How Many of Me?

Okay, I know it's an American statistic, but I am a US citizen, so I thought I'd give it a go. And apparently I'm unique - who knew?!

Also, statistically, apparently Lisa is the 33rd most common first name in the US, so in that way I guess that I'm not really all that unique!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Creating Space

I wrote long emails to a number of different friends last night, catching them up on some things that have been going on in my life of late, and inviting them to offer insight into a decision I'm in the midst of making.

I told one of them that I've been working to establish a rhythm or discipline in certain areas of my life, and that some days it goes well, and some days it doesn't.

The first area I tackled was creating a rhythm of scripture reading, and 20 days in, it has birthed a surprising result. I'm writing again - seriously, I mean, not the everyday jottings I stick on the blog. There would seem to be a book in the mix...

The whole idea of establishing rhythm and creating space came home to me this morning on the train. I'd tucked Pete Greig's "The Vision and the Vow" into my bag, and was attempting to read it as I travelled. I've been attempting to read this book for a year and a half. I get hung up every time, because it turns serious, and Greig asks you to take time to stop and reflect.

Reflection of a personal and deep nature is not something properly accomplished on public transportation! Every time I've hit this spot, I've tucked the book back into my bag with the intentions of settling down with it and my journal sometime in the next day or two. Did I mention that I've been reading this book off and on for a year and a half, and that I'm still in the first couple of chapters?

So, my next attempt at rhythm is this - to create some white space, reflection time, margin - whatever term you want to use, at least once a week in my life.

Oh, and to start running or something, cause my body is not making me happy these days!

We'll see how it goes!

Mellow State of Mind

I'm feeling quite mellow at the moment. I spent a large portion of the day doing cleaning in my bedroom that has desperately needed to be done for at least a couple of months. I have a workspace again, and a clean space in which to read, write, think and create. And I listened to some of James Herriott's many animal stories on a book-on-CD from the library while I did it.

I will eventually get around to letting some of the things soaking through my head and heart spill out onto this site.

In the meantime, I'm getting ready for a party on Wednesday night, to celebrate one year of being healed from depression.

I just did a depression screening test (which can be found here) that I used to score all the time as mildly or severely depressed. This time the results said, "your answers do not indicate depression." I love that! It made me smile.

See you soon!

More reading...

Maybe this is just the day for you to read what other people have written. It's grey and cold here. I'm sitting in a office that is nearly empty, answering phones when there is no one to direct the calls to. And I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write, though I have been feeling some level of inspiration again lately. I wonder sometimes if I need to be careful not to share every moment of inspiration, to pour out all the inspiration and find myself left empty. Perhaps I'll let it saturate me for a time, and then the things I produce to share will actually be worth your consumption. Maybe I'll write tonight, or even this afternoon, but I think it probably needs to soak inside me for a while first...

In the meantime, you should read Rik Leaf's ongoing account of his personal journey at this site. I'm quite enjoying it, flipping back a couple times a day to see if a new chapter has been posted.

Read This...

I have lots of thoughts today, in no apparent order, but I'll probably spread them out into several small posts over the course of the day, or maybe into one longish post this evening...

Anyway... you should read this post at Cameron Conant's blog. I liked it. It made me happy. Particularly the last few lines, about broken people who think they're surrounded by whole people. I'm glad someone took time for the brokenness...

A tradition of reform

I've been reading (and listening to the audio version on my ipod) "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell again lately. I was just sitting at lunch, and the following passage caught my attention. (and by the way, you can get the audio version, unabridged from itunes - I highly recommend it.)

I'm part of this global, historic stream of people who believe that God has not left us alone but has been involved in human history from the beginning. People who believe that in Jesus, God came among us in a unique and powerful way, showing us a new kind of life. Giveing each of us a new vision for our life together, for the world we live in.

And as part of this tradition, I embrace the need to keep painting, to keep reforming.

By this I do not mean cosmetic, superficial changes like better lights and music, sharper graphics, and new methods with easy-to-follow steps. I mean theology: the beliefs about God, Jesus, the Bible, salvation and the future. We must keep reforming the way the Christian faith is defined, lived and explained.

Jesus is more compelling than ever. More inviting, more true, more mysterious than ever. The problem isn't Jesus; the problem is what comes with Jesus...

(Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis pg. 12)

Comments? Thoughts? I found this to be an interesting thought, somewhat provacative, but worth considering...

Involved with People

My dad said something to me on Sunday morning that surprised me - a compliment. I'd handed him some information about some jobs at my company that had just come available, for him to pass on to a recent immigrant from Brazil who is looking for work and attends his church. He said (in continuation of an ongoing conversation we've been having), "This is why you need to be in a church that involves you in helping people - you come alive when you're helping people." It's true, something I've realized about myself in the last month or so, but not something I ever expected to hear from my dad. And it encouraged me to have him notice.

