One Word 2013

My new year started off busy, and it wasn't until today that I really sat down to plan and pray and write and dream about the year ahead.

I was once again surprised by the word that came to me, and yet not at all surprised when I considered the directions my life has been taking, and the things that God has been whispering to my heart.

My word for 2013 is HONOR.

I had to smile as it emerged.  It was a word that had been on my heart for a couple specific things in my life - the need to honor the journey in those areas - but I wasn't expecting it to be the word that would set the stage for the year ahead.

For me, honor carries tones of respect, of discipline, of sacrifice, of commitment.  It carries the pull to conformity in certain areas, and validation and worship in others.  It's a big word.

And yet, I'm looking forward to it.

I feel like honor is a good place for me to base this year.

This is my last year of nursing school.  I feel the pull to honor the ways that my school commitments impact my life, and my schedule.  I feel the need to honor the things Jesus is teaching me in the midst of the process of becoming a nurse.  I feel the need to honor myself by working to excel in this last year of school.

I continue to journey with my body.  I stopped writing about it here because it was a mostly negative journey for much of the last year.  But this year I feel the pull to honor my body by exercising a greater degree of discipline and commitment in what I eat, and how often I exercise.

I feel the pull to honor my mind, too.  Not just in school, but in what I feed it.  I want to honor it by putting limits in place for the amount of television I consume, and spending more time reading and writing.  I want to honor the part of me that is a writer by making a commitment to show up in a few different spaces where I write and to contribute something to those spaces on a regular basis.

And most importantly, I want to continue to honor the journey of faith that Jesus has been taking me on.  I want to honor it by taking the time to read, and pray and write and research as I move into new places of faith.  I want to honor it with deep conversations with soul friends.  I want to honor it with daily time in scripture and devotional readings that open my heart to listen.

I'm a person who excels with goals, and so I still set some for the year, but each year they stem from the word I chose.  This year those goals include things to do with healthy eating, with trying new things (in life, and a couple new recipes a month).  They have to do with instituting discipline in some areas of my life (areas like exercise and finances).  And they have to do with feeding into the relationships that honor who God has made me (like cuddling babies, and investing in time with soul friends).

I'm looking forward to 2013, and seeing what comes from a year of honor.  I expect it to be challenging, and just as much of an adventure as always!

Simple Stillness

The flu that I have wrestled with since Christmas Day seems to finally be receding, and I'm recognizing that I've been away from school long enough that the desire to write, to find words, to read, is spilling out of me again.

And today, once I got through my third challenging work shift in three days, I've been embracing the beautiful stillness of that time away from school.

I ate lunch with my family (turkey soup, so good, my first real meal in days) and then headed home.

I dimmed all the lights except for those on my Christmas tree (and laptop), dressed in pajamas, and crawled into bed for a nap.  I'm not sure you've lived until you've drifted off for a Sunday afternoon nap with a favorite show playing on netflix, and the glowing lights of a Christmas tree reflecting off of the brightly colored ornaments I chose when I decided on a whim that this would be the year I'd once again have a tree in my living space.

Three hours I dozed, buried under the heavy weight of blankets, the softness of my newest faux fur throw tucked up around my neck.

And it was pretty much heavenly.

A week of flu has reminded me again of how much I appreciate simple joys.  How thankful I am for basic health that doesn't leave me out of breath after simply walking up the stairs.  How thankful I am when I am able to clean a little.  How lovely a hot shower feels after a week of illness.  The wonder of something soft against my face.  The joy of turkey soup and breaking an enforced fast.

And the glow of Christmas tree lights twinkling against pink and blue and green and purple ornaments.

Quick

I know it's been quiet around here, and, honestly, it might stay that way for a while.

That said, I will be back right around the new year with my usual post of thoughts and dreams.  I'm not sure if I'm going to choose a word this year, but I have a few on my mind that I'm playing with, so if I choose one, I'll be sure to write about that as well.

School commands my days, though I've been enjoying a nice Christmas break for the last week or two, with another week and a half to go.  In reality, I've spent the last two and a half days mostly in bed, down with some sort of flu bug that I'm just emerging from now.  I'm thankful to be emerging, but thankful too for the chance to simply take to my bed and rest, rather than try to push through the illness.  That alone has been lovely.

And with that, I'm off to bed again.  I miss writing, but the words just don't seem to flow these days.  I'm feeling alternately frustrated and patient with that, and trusting that at some point they will flow again.

Daily 5 - December 13, 2012

Because thanksgiving is spilling over just now, and nights like this are worth remembering.

I'm thankful for...

1. quiet mornings sleeping in
2. cuddling under cozy blankets
3. a mattress that doesn't hurt my back and hips
4. studying peacefully and feeling like the material actually makes sense
5. big pots of David's tea, kept warm under a cute tea cozy
6. the color turquoise
7. calendars and lists
8. infant sized fingerprints on my glasses that remind me of giggles, grins, cuddles, and games of "don't let the baby yank the glasses right off your face"
9. friends who feed me and indulge my need for ice cream
10. laughing and more laughing
11. iced tea
12. peanut buster parfaits
13. planning and scheming
14. dreaming about Christmas
15. three-year old boys who kiss me goodbye
16. glitter
17. twinkly lights
18. instagram
19. magic bags
20. bright colors all over in my Christmas decorations

Thanksgiving

It's only 10 am, and I'm curled up in the student centre, with a jacket over my legs, and a scarf around my neck.  I've been here for over two hours, since the early morning class that I scraped myself out of bed for was cancelled.  I found myself a comfy spot, with my tea and scone and settled in.  As I've sat here, I've watched the sun creep up - a dull, wintery sun, fighting hard to break through the clouds that are the remnants of a winter storm overnight.

It's been quiet in this space lately, and, quite frankly, it's probably going to stay that way for a awhile longer.  A casualty of school and life has been writing publicly.  I'm barely finding time to write privately - to process in my journal, and keep up with dear, far-away friends by email.  And right now, the focus of my life needs to be on school, and on honoring some quiet places of pondering, processing, and exploring.  So I walk forward with that.

It's Thanksgiving today for my American friends and family, and it reminds me that I've been less than faithful in keeping up with daily 5 posts as well.  The truth is, after much pondering, I'm saying goodbye to that daily habit - or more accurately, to the daily habit of recording my thanksgiving and smiles in this space.  In the over three years that I've kept daily count, the habit of choosing joy has begun to be deeply ingrained in my soul.  It has altered my internal monologue, taught me the value of choosing gratitude, and given me the ability to celebrate each moment of happiness.  There isn't a day that passes where I don't pause multiple times to mentally note a moment of joy or gratitude.

I think I'll still be here occasionally with those lists, and maybe someday I'll resurrect the daily practice of recording them, but today, I'm saying goodbye to that practice, and ushering it out with a list of smiles that stand out from the last several days.  It seems a good thing to do on a day that one half of my family lineage and so many of my dear friends use to pause and give thanks.

Daily "5":

1. The boy who walks his dog in my neighborhood while riding a unicycle
2. Thanksgiving for a sound mind - especially after two rough hospital shifts caring for a patient with dementia
3. a quiet spot to curl up on this cold morning
4. Anything that has color in the grey colorlessness of winter
5. watching the sun climb the sky today
6. moments of rest
7. a food awesome cooking successes this last week
8. an extra large tea and a wonderful scone for breakfast
9. bus drivers that make it possible for me to avoid winter driving
10. dear sweet friends who have gone out of their way to encourage, pray for and with, and journey alongside me

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!