The story I want to write

I'm sitting here, and the quiet is surrounding me, and heightening my awareness.

The occasional burble of water in my oil burner and the soft scents drifting from it to fill the room I'm sitting in.

The softness of the blanket I'm wrapped in against my bare feet.

Sirens on the street swirl loudly on the street outside my window, catching my attention, and then they fade into the distance.

I've just finished reading a book about story. And about telling a better story with our lives.

Good stories have memorable scenes. Scenes that define and shape.

And I pause as I think of some friends and a memorable scene.

Of two friends living out their passions, making music, singing and strumming, and filling in rhythms, and another friend as he danced in front of the stage, totally unencumbered by who was watching... lost in the music...

I received an email from the friend who danced tonight. His sister is also a good friend of mine, and their mother is very ill. I told him, when they found out, and he emailed many of us to let us know, that I'd be praying for her. And I have been.

And tonight I read her update, words she'd written that he forwarded, and I prayed again.

And I thought of another family I know. All three of their children have a rare disease - one that is not genetically linked - they are the only siblings in North America to all have this disease. Their youngest is also profoundly deaf. And a little while back the mom to these three kids was diagnosed with a very serious cancer.

A number of people I know are grieving this week - a friend of theirs - young, only 25 or so, died late last week from complications of the H1N1 virus.

I pause for a moment to contemplate the things I said and did today, and the thoughts that were left unsaid, and I know that some of them didn't contribute to writing a good story.

I'm thinking about the experiences I have sometimes, about the one I had last night, and how that, too, shapes my story.

I want to write a better story.

The kind of story where less of the things I'm thinking need to be filtered out before they reach my tongue. Where there is more love and forgiveness, and less need to filter out anger and cruelty.

The kind of story that lets me see another person honestly, bumps and flaws and all, and love them anyway, even when they hurt me.

The kind of story where I live as a deeply loved daughter. Where I really know that as truth within me, and I let it permeate everything I do.

The kind of story with more memorable scenes. Swimming in a lake, and playing on the swings, and writing while propped on a hillside, or twirling in a park, and laughing. I want to write the kind of story that is filled with joy. The joy that somehow exists in the midst of ugly realities - of cancer and heartache and grief. Because sometimes the ugly realities are also memorable scenes.

I want to write a better story with my life.