Monday Confessions

Can I admit something to you?  I do much better at prescheduling and writing well thought out blog posts when my days are somewhat driven by schedule.  On those days, those busy school and work days, I write up to a week of posts in advance.  I think about them, I ponder them, and then I sit down on the weekend to write them.

I'm not good at keeping to that plan when I don't have a schedule.  I tell myself things like "look how much time there is, you can do it later" and then later comes and I repeat myself, until I find myself frantically staring at a to do list and realizing that the post I'd planned to write - the well thought out one that I'd been pondering, is not going to get written for the day I'd hoped to see it go live.

Today is one of those days.  I'm writing this post frantically, somewhat late on Sunday night, because I just realized that Monday is one of the days with posts that I can't quite just throw together, and I do actually have a schedule on this particular Monday.

I've agreed to spend the morning hanging out with one of my favorite small people, while her momma does some work.  But this particular small person and her parents live on the other side of the city, which neccessitates me catching a 6:17am bus to arrive on time for this hanging out gig.

And so, it's another Monday with a thrown together post, because I'm going to love on a small person, and I need to be awake to do it.  Fear not, however, I go back to school in only 9 more days, and then my life will resume it's previously scheduled structure and discipline!

You Ask, I Answer, Take 23

Today's You Ask, I Answer question comes from Johanna, who asked,

Is it "ok" for you being single right now? Isn't it sometimes difficult to see friends who are your age getting married, having children and having a totally different life? How are you dealing with things/thoughts like that?

Ooo... Good question!

The answer is yes to all of the above.

Yes, I am okay being single most of the time.  I have a good assortment of married and single friends, and I really enjoy the independence and fun that can come with being single.  I like the ability to pick up on short notice and travel, see a movie, shop, go for dinner or so on.  I think part of the contentment that I have with being single comes from the fact that as an introvert, I really do love time spent alone, and even require it to recharge and be fully engaged when I'm spending time with my friends.  That said, there is definitely a part of me that is looking for a man to share the day in and day out parts of my life with.  (I actually think often about a line from one of Donald Miller's books where he talks about wanting a girl who, when he's with her, makes him feel like he's alone.  He's referencing the comfort and freedom that comes with that sort of relationship - that he feels just as at rest with her, as he does when he's alone.  That's kind of what I'd love to find eventually in a husband.)

That said, there are times (actually, especially when I'm with my family), where I feel very lonely, and almost invisible because of being single.  It's quite painful, and I wrestle at those moments, and try to remind myself to be continually seeking my contentment in the Lord, and asking him in those times to guide my steps towards a partner if he has that for me, or to continually give me peace and restore my contentment if a partner isn't what Jesus has for me.

As for being with my friends, it's been an incredible privilege to watch them be married and have babies.   With some of my married girlfriends, the only thing that has really changed since they've gotten married is a few topics of conversation.  I'm not now and never have been particularly close friends with their husbands, and so when I hang out with those friends, we still usually hang out as just us girls.  With one friend in particular, though, when we spend time together, though it is often just us, it doesn't make a difference in our conversation if her husband is there.  He's always made me feel incredibly welcome, that's he's grateful for my friendship with his wife, and that he's interested in my story, and who I am.  (Can I just suggest that if you're married, this is one of the most precious gifts you and your spouse can offer to single friends?)  When the three of us are together, the conversation is the same as it would be if he wasn't there, but with another voice, and an even fuller perspective, and I LOVE that.

I've also been really blessed and challenged by the process of watching a lot of my friends become parents in the past number of years.  There has been something incredibly holy for me in watching this transition take-place - watching women I've known for a very long time become mothers.  It has blessed me deeply to see the new sides of their character and personality emerge as they carry, birth and begin to raise their children.  It's been great fun to watch as their children begin to grow and interact with their parents, to see the different ways my friends are blessing the babies that Jesus has entrusted to them.  It's made for fascinating conversations - to talk about the challenges they're facing in parenting and marriage and life.  To talk about the struggles and questions that come with those stages in life.  I've found that though the context is different, their is still so much that I can relate to, be challenged by, and encouraged to grow in in the midst of these new aspects of my friendships.  And, there is nothing quite like the way a little boy or girl's face lights up when you walk into the room and they recognize and love you.  Nothing quite like cuddling a baby, or playing peek-a-boo.  There are things about my friends having children, and me getting to relate to those children that have brought great healing and joy to my soul.

