Friday morning beauty

I'm really glad it's Friday. I'm rather desperately in need of a weekend to catch up on some things (including rest!).

I was thinking about the things that inspire me this morning - the things that challenge me to live more fully and deeply. The things that strike me as beautiful.

Lately, in the midst of crazy and often painful times, the Lord has gifted me with an ability to see something beautiful in even the most common and ugly moments.

So, in the spirit of lists, here are some things that are inspiring me lately:

• morning train commutes. yes, I hate the general idea of public transit, but most days, the walk and train ride are times of deep quiet for me. times to think and pray, and listen to the words the Father is speaking to my heart for the day.
• some beautiful sunsets
• an unexpected email from a friend who I respect for living her dream, encouraging me as I pursue one of mine by heading for Malta next month
• twinkle lights strung around the trees at Olympic plaza
• music from Jacob and Lily
• emails from various friends
• great writing - in various forms - on a television show I've been watching on dvd (Sports Night) - in a book I've been reading (Eat, Pray, Love)
• Christmas lights on my tree
• lit candles in my living room
• hanging out with some of my youth kids who are artists and seeing the world a little through their eyes
• anything that makes me laugh

These are only some of things, but they're the ones that spring immediately to mind this morning - the ones I'm choosing to focus on today.

I'm really glad it's Friday. I need the weekend, but in the eight hours between now and when the weekend begins, I'm going to try and remember the places I see beauty, and live in that space.

ufff....

This has been one of those days.

I had problems all day with Air Canada, working to change a flight. Finally accomplished it half-way through the Bible study I was leading tonight. Air Canada is not on my list of customer service winners tonight. I'm still waiting to hear from Air Malta on another flight I'm working on changing.

I'm exhausted. I've only eaten about one meal a day for the last week. It's all my stomach has tolerated.

I have a headache, a stiff neck and back, and a desperate need for a full night of sleep. My usual Thursday night television routine is a re-run tonight. I think I'm going to crawl into bed early with a good book, and hopefully sleep for quite a while.

I lived with less than 100 percent as I led a Bible study tonight. It was okay. It would have been better if I hadn't been so personally challenged by the chapters of Velvet Elvis we were studying that I never wrote coherent discussion questions. But hey, we had a good discussion anyway, and I'll have to go back through the chapters again, since they were speaking much to my heart.

ufff... a good statement of feeling for tonight. See you tomorrow.

Anticipating the Vision - Henri Nouwen

Another thought from Henri Nouwen:

Anticipating the Vision

The marvelous vision of the peaceable Kingdom, in which all violence has been overcome and all men, women, and children live in loving unity with nature, calls for its realisation in our day-to-day lives. Instead of being an escapist dream, it challenges us to anticipate what it promises. Every time we forgive our neighbor, every time we make a child smile, every time we show compassion to a suffering person, every time we arrange a bouquet of flowers, offer care to tame or wild animals, prevent pollution, create beauty in our homes and gardens, and work for peace and justice among peoples and nations we are making the vision come true.

We must remind one another constantly of the vision. Whenever it comes alive in us we will find new energy to live it out, right where we are. Instead of making us escape real life, this beautiful vision gets us involved.

Reflecting on where I'm at...

I would like to be able to approach everything in life at 100%.

The reality right now is that I can't.

Today, for the first time in a couple of weeks, I'm feeling a bit like my energy is coming back.

I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of work stress.

I'm wishing I could approach every ministry commitment, every coffee date with a friend, every family commitment, every prayer I pray with 100% energy and strength, but I'm learning to be okay when I can't.

I talked a few days ago here about the fact that my soul feels quiet right now - and that that unsettles me, but seems to be a good thing.

I go home at night right now and collapse on the couch for the evening, too tired to attack the dozens of things around my house that need doing.

My bedroom, normally my place of rest and refuge, a place I generally keep tidy and peaceful, looks like a warzone, the debris of clothing and paperwork and weekend trips from the last few weeks strewn everywhere. It bothers me, but I haven't had the energy to fix it.

