Nolan left a comment a couple days ago on one of my posts that talked about the fact that it was good to see me enjoying life lately. It made me smile, because I'm still surprised every morning when I wake up not depressed. Five years of depression and it's only been eight months without.
It stuns me every time I'm walking to the train, or getting dressed for the day, or sitting at my computer, or reading a novel, or just basically engaging in the mundane stuff of day to day living and I realize that God has healed me, that He continues to do crazy things in my life.
Today was another quirky day. I didn't get a call with a job offer, but I've definitely decided to decline the offer if it comes. I've scheduled a couple of interviews for Monday, and we'll go from there. I worked a short shift (4 hours) this morning, and my boss called me in to talk to her for a few minutes. My heart still races every time this happens and I flash back to the day I was basically fired from a job because of my depression. But this was a happy thing. We talked about the fact that I'm still looking for work, and she told me that they're giving me a raise, effective at the beginning of the current pay period of almost two dollars an hour. God is so funny - I'll be making at the bay what I would have been making at the job that I haven't felt the peace to accept, and have decided to turn down. And one of the interviews on Monday is a second interview, so that's really promising.
I've been caught lately by the "Lord's Prayer". In high school I learned it in Spanish. These days I can only remember the first two or three lines in Spanish, but they flow beautifully, and I often find myself praying them as I walk to the train - inviting God's kingdom to come in flowing words of the Spanish language. I've been caught, too, by Eugene Peterson's translation of the prayer in "The Message." Interestingly, again the only lines I've managed to memorize and retain are the first several. I never seem to get much past acknowleging God as my Father, acknowledging His glory, and inviting His kingdom to come - in either Spanish or English!
Peterson translates the lines that have so caught me like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best -
as above, so below.
I love that - "As above, so below" - such a neat picture of what we're asking for - the intimate presence and action of God to overwhelm and mark our daily existence, but also something so much larger and all consuming - world consuming.
And the God as Father thing that has always been so hard for me? These days I find myself praying an awful lot to "Papa God." I don't know where I picked up that phrase, but it has for me an intimacy, meaning and understanding, without the negative connotations that terms like "Father," "Daddy" and so on so often have attached to them.
I'm smiling. Because God is faithful. Because He has a sense of humor. Because there is a peace and joy in my heart that is still so overwhelmingly new. Because there are new and deeper things coming. Because God is drawing me ever closer to His heart, and sending me friends to journey with.
Amen, Papa, God.
Reveal who you are.
Set things right. As above, so below.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
A Good Day
Funny how some days turn out to be beautiful when you're least expecting it.
I'm sitting here, having just finished consuming a beautifully ripe and juicy mango, and listening to the sounds floating through my window of the fireworks being shot off in the distance for the opening night of the Stampede. Every night for the next ten days at this time I'll hear the sound of fireworks.
Work was actually really good today. Very laid back which is unusual given the coworker I was with this evening. I worked for a good chunk of the evening with a bridal couple and his parents to help them select their dinnerware, flatware and stemware. Usually it is not a good thing when a couple shows up with parents in tow - tends to make for a stressed couple and a frustrated set of parents as their tastes and opinions clash. But they were very pleasant, honestly enjoyed each other's company, and made some fantastic selections. And I had a great time showing them all the different options, giving them information about the product, and ultimately helping them create a table setting that will look fantastic and that they were very happy with.
Before work this morning I had brunch with a friend. Over good food we shared life, learned new things about each other, caught up on the last month, and learned what's coming up for each other in the next months. Such a valuable thing to have friends with whom you can share on a deep level of understanding.
I think that if they offer me the job tomorrow morning I'm going to turn it down. I really want a job that will allow more interaction with clients and the public than this one - that's why I'd be a great receptionist! I also think that I can get the same sort of benefits that they're offering, while still making the extra dollar an hour somewhere else. I'll also be in contact with another company in the morning. They called me yesterday for a second interview, and I think I'd enjoy working with them. I tried to reach the lady today to schedule the interview, but she was out of the office for the day, so I'll try her again before I head to work in the morning, and hopefully I can schedule something for tomorrow afternoon or Monday morning.