It came home to me again last night as I was out with a friend. We went to a funky little tea house in Kensington, and the inside of the building was packed, but it was a nice night, cool but not freezing cold, so we sat on this little porch they have in the back of their building. The girl working in the shop brought us candles for our table, and we sat in the dim light, drank tea and caught up. And as I sat, I thought about how much I was enjoying this moment, how it was one that would be memorable, and yet, it was something quite commonplace. There is nothing that makes me feel more alive than being with people I love - broken, struggling, beautiful, messy, god-loving (0r not) people. Sitting and basking like at the Jacob and Lily house concert I went to a month or two ago, or sipping tea and listening to a friend share the things God is doing in her life, and then praying for her.

I still find it funny, that for someone who needs so much alone time, I come alive when I'm around people and caring for people. Still working on the balance that will prevent quick development of compassion fatigue. Still working to create a cycle in which as I care for others I am also being cared for, but I am spending my life on people, because they're these beautiful, tarnished, through a mirror darkly kind of pictures of the image of God, and when I'm involved, I not only meet them, but I meet Him.

From the rising of the sun....

I see the sunrise almost every morning these days. It's just beginning to light the sky as I head to work. Usually, just as I'm transfering trains downtown the colors begin to happen. Most days in the last while, it's been unremarkable, a transition from dark, to a grey and cool "winter is coming soon" sort of day.

This morning, however, was spectacular. A wide variety of pinks and blues lit the sky.

And I was reminded of the scripture that says something along the lines of "From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the Name of the Lord is to be praised." (It's also a beautiful Steve Bell lyric.)

My commute has become a time of learning, of prayer and worship. I spend nearly two hours a day travelling via public transit to and from work. Thanks to my ipod, I can generally spend the time listening to worship music and praying, or listening to a sermon. It's a good way to start a day or a week...

good hugs

Do you have some of those friends who, when they ask how you're doing, you know that they really want to know? That they're invested in your well-being? I'm blessed to have several in my life right now - some new, some older. I saw a few of them at an event I attended last night. It stuck out to me as I was driving home, the difference in how they asked. You just knew that you could be honest. There was a pause before I smiled and told them that I was doing well, time for a quick mental inventory to make sure I was about to speak truth. I suppose it stuck out because I answered that question so many times, and quite a few of them I answered without thought, without really considering - I gave the automatic, socially acceptable answer. In one conversation, I didn't mentally inventory quick enough, and I stuttered through an answer that basically ended with me saying I didn't know how I was doing.

And the hugs - I've missed the hugs these last several weeks. My best friend is NOT a hugger. My family isn't huge into physical contact. And I don't have a new church yet, so I'm not getting hugs anywhere at the moment. A couple of good friends gave me hugs last night. Good hugs - not the sort of "I'm hugging you because I feel obligated" but the "I really am glad to see your face" sort of hugs. I've missed those.

Well, I suppose I should get ready for work. Today is my very last day at the Bay! So glad that it's over. And, by God's blessing, I'm working with two of the people who I actually enjoyed working with today, and not the ones that I had a very hard time with. I will finish well, and I think that feels kind of good too!

New post coming soon, on the pros and cons of church hunting, and my decsion making process, but it may be quiet this week - I'm tied up several evenings, and work is going to be crazy as I do all the photocopying, package preparing, nametag making, last minute hotel room scheduling, and other sundry tasks that fall into my lap in preparation for the company's annual general meeting at the end of the week. So you may not hear from me much until next weekend!

sliver moon

A tiny sliver of moon hung in the hazy sky, above the horizon where the sun was trying desperately to push it's way through the gray. It smiled at me, and I smiled back at it.

this caught my eye

Was looking at the website for an Anglican church in Toronto (here).

This line in the description of one of their services caught my eye:

A lively evening of worship and praise with mostly contemporary music and with Communion. Faithful Biblical preaching is a necessary component of all our worship services.

Seems self explanatory that this would be necessary and important, but in my experience it is true far too little of the time.

Workday ending

mmm... it's been a quiet day. I made several phone calls, scheduled a conference call for our board of directors, did various clerical tasks, and answered about 30 incoming calls. I also arranged for maintenance on our filing system, and sorted the mail, and receipted cheques. These are the things that mark my days lately.

For those who might be interested, Tony Campolo is speaking at Dalhousie Community Church in the evening on Thursday, October 26, 2006. Tickets are $25, and can be purchased by phoning 403-275-6935. The evening is a fundraising event for Mennonite Central Committee Alberta's prison ministry. If you've never heard Tony speak, you should jump at this opportunity. He's one of my favorite communicators of all time. And besides, I'll be there, so you can come and hang with me - I'll be the one with a bunch of old women. I invited my grandma to come with me, and she in turn invited some neighbors and friends. None of these wonderful old ladies drive - my grandma's condition in coming was that I would need to do the driving for the evening! So look for my not-so-grey head next to a bunch of white ones!

