What comes...

I'm sitting here, sipping tea, and wondering what will come... what this day will bring... I feel particularly uncertain for a variety of reasons today... nothing large and spectacular, just dozens of small things converging to create a wondering, a slight dis-ease...

There were quiet moments of deep beauty last night. Much needed after a fit of panic spurred by changing plans and events. A meeting with Jesus, and a quieted, cleansed and restful heart.

This morning I'm reminding myself of those moments. Of how needed they were. Of the fact that, for an hour or two Jesus drew tangibly near, not in that "he's always with me" sort of way, but in that "he holds me intimately" kind of way.

So I'm sitting here, sipping tea and trying to rest in the peace gleaned in those moments. I'm waiting for what comes...

Read this - Ripped Open

I loved this post on Hope's blog, particularly the last couple of paragraphs, which I've quoted below for you. They reminded me of some deep and ongoing conversations I've had with the Lord and with a dear friend these last several months.

She writes:

One thing I especially appreciate about this priest is his emphasis on a heart relationship with Christ. He often talks about the emptiness of praying, attending Mass, receiving the Sacraments without those things coming out of a heart relationship.

Today, as he was emphasizing that point, I gazed at a statue of the Sacred Heart Of Jesus. Often when I look on it I remember a day when I felt like Jesus told me he wanted my heart open, exposed and touching his. It wasn't a pleasant image - more like my chest had been ripped open and Jesus then grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me close so his exposed heart could mingle with mine. I don't exactly know how the cause and effect of that translates into daily life, but I continue to find that image a comfort, a challenge and something to ponder every time I gaze upon His face.

This Caught Me Today...

I received the following lines from Henri Nouwen in my usual daily email this morning. the second paragraph particularly caught my attention. "The ups and downs of our spiritual lives depend on our obedience - that is, our attentive listening - to the movements of the Spirit of God within us." I've been on a journey of learning the deep truth of these words in this last season. It is not a simple, nor an easy or painless lesson to learn. And yet, I am slowly beginning to grasp the truths contained within it. I pray that that continues.

The Dynamics of the Spiritual Life

Our emotional lives and our spiritual lives have different dynamics. The ups and downs of our emotional life depend a great deal on our past or present surroundings. We are happy, sad, angry, bored, excited, depressed, loving, caring, hateful, or vengeful because of what happened long ago or what is happening now.

The ups and downs of our spiritual lives depend on our obedience - that is, our attentive listening - to the movements of the Spirit of God within us. Without this listening our spiritual life eventually becomes subject to the windswept waves of our emotions.

Reasons to Smile

It's been a hard week, but today has provided some reasons to smile, and for those I'm grateful. Mostly little things, things that would perhaps mean nothing to anyone but me, but I'm clinging to them in these moments, and I thought I'd share them with you.

• a conversation that began yesterday, and continued past midnight into today. a dear friend listening and waiting and praying as I moved from a very dark space into a safer and more restful one.
• wearing a new tank top, purchased, of all places, at the grocery store last night for only $5.
• fun earrings, purchased last week at the Tibetan shop in Eau Claire Market, while shopping with a dear friend.
• an hour sitting on my back deck, in the sun, writing this morning
• a massage this morning, and somewhat relaxed back and neck muscles because of that
• a phone call from my best friend, inviting herself over to spend the evening with me
• the sense of accomplishment in hanging a new photo on the wall in my bedroom (purchased from the farmer's market) and a blind for my window, by myself
• shelves (shortened this morning by my dad) in the nook in my kitchen
• showering the sunscreen and massage oil off my skin after a full day
• the scent of my favorite perfume, lightly sprayed onto my neck and wrists, lingering in the air around me
  
• purchasing an oil burner, and a number of beautifully scented oils to put in my bedroom
• great deals at the local christian bookstore, which closes in just under a month
• six new books, 1 cd and 1 dvd as a result of those deals
• feeling pretty
• knowing that I finished writing some thoughts that have desperately needed to be given expression
• chocolate, oranges, and almonds
• the sense of satisfaction that comes from knowing that I have made a tiny victory today by successfully doing something small that has long been a thing fraught with fear in my life
• getting a particular photograph of myself - one that reminds me of some deep and important things - printed so that I can place it someplace I'll see it often
  

It's been a good day thus far, and there's still more to come. I've needed a day like this. Quiet, full, sweet. Moments of rest and enjoying being alone. And moments with those I love. I'm praying that tomorrow is much the same, and that each of you are also gifted with days like these, full of things that bring a smile to your lips and a word of praise to your heart.

A Prayer

I'm not entirely sure that I'm okay with the fact that a reporter pulled the written prayer of Barack Obama from the spot where he left it at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, but there is a simple beauty in the in prayer that I appreciate deeply.

You can see it here.