And with that, I'm off to draft a cover letter for yet another position I'm thinking of applying for, and then to do some reading for a little while. Thanks to everyone who left comments letting me know you're still out there. It always encourages me to know my words aren't simply floating off into nothingness. It was fun to come home from work tonight and check my email and find all of your comments. Hooray for friends!
I'm sitting here, having just finished consuming a beautifully ripe and juicy mango, and listening to the sounds floating through my window of the fireworks being shot off in the distance for the opening night of the Stampede. Every night for the next ten days at this time I'll hear the sound of fireworks.
Work was actually really good today. Very laid back which is unusual given the coworker I was with this evening. I worked for a good chunk of the evening with a bridal couple and his parents to help them select their dinnerware, flatware and stemware. Usually it is not a good thing when a couple shows up with parents in tow - tends to make for a stressed couple and a frustrated set of parents as their tastes and opinions clash. But they were very pleasant, honestly enjoyed each other's company, and made some fantastic selections. And I had a great time showing them all the different options, giving them information about the product, and ultimately helping them create a table setting that will look fantastic and that they were very happy with.
Before work this morning I had brunch with a friend. Over good food we shared life, learned new things about each other, caught up on the last month, and learned what's coming up for each other in the next months. Such a valuable thing to have friends with whom you can share on a deep level of understanding.
I think that if they offer me the job tomorrow morning I'm going to turn it down. I really want a job that will allow more interaction with clients and the public than this one - that's why I'd be a great receptionist! I also think that I can get the same sort of benefits that they're offering, while still making the extra dollar an hour somewhere else. I'll also be in contact with another company in the morning. They called me yesterday for a second interview, and I think I'd enjoy working with them. I tried to reach the lady today to schedule the interview, but she was out of the office for the day, so I'll try her again before I head to work in the morning, and hopefully I can schedule something for tomorrow afternoon or Monday morning.
And with that, I'm off to draft a cover letter for yet another position I'm thinking of applying for, and then to do some reading for a little while. Thanks to everyone who left comments letting me know you're still out there. It always encourages me to know my words aren't simply floating off into nothingness. It was fun to come home from work tonight and check my email and find all of your comments. Hooray for friends!
A Good Day
Funny how some days turn out to be beautiful when you're least expecting it.
I'm sitting here, having just finished consuming a beautifully ripe and juicy mango, and listening to the sounds floating through my window of the fireworks being shot off in the distance for the opening night of the Stampede. Every night for the next ten days at this time I'll hear the sound of fireworks.
Work was actually really good today. Very laid back which is unusual given the coworker I was with this evening. I worked for a good chunk of the evening with a bridal couple and his parents to help them select their dinnerware, flatware and stemware. Usually it is not a good thing when a couple shows up with parents in tow - tends to make for a stressed couple and a frustrated set of parents as their tastes and opinions clash. But they were very pleasant, honestly enjoyed each other's company, and made some fantastic selections. And I had a great time showing them all the different options, giving them information about the product, and ultimately helping them create a table setting that will look fantastic and that they were very happy with.
Before work this morning I had brunch with a friend. Over good food we shared life, learned new things about each other, caught up on the last month, and learned what's coming up for each other in the next months. Such a valuable thing to have friends with whom you can share on a deep level of understanding.
I think that if they offer me the job tomorrow morning I'm going to turn it down. I really want a job that will allow more interaction with clients and the public than this one - that's why I'd be a great receptionist! I also think that I can get the same sort of benefits that they're offering, while still making the extra dollar an hour somewhere else. I'll also be in contact with another company in the morning. They called me yesterday for a second interview, and I think I'd enjoy working with them. I tried to reach the lady today to schedule the interview, but she was out of the office for the day, so I'll try her again before I head to work in the morning, and hopefully I can schedule something for tomorrow afternoon or Monday morning.
