- listening to my brother, T. lead worship... hearing his heart as he shared and directed our hearts towards the Father
- hearing a woman who has been a missionary in West Africa for 35 years speak with deep love for that country, and for the people there
- about a year ago a young woman I know announced that she was pregnant. several months later she married the father. On Sunday I cuddled her 4 month old daughter for the first time, and she is a beautiful miracle. I had seen the baby before, but I'd been ill, and unable to gather her to myself. Yesterday I held her and smiled as she wiggled and smiled back at me.
- seeing deer in the park on Friday night
- rain running down my face
Monday, May 26, 2008
Collecting Moments
I find myself in need of a collection of moments tonight, times from the weekend that were good, moments where I was able to deeply rest in the love of God. Things that made me smile. I need the reminders tonight.
Arguing with Insurance Companies
I promise a longer post sometime later today, or tonight, telling you a bit about my weekend. It was mostly (with the exception of the car accident, and some brief panic at the possible costs of the car accident) a quiet and good weekend.
However, I am dealing with insurance companies far too much lately.
I am fighting with our health-care insurance provider in regards to a claim I made well over a month ago to pay for an eye exam and for a portion of my new glasses. It’s not going well. We’re arguing about whether or not I sent the correct “original” receipt for the eye exam. (I did.) After much arguing, and not returning my phone calls, they have seen fit to put a cheque in the mail for the amount for the glasses, but are still hesitating on paying for the eye exam. Apparently the gentleman I spoke with this morning will “look into it and call me back.” (I’ve heard that before.) My boss assures me that if this is not straightened out, there are people we can get involved to make it go more smoothly next time
I’m also waiting for a phone call from an adjuster from my roommate’s insurance company. It was my roommate’s car that I was driving when I had the accident. I’ll get to over the whole situation in all the “gory” (it wasn’t gory) details. I’ll answer annoying questions about whether or not I’d consumed drugs or alcohol, and was I talking on my cell phone at the time? And then, I’ll pay for the inevitable increase in my roommate’s insurance premium.
This is an eye-rolling sort of day. A “I got slightly rude on the phone with the English is not his first language” insurance company guy day.
Perhaps I should qualify my current frustration and say that I understand that not all insurance companies are such a royal pain in the behind. In fact, I work for an insurance company…
Here’s to hoping it can only go up from here!
However, I am dealing with insurance companies far too much lately.
I am fighting with our health-care insurance provider in regards to a claim I made well over a month ago to pay for an eye exam and for a portion of my new glasses. It’s not going well. We’re arguing about whether or not I sent the correct “original” receipt for the eye exam. (I did.) After much arguing, and not returning my phone calls, they have seen fit to put a cheque in the mail for the amount for the glasses, but are still hesitating on paying for the eye exam. Apparently the gentleman I spoke with this morning will “look into it and call me back.” (I’ve heard that before.) My boss assures me that if this is not straightened out, there are people we can get involved to make it go more smoothly next time
I’m also waiting for a phone call from an adjuster from my roommate’s insurance company. It was my roommate’s car that I was driving when I had the accident. I’ll get to over the whole situation in all the “gory” (it wasn’t gory) details. I’ll answer annoying questions about whether or not I’d consumed drugs or alcohol, and was I talking on my cell phone at the time? And then, I’ll pay for the inevitable increase in my roommate’s insurance premium.
This is an eye-rolling sort of day. A “I got slightly rude on the phone with the English is not his first language” insurance company guy day.
Perhaps I should qualify my current frustration and say that I understand that not all insurance companies are such a royal pain in the behind. In fact, I work for an insurance company…
Here’s to hoping it can only go up from here!
Jesus is/does... (from Henri Nouwen)
Jesus is Poor
Jesus, the Blessed One, is poor. The poverty of Jesus is much more than an economic or social poverty. Jesus is poor because he freely chose powerlessness over power, vulnerability over defensiveness, dependency over self-sufficiency. As the great "Song of Christ" so beautifully expresses: "He ... did not count equality with God something to be grasped. But he emptied himself, ... becoming as human beings are" (Philippians 2:6-7). This is the poverty of spirit that Jesus chose to live.
Jesus calls us who are blessed as he is to live our lives with that same poverty.
Jesus is Gentle
Jesus, the Blessed One, is gentle. Even though he speaks with great fervor and biting criticism against all forms of hypocrisy and is not afraid to attack deception, vanity, manipulation and oppression, his heart is a gentle heart. He won't break the crushed reed or snuff the faltering wick (see Matthew 12:20). He responds to people's suffering, heals their wounds, and offers courage to the fainthearted.