So... I guess you could say that yes, I do struggle at times with being single as I watch a great number of friends marry and start families, but that I have also found incredible blessing and joy in these new stages of life for my friends - that Jesus has worked in them to show me new things about himself, and about myself, and that He has challenged me to pray in new ways for my friends as they transition through these various stages of life.

Cuddling a Baby

My dear friends A and B welcomed their daughter (Baby N) to the world early in January, and yesterday I finally managed to spend some time with A and get to meet N.

She's adorable!  She has her momma's latina head of lots of dark hair, and olive complexion, and her daddy's blue eyes, which make for a surprising and striking combination.  I think this little one is going to be a knock-out when she gets older!

A and I spent several hours visiting, catching up and chatting about how the last time I saw her, mommy-hood hadn't arrived and now, now she's a mommy!  We talked about everything and anything, and interspersed it with cuddling N, and cooking (A is Colombian and taught me how to make a sort of corn cake called arepas that's a traditional Colombian dish).

So, this is me, cuddling N.

Daily 5 - Day 252

Today's Daily 5:

1. Coffee with a new friend today.  I love telling Jesus stories and this was a coffee (albeit one that was too short) full of them.
2. Back at house church tonight for the first time in about three weeks.  It was so good to be back.
3. laughing, eating, talking, sharing, and praying for and with each other
4. cuddling a baby
5. wearing my twirling skirt today
6. clean bill of health at the eye doctor (and I get to shop for new glasses!)
7. Having the freedom of a car to get myself to and from my appointment and house church and coffee date today
8. feeling like I am a welcome part of a community of believers again
9. Rob Bell teaching.  Really any Rob Bell teaching.
10. Filtered water.  I know I write this a lot, but I find myself incredibly thankful to have pure, healthy water readily available for drinking.

The Adorable Babies A.

Last week I got to hang out with a few adorable baby girls, and their parents.  I think I could definitely grow into this happily doting and cuddling "Aunt Lisa" role!

Let me show you the babies "A".

 

 

 

Perspective

I spent a great evening with friends, was in a good mood, and returned home to discover my roommate staring blankly at our kitchen sink, filled with some of the most disgusting water I've ever seen, and informing that me it seemed to have backed up.

Perfect.

Exit warm, happy, I just cuddled a baby for the second straight evening feelings.

I told her we needed to scoop the water out of the sink and dump it down the toilet, so that we could put draino down the drain.  She wandered off, and left me to clean up the mess she made (I guess I blame her a little.  For months I've been warning her that she needed to not let all that food go down the drain, and it seemed somehow fitting that on a day when I'd done no cooking or dishes, the final clogging came.)  I emptied two and a half dish basins of filthy out of the sink and down the toilet, poured draino in, and waited.  Nothing.  I've put more in, but I'm not hopeful.  I've told my roommate that she needs to phone or email our landlord and let him know (and also tell him that the bit of water remaining in the sink has corrosive draino in it!)

Let me be clear that while outwardly I handled the situation well, inwardly I was pretty ticked off.  I wonder sometimes if it's a New Zealander thing, because both of my roommates have been from New Zealand, and they seem to just put everything down the drain (leading to my current skills in unblocking tub and sink drains!)  I don't ever remember having a blocked drain in 24 years of living with my parents, but I've had at least 3 while living with the Kiwis.  And, I've warned them repeatedly, speaking with my current roommate even just this week about not letting crap collect in the sink and go down the drain.  I was fuming as I cleaned.  I'm still a little mad now.

And then, I sat down at my computer.  Seems some of the Canadians killed in Haiti are connected to me via their connections with a very dear friend of mine.

Perspective.

Maybe a blocked kitchen drain, even one that was much warned about, isn't worth quite so much anger and energy and effort given the devestation in Haiti, given the hundreds of thousands who are grieving that those they love have had their lives cut short, given so much other destruction.

I read this blog post that Anne Jackson wrote, and related a little.  Getting starbucks anyway.  Feeling numb.  Speaking passionately about anti-poverty issues, and then not quite knowing what to do.

I added a Red Cross button to my sidebar.  An easy way to give.  As soon as I'm paid on Friday, I'm going to give as well.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about perspective, about a blocked kitchen drain being a pretty minor thing in light of collapsed buildings, and dead loved ones.

