My heart feels scattered this morning, pulled in a variety of directions, prayers and patterns of thought...
I'm thinking about how much I identify with this cartoon at "The Naked Pastor."
I'm watching as a project I've been following from a distance gains momentum, and feeling the pull of that. Feeling the impact that it's having on my heart.
I'm feeling a deep sadness about a number of things.
And a deep frustration over some others.
I'm thinking about the "be relentless" prayer list that I composed at the beginning of this year, and negotiating/arguing just a little with God over one of the items. An item I'm tired of praying for, no longer believe is truly possible, and am feeling a bit like I just can't pray for anymore.
I'm feeling like the things I never wanted to change are shifting constantly, and the things in which I longed for that shifting simply will not move.
I'm thinking about a blog world aquaintance whose father just recently passed away. And the moving post she wrote here. And the ways it makes me reconsider some relationships of my own.
I'm thinking about 1:11 and 11:11, and how I keep catching those times on the clock, on a nearly daily basis these days. About how they touch a raw spot in my soul, and are inextricably tied in my heart to certain people and places, and stir prayers.
I'm thinking about a friend who is beginning the trip home today after some time away. Praying for safe travels, smooth connections, and the transition back into life at home.
I'm thinking again about idolatry. About the verse in Jeremiah that so struck me last fall. "Idol worship is a form of self-harm." A striking image for one who has dealt with those who have deliberately harmed themselves as a way of releasing pain. And asking questions again about what idols, what forms of self harm, need to be struck down within my own life.
And I'm thinking about venom, and bloodletting. Remembering vivid images that came in separate moments of prayer, months apart, driving my car to and from work. Praying for endings and cleansing and release.
My heart is scattered, and trying desperately to pray, to somehow find Jesus in the midst of all of this. I am thinking about so many things in my own life, and praying for so many of those whom I care for deeply. My heart hurts, but maybe that's okay?
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A Good Thing
I was glad to read that the Calgary police will be implementing this sort of program to provide resources to those struggling with mental health issues.
A few years ago, a relative of mine benefited from encountering a police officer in a large American city with the training to recognize his mental illness, who diverted him to receive the appropriate attention rather than be lost in the justice system.
A few years ago, a relative of mine benefited from encountering a police officer in a large American city with the training to recognize his mental illness, who diverted him to receive the appropriate attention rather than be lost in the justice system.
How Time Heals
This thought from Henri Nouwen played nicely into several other things I've been thinking about and listening to lately. It struck a chord deep within me, as I wonder about some things surrounding the idea of forgiveness and healing...
How Time Heals
"Time heals," people often say. This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened. That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality. But when the expression "time heals" means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it. "Time heals" implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.
How Time Heals
"Time heals," people often say. This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened. That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality. But when the expression "time heals" means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it. "Time heals" implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.
On to Tuesday
Today will be a full day.
Work promises to be busy.
And then, tonight holds a trip to the soul-sucking grocery mega store. Because we badly need food and some other supplies.
We were there briefly last week. It was even worse than usual. Seems the store had decided to renovate, and move everything around. Things we'd finally learned the location of were now missing in action. It took even longer than usual.
Both of these facts mean that I'm not looking forward to a trip there tonight.
I also need to take the mounds of recycling (mostly cardboard left over from our move) to the recycling depot, and quite likely make a trip to the bank.
Then, I'm going home, doing a bit of yoga, and going to bed.
And that, my friends, is what Tuesday holds... here's hoping it goes at least kind of according to plan!
Work promises to be busy.
And then, tonight holds a trip to the soul-sucking grocery mega store. Because we badly need food and some other supplies.
We were there briefly last week. It was even worse than usual. Seems the store had decided to renovate, and move everything around. Things we'd finally learned the location of were now missing in action. It took even longer than usual.
Both of these facts mean that I'm not looking forward to a trip there tonight.
I also need to take the mounds of recycling (mostly cardboard left over from our move) to the recycling depot, and quite likely make a trip to the bank.
Then, I'm going home, doing a bit of yoga, and going to bed.
And that, my friends, is what Tuesday holds... here's hoping it goes at least kind of according to plan!
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