And with that, I'm off to draft a cover letter for yet another position I'm thinking of applying for, and then to do some reading for a little while. Thanks to everyone who left comments letting me know you're still out there. It always encourages me to know my words aren't simply floating off into nothingness. It was fun to come home from work tonight and check my email and find all of your comments. Hooray for friends!
I'm sitting here, having just finished consuming a beautifully ripe and juicy mango, and listening to the sounds floating through my window of the fireworks being shot off in the distance for the opening night of the Stampede. Every night for the next ten days at this time I'll hear the sound of fireworks.
Work was actually really good today. Very laid back which is unusual given the coworker I was with this evening. I worked for a good chunk of the evening with a bridal couple and his parents to help them select their dinnerware, flatware and stemware. Usually it is not a good thing when a couple shows up with parents in tow - tends to make for a stressed couple and a frustrated set of parents as their tastes and opinions clash. But they were very pleasant, honestly enjoyed each other's company, and made some fantastic selections. And I had a great time showing them all the different options, giving them information about the product, and ultimately helping them create a table setting that will look fantastic and that they were very happy with.
Before work this morning I had brunch with a friend. Over good food we shared life, learned new things about each other, caught up on the last month, and learned what's coming up for each other in the next months. Such a valuable thing to have friends with whom you can share on a deep level of understanding.
I think that if they offer me the job tomorrow morning I'm going to turn it down. I really want a job that will allow more interaction with clients and the public than this one - that's why I'd be a great receptionist! I also think that I can get the same sort of benefits that they're offering, while still making the extra dollar an hour somewhere else. I'll also be in contact with another company in the morning. They called me yesterday for a second interview, and I think I'd enjoy working with them. I tried to reach the lady today to schedule the interview, but she was out of the office for the day, so I'll try her again before I head to work in the morning, and hopefully I can schedule something for tomorrow afternoon or Monday morning.
And with that, I'm off to draft a cover letter for yet another position I'm thinking of applying for, and then to do some reading for a little while. Thanks to everyone who left comments letting me know you're still out there. It always encourages me to know my words aren't simply floating off into nothingness. It was fun to come home from work tonight and check my email and find all of your comments. Hooray for friends!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
How do I make this decision?
It looks like I'm going to be offered a job on Friday morning. The woman told me she would have hired me today, except that I need to make more than what her initial offer is, and she needs to do some checking on the finances and interview a couple more people before she makes a decision.
The trouble is this - it would not be an office job. It would have somewhat limited people interaction, but it would be something I would be skilled at doing, and could possibly enjoy doing for a while. I would get to work with hundreds of books, sorting and so on, on a daily basis. It would also pay a dollar an hour less than what I've been using as my minimum hourly wage in the job search. That's approximately $2000 less/year. After three months I'd have some pretty good benefits as well.
I don't know how to make the decision... It's not perfect, but nothing is, and nothing is seeming to pan out at the moment. I really do need to find a job soon, but I don't want to just jump at the first one that's offered to me... How do you know if God is providing something or not? How does it become clear when He is leading? And how do you decide if you can live on a certain wage when you are guesstimating what expenses like rent, car insurance, gas, utilities and so on will be?
The trouble is this - it would not be an office job. It would have somewhat limited people interaction, but it would be something I would be skilled at doing, and could possibly enjoy doing for a while. I would get to work with hundreds of books, sorting and so on, on a daily basis. It would also pay a dollar an hour less than what I've been using as my minimum hourly wage in the job search. That's approximately $2000 less/year. After three months I'd have some pretty good benefits as well.
I don't know how to make the decision... It's not perfect, but nothing is, and nothing is seeming to pan out at the moment. I really do need to find a job soon, but I don't want to just jump at the first one that's offered to me... How do you know if God is providing something or not? How does it become clear when He is leading? And how do you decide if you can live on a certain wage when you are guesstimating what expenses like rent, car insurance, gas, utilities and so on will be?
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Early Ending to an Evening...
