I was wondering this morning, as I drove to work, and tried to pray, to talk with Jesus about a number of concerns of my own heart, and a number of concerns for friends and family who are struggling, if other people have the same problem I have, or if the way my heart cares is something unique to me.
My heart tends to be like a sponge - I absorb all the pain and toxins of my own life, and all of that from those I love. I'm getting better all the time at not carrying those things within myself, but I wondered, as my heart broke again today, if this is something unique to me?
I actually pick and choose social engagements depending on who will be there, and how susceptible my heart is to them.
Don't get me wrong, I don't avoid people whom my heart loves. I just find myself incredibly concious of what I absorb, and what that has done to my energy levels in a year where I've struggled with health.
I guess I'm just feeling a bit toxic this morning. Lots of my own pain, and recent and forthcoming encounters with those I care about.
And I wondered if others struggle with this as well...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Baggage.
I liked this cartoon at The Naked Pastor today. But I have this question: what happens when you're aware of at least some of your baggage (or a lot in my case) but seem to be powerless to get rid of it?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday Musings
I took advantage of the sunshine at lunch to take a bit of a walk. Through several inches of snow and muck. But there was sun, and I felt the need to move around a bit. (I won't talk too loudly about the health benefits of the walk, since I decide to walk to the hamburger joint on the corner to pick up lunch!)
I've decided to try to escape the office when I can on my lunchhour this week. I find, sometimes, that I cope better with the stresses of this environment if I can take a short break from it. And, since this week promises to be one of the more stressful ones in a while, I've decided to make space for those breaks this week.
I'm planning to attend a local church service tonight. I can't quite explain why I want to go, but I feel the need to go. A friend of mine called me this morning, just as the workday began, and he may join me. But if not, I'm still planning to go. At least for now. I suppose that that could change if God says something different, but for the moment he seems to be directing me towards church, and that's my plan for the evening. Dinner at home with my roommate, L., and church.
(and then hopefully an early bedtime!)
I've decided to try to escape the office when I can on my lunchhour this week. I find, sometimes, that I cope better with the stresses of this environment if I can take a short break from it. And, since this week promises to be one of the more stressful ones in a while, I've decided to make space for those breaks this week.
I'm planning to attend a local church service tonight. I can't quite explain why I want to go, but I feel the need to go. A friend of mine called me this morning, just as the workday began, and he may join me. But if not, I'm still planning to go. At least for now. I suppose that that could change if God says something different, but for the moment he seems to be directing me towards church, and that's my plan for the evening. Dinner at home with my roommate, L., and church.
(and then hopefully an early bedtime!)
More from Henri
Two more thoughts from Henri Nouwen...
The Ways to Self-knowledge
"Know yourself" is good advice. But to know ourselves doesn't mean to analyse ourselves. Sometimes we want to know ourselves as if we were machines that could be taken apart and put back together at will. At certain critical times in our lives it might be helpful to explore in some detail the events that led us to our crises, but we make a mistake when we think that we can ever completely understand ourselves and explain the full meaning of our lives to others.
Solitude, silence, and prayer are often the best ways to self-knowledge. Not because they offer solutions for the complexity of our lives but because they bring us in touch with our sacred center, where God dwells. That sacred center may not be analysed. It is the place of adoration, thanksgiving, and praise.
Sharing Our Solitude
A friend is more than a therapist or a confessor, even though a friend can sometimes heal us and offer us God's forgiveness.
A friend is that other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is that other person with whom we can look at a tree and say, "Isn't that beautiful," or sit on the beach and silently watch the sun disappear under the horizon. With a friend we don't have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us.
The Ways to Self-knowledge
"Know yourself" is good advice. But to know ourselves doesn't mean to analyse ourselves. Sometimes we want to know ourselves as if we were machines that could be taken apart and put back together at will. At certain critical times in our lives it might be helpful to explore in some detail the events that led us to our crises, but we make a mistake when we think that we can ever completely understand ourselves and explain the full meaning of our lives to others.
Solitude, silence, and prayer are often the best ways to self-knowledge. Not because they offer solutions for the complexity of our lives but because they bring us in touch with our sacred center, where God dwells. That sacred center may not be analysed. It is the place of adoration, thanksgiving, and praise.
Sharing Our Solitude
A friend is more than a therapist or a confessor, even though a friend can sometimes heal us and offer us God's forgiveness.
A friend is that other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is that other person with whom we can look at a tree and say, "Isn't that beautiful," or sit on the beach and silently watch the sun disappear under the horizon. With a friend we don't have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us.
Befriending Ourselves
A great thought from Henri Nouwen...
Claiming the Sacredness of Our Being
Are we friends with ourselves? Do we love who we are? These are important questions because we cannot develop good friendships with others unless we have befriended ourselves.
How then do we befriend ourselves? We have to start by acknowledging the truth of ourselves. We are beautiful but also limited, rich but also poor, generous but also worried about our security. Yet beyond all that we are people with souls, sparks of the divine. To acknowledge the truth of ourselves is to claim the sacredness of our being, without fully understanding it. Our deepest being escapes our own mental or emotional grasp. But when we trust that our souls are embraced by a loving God, we can befriend ourselves and reach out to others in loving relationships.
Claiming the Sacredness of Our Being
Are we friends with ourselves? Do we love who we are? These are important questions because we cannot develop good friendships with others unless we have befriended ourselves.
How then do we befriend ourselves? We have to start by acknowledging the truth of ourselves. We are beautiful but also limited, rich but also poor, generous but also worried about our security. Yet beyond all that we are people with souls, sparks of the divine. To acknowledge the truth of ourselves is to claim the sacredness of our being, without fully understanding it. Our deepest being escapes our own mental or emotional grasp. But when we trust that our souls are embraced by a loving God, we can befriend ourselves and reach out to others in loving relationships.
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