Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 183

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sleeping in a bit (sleep has been more of a challenge again lately, so the days when I can greet the day slowly and a bit later are a blessing)
2. Doing admin work in my pajamas in bed
3. wearing a cute hat
4. Needing to wear less layers of clothing just for the day (thanks for coming, Chinook!)
5. waiting for the bus in the sun
6. a great home-made salad with chicken and blue cheese and peppers and almonds and sunflower seeds among other things
7. a good customer service experience (Disney Movie Club - still trying to sort something out with them regarding a fraudulent charge made to my credit card.  It's hard to get through all the computer prompts to get to talk to a human, but once I did, she was really lovely.)
8. curly hair day
9. Vietnamese food at school
10. reading on the bus
11. getting home before dark - the days are finally getting a bit longer!
12. another friend facebooked me a palm tree photo.  (I think I'm going to start printing them all out and come up with a fun way to add text with their locations and then create a palm tree collage for my wall or something!)
13. wearing my California scarf.  (Ironically, given where I bought it, it's my coziest and warmest scarf!)
14. finished up my Greek assignments for the week, now I just have to review for the quiz on Friday
15. sweetly scented candles in my bedroom

Oh, and as a bonus, here's a couple photos of me today, since I was wearing that cute hat and had curly hair and was wearing the California scarf and all. 

Feeling Good

Having days where I feel good physically and emotionally have been a bit of a rarity lately, and are worth celebrating!

So, I'm sitting here waiting for my class to start, having a curly hair day, wearing a cute hat and handmade orange earrings with turquoise butterflies on them, and eating my favorite Vietnamese dish. Hooray for feeling good, and for blogging from my iPhone!

Mini Reviews (Part 3)

Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't (Dr Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend)

I have no idea, honestly, how to sum this book up.  A friend suggested it to me back in September of last year, I resisted, eventually ordered it, and spent several of my late fall bus reading sessions working my way through it.  In the last few weeks I've taken the time to go back through, reading the parts I marked in the fall, and making notes, taking note of what struck me at the time I first read it, and why it struck me then, and how those things were sitting with me now.  It was a relatively easy read, in the sense of being a book that is not technical, but easy to understand and apply.  It was not at all an easy read in that, for me, it spoke deeply, convicting, challenging me, speaking into questions and parts of my life that were very much relevant and helpful.  If you are asking questions about friendships, or other relationships, or have experienced a number of less than healthy ones, I really can't recommend this book enough.  The development of safe, healthy relationships has been something I've struggled with, often choosing profoundly unhealthy and even abusive relationships because I was desperately seeking to be loved and accepted.   The book explored not only what makes a relationship safe or unsafe, but also the reasons that can contribute to choosing unsafe relationships. I found this book to be profoundly helpful as I worked through some difficult relational issues, made some hard decisions, and ultimately believe it has contributed to me moving towards a far more healthy place.  I may have to come back and talk about it at length at some point in the future.

Dreaming in Hindi: Coming Awake in Another Language (Katherine Russell Rich)

To be honest, this book was a disappointment.  It seemed like my dream book - a memoir about travel and learning a new language and culture, while incorporating ideas from linguistics about the process of language acquisition, and exploring the changes on the world stage following 9/11.  (The author, a native New Yorker, landed in India to begin her year of language school, just days before 9/11.)  Everything that I'm theoretically fascinated with, all rolled up into one book.  Unfortunately, it fell short.  It read like a disjointed stream of consciousness, moving back and forth from linguistic theory to personal anecdote, and I felt like there was never anything to grasp on to.  In many ways, it felt aimless, as if it really was a dream, drifting and wandering without ever particularly arriving at a conclusion.  The characters were vague, in fact the author herself seemed vague about the impact of this year on her psyche.  There was no conclusion, no definitive timeline to follow, no way to keep the progression of events straight.  I can't say I'd recommend this one to anyone.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 182

Today's Daily 5:

