Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Weary

My roommate just ordered me to bed. We were talking, I expressed how weary I've become, she took a closer look at me and ordered me to go to bed. "You don't look well."

I'm not well. I think I will be again. But I'm not in this moment.

I'm exhausted. I've been buoyed through the many challenges of these last few months by prayers, adrenaline, and few brief oasis moments. And I'm pretty spent, with two days of work left this week, then another challenging and draining trip over the weekend, and then three more days of work before I finally have a little bit of jealously guarded and carefully scheduled down-time.

I made a decision last night that I think will ultimately bring some freedom and relief, at least for a time. But right now it's a decision that, as right as it seems to be deep within me, is causing pain and grief as well.

I've had enamorment, and deep hatred in turns for 24/7 prayer, but tonight, tonight my mind is being drawn back to a line from "The Vision" that Pete Greig wrote, "my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from heroes of the the faith, from Christ himself..."

I sort of need that to be true tonight. I need to be buoyed on the prayers of the saints, on the voices of angels, on the faith of others. Because tonight I'm feeling feeble, barely able to summon even a whisper, and most definitely exhausted and faithless.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hugs Lisa. You are much loved, even when you are weary.
S.

Anonymous said...

Funny because I was just humming this earlier today and then just now read your blog (since I know you like youtube things with lyrics, here's both!)

Love and prayers,
LP/CA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BiUtJGh4X0&feature=related

Borrow Mine - Bebo Norman

Take my hand
And walk with me awhile
Because it seems your smile
Has left you

And don't give in
When you fall apart
And your broken heart
Has failed you

I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
You can borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine

And take my love
When all that you can see
Is the raging sea
All around us

And don't give up
Cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know
Will not fail us

We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
Help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
God of us, save us
And never forsake us
He's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in, no
And don't give up