First Snow

It's snowing today. It was dark when I walked to the train this morning, probably because it's one of those wintery days where the sun doesn't so much come up as the grey simply gets lighter. My hair was caked with white when I arrived at work.

It would appear that I'm going to spend a significant chunk of the day making phone calls. Not exactly my favorite pastime, but one that I suppose needs to be accomplished.

And, just as a good way to start things off, here's a quote from C.S. Lewis that I came across today: “I believe in God like I believe in the sun rise. Not because I can see it, but because I can see all that it touches.”

Not that the sun really rose today... but a good reminder nonetheless

Pray

I mentioned a song in one of my posts yesterday called "Pray" by an artist named Kendall Payne. The lyrics have been bouncing around my head all day, bouncing between me and God as I think of various people and situations in my life. I'm asking Him for these things for me, and for a whole lot of other people I know.

I think I mentioned yesterday that this song almost always reminds me of my friends Marty and Kari. Everytime I hear it, they come to mind. Maybe because they live so many of the truths that Kendall sings about, or maybe because I know them well enough to know that they might pray a prayer that at first glance seems unorthodox and dangerous as this one, but upon closer examination is full of deep and meaningful truths.

I'm particularly caught by the lines that say "May your heart break enough that compassion enters in, may your strength all be spent upon the weak... and when you look upon the broken, may mercy show you what you could not see..." I'll end my intro the same way she ends the song. I'll pray these things for all of you, if you'll only pray the same for me.

So, without further ado, the lyrics to the song that is playing on my ipod even as I write:

I will pray for you now for you have been my faithful friends
While the road we walk is difficult indeed
I couldn’t not ask for more than what you’ve already been
Only that you would say these prayers for me

May your heart break enough that compassion enters in
May your strength all be spent upon the weak
All the castles and crowns you build and place upon your head
May they all fall come crashing down around your feet

May you find every step to be harder than the last
So your character grows greater each stride
May your company be of humble insignificance
May your weakness be your only source of pride

What you do unto others may it all be done to you
May you meet the one who made us
And see him smile when life is through

May your blessings be many but not what you hoped they’d be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see
May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you’d learn to trust the plan he has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true

I have prayed for you now all of my dear and faithful friends
But what I wish is more than I could ever speak
As the way wanders on I’ll long to see you once again
Until then, would you pray these prayers for me?
Oh that you would pray for me.

Potato

Right at this moment, I'm flipping through a cookbook devoted entirely to potatoes. Seems we have an excess from our garden this summer, and my mom wants a potato dish to go with the pork we're grilling for dinner. I happen to love potatoes (I'll eat them over rice or pasta at almost any opportunity), but at the moment, it's more of a love/hate kind of thing.

I've learned never to agree to anything right after I get up in the morning. That's today's life lesson. Because now, I'm flipping through a cookbook about potatoes in all their forms, trying desperately to find a potato dish I'm interested in making, that I can have ready by somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00.

Crossing My Radar

These are some of the things crossing my radar right now:

• Kendall Payne. Seriously, people, if you haven't heard this girl sing, you need to. But mostly, you need to pay really close attention to her lyrics. Particularly, listen to the lyrics of her songs, "Aslan," "Twenty Three," and "Pray." I love the last one especially. Every time I hear it, I think of my friends Marty and Kari - something about the honest unexpectedness of Payne's prayer always reminds me of them, and of my commitment to pray for them.
• Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I know I've talked about the book before, but I picked it up on CD at Christian Publications the other night, and I've been listening to it again. You can also download it off of itunes (which would be ten bucks cheaper than what I paid, but I discovered too late). Bell makes some terrifically challenging observations about church life, Christianity, and what following Jesus really means. I don't know that I always agree with everything he says, but it challenges me, especially right now when I'm church hunting, and trying to figure out how to go about making a decision about choosing a church family for the next while in my life.
• Vietnamese food. Vietnamese food is always on my radar, but I had it last night for the first time in nearly a month, and I'm loving it. Mmm.... rice vermicelli and veggies and meat all mixed up in a bowl. So good.
• Novels. Novels are on my radar screen again. I've been reading somewhat voraciously again in the "brain candy" genres. And loving it. There's something fantastic about becoming fully involved in another world or life for a couple of hours.
• Bubble Baths. To be engaged in for an hour or so at a time, preferably with a good novel to keep you company.
• "Man of the Year." I saw this movie with Megs last night, after having Vietnamese food. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Williams is always a toss up, because he can be hilariously funny, but incredibly crude at times. Yes, he has some zingers, but mostly it's a very funny movie. And, American political comedy can also be a toss up - making you laugh but generally leaving a bad taste in your mouth - a sense of hopelessness in the face of a culture that doesn't really care. Not so with this movie - you come away encouraged about political life, about ethics and morality, about the fact that you can get involved and make a difference. Definitely worth seeing.

