Monday, 2:45

Monday, 2:45 p.m.

Things this day has held:

• Lazyish morning, feed the cat, clean the litterbox at the house-sitting gig.
• Brunch with a long-time friend at a diner restaurant she recently discovered that uses mostly local suppliers
• Brunch included stuffed french toast - stuffed with gouda and Canadian Bacon
• A ride to mom and dad's
• research, research, research, as I work on moving a few things I'm dreaming about into a realm of concrete reality where I can discuss them more openly
• job applications.  I'm kind of sick of job applications.
• one pre-interview clarification call on a resume I sent out, with the hint that they may call back to offer an interview
• Starbucks application - to be honest, right now, the idea of working in a coffee shop is highly appealing.  I just like the idea of doing something totally different for a while.  But seriously, the Starbucks application (the basic barista one, not the managerial one which I also filled out) is one of the most involved applications I've ever encountered.  It included all kinds of work/personality questions and took probably 20 minutes or more to complete.
• A little bit of reading here and there.
• And now, now it's time to break for a snack (probably the leftovers from this morning's brunch date) before sending off a few more resumes.
• the arrival of a reference letter from my previous employer that was decidedly more balanced and positive than I'd expected it to be, based on my experience with that particular person.

I'm sort of forcing myself to be disciplined on the spending time sending off resumes thing.  It's definitely not how I'd rather be spending my days.  So, I'm making sure I spend a couple hours a day tackling that, and then giving myself lots of grace besides...

And, this week, I've scheduled time to see friends or family nearly every day.  That will help make the job-hunting more bearable, I think.

Daily 5 - Day 297

Today's daily 5:
1. BBQ roast beef supper with the whole family
2. Unique spin on the sermon involving group interaction this morning.
3. Getting a hug and some encouragement from a long time friend/mentor at dad's church this morning.
4. Chatting with my sister-in-law and other brother's girlfriend
5. Digging dandelions with this cool new tool my parent's just bought.
6. Some sunshine
7. Walking with less pain thanks to my new walking shoes.

Daily 5 - Day 296

Today's Daily 5:

1. A stop at the library this morning
2. Time with a good friend and her daughter at the farmer's market
3. freshly baked pumpkin cookies
4. pork roast with gravy (pork gravy is, I think, my favorite)
5. A day mostly away from my computer (more thoughts on this to come in coming days)

Daily 5 - Day 295

Today's Daily 5:

1. I bought decent walking shoes tonight.  With this new life reality of taking transit everywhere, I've been doing a lot of walking.  I've been doing even more walking than usual this week because of the location of where I'm house sitting, and I've noticed that my favored shoes just aren't cutting it.  My feet and knees HURT.  I've had problems with the tendons in my feet and calves since high school, and bad shoes are definitely not helping with all this extra walking.  So, tonight I caved and spent money, even though spending money when I'm not employed kind of makes me want to throw up.  My mom talked me into buying shoes, reminding me that it would be a better idea to buy shoes sooner than later so that I don't damage the tendons and muscles and bones while I'm busy walking all over the city in bad shoes, and she even offered to drive me to the shop where I could buy appropriate shoes for a decent price.  I'll wear the shoes around indoors for a day or two to make sure they're going to work, but I'm optimistic that this pair will be the one I'll keep, and they were quite a bit less than I would have been ultimately willing to spend.
2. I spent some more time dreaming about the future, and what I want to do with my life today.  A plan is slowly taking shape within me.  Something that somehow just feels right.
3. Errands with my mom tonight, and dinner with both of my parents helped a bit with the feeling of spending too much time alone with my thoughts and not having enough human interaction.
4. I again managed to send off quite a few resumes, and I have some ideas on tap for where else I want to send some over the next several days/week.
5. I've only slept at my grandma's house once in the last three weeks or so.  I realized today that I'm starting to miss my own bed, but that I'm not at all missing that location.  I've not had nightmares in all these other places I've stayed.  And, to some extent, the fact that I've flexibly stayed and slept in a whole variety of other locations over the last three weeks is encouraging to me.  I used to only be able to sleep in my own bed in my own room.  In the last three weeks I've slept in an SUV parked at a highway rest stop, at my parents house, three different hotels - including one very bad hotel cot, on a couch at the home my sister in law grew up in, at a relative's house, in the place where I'm house sitting, and at a friend of a friend's.  And I've actually slept, not just laid awake all night, in each of those locations.  That's a miracle to me, and a huge growth thing for me to acknowledge, and celebrate.

3100

3100 blog posts seems like a milestone.

I feel like I should have something profound to say.

(I never seem to have anything that feels profound to say when the milestone posts roll around.)

Instead I'm just going to acknowledge that I've written 3100 posts.  That I've been showing up here consistently for over 5 years now, and writing about whatever happens to be on my mind at the time.  And I'm going to talk a little about my day.

Today is just one of those days.

I sent out a pile of resumes, and I have a pile more to send.

I heard back from one place I applied yesterday, telling me that I was not going to be a candidate.

I did an errand or two with my mom.

I'm discovering the weird balance of being an introvert and needing human interaction.  Apparently my previous job, however I felt about it, was meeting a need for some human interaction.

I'm finding myself tired of myself the last few days.  Tired of being alone with my thoughts, and the battleground they can tend to be.

Tired, I think, of the ongoing neccessity to choose joy.

Tired of the deep internal wrestles I was walking through with God even before I lost my job and that tension was added to the mix.

And tired of too much time alone.

It's partly why I've been hanging out at my parents' house during the day.  That, and their internet access is better for job hunting than the access at the place I'm house-sitting.  Because they both work from home, I get a bit of human interaction as they come and go from their respective home offices.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with a friend and her daughter for a while.  I think the plan is for us to go to the farmer's market together.  I'm flexible.  I'll just enjoy time with a friend.

I've been hesitating to set up times to see various friends during the day, always wondering if I'll get a call for an interview, or be starting a job and have to cancel.  I think I'm going to change that.

Since the majority of my job-hunting is online, I can be flexible in which hours of the day I apply myself to that (and I'm determined to apply myself to it for at least an hour or two a day or more.)

That means I can make time for friends.

Yes, I'll maybe have to cancel if a job or an interview comes up.  But I'd rather have those things to look forward to, than stare at empty days.  I'd rather feed my soul and be with people I love.

Because feeding my soul in that way seems wise.  And it makes the choice for joy just that much easier.  And it seems smart, somehow, to try to make what can be such a hard choice easier.