Maybe, in the future

I don't know exactly what to write.

I feel like this has been a deeply internal week, and I'm just not sure how to share it.

I'll be incredibly glad when tomorrow afternoon comes, and at least the work portion of the week is at an end.

It's been three nights in a row of intense dreams now. Some remembered, some not so much. Nights of (more than usual) interrupted sleep.

I had a meeting this morning that will necessitate another meeting. One that's likely to be a bit challenging. I guess I'll deal with that when it comes.

Susan posted some really beautiful thoughts here. Her story reminded me of this post I wrote in April. Of memories that, months later, are still fresh, and for which I'm still very grateful.

I'm going to check out a church option tonight. A small house gathering. While I'm not by any means as panicky as I sometimes feel about things like that (I'm quite peaceful about it, really), I have to admit that after a week like I've had, the last thing I really want to do tonight is to take my introverted self to a new place and spend the evening with a group of strangers. But I'm going to do it. Because I've missed the community I once had, and it's slowly becoming clear that the changes to that which I once had are more permanent than I had hoped.

"Don't neglect gathering together" the author of Hebrews wrote. It's a hard verse. Because while Jesus is appealing, sometimes his people are so very unappealing. Sometime I am so very unappealing. And yet... my heart, as much as it hesitates, and reminds me of past hurts, past church disasters, remains hungry for that fellowship, that community with others who love Jesus.

I feel like it's a bit of a waiting game this week.

Caught between memories, present reality and dreams for the future.

And Ingrid Michaelson's "Maybe" has become the underlying voice to my week. The answer to everything seems to be "...maybe, in the future..."

So, I'm waiting to see what the future will bring. What tonight, and tomorrow, and the weekend, and weeks, and months and years from now will hold.

...maybe, in the future...

Daily 5 - Day 98

Today's Daily "5":

1. feeling relatively peaceful, despite two rather intense days and two rather intense nights in a row
2. the chicken gumbo I made last night was tasty!
3. grocery shopping went relatively smoothly (read: I didn't leave the store in an incredibly foul mood)
4. Wendy's for lunch - I was in the mood for a grilled chicken sandwich and some fries, and it was ultimately quite satisfying
5. "Maybe" by Ingrid Michaelson (played it on repeat almost all day)
6. both of my parent's calling me within 10 minutes of each other to tell me that a package had arrived for me (I get my mail at their address still - easier than changing addresses every time I move)... it was really quite funny to have them both call to tell me exactly the same thing, and added a chuckle to my day
7. telling funny childhood "word" stories at coffee break... those moments when as a parent or grown-up you just really want to laugh, but shouldn't.
8. chocolate cake
9. a few games of bejeweled blitz on facebook (sort of a nice way to relax)
10. finishing up my four days in a row of exercise for the week, and knowing I'm coming up on some days where I don't have to rush home from work and cram yoga in before cooking dinner.
    

Oh What a Day....

These song lyrics to "Oh What a Day" by Ingrid Michaelson have been resonating in some ways today since I heard it again while my roommate and I were driving in the mountains. While I certainly haven't kissed a bad love relationship goodbye, I'm feeling some of the sentiment in terms of the need to move on from some other things in my life.

Oh what a day is today
Nothing can stand in my way
Now that you've shipped out from under my skin
I think I'm ready to win

Oh what a night is tonight
I think I'm ready to fight
Now that my broken bones all have been healed
I think I'm starting to feel

Something good
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good

Oh what a way that we died
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

Something good
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good

Oh you know I moved away
From the other side of the door
I don't have to wait anymore for you to come home
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good
Something good