Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 186

Today's Daily 5:

1. Finishing the last assignment due before reading break
2. loved the outfit I was wearing today - jeans from New Zealand (hand me down from one of my former roommates), cute green sweater from my favorite store, the new scarf I bought yesterday (circle scarf from American Apparel), my black semi cat-eye "conservative" glasses, and cozy knock-off Ugg boots (because I'm way too "broke student cheap" to buy the real thing).
3. recognizing that sometimes it helps to just say it
4. chocolate
5. my student loan funding finally landed in my bank account
6. taking the train today because my time was short made me grateful that most of the time my time isn't short, and I can take the much quieter, much more comfortable bus
7. water flowing under the ice and the reminder of lessons learned a few years back from Steve Bell's song "The Water Runs"
8. an unexpected text message and promise of a coffee date in the near future from the friend who was with me the night I was healed from depression
9. a good appointment
10. the unique lighting of a late winter afternoon
11. coconut with chocolate (though Bounty, the Canadian option, is no substitute for Almond Joy)
12. fruit juice
13. a rush hour bus that wasn't overcrowded
14. dinner out with mom and dad
15. crashing in bed and enjoying the relief that comes in watching Grey's Anatomy and shutting off my brain for a bit

I am learning...

I am learning about choices and perspective and proportional response.

I'm learning that my responses become disproportionate when I haven't slept well, or eaten properly, but especially when I haven't slept.

I'm learning that I can choose whether or not something is a setback. That I can choose how I respond. That the grade that is lower than I prefer can be a day-ruining disaster, or that I can acknowledge that I probably should have studied more, and choose to do that the next time.

I'm learning that chocolate really is essential, and that being thankful for the little things really does make a difference.

I'm learning that humbling myself enough to admit the struggle is huge. That so often the internal cease fire comes when I stop to write it down or share it with a trusted friend.

I'm learning that writing or sharing it can restore proportion.

I'm learning to recognize those ever more frequent moments when my internal dialogue shifts and my heart voice begins to quiet the voices of fear and shame and guilt that have taken up residence in my head and some sort of equilibrium is restored.

I'm learning that so often that shift of voices comes when I humble myself and ask the ones I trust to pray.

I'm learning that I am held on the breath of those prayers, heard or unheard by my ears.

I'm learning that the shift of voices, the humbling, the breathy prayers, usher me onto holy ground, if I will only let them.

I'm learning to let them.

Because I'm learning to believe that it is there that healing is coming.

Squirrel Underpants!

Last weekend I was out with a friend and we stopped in a toy and novelty shop.  This product was too funny not to take photos of.

I'm not sure how well you can read that, but the top part on the back says "A portion of the proceeds from this product will be donated to the Small Animal Decency Fund which seeks to rid our neighborhoods of any potentially offensive naturally occurring indecent exposures."

For some reason this goofy product made me remember signs by the beaches I visited in California, warning people not to feed squirrels, and a funny conversation my friend and I had about those signs and about things like finding squirrels as a display in a foreign zoo.

And so, I present to you, Squirrel Underpants!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 185

Today's Daily 5:

1. Only taking one bus (no transfers!) to get to a far away destination.  Yes, it would have been faster if I'd made a couple of transfers, but honestly, I was quite happy to be out of the cold, and sit and read my book, and I had the time today, so why not?
2. Reading a book whose words my heart can taste
3. a sunny (if incredibly cold) day
4. a long bath
5. an email from L. planning our upcoming time together
6. buying a new scarf
7. trading emails with a new friend
8. more palm tree photos arrived in my email inbox today from the other side of the world!
9. packing for my upcoming trip (not staying at grandma's tomorrow night, so needed to pack tonight)
10. a mostly good day

Discerning Voices

Earlier this week, over the course of one evening, I came across these two blog posts.

This one.

And this one that my friend Karla wrote.

Karla's words struck me because I have also been on a journey of sorting out the things I have been falsely agreeing with, and thus giving them power.

But it was these questions,  some of the ones from the first post I linked to, about discerning which voices should be allowed to speak into our lives, that really struck me.  I think I was caught by these questions, and I'm listing them here because this is a process I have very much been working through - the discernment of the voices in my life, and whether or not they are healthy.  Whether they give life, or suck it from me.  And, as I've been working through this process, I've made changes in which voices are part of my life.  I've chosen to limit or eliminate some unhealthy ones, and invited some new, and very healthy ones to the table.

And so, the questions:

• Does the source evidence character/integrity?
• Does the source evidence wisdom and understanding?
• Does the source bring inspiration into my life?
• Does the source evidence intellect and knowledge?
• Does the source model a life I desire?
• Does the source have a selfless agenda?
• Does the source genuinely love me? 

It's worth it to click through and read the descriptions and details included with the questions.

The question of voices and what they speak is challenging to me.

What voices am I listening to that need to go?

What voices are healthy at their source and helping me to become healthy?

And you?  What are you agreeing with?  What are the voices speaking into your life saying?  Are those good things?  Or are there voices that need to go?