I haven't been eating much lately either. My stomach doesn't handle stress and exhaustion well. I've been managing to keep down maybe one full meal a day, and a few snacks here and there. Today I'm trying to only eat when I'm really hungry, and see if I can con my stomach into accepting a bit more food.

I've been collapsing into bed at night - falling asleep in the middle of pages of my novel or whatever I happen to be reading.

Last night, as I flipped open my bible to do my nightly reading before sleep, I felt Jesus prompting me to read something more challenging for a change. I've been reading the Psalms for months now. It's all I've felt up to reading - and the Lord has been speaking deeply to my heart as I read them. But last night I felt the prompting to move my reading outside of the Psalms and begin to challenge myself a little more deeply again. So I started reading the book of Daniel. And I think I'll probably go back to reading some of the Gospels again - saturating myself in the words and actions of Jesus.

I'm sharing unexpectedly about my trip to Malta in a staff meeting this afternoon. I work for a Christian company, and circulated my prayer letter to our staff by email, but this morning my boss asked me if I would talk a little about the trip in our meeting. This isn't that unusual for our company, but was unexpected today. I'm asking Jesus for just the right words to communicate my excitement and my heart for the trip.

The quietness of my soul is beginning to permeate my life. Today, for the first time in a week, my body doesn't completely ache with stiff muscles. I slept better (and longer) last night than I have in a while. I'm carrying deep in my heart prayers for friends who are struggling. I'm feeling slightly restored today - like I can face the remainder of the week, and the ones that come after it. Like I can face the holidays, and the time demands of preparing to leave for Malta just after the new year.

I'm taking the bus home tonight. I'm going to read the chapters of Velvet Elvis that I'm teaching a Bible study on tomorrow night. I'm going to cook myself dinner tonight - fresh baby potatoes and asparagus. Maybe salad and some chicken or pork. I'm going to treat myself to an evening in front of the television, but I'm going to multi-task and do laundry and catch up on some administrative stuff like my budget at the same time. And I may invite a friend over to watch television with me. I'm going to take a long shower, and style my hair so that I can wear it down tomorrow morning. I may even start cleaning my bedroom.

I'm feeling quiet, but I feel my strength coming back in a way it hasn't been for a few months. My heart is at rest within me for the moment, and I feel a sense of peace. I'm feeling like this is a crazy, stretching, but really good space to be occupying.

More from Henri Nouwen

I got a few more good thoughts from the Henri Nouwen society the last couple of days, and thought that I'd pass them along to you.

The Peaceable Kingdom

All of creation belongs together in the arms of its Creator. The final vision is that not only will all men and women recognise that they are brothers and sisters called to live in unity but all members of God's creation will come together in complete harmony. Jesus the Christ came to realise that vision. Long before he was born, the prophet Isaiah saw it:

The wolf will live with the lamb, the panther lie down with the kid, calf, lion and fat-stock beast together, with a little boy to lead them. The cow and the bear will graze, their young will lie down together. The lion will eat hay like the ox. The infant will play over the den of the adder; the baby will put his hand into the viper's lair. No hurt, no harm will be done on all my holy mountain, for the country will be full of knowledge of Yahweh as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:6-9)

We must keep this vision alive.

Energizing Visions

Are the great visions of the ultimate peace among all people and the ultimate harmony of all creation just utopian fairy tales? No, they are not! They correspond to the deepest longings of the human heart and point to the truth waiting to be revealed beyond all lies and deceptions. These visions nurture our souls and strengthen our hearts. They offer us hope when we are close to despair, courage when we are tempted to give up on life, and trust when suspicion seems the more logical attitude. Without these visions our deepest aspirations, which give us the energy to overcome great obstacles and painful setbacks, will be dulled and our lives will become flat, boring, and finally destructive. Our visions enable us to live the full life.