dreaming

I went to bed at 2 am. I set my alarm for 9:30 am. I woke up for the first time at 6:30am. Rolled over, realized it was 6:30 (when I normally get up for work), thought "no way in hell," rolled back over and went back to sleep.

Going back to sleep was my mistake. The dreams that had been below the surface came roaring into my reality.

Which is why it's now 8:45am, and I'm sitting here blogging and watching Grey's Anatomy on dvd. When I woke up again for the second time I just couldn't face going back to the dreams.

I work at being okay with the dreams, but every once in a while, I just don't quite know what to do with them. Today is one of those days. Not sure what to do about the things I saw. Not sure I understand most of them, but knowing there are things from them that are probably important.

Here's my thing. I think, that if the Lord is going to give someone dreams, He should also give them the gift of dream interpretation.

I'm tired of this. Tired of the dreams, and wondering what they mean. Tired of the confusion. Tired of how vividly real they are, and how they add to the load I'm already carrying.

I knew this would probably happen when I went to bed last night. There's something about talking to the friend I spoke with on the phone that always pulls me into a place of deeper awareness of the spiritual realm. That, plus, by the end of the night I knew I needed to spend some time praying and going to the deep places for a couple of situations. Going there generally means that I'll end up having a night like I did.

So, I knew it would likely happen. And I'll be okay. But right now, I'm tired, and an hour away from spending time with a friend that will probably end up being intense and requiring me to engage, to see and hear and be willing to go to the deep places for and with her. Right now I'm wishing I wasn't carrying the added load of dreams.

So I'm laying here, and giving my brain a rest by watching Grey's Anatomy. And in a little while, I'll get up, and get dressed, and pray, and head into my day.