Daily 5 - Day 85

Today's daily 5 (and bonuses as discussed yesterday!):

1. Lovely sunset driving home
2. A billboard that I noticed for the first time today that made me laugh in delight at God's blatant "hidden" messages to me. It read, "Joy is always in the forecast."
3. I'm thankful for a lunch meeting that was far less challenging and awkward than I anticipated, and that has perhaps opened possible doors for slowly reconnecting with a community of believers
4. Getting the major project that absolutely had to be finished today done at work. And even getting set up for next week's major project.
5. Managing to get the exercise I was trying for in, for four days in a row as suggested.
6. Pork and mango tacos for dinner, with a glass of wine
7. J providing chocolate fondue for dessert - fresh fruit dipped in rich, creamy chocolate with a bit of Baileys mixed in.
   
8. Laughter and girl talk as the three who lived together last year of us caught up on life
9. Being in bed by 9:00, even if I'm still reading and finishing up some emails
10. I'm grateful to be feeling today that, even though in a number of ways it's been a very challenging week, I feel hopeful again. Like maybe I can kick some of the things I've been struggling with. And maybe it really is worth it to take the advice my dear friend gave me and really fight for that healing.
    

Full Day...

Well, the day has been full.

I've made dinner, and I'm just waiting for my roommate and our former roommate to arrive, and then we'll sit down to eat and catch up.

Work was CRAZY today. I actually didn't have to do yoga after work tonight because I was on my feet running back and forth most of the day and definitely got well more than the prescribed 20 minutes of moderate aerobic activity. I think it was more like 5 hours or so!

Lunch was unique. I'm glad I went, and I'll likely follow up and check out the house church community that we were talking about sometime in the next few weeks.

But I'm tired. I'm hoping the visiting tonight won't go late.

And I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night, having the house to myself, and just doing things that involve caring for me for an evening. Especially since that was what I'd planned for last Friday evening, and thanks to the way my visit with the doctor went, I spent a good chunk of last Friday evening in tears, or frenetic panic, trying to sort out what I'd been told and figure out if I had any options or was truly boxed into a corner. It'll be nice to just rest tomorrow night.

And with that, I'd better go check on our food...

I'll be back later with the daily 5 (or ten)!

Remembering Lessons Learned

I'm trying to remind myself about the lesson I learned from Stan over the summer. The lesson about not postponing joy.

Because I'm tired just thinking about the day ahead of me, and everything in me wants to curl up into a crabby ball and hide from the world.

Work promises to be very busy.

I have a lunch meeting with a complete stranger (draining for an introvert like myself) to talk about church (because that's not a subject that I'm feeling sensitive about these days.)

And then we're having our old roommate over for dinner tonight.

Oh, and somewhere in there I need to fit in 20 minutes of yoga.

It's a day filled with people, and that feels tiring.

But somehow, I'm determined to at least make the attempt to find joy amidst all of that today.

We'll see how it goes!

Daily 5 - Day 84

A while ago now, I wrote an introduction to the daily 5. I'm feeling these days like I need to work even a little bit harder to find things in my day to really be grateful for, to really find joy in, and so you can expect the daily 5 to be more like a daily 10 on a semi-regular basis for a while. But just consider the extras bonus items, because, well, I like the name daily 5, and am feeling slightly phobic about committing to a daily 10!

So, today's daily "5":

1. A quiet evening, with candles lit all around my bedroom
2. Managing three days in a row of yoga without my body protesting too loudly (one more day for this week to do)
3. Having unexpected time to finish reading a book that I'd been hoping to finish this week, and being profoundly moved and challenged by the book as I finished reading it.
   
4. Feeling the stirring of my heart, and being able to write about some of that
5. Tiny little steps towards forgiveness and release, or at least giving voice to the fact that I want those things, even on a day when I also made bad decisions that moved me in the opposite direction from them as well.
6. Re-listening to the sermon by Mahesh Chavda that I linked to in yesterday's daily 5
7. Laughing with co-workers and celebrating with one over the purchase of a new vehicle for her family
8. A coworker voluntarily taking answering the phones off my hands (our receptionist is out sick) so that I could accomplish some things that needed to be done
9. Feeling grateful, after writing this morning about the struggle to balance rest and the need for some lifestyle changes to improve my health, that this was an evening where I was unexpectedly freed to simply rest when plans to connect with a friend didn't happen
10. Having a night off from being in charge of cooking dinner, and still getting to eat a great meal of frittata prepared by my roommate.
    

The story I want to write

I'm sitting here, and the quiet is surrounding me, and heightening my awareness.

The occasional burble of water in my oil burner and the soft scents drifting from it to fill the room I'm sitting in.

The softness of the blanket I'm wrapped in against my bare feet.

Sirens on the street swirl loudly on the street outside my window, catching my attention, and then they fade into the distance.

I've just finished reading a book about story. And about telling a better story with our lives.

Good stories have memorable scenes. Scenes that define and shape.

And I pause as I think of some friends and a memorable scene.

Of two friends living out their passions, making music, singing and strumming, and filling in rhythms, and another friend as he danced in front of the stage, totally unencumbered by who was watching... lost in the music...

I received an email from the friend who danced tonight. His sister is also a good friend of mine, and their mother is very ill. I told him, when they found out, and he emailed many of us to let us know, that I'd be praying for her. And I have been.

And tonight I read her update, words she'd written that he forwarded, and I prayed again.

And I thought of another family I know. All three of their children have a rare disease - one that is not genetically linked - they are the only siblings in North America to all have this disease. Their youngest is also profoundly deaf. And a little while back the mom to these three kids was diagnosed with a very serious cancer.

A number of people I know are grieving this week - a friend of theirs - young, only 25 or so, died late last week from complications of the H1N1 virus.

I pause for a moment to contemplate the things I said and did today, and the thoughts that were left unsaid, and I know that some of them didn't contribute to writing a good story.

I'm thinking about the experiences I have sometimes, about the one I had last night, and how that, too, shapes my story.

I want to write a better story.

The kind of story where less of the things I'm thinking need to be filtered out before they reach my tongue. Where there is more love and forgiveness, and less need to filter out anger and cruelty.

The kind of story that lets me see another person honestly, bumps and flaws and all, and love them anyway, even when they hurt me.

The kind of story where I live as a deeply loved daughter. Where I really know that as truth within me, and I let it permeate everything I do.

The kind of story with more memorable scenes. Swimming in a lake, and playing on the swings, and writing while propped on a hillside, or twirling in a park, and laughing. I want to write the kind of story that is filled with joy. The joy that somehow exists in the midst of ugly realities - of cancer and heartache and grief. Because sometimes the ugly realities are also memorable scenes.

I want to write a better story with my life.