Surgery, Dreams, Atmosphere...

I'm still deeply pondering the things I talked about here.

Someone I've seen a few times in rather significant dreams is having surgery this morning to remove a cancerous mass, so that they can take next steps in treatment. The mass is the size of an apple, under their sternum. I don't know them well, only that they've appeared in some incredibly deep and memorable dreams. Their family has been through much, and a cancer diagnosis was almost unbelievable. So this morning I find myself praying as they wait through the surgery, and wait for results.

Today's saint of the day is St. Jerome. I sighed just a little as memories hit as I read Jerome's biography. He reminds me of some others I know or have known, people I love and pray for. The temper, the sometimes vitriolic writings, and the immense commitment to truth. Truth be told, as I write that, I recognize some of those tendencies in my own heart as well. And so I am praying for some of those others, and for those tendencies within me to be curbed by a heart that truly seeks to live in surrender and obedience to Jesus.

I'm thinking a lot about atmosphere, too. Some of you will know that I have become remarkably sensitive to the spiritual atmopshere in people and places over the last few years. All week this week I've been unable to get warm. I've worn extra layers, sat with magic bags around my neck, sipped tea, and been freezing. But mostly only at the office. A quick hot shower when I got home could usually shake the mess. This morning I was in an incredibly prayerful space as I drove to work, praying for the person having surgery, and for those whom St. Jerome had called to mind. Maybe because I was in an even more sensitive space than usual, I felt the shift. I went from being warm and comfortable, to cold, as I stepped into the building.

It shouldn't surprise me. I've known all week that something was up here again. There have been more than the usual numbers of flaring tempers, incompetence, and spikes in the nearly constant levels of tension. But this morning it was incredibly noticeable.

So, I'm praying prayers of shielding and asking for peace, and I'm hoping for a day that is a bit crazy than the last two have been.

And in between all of these things, I'm still pondering Sunday's trip. A day spent in the Southern part of the province, walking and praying and seeing and experiencing. A day that I don't have a lot of words for yet.

Ticking Bomb Atmosphere

Can I just say that today I'm the person who has the job you're all thankful that you don't have?

The atmosphere around my office has been weird for the last several months, sometimes spiraling out of control. I've written about that before.

Some stuff happened at a major meeting over the weekend that has once again stirred things in our building. This time they've managed to involve a separate company on the floor below us.

Emotions are running high, and there is tension in the air.

I'm sitting right in the middle of it.

AND, I'd also like to ask when I became the person to whom the office staff air their grievances with each other, and with people from other organizations?

I was talking with the girl who had this job before me (a friend, and the reason I now have the job). She described my job as being like a "bartender." It's an accurate description. I even have an elbow level counter the whole way around my desk, for people to lean on as they air their problems.

It's fine in small doses, but, in the midst of everything else, I'm not loving it.

And besides - I've been so sensitive to the spiritual atmosphere in places and people lately that I'm usually picking up on (and occasionally experiencing as my own without immediately realizing it) all their really negative emotions long before they ever start speaking.

Don't get me wrong - I actually like my job, my coworkers most days, but this week, today, I'm tired, and I don't really want to be sitting here in the midst of this explosive atmosphere.