So, those are the big things crossing my radar at the moment. Have any comments, or counter-recommendations?

The Things Crossing My Mind

Happy Friday the 13th to you all!

So, I promise I will explain the pictures in my last post, just not right at this moment. Just let me say that I was looking at them again this morning, sitting at my desk, and I love all of them. They epitomize moments, or emotions, or events of the summer, and that makes them special.

This morning I officially became one of the c-train ladies I used to mock in my head as I commuted to and from school. I wore running shoes with my dress pants and clothes, and carried my high heels in my bag. You see, I have had problems for years with the tendons in my feet developing tendonitis, and they were sore this morning, and I decided I didn't want to have to stand on the train in heels, or make the fifteen minute walk from the train to my office in heels, so I wore runners. You may now all engage in mocking laughter. But, in my defense, they are very cute runners (which I tried to find a picture of on the web, but couldn't, and which didn't in any way match or blend with my outfit!)

I'm trying to develop a bit more disciplined routine of prayer and bible reading. So I'm doing this thing, where, as I crawl into bed to read before I go to sleep, the first thing I read is a chapter of scripture. Then I grab a new journal I bought, a small one, and I write down one or two lines from the passage I just read that caught my attention. Two nights ago it was "the kingdom of God is near." Last night it was, "I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners," and "The sabbath was made to meet the needs of people, and not people to meet the requirements of the sabbath." After that, I write a short prayer, end it with Brennan Manning's prayer "Abba, I belong to you," and put the bible and journal away.

The thing that makes this a discipline is that it is the FIRST thing I do when I crawl into bed. It has priority. I don't pick up the novel that I left in a really tense place, I don't play something on my ipod, I don't flip through a magazine, any of the things I might do to unwind before sleeping, until this is done. It doesn't go by the wayside like my old routine, where I might read a novel, and then suddenly realize the time, and just choose to put off scripture reading until the next day.

And the little journal - it travels with me. If I'm thinking or praying on the c-train - which I often am - I can jot down anything that seems significant as I pray.

Here's to hoping that this works. I really would like to establish a more disciplined routine of spending time daily with God.

I'll Add Words Later

I'm putting up some pictures from my trip, and from a couple other events over the summer. Sometime in the next few days I'll tell you why I picked these. They all have memories, are things I love, or define something about doing a 12 hour roadtrip twice in one week with one of your best friends.

A place of terror

Found the following quote, attributed to Mike Yaconelli on a blog I was surfing at work today. I loved this one. Really, there are few Yaconelli quotes I haven't loved, but I thought this one was timely to a number of things I've been thinking about lately.

"I would like to suggest that the Church become a place of terror again; a place where God continually has to tell us, 'Fear not'; a place where our relationship with God is not a simple belief or a doctrine or theology, it is God's burning presence in our lives. I am suggesting that the tame God of relevance be replaced by the God whose very presence shatters our egos into dust, burns our sin into ashes, and strips us naked to reveal the real person within. The Church needs to become a gloriously dangerous place where nothing is safe in God's presence except us. Nothing--including our plans, our agendas, our priorities, our politics, our money, our security, our comfort, our possessions, our needs."

Moon

I'm sitting at the computer in our basement, adding some music to my ipod (Keith Green, Rich Mullins, Robin Mark, Steve Bell), and I happened to glance up and out the window that is at ground level above my head.

The moon is beautiful tonight, haloed by clouds glowin eery shades of gray and blue and orange.

Something beautiful, a little gift of beauty from God to me, sitting in my basement.

Coming Home

I've been at home a couple of days now. We got home mid-evening on Wednesday, and I was back at work bright and early Thursday morning. In fact, as today is a bit of a slower day, and I've mostly caught up on the piles I discovered on my desk upon arrival yesterday, I'm taking a few minutes to write this post from work.

I'll put up a fuller post, expounding upon my vacation sometime this weekend, hopefully with pictures, which I shall have to obtain from my friend's digital camera. For the moment, let me just say that I'm glad to be sleeping in my own bed again, that last night I started attending what I think will be a fantastically challenging Bible study, that I'm still very addicted to Gray's Anatomy, that I'm excited about the school in Seattle that I'm thinking about doing my master's degree at, and that I'm hungry, and my lunch hour is in ten minutes.

It was a good holiday, time desperately needed to refocus and breathe again, but I'm glad to be home.