Random Retail Observations

I've been working in a variety of retail/customer service jobs for quite a few years now. The characters you meet, and the experiences you collect in that type of job never cease to astound me. Take the following examples:

• The man that I saw reading in the mall last week. His clothing, and the part of the mall he was reading in told me he probably works at an upscale men's clothing store. However, he reminded me of nothing so much as the stereotypical image of a used car salesman. His greased back hair and big glasses practically screamed of that movie used car lot. I spotted the title of his book, and had to laugh to myself. It was Emotional Blackmail! I had to wonder if he was feeling emotionally blackmailed by someone, or was looking for pointers to do a little blackmailing of his own. The things that pass through my mind...
  
• When I worked in a children's clothing store, I encountered the meanest mother I've ever met. She had her daughter with her - probably around five years old, and still in that "haven't quite outgrown the baby fat" stage. The mother tried a skirt on her daughter, and I complimented how it looked. The mother quite loudly informed me that the skirt wouldn't do - her daughter was "a bit fat", and the skirt might work later, after she lost some weight. All I could do was wonder what the self image of that little girl will be like by the time she hits thirteen. If at five she is already hearing from her mother that she's fat, then by the time she's thirteen, she'll probably be rather traumatized.
  
• And then there are the coworkers. My current favorite is a woman from the china store where I'm working right now. Picture your stereotypical, upperclass old lady. Got it in your head? I work with her. She dotes on her grandchildren - talks about them constantly. She sings with the Calgary Philharmonic Opera chorus, and if I don't bring CD's to work, will make me listen to opera for a whole shift - not so bad for an hour, but painful for eight hours! She not only does needlepoint, she is the PRESIDENT of the Calgary needle point guild. I didn't know that Calgary had a needlepoint guild until I met her. And then, just to make it interesting, she seems a bit crazy. Her behavior is unpredictable, her moods erratic. She's taken to pacing around the store, talking under her breath. Recently, she's added swear words to her under the breath repetoire, even when customers are around!
  

Ah, the joys of retail! Only until December, and then maybe, I'll find a nice, safe full-time office job while I figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and how my bachelor's degree in history fits into that plan!

Worth It?

I'm tired this morning. I worked the late shift last night, and it was unusually busy. At least it was with a coworker that's fun to work with! Got home, watched a sappy movie o­n TV with my parents, read for a while and went to bed.I spent most of the morning reading in bed, and now I'm getting ready to work another late shift.

I find myself wondering if this is the sum total of my days - filling time to make the day go by, so that I can sleep and then do it all again. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, and I'll be really sorry when it ends, especially if I don't find other work soon. But, I keep thinking that there has to be something a bit more meaningful than this.

I guess I'm in a bit of a funk again. I'm tired of waiting for God to show up. Tired of longing for that, and then telling myself not to be disappointed when it doesn't happen. I'm jealous of those to whom hearing from God seems to come easily or be second nature. I'm jealous of some of my close friends who are off having adventures and serving God in different parts of the world.

I want more of God, but I almost don't expect him to show up anymore. It's been too long, and I've been disappointed too many times. Most days I don't bother to pick up a Bible any more, because it feels like such a dead read. I content myself with running through the few passages I have memorized at work recently. I pray more out of habit than out of passion - at least for myself. For the needs of my friends I come before God with some degree of passion.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm having o­ne of those days when my life feels empty and where I'm wondering, "Is it really worth it to keep pursuing God?"

Selfish Activist

Wow, I just reread my last post. I sound like some kind of impassioned activist type! It made me laugh a bit. The truth is, I do care, but, to my own shame, most of the time I'm far too lazy to do anything about it. I keep telling myself that I should get involved. Most of the time, though, my good intentions are shoved aside in favor of daily life.

I've been often convicted over the last months of selfishness. Most of the time I care far more about my own life and my own problems than anything else. I spend far too much of my time consumed with my own pursuits. I feel safe when it is only me (and maybe those in my closest circle of friends) that matters. When I stop to admit that someone who is a stranger, or someone who makes me uncomfortable is important, then I have to acknowledge that I might be pulled out of my own comfort zone in order to help or be with that person. I would have to acknowledge the possibility of being hurt, or of having my trust betrayed.

A couple of months ago, my dad sat down at dinner, looked at me, and said, "I have a challenge for you." I started quaking in my seat, and tears got ready to fall. My dad is a wonderful person, but incredibly blunt, and I knew instinctively that I would probably not like what he was going to say. What he said, was something like this, "I challenge you for the next month, in conversations, to talk less, and listen more. You are very like me, and I have learned that I miss a great deal of depth of relationship when I constantly fill the silences with my own empty words. It's taken me forty plus years to learn this, learn it now while you're young."

OKAY. So, I kind of laughed at him, but his words so meshed with the convictions God had placed upon me in recent months that I couldn't help but ponder them. I began to try to listen. I think it scared some of my friends at first, that I was suddenly more silent. All I was trying to do was hear them, and hear the things God would have me say to them, rather than just blabbering constantly as had been my habit. But it was true. When I stopped talking, my friends began to fill the silences, and I learned new things about them, and was able to pray for them much more effectively.

I don't know quite how to end this story. Unfortunately, life happened, and my resolve to be less selfish slipped as I dealt with depression again and many other things. My conviction is this - I need to be less selfish, but at the same time, I am terrified of being pulled from my comfort zone. I believe I'll end with this - I pray that God will continually convict me of my love affair with myself. I pray that he'll give me courage and wisdom and strength to love others more than I love myself.

Something Wrong With This Picture

I was just at the website for Christianity Today magazine, looking to see if Philip Yancey, one of my favorite authors, had written any new articles recently. I didn't make it to searching for the article. I was stopped by the front page.

The website has a search feature, and based on that search feature, on the front page of the website, a list of "Hot Issues" appears, with links that will lead you to all of the articles on that topic. Heading the list was "Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI". Okay, that makes sense - the death of the pope and the election of a new one has been a major issue in "christendom" over the last month or so. What really caught me, though, was the seventh item in the list of twenty - "Sponge Bob Square Pants". Ironically, the last item on the list was "Sudan".

I think we might have a problem. When a semi-ridiculous controversy over a children's cartoon is generating greater interest than a genocide that has killed an estimated 200,000-300,000 people, we might need to stop and reconsider our priorities. Sudan was at the bottom of the list, below items such as "The Ten Commandments" (another American controversy) and "The Top 10 Films of 2004". There are 19 things we care more about then the loss of human life on a major scale. Ironically, when I quickly scanned the list of top films, "Hotel Rwanda" came in at number two for the year. I could probably rant forever, but I'll stop with this question - Assuming that Christians are the primary readers and accessers of this website, when did we start caring more about entertainment and debating its merits, than about human life?

With that said, I'm going back to read the articles on Sudan, and then (hopefully) find a new Philip Yancey article as well.

R-rated Jesus Film

The latest issue of Relevant Magazine arrived in my mailbox this morning, and I had to share with all of you this fantastic quote/stat about movie ratings, tucked away in small print on page 18. It made me laugh pretty hard, and I think it might amuse some of you as well!

"For the first time in 20 years, PG-rated films hauled in more money than R-rated ones in 2004. With films like Shrek 2 and The Incredibles, PG films cashed in a clean $2.3 billion. Ironicly, a Jesus film kept the R-rated films competitive..."