So I just got home from driving a friend home from my place. She decided to check out house church with me for the first time tonight, since I was hosting it, leading the discussion, and it wasn't as far north as it normally is. Which would have been great, except that she was the only person who showed up! So we caught up on each other's lives, watched part of a movie, and I drove her home, because her health is fragile and doesn't permit late nights.
So much for the discussion topic I'd prepared to lead us into sharing and praying. Oh well, maybe next time? Maybe I'll write up the topic and stick it up here for discussion sometime this week...
As to the week, the rest of it looks like it will be quite busy. I'm working the next several days in a row. I'm also meeting a friend on Thursday morning to catch up on each other's lives, and I have a job interview tomorrow morning. To be honest, I don't think I'm interested in the job because it doesn't pay enough, but the work sounds okay, so I thought I'd at least meet with the lady and try to get a bit better feel for the job. And I guess I'll use Friday afternoon to send out more resumes...
I had my first "driving standard" lesson yesterday. Megs is teaching me so I can drive at least part of the way on the road trip we're taking at the end of September. We spent the evening together, at a friend's birthday, and then having coffee, talking, and driving. We ended the evening by praying together. We've decided we need to do that consistently. We're always up to date on each other's lives, and we pray for each other individually, but have decided to make a habit of praying together, because we care deeply for each other as friends, and because we both want to develop a greater comfort level in praying aloud.
Also, I picked up my parchment from the university today. I now officially have it in formal writing that I am the proud owner of a bachelor of arts in history. Whoo hoo!
I think those are the major things. I had some pretty weird dreams again on the weekend. So many of my dreams are so vivid and real. I have trouble distinguishing which ones are the spiritual ones that I need to pay close attention to, and which ones are simply the result of an overactive brain.
The heat's been getting to me - hard to sleep when you're melting in your bed. And I've missed our community... church was cancelled Sunday because of the long weekend, and then no one showed up tonight. I know that my spirituality has little to do with the events of a week, but I miss the chance to gather, to catch up on each other's lives, to worship and pray together when things are cancelled. So with that, I'm off to maybe do some paper journalling, and to do some reading... Drop me an email or leave me a comment updating me on all of your lives... Haven't heard from or seen some of you in quite a while...
So much for the discussion topic I'd prepared to lead us into sharing and praying. Oh well, maybe next time? Maybe I'll write up the topic and stick it up here for discussion sometime this week...
As to the week, the rest of it looks like it will be quite busy. I'm working the next several days in a row. I'm also meeting a friend on Thursday morning to catch up on each other's lives, and I have a job interview tomorrow morning. To be honest, I don't think I'm interested in the job because it doesn't pay enough, but the work sounds okay, so I thought I'd at least meet with the lady and try to get a bit better feel for the job. And I guess I'll use Friday afternoon to send out more resumes...
I had my first "driving standard" lesson yesterday. Megs is teaching me so I can drive at least part of the way on the road trip we're taking at the end of September. We spent the evening together, at a friend's birthday, and then having coffee, talking, and driving. We ended the evening by praying together. We've decided we need to do that consistently. We're always up to date on each other's lives, and we pray for each other individually, but have decided to make a habit of praying together, because we care deeply for each other as friends, and because we both want to develop a greater comfort level in praying aloud.
Also, I picked up my parchment from the university today. I now officially have it in formal writing that I am the proud owner of a bachelor of arts in history. Whoo hoo!
I think those are the major things. I had some pretty weird dreams again on the weekend. So many of my dreams are so vivid and real. I have trouble distinguishing which ones are the spiritual ones that I need to pay close attention to, and which ones are simply the result of an overactive brain.
The heat's been getting to me - hard to sleep when you're melting in your bed. And I've missed our community... church was cancelled Sunday because of the long weekend, and then no one showed up tonight. I know that my spirituality has little to do with the events of a week, but I miss the chance to gather, to catch up on each other's lives, to worship and pray together when things are cancelled. So with that, I'm off to maybe do some paper journalling, and to do some reading... Drop me an email or leave me a comment updating me on all of your lives... Haven't heard from or seen some of you in quite a while...
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