Jesus came to bring good news to the poor, sight to the blind, and freedom to prisoners (see Luke 4:18-19) in all he says, and thus he reveals God's immense compassion. As his followers, we are called to that same gentleness.
Jesus Mourns
Jesus, the Blessed One, mourns. Jesus mourns when his friend Lazarus dies (see John 11:33-36); he mourns when he overlooks the city of Jerusalem, soon to be destroyed (see Luke 19:41-44). Jesus mourns over all losses and devastations that fill the human heart with pain. He grieves with those who grieve and sheds tears with those who cry.
The violence, greed, lust, and so many other evils that have distorted the face of the earth and its people causes the Beloved Son of God to mourn. We too have to mourn if we hope to experience God's consolation.
Jesus, the Blessed One, is poor. The poverty of Jesus is much more than an economic or social poverty. Jesus is poor because he freely chose powerlessness over power, vulnerability over defensiveness, dependency over self-sufficiency. As the great "Song of Christ" so beautifully expresses: "He ... did not count equality with God something to be grasped. But he emptied himself, ... becoming as human beings are" (Philippians 2:6-7). This is the poverty of spirit that Jesus chose to live.
Jesus calls us who are blessed as he is to live our lives with that same poverty.
Jesus is Gentle
Jesus, the Blessed One, is gentle. Even though he speaks with great fervor and biting criticism against all forms of hypocrisy and is not afraid to attack deception, vanity, manipulation and oppression, his heart is a gentle heart. He won't break the crushed reed or snuff the faltering wick (see Matthew 12:20). He responds to people's suffering, heals their wounds, and offers courage to the fainthearted.
Jesus came to bring good news to the poor, sight to the blind, and freedom to prisoners (see Luke 4:18-19) in all he says, and thus he reveals God's immense compassion. As his followers, we are called to that same gentleness.
Jesus Mourns
Jesus, the Blessed One, mourns. Jesus mourns when his friend Lazarus dies (see John 11:33-36); he mourns when he overlooks the city of Jerusalem, soon to be destroyed (see Luke 19:41-44). Jesus mourns over all losses and devastations that fill the human heart with pain. He grieves with those who grieve and sheds tears with those who cry.
The violence, greed, lust, and so many other evils that have distorted the face of the earth and its people causes the Beloved Son of God to mourn. We too have to mourn if we hope to experience God's consolation.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Re-Learning (Blessed be Your Name)
It's interesting to me how something that you've been taught in such a way that you were certain you would never be able to ignore or forget it, can be easily forgotten or ignored in the midst of hard spaces.
A few days ago I wrote here about some of the lessons I learned in the midst of the many years that I suffered from depression.
A few nights ago I stood in a park, on the bank of a creek, in spots I've often gone to walk and pray, and had to resubmit myself to one of those lessons.
"I learned that God is sovereign, and even in the darkest of spaces He is absolutely, completely and totally worthy of my worship."
I have again been living in the dark spaces - not the depression of years past, but deep and in many ways very similar struggles. And I have been angry at finding myself again in these spaces. And it has been very easy to push God to the side. To blame him for the way my life has looked this last while.
So I stood on the creek bank, with the rain running down my face, reminding me of the tears that won't quite fall, and began to re-learn what it means to worship a sovereign God in the midst of the dark spaces. And I was reminded of the song lyrics that Jesus used to teach me that lesson in the first place.
A few days ago I wrote here about some of the lessons I learned in the midst of the many years that I suffered from depression.
A few nights ago I stood in a park, on the bank of a creek, in spots I've often gone to walk and pray, and had to resubmit myself to one of those lessons.
"I learned that God is sovereign, and even in the darkest of spaces He is absolutely, completely and totally worthy of my worship."
I have again been living in the dark spaces - not the depression of years past, but deep and in many ways very similar struggles. And I have been angry at finding myself again in these spaces. And it has been very easy to push God to the side. To blame him for the way my life has looked this last while.
So I stood on the creek bank, with the rain running down my face, reminding me of the tears that won't quite fall, and began to re-learn what it means to worship a sovereign God in the midst of the dark spaces. And I was reminded of the song lyrics that Jesus used to teach me that lesson in the first place.
Blessed Be Your NameBlessed be His name. In the desert place. In the wilderness. On the road marked with suffering. When offering praise is painful. When the darkness closes in. My heart is choosing again to bless His name.
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
(Matt Redman)
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