Ever had one of those moments where you feel like you’ve suddenly walked into a hurricane? I did when I came back from lunch today. My boss and I used our lunch hour to go shopping for some things we needed for the office. We were a little longer than planned in getting back, and as we were headed into the building, someone from our office came flying out, shouting at me that an emergency had come up and she was leaving, and someone else was covering the phones but didn’t know what she was doing. Then we entered the building to discover that while we were away some people had been stuck in our elevator. After climbing the stairs to our floor, hauling our rather heavy purchases with us, my desk had items from a number of different sources demanding my immediate attention, the phones needed to be transferred back to me and commenced ringing somewhat incessantly. My boss was off for the day and needed to leave, but also to give me instructions for the afternoon. There was unfinished work from the morning waiting, a courier to urgently schedule, and my lunch to heat up and eat.
So, that was my afternoon. It’s now slowed down, and I have my last 20 minutes or so to sit quietly. I’ve accomplished everything urgent on my list, and am ready to head home and begin work on another important project – a birthday gift for a friend. I’ve also got plans to go out with my youngest brother and one of the girls from my youth Bible study for a while this evening. Then work tomorrow, picking up my best friend at the airport tomorrow night. Work Thursday, meeting for church that night. Work Friday, and a birthday party Friday night. Hair appointment Saturday morning, birthday of another friend, and a youth event Saturday night. This week is shaping up to be busier than I thought!
And all this after a relatively quiet morning at work that I spent doing a demo for a craft project we're doing with some children at a conference later this month - I painted a picture frame! Very fun. Moments like that make me love my job for a little while!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Great Article
Check out this article at Relevantmagazine.com. I love and to some extent greatly understand what the author had to say, and the place in life from which she's writing.
Just Thinking About... (Take 2)
Startled Awake
I had a rather odd moment this morning. I’m not sure what it means.
At around 5:00 I startled awake quite suddenly. My instinctual response as I woke was to quote the child Samuel, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” And then I lay there for a moment or two before drifting back to sleep.
Nothing spectacular followed in the hour and a bit of light sleep that came before waking more permanently to prepare for the day. I didn’t have any kind of divine revelation, nothing spoken that I’m aware of. Just this moment of waking and having my instinctual response be a prayer that created a posture of listening and invitation.
Interesting way to start the third Monday I’ve fasted.
Voices
In this current season of seeking direction and intense awareness of the spiritual realm, two voices in what I’m reading and listening to have stood out in the last while – the first is Jason Upton (both his music and some recordings of talks he gave at a conference in November) and the second is Rob Bell (particularly the chapter of Velvet Elvis titled “Tassels”.) I love this line from Rob Bell (paraphrased as I don’t have the book in front of me), “Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has called you to be, and anything else is sin.”
Fasting
I’m not good at fasting intentionally. It felt easy that first Monday, the one right after I nearly died driving home from Marty and Kari’s. Such a strong sense of divine calling that day (and the queasy stomach from the leftover nerves helped too!). Last week was okay, and I ended up breaking the fast early to join my family and some guests in a meal, but this morning I keep having to remind myself that I’m not eating today. The chocolate bowl on my desk for our staff is mocking me. We (or should I say they) had cake to celebrate a co-worker's birthday, while I watched.
I’ve discovered that I eat out of habit – it is a way to fill time, to take up space that feels empty. When there's nothing else to do, when there's a pause in the action, I eat - some quick snack, often something fairly healthy, but I eat simply to fill space. I’m not sure that this is a particularly healthy method of eating, and it is probably good to discover these things about my appetites. This fasting has created a regular, forced reminder in my day that I am supposed to be focusing on God to fill me.
I had a rather odd moment this morning. I’m not sure what it means.
At around 5:00 I startled awake quite suddenly. My instinctual response as I woke was to quote the child Samuel, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” And then I lay there for a moment or two before drifting back to sleep.
Nothing spectacular followed in the hour and a bit of light sleep that came before waking more permanently to prepare for the day. I didn’t have any kind of divine revelation, nothing spoken that I’m aware of. Just this moment of waking and having my instinctual response be a prayer that created a posture of listening and invitation.
Interesting way to start the third Monday I’ve fasted.
Voices
In this current season of seeking direction and intense awareness of the spiritual realm, two voices in what I’m reading and listening to have stood out in the last while – the first is Jason Upton (both his music and some recordings of talks he gave at a conference in November) and the second is Rob Bell (particularly the chapter of Velvet Elvis titled “Tassels”.) I love this line from Rob Bell (paraphrased as I don’t have the book in front of me), “Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has called you to be, and anything else is sin.”