And I'm praying.  With words, and with the cries of my heart that I trust the Spirit to know and hear and carry to the Father on my behalf.

Heading Out

I'm getting my fill of hanging with friends and their new little ones this week.

Just by fluke of scheduling, it seems like I'm seeing all of the babies I know within a couple of days.  Which is totally okay with me - love those baby girls and their parents too!

So, I'm off to have dinner with some friends, hold and play with their little girl, and just generally enjoy catching up.

See you later tonight with the daily 5!

Daily 5 - Day 153

Today's Daily 5:

1. Beautiful sunrise this morning
2. Working on memorizing Philippians using an audio Bible while driving to work
   
3. Listening again to my audio book driving home
4. Got another yoga workout in
5. Cooking dinner for a long time friend - I love cooking for other people, and particularly for people who I know appreciate it because they don't manage to cook very often for themselves.  (It was fun to send her home with leftovers too and know that she'll have another meal for tomorrow night!)
6. Holding and playing with her four month old daughter for much of the evening.  So cute!
7. Made my second new recipe of the year.  Hasselbeck Potatoes.  So good.  And they looked pretty good too.  Pictures to come...
8. Lavendar scented candles in the living room while we visited
9. A full day at work, but another one where things were pretty smooth.  I'm enjoying this lull in the drama that has defined our office for so long, and hoping it lasts a while yet!
10. odd moments of prayer and life colliding.  weird, a little when they happen, but glad for the way they confirm that I am listening for Jesus and hearing him.
    

Daily 5 - Day 97

Today's Daily 5 (and more):

1. quiet evening at home
2. pancake sandwich for supper (peanut butter and blackberry jam)
3. long hot shower and spending longer than usual caring for my skin and hair afterwards
4. trying a new recipe (chicken gumbo) while pre-making tomorrow night's supper
5. cranberry scented room oil for burning in my oil burner
6. updating my budget - though I don't love the work of it, right now I'm loving how much less stressed I'm feeling about money (one of the easiest stressors for me) because of needing to stick to a set budget for a while.
7. listening to Ingrid Michaelson
8. crawling in bed early, catching up on things
9. sending an email that may lead to a slight risk, and to checking out a house church this week or next
10. looking at the pictures we took last night (see below!) with F. and baby A. and enjoying them and the memory of cuddling A. all over again.

Daily 5 - Day 96

This was an incredibly off-kilter icky sort of day, but it ended really well, and I had a great evening cuddling a beautiful sleeping eight week old baby girl. You'll have to forgive me if several of today's daily list come from my evening plans!

Today's Daily 5 (or 10):

1. Topping today's list (which are generally in no particular order and are only numbered so I know when I reach 5 or 10 without stopping to count) is spending a few hours with baby A. cuddled against me. And she was asleep almost the whole time.
2. Laughing with A's mom, at the funny way she stretches and sprawls in her sleep - at one point she was laying in my lap, with both arms straight out to either side. No swaddling for this baby to sleep, she fights and kicks until she gets free!
3. Visiting over dinner and catching up with my friend F. We were involved in Young Life together in high school, which makes her one of my longest standing relationships. At that time she was already dating the guy she eventually married, and it's fun (if somewhat surreal) to have a friendship that has spanned, high school, university, jobs, figuring out careers, a little traveling on each of our parts, her marriage, and now the birth of her daughter. (We're grown-ups! When did that happen???)
   
4. Pea and bacon pasta, with garlic bread for dinner.
5. Cooking for a friend - I love cooking for other people, but particularly for the friends who I know really appreciate it because they don't cook much for themselves, or cook very simple meals.

   Cover via Amazon

6. Having the kid's Christmas book I bought yesterday as a baby gift be one my friend didn't have (always a gamble with a friend who LOVES Christmas, and is also an elementary school teacher who's been collecting kids' books for almost as long as I've known her.) The book, by the way, is "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey" and is definitely my all-time favorite kid's Christmas book. The illustrations are beautiful, but more importantly, the story is absolutely fabulous.
7. Yoga tonight - it was good to stretch a bit
8. watching A. smile in her sleep
9. Seeing how well F. has adapted to being a "mom" and loving getting to see her in that role.
10. Curling up in bed, reflecting on how, even after a pretty crappy day, (from the moment I woke to when I finally made it home after work), I was able to have a really beautiful evening, and that's what I'm going to remember from this day, more than all the hard or crappy or really off-kilter moments.