1. Laughing with a fellow student this morning over how ridiculous a particular class we're taking really is
2. A smoothie and wrap for lunch from Jugo Juice
3. my midterm went smoothly
4. Knowing the answer to one of the essay options cold and being able to write it confidently
5. After listening to some girls on the bus talk about delaying gratification by prolonging a smoke for an hour when a craving hit, I was struck by how grateful I am that I don't suffer from some of those addictions
6. Mom treating me to an iced passion tea lemonade at starbucks tonight
7. A Kit Kat bar
8. A roasted chicken dinner
9. listening to the newest album that my friend Karla was part of (Check out The Emporiums!)
10. knowing enough yoga now to make up my own short practice instead of using a video tonight, allowing me to protect my still sore knee
11. crawling into a bed with clean sheets and pajamas
12. a clean bedroom - because I'm here so rarely, clutter had built up, and I'd hit my tolerance point, and it was bothering me, but I'd been too lazy to do anything about it.  Tonight I cleaned, and it's lovely.
13. marking several necessary tasks off my list.
14. starting Ann Voskamp's new book on the bus after class today
15. laughing and snarking at The Bachelor with a friend.
16. Getting an email from a far away blog reader with the first in a series of pictures of palm trees - totally made me smile!  Thanks Jenny!

Coming Into Herself

It's no secret that Grey's Anatomy has played a huge role in my life and journey for the last seven years.

God has spoken to me over and over and over again through the years in the various episodes.

And, in a lot of ways, I feel like my journey has very much paralleled that of the characters, particularly of Meredith.  That sort of coming of age, and growing into oneself, and healing and overcoming the "dark and twisty" pasts.

I was thinking about that journey again on Saturday night as I watched last week's episode of Grey's, transcribing the monologue for the blog I maintain with the various monologues from each episode on it.

It wasn't so much the monologue that caught me in that episode, as the decision Meredith had to make.

She had her choice of two clinical trials to participate in.  One was seeking a cure for the Alzheimers, the disease that her mom died of.  The other, being pushed at her by the chief of surgery, was working to cure diabetes, and was being promoted as her "birthright" - her legacy.  It was based on research left behind in her mother's journals, and she was being told that it was really very much hers to carry on her mother's work.

And so I watched as she wrestled with the decision.  With the pressure coming from the chief, and, to a great extent, the pressure of her terrible relationship with her deceased mother, and all the years of wounding and healing that that had led to.

And I watched, as, at the end of the episode, she walked back into the chief's office, finds him poring over her mother's old journals, listens to his pitch one more time, and then calmly handed back to him the folder of information on his proposed trial.  "You knew the woman who wrote them.  That's why I gave them to you.  I was happy to read them and to understand her better, but the woman I knew was different.  But I am starting to realize how scared she must have been.  That had to be why she was writing everything down.  She must have been so scared.  So please, go ahead, I think it's right that you continue her work, but I really, just, want to cure her disease.  Good night, Chief."

I'm having trouble finding words for it, but watching that scene was a moment of clarity for me.  In a way that her character hasn't before, she was able to say, "No.  Despite all these other things, present and past, this is who I am, and I don't want to carry on her legacy, I just want to prevent the thing that killed her from killing others."

She stepped into herself, and in watching that I felt Jesus reminding me that I am learning to do this to.  That on the same night I watched that episode, I'd had a realization of an area in which I needed to step into myself again.  That that night I was able to see a decision that needed to be made, and make it.

It's an interesting thing, this coming into oneself.  This thing where it becomes about me and God, not me and all the people I try at times to please.  Not me and all the fears and guilt and pressures.  But me and God, and He offers me the chance to step into myself.  To heal a little tiny bit more (because that is my one word for the year).  And if I turn Him down, it's disobedience, and sin.

And so I'm choosing to step into myself in this moment.  To make that choice, to be obedient.  And I'm looking forward to seeing the results.