Fasting
I’m not good at fasting intentionally. It felt easy that first Monday, the one right after I nearly died driving home from Marty and Kari’s. Such a strong sense of divine calling that day (and the queasy stomach from the leftover nerves helped too!). Last week was okay, and I ended up breaking the fast early to join my family and some guests in a meal, but this morning I keep having to remind myself that I’m not eating today. The chocolate bowl on my desk for our staff is mocking me. We (or should I say they) had cake to celebrate a co-worker's birthday, while I watched.
I’ve discovered that I eat out of habit – it is a way to fill time, to take up space that feels empty. When there's nothing else to do, when there's a pause in the action, I eat - some quick snack, often something fairly healthy, but I eat simply to fill space. I’m not sure that this is a particularly healthy method of eating, and it is probably good to discover these things about my appetites. This fasting has created a regular, forced reminder in my day that I am supposed to be focusing on God to fill me.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Good Day
I've had one of those days where you hit the evening and mostly feel satisfied.
I like those days - the ones where the sense of accomplishment is strong.
I did laundry, swept my floor, caught up on a number of little things.
I wrote and taught a Bible study that seemed to go okay.
I've watched Joan of Arcadia and done a little bit of shopping.
I drove Megs to the airport, and managed to pull her car into our driveway for the next few days without major incident.
I took a long, hot bath.
I've read a book.
I slept in (kind of - sleep remains a somewhat elusive thing).
I drank water and ate some comfort foods.
I did a piece of writing that's been bothering me all week.
I sent a few emails.
I hung out with one of my youth girls for a little while.
I like the days when all the little things come together and create happiness.
Thanks, Jesus, for the little days.
I like those days - the ones where the sense of accomplishment is strong.
I did laundry, swept my floor, caught up on a number of little things.
I wrote and taught a Bible study that seemed to go okay.
I've watched Joan of Arcadia and done a little bit of shopping.
I drove Megs to the airport, and managed to pull her car into our driveway for the next few days without major incident.
I took a long, hot bath.
I've read a book.
I slept in (kind of - sleep remains a somewhat elusive thing).
I drank water and ate some comfort foods.
I did a piece of writing that's been bothering me all week.
I sent a few emails.
I hung out with one of my youth girls for a little while.
I like the days when all the little things come together and create happiness.
Thanks, Jesus, for the little days.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Just thinking about...
Processing
I process fairly slowly for a long period, and then in sudden bursts of understanding. I need lots of time and space to sit and think things out, and then I need the opportunity to have a conversation with a friend and verbalize the things in my head. I often find that as I have those conversations, I am speaking out random thoughts, and suddenly realize that God is speaking to me through my own words.
Being Relational
In one of those verbal processing moments last night with a friend, I realized an important truth about the direction I’m seeking in life just presently. I don’t really care too much about the ultimate location, as long as I’m living within a community of friends with whom I share a common heart, and who offer a reciprocal challenge to live more fully the things God has planted within each of us. Does the fact that I place such a high premium on being relational make me postmodern? Community is such a buzzword, and I don’t care about the hype, I just care about the people. I also believe that wholeness and healing happens primarily in the context of relationship with others and with Christ, and that that wholeness and healing are more fully attained within the context of a caring community living as the body of Christ on earth.
Location
Like I said before, I’m not so concerned about location as I am about the people, but there are certain things and areas of the world that pull at my heart like nothing else. I dream of sitting in the Incan ruins at Machu Pichuu in Peru and listening for the voice of God. I can’t explain that one – who travels halfway across the world to sit in some ruins and pray? I dream of visiting the many locations I studied about in school – the places where this faith in Christ, the definition of what it means to be Christian was shaped, formed and reformed. The places where movements were birthed, where the deep things have been spoken for centuries. I also dream of warmer climates, of skirts year round without frostbite concerns! I do feel that Calgary will not be home for too much longer.
Vulnerability/Humility
These are words that have been spoken and implied quite a lot lately in regards to my journey. They are the deep cry of my heart, and conversely, completely opposite to my human nature. It is hard to choose humility – I have to overcome this thing that I have engaged with for years that says that my worth is in being noticed, being respected, having power and position, being known for something, being successful. I’m starting to wonder if success isn’t really about having great relationships, being joyful in life, caring about others first, and being obedient to the leading of Christ. But I’m also having to fight in huge ways to remember that.
