Success!

We found a place to live tonight! A God thing... thanks to those of you who prayed for us - both last night and over the last while. More details tomorrow or the next day.

Day off

I took today off work. I've called dozens of housing ads and left messages. We're looking at two places tonight. Not sure how I feel about the cost of the first one, or the neighborhood of the second one. I'm really hoping that we manage to locate something within walking distance of a train station. I'm starting to wonder about money, and if this is a financially good decision. Seems kind of overwhelming...

I'm tired, and a bit cranky just at the moment. I feel like I've been out and about far too often this week, instead of accomodating a slower rhythm that I've found helpful in controlling the level of exhaustion and stress in my life. I'm taking the next couple hours off - until we have to go look at these places.

I feel like there are a million and one things on my "to do" list that are not being accomplished this week because of having company of sorts here, and because of going out nearly every evening to one thing or another. I've been invited to see a movie with friends tomorrow night - one that I actually quite want to see - but I think I may stay home and vegetate instead... we'll have to see... Friday night is already scheduled, as is most of Saturday and Sunday... I might just need the time to breathe!

Anyhow... I'm off to watch a movie or read a book for an hour and a bit...

Crisis of Self-doubt

I am just at this moment, having a massive crisis of self-doubt.

I have known for quite some time, and talked openly about my need to move out from under my parent’s roof. This fact has been underscored greatly these past few months, and there is a huge part of me desperately excited for the possibilities of coming freedom.

I picked up a complete stranger – someone whom I’d only met by email connections of my parents – at the airport on Sunday morning. We’d corresponded about the possibility of living together. She’s a year older than me, come to Canada from New Zealand to work for a year, and we both liked the easier financial drain of sharing a home rather than renting individually. Within 24 hours we were looking at our first basement suite. (which, by the way, we’re not taking – ask me about the lovely land-lady who’d be living upstairs sometime!)

We have an appointment to see another place tonight, and plans to hopefully see some more places tomorrow as I have taken the day off work.

But this morning, I find myself battling a resurgence of all sorts of fears. I am no stranger to fear, it has long been the biggest obstacle to walking in freedom in my life, and today those fears are running rampant.

I find myself wondering if it’s completely insane to have decided to live with a girl who I’ve known for a little more than 48 hours. I mean, I like her, she’s very sweet, but I know very little about her. I tell myself that it’s only for a year, and if it turns out terribly, it’s not that long, but I don’t know if I want to make a decision based on that? I find myself wondering if I should settle for an apartment I don’t like very much in order to get out of my parent’s house more quickly. I’m trying to decide what parts of the city I would feel comfortable living in, and whether I should push to find something in my favored neighborhoods, or if I should just simply pick something for the convenience of availability. I’m wishing my parents weren’t on a different continent so that I could run some of these thoughts past someone with experience in these sorts of things. I’m tired, and a little peopled out, with no particular end to that in sight. I’m wishing I could curl up in my bedroom and simply hide for several hours, but instead I’ve got dozens of plans for the next few days… things that must be accomplished. I’m wondering if I’m suddenly terrified because of spiritual attack, or if it’s actually a more cautioning voice of God, telling me not to move too quickly… augh… I’m going to have to phone a friend long-distance or something, find someone to chat some of this out with.

With that, I’m off to coffee break…

Empowered to Call God "Abba"

More from Henri Nouwen:

Empowered to Call God "Abba"

Calling God "Abba, Father" is different from giving God a familiar name. Calling God "Abba" is entering into the same intimate, fearless, trusting, and empowering relationship with God that Jesus had. That relationship is called Spirit, and that Spirit is given to us by Jesus and enables us to cry out with him, "Abba, Father.

"Calling God "Abba, Father" (see Roman 8:15; Galatians 4:6) is a cry of the heart, a prayer welling up from our innermost beings. It has nothing do with naming God but everything to do with claiming God as the source of who we are. This claim does not come from any sudden insight or acquired conviction; it is the claim that the Spirit of Jesus makes in communion with our spirits. It is the claim of love.

Sunday mish mash

Sorry for the odd weekend combination of thoughts, but here are a few more!

My fortune cookie on facebook right now says "You only think it's a crisis." This made me laugh, in that oddly too close to home sort of way... Feels like my life has been lived a bit in crisis mode in some areas this last while, and upon pausing and further reflection, I may only think they're crises!

On other fronts....

Everyone in the world wants to meet Bono. Except Stephen Harper. Yes, our illustrious prime minister, and my own personal member of parliament (since I'm "lucky" enough to live in his riding) is not interested in meeting the world's most famous rockstar and humanitarian. Go figure! You can read all about it here.

And with that, I'm off. Grocery shopping to do. Things to accomplish before the next week begins!