At a loss for words...

I can't even begin to explain what the four days that encompass Saturday through this evening have contained. I mean, I know I said I was feeling discombobulated, but really, I can't even begin to describe the immensity of the things that those four days have held.

And, they haven't stopped, even at night. My dreams have been full and intense again as well, and coming with increasing regularity.

All that to say that just in this moment, I'm pretty exhausted.

It's one of those rare moments where I really just want to call my mom, just to hear her voice, even knowing that I'd probably burst into tears at the sound of it, for no apparent reason whatsoever. But, my mom is on the other side of the planet just at the moment, so I'll be settling for a journal, and some chocolate.

I feel like I've been moving non-stop for four straight days, from one emotionally draining thing to another.

The truth is that I was so sick yesterday that I spent a good part of the day sleeping.

And that I spent a good part of Sunday doing very little (though to be fair, that was somewhat emotionally draining, as a good part of that time was spent journaling and processing the wild events of last week.)

I'm thankful for an evening off tomorrow night, and thinking I may just ignore the myriad of things on my "to do" list for a night, and simply rest. (Or perhaps make a trip to "my" park to pray and walk and think.)

My heart is tired, and could use a little bit of restorative time with Jesus (whether at home or the park...)

And, in the interests of my own health, I have a few emails to write, and then my plan is to be in bed EARLY (for me at least).

Tomorrow is Wednesday, and somehow, those always take a lot of energy.

BUT, I do have one piece of good news! I have a place to live at the end of the month, with a landlord who seems great. In a location that's convenient for both my roommate and I. In a quiet building near a lovely old park. And it looks like we'll be able to move in a bit before the first of July, which would be so helpful in terms of our stress levels, and not needing to take time off of work to move, since our other roommate is getting married on July 4th, and we'll have to travel to another city for that as well.

Full Day...

This has been a very full day. (And I still have just under an hour left at the office.)

After work, I'm heading home as quickly as possible, as my roommate and I have an appointment to look at a potential place for us to live beginning next month. I would be quite delighted if this one panned out, as it would be a load off my mind. (However, we do tentatively have another appointment later in the week somewhere else, just in case this one doesn't work out.)

I like the full days better than the empty ones when I'm at the office. I'd rather be busy than need to pretend to be busy. Thankfully, these days, the busy days far outnumber the slow ones.

All of the things I mentioned this morning remain heavily on my mind, and I've demonstrated my discombobulated nature rather broadly today by doing things like sending an email referring to a specific attachment, and forgetting to include the attachment.

So, I continue to pray, and to work to reign in my scattered mental processes. To wait and pray and hope and think and love. Not such a bad place to be occupying I suppose.

Discombobulated Prayers

I'm rather discombobulated this morning.

It's been a very odd couple of days, and this morning, in the midst of my distraction and discombobulation, my heart is being driven to prayer.

Today I'm praying for:

• a family on the other side of the world who are facing some unique challenges at the moment, and grieving the loss of a friend
• a family here in the city, whose youngest son is facing some significant health challenges again
• a very dear friend who is facing some rather sudden and serious health challenges this week
• peace to come in the midst of many unsettled situations
• joy and rest and healing
• friends preparing to travel
• and others who are crying out for Jesus to meet with them and bring clear next steps
• the coming of the kingdom in a myriad of large and small ways
• the eyes to recognized the coming of the kingdom
• my parents as they seek to encourage, minister, and strengthen and re-establish relationships with those they love in West Africa
• simple provisions
• eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that understands
• (and a mind that is willing to allow for eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that understands)
• so many to know the deep love of Christ
• an ability to accept that deep love deeply within myself

It's been a distracted several days. I forgot to bring vitamins with me this morning (and will have to take all of them at supper instead), and breakfast too (though thankfully I keep food in my desk for just such a discombobulated day.) I sliced open my left ring finger while cooking dinner last night (thankfully not too seriously). My heart feels scattered, and is waiting for news on so many fronts, and yet, it is bursting into prayer.

Reading

I added a few titles to the list of books in my side bar that I've "read" this year.

To be fair, at the moment, I'm counting it as having been "read" if I make it 100% of the way through either a book book, or an audio book.

My friend LP/CA recommended a pair of audiobooks on her blog a while back. "Funny in Farsi" and "Laughing Without An Accent" were both well worth the time I spent on a couple weeks worth of commutes and evenings playing a computer game that I spent listening to them. They were funny and poignant stories of adapting to life in America and the world, and really did make me laugh aloud quite a number of times.

Reading is something I've always loved, but have struggled to do for much of the last six months as I've struggled with some other things in my life. I started reading at four years old, and I honestly can't remember a time when I haven't been lost in one book or another until these last several months.

But, a few weeks back, the desire to read slowly started returning, and my attention span and eagerness to travel through a book has slowly increased.

Tonight, I finished a book for the first time in several months. "Chasing the Dragon" by Jackie Pullinger. I've been encountering an ongoing theme lately of the importance of giving testimony to the things Jesus has done. The importance of the testimony in both creating faith for more works of God, and in simply remembering the wonderful things God has already accomplished.

I've been in a space where I needed to be reminded of some of those testimonies, in my own life, and in the broader world, and "Chasing the Dragon", though simply written, quite nicely accomplished this. With tale after tale of the miracles she encountered working with the heroin addicts of the walled city in Hong Kong, Pullinger has managed to stir my heart to again begin believing for the bigger things offered in the kingdom of God. And for that, I'm immensely grateful.

Home sick...

Funny how it works.

I was feeling fine this morning (albeit a little bit sleepy), but about mid-morning my stomach carried out a coup.

So, I'm at home.

I've just graduated from bed (where I spent the last three hours) to couch (where I plan to spend the next several, perhaps even until bedtime.)

And, while I had things on my plate that could have been done today, there was nothing too urgent that I didn't manage to take care of before I left the office. And, to be fair, an enforced day of rest, in an empty house, is really not such a bad deal. A few hours of drifting in and out of sleep, planned to be followed by several more of dvd watching, reading, writing, and just generally engaging only in activities that can be accomplished from a horizontal pose, is not such a bad thing.