I am also learning how very difficult it really is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability and honesty are things I have long believed in, and ways I have chosen and felt called to live out life. Here’s the thing – it makes other people uncomfortable, and it tends to set you up to get hurt. I’m working to negotiate what it means to live out this part of my life in a church setting that doesn’t exactly welcome the sort of experience of God that has so defined my journey and my identity these past few years. I know I’ve inadvertently offended some lovely people by simply being honest about who I am and my place in life. I keep thinking about the life of Hannah, who was so completely vulnerable in her emotions that she poured herself out to God and was mistakenly thought to be drunk. I have known for some time that a call on my life is to break silence – the silence that so often perpetuates evil – that has perpetuated evil through generations of my family, and in the lives of a lot of people I know.
Growth and Mentoring
I continue to be hungry for mentoring as I seek to walk out life with God. I long to learn by experience and by sitting under the teaching of Godly men and women who have walked this journey longer than I and have wisdom to offer. I have been blessed with some good friends who I am also privileged to call teachers, but am hungry to see this lived out more consistently in my life. I suppose it comes back to the relational aspects I talked about earlier – I see myself flourishing when I am in relationship with people who challenge me in my faith and in my thinking.
I process fairly slowly for a long period, and then in sudden bursts of understanding. I need lots of time and space to sit and think things out, and then I need the opportunity to have a conversation with a friend and verbalize the things in my head. I often find that as I have those conversations, I am speaking out random thoughts, and suddenly realize that God is speaking to me through my own words.
Being Relational
In one of those verbal processing moments last night with a friend, I realized an important truth about the direction I’m seeking in life just presently. I don’t really care too much about the ultimate location, as long as I’m living within a community of friends with whom I share a common heart, and who offer a reciprocal challenge to live more fully the things God has planted within each of us. Does the fact that I place such a high premium on being relational make me postmodern? Community is such a buzzword, and I don’t care about the hype, I just care about the people. I also believe that wholeness and healing happens primarily in the context of relationship with others and with Christ, and that that wholeness and healing are more fully attained within the context of a caring community living as the body of Christ on earth.
Location
Like I said before, I’m not so concerned about location as I am about the people, but there are certain things and areas of the world that pull at my heart like nothing else. I dream of sitting in the Incan ruins at Machu Pichuu in Peru and listening for the voice of God. I can’t explain that one – who travels halfway across the world to sit in some ruins and pray? I dream of visiting the many locations I studied about in school – the places where this faith in Christ, the definition of what it means to be Christian was shaped, formed and reformed. The places where movements were birthed, where the deep things have been spoken for centuries. I also dream of warmer climates, of skirts year round without frostbite concerns! I do feel that Calgary will not be home for too much longer.
Vulnerability/Humility
These are words that have been spoken and implied quite a lot lately in regards to my journey. They are the deep cry of my heart, and conversely, completely opposite to my human nature. It is hard to choose humility – I have to overcome this thing that I have engaged with for years that says that my worth is in being noticed, being respected, having power and position, being known for something, being successful. I’m starting to wonder if success isn’t really about having great relationships, being joyful in life, caring about others first, and being obedient to the leading of Christ. But I’m also having to fight in huge ways to remember that.
I am also learning how very difficult it really is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability and honesty are things I have long believed in, and ways I have chosen and felt called to live out life. Here’s the thing – it makes other people uncomfortable, and it tends to set you up to get hurt. I’m working to negotiate what it means to live out this part of my life in a church setting that doesn’t exactly welcome the sort of experience of God that has so defined my journey and my identity these past few years. I know I’ve inadvertently offended some lovely people by simply being honest about who I am and my place in life. I keep thinking about the life of Hannah, who was so completely vulnerable in her emotions that she poured herself out to God and was mistakenly thought to be drunk. I have known for some time that a call on my life is to break silence – the silence that so often perpetuates evil – that has perpetuated evil through generations of my family, and in the lives of a lot of people I know.
Growth and Mentoring
I continue to be hungry for mentoring as I seek to walk out life with God. I long to learn by experience and by sitting under the teaching of Godly men and women who have walked this journey longer than I and have wisdom to offer. I have been blessed with some good friends who I am also privileged to call teachers, but am hungry to see this lived out more consistently in my life. I suppose it comes back to the relational aspects I talked about earlier – I see myself flourishing when I am in relationship with people who challenge me in my faith and in my thinking.
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