Interesting headline...

Mentally Ill Suffering Neglect - this was a pretty interesting article, talking about the state of mental illness around the world, and the way that mental illness affects other health conditions.

Processing

I'm home from a crazy intense weekend. So good, I think. Full of great people, and great time with God.

I'm exhausted. Stuff has ramped up again, and I've only slept about 3-4 hours a night for the last four nights. Here's to hoping tonight is a bit longer.

Eventually I'll probably put some thoughts here. It may take me a while to figure out what, if anything can be shared. I'm feeling the need to pull back and take some time to really absorb the events of the last two weeks of my life, and particularly of the weekend.

Bone Tired

It was a kind of wild morning at work today, and I'm really glad I'd prearranged to have the afternoon off. I'm tired. Bone tired. Emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. The only more trying day I can think of in recent days is that one about a week and a half ago where there was weird stuff going on in the spiritual realm.

Today was kind of like that, only everything was very much spilling over into the here and now of our physical office space.

To be honest, this is not the state I wanted to be in as I prepare to join a group of people for a weekend of prayer, dreaming, and worship. I wanted to go into this rested, feeling at peace. I'm a long way from that right now.

I got home from work, took a shower, and threw in a load of laundry. With the possible exception of one phone call, and getting up to switch my laundry from the washer to the dryer, I don't intend to move from the couch I'm reclining on for the next hour and a half. I'm hoping to sleep, maybe pray, at the very least calm and distract my mind.

Pray for my work situation if you think about it. There are some very special people there who are facing some difficult times, and it's beginning to wear on all of us. Pray for wisdom, for leaders to step up, for peace.

As a peacemaker by nature the kind of tension infecting the office these days is draining. Pray that I would be able to guard my mind and heart in the midst of this, and truly offer the peace of Christ to all.

Tired and uncertain

I'm nervous about some upcoming stuff...

Looking forward to it, but nervous.

I hate that feeling.

I'm tired. Recovering from some sort of stomach bug that's been draining my energy for the last couple of days.

I'm feeling lonely. Missing some favorite people. Missing living at home and having random conversations with my family.

I'm avoiding delving into some stuff from my past that has come up in the last while. I'm scared to go there. I know Jesus is there. I know He's asking me to go there. I'm scared. Working up to it, I hope.

And with that, a little more West Wing before a slightly earlier bedtime.

Telling my story - again

I was re-reading this post that I wrote earlier this spring. In it I talked about how I continue to discover that one of the most powerful things God has given me to speak is my own story of depression and healing.

What I hadn't realized as fully then, is how telling the story impacts me. Each time I speak honestly, and break the silence that had for so long surrounded that part of my life, I experience a growing sense of freedom.

I was with someone I've known my entire life last night. We met for coffee to talk about some upcoming church commitments I've made. And somehow, as we talked about those things, about the things I'm beginning to dream and plan for this year with the teenagers and young adults I'll be working with, we began to talk about my past. And the depression came up. So I very honestly mentioned that from about the age of 16 until about the age of 22, I was severely depressed, at times suicidal. The conversation went on from there, it wasn't something we dwelt on, but it stuck out for me.

There is a growing sense of freedom as I speak those words and tell that story.

I was thinking this morning as I walked from the train to my office about how very often I still wake up in the morning stunned at the miracle of healing that Jesus has worked and continues to work in my life. How over the top ecstatic I am to find myself in this place - to feel, to be alive, to know that freedom is an ever-increasing thing in my life.