Point of Tears

I'm tired today.

I've had less of the truly sleepless nights lately, and I sometimes forget what that does to my emotional coping abilities.

And in some ways I'm grieving. Relationships that have changed or ended, but other things too. Seems for the last few months, at least once a week or so, I've gotten terribly bad news from various people I care about. Terminal illnesses and death and other very sad situations.

And today some of those weigh heavy, and I am praying, and near the point of tears.

This post at The Ragamuffin Diva encouraged me this morning. "Rest. Get up. Rest Again. Get up again." That seems manageable today. Sort of at least.

Wednesday Morning, Still Praying

It's Wednesday morning.

For those of you who know me, you know that Wednesday's tend to be for me like Monday's are for most people in the world.

I basically didn't sleep last night. It was one of those nights filled with disturbed dreams and floating prayers and lots of simple wakefulness.

It's snowing again.

And our receptionist is late.

I need to do an errand ASAP once she arrives, and then, then I'm staying in the office until the day ends.

I'm hoping the commute is a bit shorter tonight.

What normally takes 20 minutes has been taking at least an hour this week. Some combination of overflow traffic and roads that are still not in great condition.

Home, yoga, dinner. Hopefully a quiet evening of resting.

And on it goes.

My heart hurts today. There are so many around me right now who are hurting deeply. So many that I love and care about. And I find myself praying deeply for them, for myself, this Advent season, "I am waiting. Come Lord Jesus."

Held

This song is speaking volumes to my heart tonight as I pray...

Daily 5 - Day 118

Today's Daily 5:

1. Pork and mango tacos for dinner
2. a safe drive home, even if the onset of winter still has all the roads clogged (it took an hour to drive what usually takes 20 minutes). I am grateful every time I make it safely home in the winter
3. a soft warm blanket to curl up in
4. the sense of accomplishment in fixing something myself. I darned the thumbs of my favorite mittens tonight. The mittens were a gift from my brothers, purchased with a matching toque at my particular request last Christmas because they were fairly traded, and I love them and was quite distressed when the thumbs began coming apart. I'm quite pleased with the results of my stitching them back together with wool that blends in nicely.
5. scriptures coming to mind as my heart is praying
6. trading emails with a dear friend as I was in the midst of wrestling
7. the reminder of God's grace amidst very hard situations
8. I'm grateful that my heart responds to the seasons of the church, as unpleasant as the pull of seasons like advent and lent can be. I think they really do shape my heart.
9. "I am waiting. Come Lord Jesus." This prayer is a particular encouragement today.
   
10. another odd license plate that stirred a smile, and caused my heart again to pray.
    

Waiting and Praying

I love the simple advent prayer, "I am waiting, Come Lord Jesus," that has been appearing at The Ragamuffin Diva through this advent season.

I received some very sad news this morning, and a heart that was already praying is now truly and deeply drawn to prayer.

Today I am waiting and praying.

Praying:

• for some who are grieving
• for those sorting out next steps
• for hurting friends and family
• for new relationships forming
• while waiting and inviting Jesus to come
• with longing
• and with hope
• knowing peace
• and longing for peace to grow within me
• for things that can't be expressed in words
• with gratefulness for friends, scattered around the world though they may be
• while pondering things to come and wondering about thing still uncertain
• with gratefulness for family, in all of it's odd forms
• remembering the feast celebrated today "The Immaculate Conception" and Gabriel's words to Mary, "you who are highly favored" and Mary's response "may it be as you have said."
• for new life more abundant in so many forms
• because my heart cannot help but cry out.