cleanliness and newness around me today.

And ask Jesus to make all those other things that are on my mind new as well.

Broken Down

I'm going to spend the long weekend mostly housebound again.

I went for the drive I'd planned. About an hour out of the city I started having trouble with George again. I phoned my dad for advice, and he told me to keep driving. I made it most of the way back to their house before George died entirely.

The AMA tow truck driver was the same one who towed me last weekend. Can I just say that I won't be crushed if we don't make this a weekly event?

My dad came to get me.

My mom fed me dinner.

My brother drove me home.

After a week of intense dreams about family, it was funny to be so reliant on them tonight.

I made it two thirds of the way through the audio book I was trying to get through as I drove. I would have made it all the way if George hadn't decided to give me trouble again.

The mechanic won't be open until Tuesday. My dad thinks it may be something more serious this time. More serious as in, possibly not worth it to repair my rather old car. He also told me not to worry, or borrow trouble.

I'm so not good at that last part.

My brain is running a mile a minute, trying to think up contingencies. I'm also trying to figure out little ways to get out of my house over the next two days of the long weekend.

I was feeling pretty discouraged by the time I got home. Financial things are one of the quickest ways to stress me out.

So, I decided to take control.

I grabbed my laptop, and headed for the bathtub.

M*A*S*H* was the order of the day. M*A*S*H* and a few smile list items, including:

• being thankful I went for a walk in the park last night
• remembering that I quite enjoyed two thirds of my drive today
• coconut body butter
• a family that loves me and has rescued me from car trouble twice in as many weeks
• being thankful that the car didn't break down until I was back into the city
• M*A*S*H*
• a warm bath
• a favorite blanket to wrap myself in while sitting on the couch

I'll definitely be okay if I don't keep having these sorts of adventures every weekend.

Saturday Plans

This morning started with the Farmer's Market and a quick stop at the library.

The smells at the farmer's market were great. A quick wander, a few purchases.

I have an audio book that I need to listen to this afternoon. I can't focus when I'm sitting in my house to listen. So, I'm going to take advantage of the sunny afternoon and make a drive through the mountains while I listen to the book.

I'm going to take some of the food I picked up at the market, and head out.

I may stop and take some photos, but mostly the plan is just to drive and listen for several hours, and then come home and rest.