Catching My Attention

This blog post on my friend Rae's blog.

This post on lighting candles at Sally's blog.

This article on a fire that killed a small dog and injured four people critically yesterday here in Calgary.

This article on a train de-railment in Canmore.

Henri on Forgiveness and Freedom

more thoughts from Henri Nouwen. These ones hit home a bit given my ongoing thought process surrouding finding freedom.

Forgiveness, the Cement of Community Life

Community is not possible without the willingness to forgive one another "seventy-seven times" (see Matthew 18:22). Forgiveness is the cement of community life. Forgiveness holds us together through good and bad times, and it allows us to grow in mutual love.

But what is there to forgive or to ask forgiveness for? As people who have hearts that long for perfect love, we have to forgive one another for not being able to give or receive that perfect love in our everyday lives. Our many needs constantly interfere with our desire to be there for the other unconditionally. Our love is always limited by spoken or unspoken conditions. What needs to be forgiven? We need to forgive one another for not being God!

Receiving Forgiveness

There are two sides to forgiveness: giving and receiving. Although at first sight giving seems to be harder, it often appears that we are not able to offer forgiveness to others because we have not been able fully to receive it. Only as people who have accepted forgiveness can we find the inner freedom to give it. Why is receiving forgiveness so difficult? It is very hard to say, "Without your forgiveness I am still bound to what happened between us. Only you can set me free." That requires not only a confession that we have hurt somebody but also the humility to acknowledge our dependency on others. Only when we can receive forgiveness can we give it.

Forgiveness, the Way to Freedom

To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you" But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.

Re-Ordered

In my pursuit of mental quiet yesterday, I spent most of the day cleaning and reorganizing.

Often this helps re-organize my mental space as well.

I did a lot of laundry.

Changed the sheets on my bed.

I get excited about things like the first night in bed after you put on fresh sheets.

I like to sleep like I'm in a cocoon, so the first night or two, when the blankets are all still nice and tight and tucked in all the right places so that they just sort of swallow you when you crawl into bed are the best.

And (and I feel pathetic for being excited about this), I got a pillow to put underneath/between my knees while I sleep. My back was getting really sore all the time from the way I was laying to sleep, and the pillow between my knees is a great invention.

And I dreamt. Not disturbing so much as intense, and possibly vaguely profound. A nice change from the dreams I'd been having through much of the "noisy" mental week.

There will be more cleaning today, and a trip to the "Wedding Fair" with my roommates (one is getting married this summer). There will be more quiet, and writing - on paper, in a journal. And there will likely be pancakes. Probably for "brunch". Maybe for lunch or dinner instead, though. I don't believe in eating breakfast food for breakfast if it can be avoided.

Re-ordering the exterior helped with the interior again.

And for a while anyway, I am at peace.

Headlines

A few news stories catching my attention:

Migrants Escape on Italian Island

Pope move ignites holocaust row

Pursuing Quiet

My headspace has been way too loud and cluttered of late.

I've been bogged in stuff that I can't figure out, thrashing around, trying to find freedom in the midst of some gross stuff.

Late last night I decided that I needed my interior space to quiet down a little.

So today I'm doggedly pursuing quiet.

I'm being rather ruthless in what I will take in. What thought patterns I'm letting run their course. What I'm reading and listening to.

And I'm cleaning.

I'm not entirely sure if this is a needed thing, or just an elaborate method of avoiding that is working on a temporary basis.

But for now, I'm more peaceful.

And I decided that if I really do want to pursue freedom right now, it might be helpful to stop thrashing against the things that bind long enough for someone (Jesus I hope) to come and unbind them. It seems that it would be easier for unbinding to occur if I am still enough to make it a less difficult task.