lacking words

I'm spent. That's a good word - spent - for how I'm feeling. Empty, done, drained, exhausted. I've given what I have, and today I'm spent.

There are so many things buried in my heart and mind that I quite desperately need to process. And there are just no words.

Words are my window on the world - my way of engaging, my gift, my passion, my means of expressing my identity, my way of sharing love - and I have none.

What do you do when you so desperately need words, and they've run dry?

Certain friends are still pulling them from me - but they all live far away.

Most of the blog posts I've put up in the last while have felt like incomplete thoughts - maybe I'm the only who's noticed, but that's what they've felt like. Because I just can't find the words for this space in my life. Because things are swirling and I desperately need to slow them down and process them, but there are no words.

Escapism is looking good right now. Losing myself in a cheesy novel, or television show. Completely shutting off my brain. If I could only figure out how to shut out my soul in those moments as well - because it's my soul that is weighing heavy these days.

Are my words worth anything when they paint incomplete pictures - half-thoughts? They have to be, for I have no other way to spill at least some of the excess...

until later...