A Few Quick Pictures

Kari and I at the spot where the Magna Carta was signed - during our 10 hour layover in London.
The church in the centre of Siggiewi - the village where we're staying.

Andy, Kari, Dar and I at the Valletta City Gates. Bree took this photo for us.

With Bree and Luke at the Lower Gardens - Grand Harbor Valetta - a quick stop on a horse drawn carriage tour of the city that Dar and I took with the three kids....

More thoughts coming soon... Prayer room kicked off today - went great - looks great. Thought you might like to see a few pics in the meantime...

Kicking things off...

It's just about midnight Friday night here. Most of you will read this sometime on Friday during the day I would think - maybe Friday evening. How funny is that? I already know how Friday is going to look because it's 20 minutes from ending, and you're still in the midst of it.

Tomorrow at noon the prayer room opens. We're going to gather as a team for communion, and to pray together and celebrate the opening. Later, at 7, we'll gather again for worship and community prayer - we're expecting quite the crowd for that event. Then, down into the nitty-gritty of filling time slots and covering 13 straight days around the clock with prayer.

I'm excited - a few finishing touches tomorrow, and then we're there. Just the little "atmosphere" things - candles, final decorations.

Kari and I are covering the night shift on Sunday. So, with some combination of sleeping and waking, we'll fill the hours from midnight to 7 am, then drag ourselves out to catch a 7:30 bus back to our hosts home and catch some sleep. We're excited to do it though. Before coming, we had both toyed with the idea of letting the night shifts slide if no one expressed interest. We realized, though, that we were willing to let them slide because we really didn't want to do them. So, we've decided to do at least one, and probably two together. 3 and a half hours or so alone with God in the middle of the night - intense but so good.

I'm actually feeling pretty tired right now. Jet lag has worn off, I'm settled, and the exhaustion from the people and things I've carried so deeply these last six months or so has begun to surface. It's taking time and tears and long conversations, and moments of just sitting, and journal entries to slowly release them into the atmosphere and allow myself to be fully present here.

Lord, help me to be present here. Be present with me.

I'm finishing each day with the last several verses of Psalm 91 - promises that have become so deep and real to me over the course of these last months. Promises I need to remind myself of here.

"Because she loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her."
"I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name."
"She will call upon me and I will answer her."
"I will be with her in trouble."
"I will deliver her and honor her."
"With long life will I satisfy her, and show her my salvation."
(Psalm 91:14-16 - with personalized pronouns courtesy of Dana!)

In Malta!

Hey all - have you forgotten me around here yet?

I've arrived safely in Malta and am now mostly recovered from jetlag...

We've been busy, preparing to set up the prayer room, and meeting various people, as well as helping our hosts prepare for the arrival of the remainder of our team over the course of the next several days.

I probably won't blog on my site very often - internet access is a bit sketchy at the moment, and we're working to keep a blog at malta.untodeep.com updated for your enjoyment. Marty put a post there the other day, and I'll be adding to it occasionally as well.

Thanks for your prayers thus far, and please keep praying!

I feel a great sense of peace here, and for that I'm deeply thankful.

Underway...

I'm sitting at a computer in my friend's office...

I'm on my way... how crazy is that?

Tomorrow we get on a flight and get underway.

I'm spending the next month and a bit with friends, hanging out, living in community, praying.

The nerves and fears are finally starting to feel like they're under control, and are receding in the face of excitement - of this becoming real.

It'll probably be a few days before I can post again...

Later!

Battling through the fears...

I leave in the morning... just a two hour drive to a friend's home tomorrow, then another couple hours driving on Friday, followed by two flights.

My best friend, M. came over to help me pack this afternoon... she was invaluable, and made the process fun instead of stressful... helped me to have someone to talk through the decisions with - do I take this or that? the white or the beige? helped me that she's travelled all over the world for lengthy periods of time. Plus, she owed me. I packed her for a trip to Africa for 2 months a couple years ago, and a trip to Nepal and Pakistan for three months last year.

I went to Mom and Dad's for a bit this evening... Mom is a craniosacral and massage therapist, and she gave me a treatment/massage... it helped relieve a bit of the stress...

It's not news to anyone who knows me well that I struggle with fear issues in a major way. These last few days have been out of control fear wise.

In the spirit of being really honest here, let me just tell you some things.

I have been so stressed and afraid that my stomach has stopped tolerating food. I haven't eaten since Monday night. I'm existing on water and gatorade and fruit juice. I'd really like to tell you that this is the first time this has happened to me, but it's old hat.

I've been fighting off panic attacks at night. I'd like to tell you that I've never experienced that before either, but it's happened dozens of times.

In the spirit of describing exactly how huge it is that I'm flying across the ocean for the next month, let me just tell you that I have attacks of fear when I go to stay with very dear friends for the weekend in a town only an hour's drive away. I push through fear every time I meet a youth kid for coffee, every time I go somewhere new, step into a new situation. Unless the situation is perfectly familiar and predictable, I battle fear.

The thing about the fears is that I know they're irrational. I know that making this trip is making a step of obedience - that I am doing something God has called me to do. I know that I am doing this in the safest possible environment, with the best possible friends for this step. I even get frustrated with myself for being terrified, for having such irrational fears.

I know that in a day or two, once the trip is underway I'll be fine, but in the meantime, I'm fighting off the fears.

I'm dealing with panic, and nausea. I'm sleeping very little. I'm thinking irrationally. I'm feeling faint from not eating, and exhausted from the lack of sleep.

And underneath, I'm excited. I'm thrilled that I'm going to spend the next month with dear friends, praying for Malta, and the world. I'm thrilled that I'm going to spend Ash Wednesday in Rome with a dear friend. I'm thrilled at the prospects of a couple days in London with some other dear friends.

But until I'm there - until I push past the fear of stepping so completely outside of my comfort zone, so far from that which I can control, I need to face the fear, and I need to believe that the next time I decide to travel somewhere to pray, the fear will be a little bit less, and that each time after that, it will continue to lessen. I need to believe that there will come a point where I won't spend days puking and sleepless before making a step of obedience.

I know Jesus walks with me, and I need to believe that He is stronger than the fear, and that his strength and grace are more than sufficient in this space.

Here I go...